Eyes on Me

by Rachel Harris

  The damn weight was back in my chest. This time for an entirely different reason. Knowing how much this was hurting her overshadowed my own selfish fears of her leaving me. Duct tape had stopped the bleeding, but the car was falling apart. This was only the tip of the iceberg, and I had a feeling she knew it, too.

  Shoving my hand through my damp hair, I squeezed the tips in frustration. This was not how I’d imagined spending the day. I’d pictured Lily in a bikini, laughing in the water, and maybe stealing a kiss or two. Not sweltering in a humid car alongside the road. Feeling helpless to stop her pain.

  I squared my shoulders with a sigh. I couldn’t stop it completely, but I could damn sure let her know she wasn’t alone.

  I yanked open the driver’s side door, and gratitude filled her eyes as she looked at me like Angéla did whenever she called me Captain.

  “Is she fixed?”

  The hope in her voice slayed me. I didn’t have it in me to destroy that just yet, so I took her hand, gently kissed her fingertips, and placed our joined hands on the armrest. “It’s not pretty, but it’s holding. We’ll go to AutoZone and I’ll put in a replacement cap, okay?”

  At this point, it was like putting lipstick on a pig, but at least it was an action step.

  A half hour later, I had a replacement cap ordered, a potential diagnosis of leaking Freon along with who-knew-what-else happening under the hood, and a girl who owned a good chunk of my heart devastated in the front seat.

  Lily turned when I slid back behind the wheel. Her hand clutched the charm I’d given her, and a heartbeat of silence stretched between us before she gave a quivery smile. “Stone, I wanted to thank you.” I shifted in my seat to face her. “I’ve been sitting here thinking about what would’ve happened, or how I would’ve handled it, if I’d been alone today. But the thing is, I wasn’t. You were there.”

  She licked her lips, then glanced out the windshield. “I struggle with anxiety. I know, shocking, right? But stress…it’s usually a trigger for me, and over the last month”—she laughed softly and looked back with a wry smile—“let’s just say I’ve had a lot of it. But somehow, in all that time, I haven’t had a single attack. I’ve never felt out of control, and I haven’t gotten sick again. Sure, I’ve had moments…short flares where I felt like I couldn’t breathe, or the walls were closing in…but they went away as fast as they came, and it’s because of you. You’re my calm in the storm, Stone. Anxiety can’t take root because you lend me your strength. You show me I’m not alone. I’ve spent three years having no idea how much I needed to feel like that.” Her eyes filled again as she shook her head. “Something like today should’ve rocked me to my core, but it isn’t, because you have my back.”

  “Baby, I’ll always have your back. Always. Hearing you say I’m your calm…God, Lily, it makes me feel ten fucking feet tall because that’s what you are for me, too.” I shifted as close as the damn console allowed and cupped her face in my hand. “Which is why it terrifies me to think what could’ve happened if that had been a real fire. Or if I hadn’t been with you.”

  Lily’s chin trembled, and a tear fell down her cheek. I brushed it away, wishing I didn’t have to continue. But I couldn’t sugarcoat the truth. As guilty as I felt for withholding the deal I’d made with her dad, this involved her safety. I had to speak up.

  “What I did with the cap was a temporary fix, sweetheart, and we still don’t know what’s wrong with the A/C. Debbie has almost two hundred and twenty thousand miles on her. I get that she’s a connection to your mom, and I know you’re scared your dad will trade her in…” I stopped short of saying he should. “But you need to tell him what’s going on. This is past the point of what you can handle on your own.”

  She took a ragged breath and slowly dragged her fingers under her eyes.

  “You’re right,” she whispered, then cleared her throat. “I know you’re right. I have to tell him, and—and I will.” Her eyes begged me to understand. “Just not yet. Okay? I’ll do it this weekend. We can do it together, if you want. But for today, could we focus on something else? Maybe skip the Lakefront, go get your truck, and just drive for a while?”

  “Yeah, baby, we can do that.” My hand hesitated around the key in the ignition, then, holding my breath, I flicked my wrist. When the engine turned over, I sent up a silent prayer of thanks. I took Lily’s hand and said, “I’m all yours.”

  …

  The day didn’t go as planned, but it turned out to be one of the best of my life.

  Instead of hitting the Lakefront, Lily and I grabbed lunch and went to a park. We walked nature trails. We lay on the grass and found shapes in the clouds. We fed ducks, talked about her mom, and arranged for Gabriel to check out her car again. It was the quietest, easiest, most relaxing day I’d ever spent. From total disaster to content calm in a few short hours. It simply confirmed what I already knew: Lily Bailey was one of a kind.

  Lying on the grass, I couldn’t help imagining how Cameron would’ve reacted in her place. She probably would’ve done an IG Live or story, in which she would’ve expected me to perform like a good boyfriend, coming off together like the world’s most perfect couple. I couldn’t think of a single date that hadn’t been documented. Every nuance of our relationship had been online. If she hadn’t been posting selfies or making duck faces at her phone, she’d been setting up and styling future posts. Nothing was real or spontaneous. Looking back, I have no idea why I stayed with her as long as I did. Being with Lily was like a breath of fresh air.

  Unfortunately, as peaceful as our day at the park was, all good things came to an end.

  Lily checked her watch and started squirming on the ground.

  “Something wrong?” I asked.

  “Not wrong,” she said, sitting up. “But I do have to tutor Liam in an hour.”

  I pulled myself up, stretching the stiffness out of my back. “No problem.” I started gathering the remains of our picnic lunch. “I’ve got film and weights anyway. While you tutor Liam, I’ll hang in the gym, and then I can bring you home.”

  Returning to school on a skip day felt how I assumed breaking back into a prison would feel. My first stop was to see Coach.

  Lily didn’t know this, but after Homecoming, pictures of us at the dance had been posted online and a few of the more outspoken fans were speculating that I was no longer fully invested in the team. With gossip already swirling around town about my divided attention, the last thing I needed was him questioning me, too. Luckily, Coach didn’t care about me missing class, though he did warn me not to do it again or he’d bench me. The other seniors would get the same talk, of course, but because I was team captain he held me to a higher standard. Then he waved me out of his office, and I went to hit the weights.

  I was halfway through my final deadlift set when Aidan walked in.

  “Hey, man.” He looked nervous crossing the floor and took a seat on an open bench. “Got a second?”

  “Yeah, sure.” I set down the bar and snagged my towel, wiping my face as I stalled for time. It’d been over a week since Homecoming. We still hadn’t talked about what had happened, but that was on me.

  Aidan cleared his throat. “I wanted to explain about the other night. Lily and I, we were just talking. I wasn’t hitting on your girl, man, I swear. She, uh…” He winced and stared at his lap. “She’s my tutor. During our last session, I said some stupid shit, and I wanted to apologize.”

  My mouth opened, then closed. Honestly, I’d been the one who needed to explain. I’d acted like an idiot that night. Aidan wasn’t Noah. He was a good friend who’d never hit on a girl I was dating. That didn’t mean it was easy seeing them laughing and talking, though.

  But what threw me was I had no idea Aidan did peer-tutoring. It wasn’t like it mattered, he’d just always been the brain in our group. The smart jock. If any of us had our shit together, it was him.

  Aidan’s mouth lifted in a smirk. “You’re surprised. That’s on purpose. You remember
those extra conditioning sessions with Coach?” he asked, and I nodded. “That’s when I met with her.”

  I fell onto the opposite bench with a short laugh. “I’d wondered what that was about.”

  He kicked at the foam matting on the floor. “I was embarrassed. The guys make a big deal out of me being in the ‘smart’ classes, and I don’t know, I guess I didn’t want to shatter the illusion.”

  Aidan shrugged, playing off his admission, and I leaned forward with my elbows on my knees. “No illusions shattered, bro. You’re still smart as hell. Even if you get help sometimes.”

  He met my gaze with a quick, grateful nod and glanced back at the floor. I cracked my neck, then flung my towel on the bench. Guess it was my turn to share.

  “Listen, I’m glad you told me, but that night was on me. I’ve been dealing with some shit, and you caught me in the middle of it.” With a sigh, I held out my hand and said, “I overreacted and I’m sorry. We cool?”

  Aidan exhaled, looking relieved, and we shook hands. “Yeah, we’re cool.”

  When I left the gym a half hour later, I felt lighter. The embarrassment over how I’d acted at Homecoming had been weighing on me, adding to the burden I already carried from everything else. Clearing the air made me eager to clear the rest, too.

  Ilusiòn’s showcase was in four days, which meant my day of reckoning was coming. My secret plan to save the studio was currently out of my hands, but I was trying to stay optimistic. Without it, I was back at square one, needing to tap into Mr. Bailey’s money and without a long-term solution to help my family. As for the other plan, the one to save my relationship… I landed somewhere between cautiously hopeful and scared out of my skull.

  One thing was for certain: there’d be no more delaying the truth.

  Discovering how Lily felt about honesty, there was no excuse for me not coming clean at the carnival. Since I hadn’t, I’d been living on borrowed time. Sure, I could argue that I’d had my reasons. My promise to her father the biggest. My worry about Ma and the studio another. But ultimately, fear was what kept me quiet. The possibility that once Lily learned the real reason I’d issued that dare she’d shut down, doubt how I truly felt about her, and bail.

  My one hope was that by delaying the inevitable this past month, I’d somehow proven how much I really cared about her so that when I did confess, she’d give me a chance to make things right.

  The hallway leading to the library was deserted. Lily’s voice floated through the open door, sounding excited about fractions, of all things. She boggled my mind. Smiling, I stopped just outside the room, wanting to see her in action.

  “Okay, so the first thing we do is rewrite each of the mixed numbers as improper fractions, right?” They sat at the only occupied table in the library. Lily was turned slightly away, facing the window, but I had a clear shot of the kid. “It’s so much easier multiplying those. And what do we know about improper fractions?”

  Her voice lilted in amusement, and the boy, who looked to be about ten, rolled his eyes. Still, he smiled as he answered, “They’ve got big heads.”

  “Yup,” she said with a solemn nod. “They’re jerks, and jerks love to multiply. Moral of the story, Liam? Don’t be a jerk.”

  The kid laughed. “I won’t.” He grabbed his pencil to work the problem, and I noticed his left arm was bent at an awkward angle. Leaning against their table were two canes, each with a tripod base.

  Lily sat back, watching Liam write his answer in his notebook. Her profile was soft with affection and happiness, and my chest physically hurt looking at her. Everything she did, she gave her whole heart and soul. She was incredible.

  Liam narrowed his eyes, tongue stuck out in concentration. He flipped his pencil to erase what he’d written, then sat back with a frustrated frown, his gaze drifting across the room. It passed over me at the door—then immediately snapped back.

  “Stone Torres.” Awe underscored his voice, and I pushed away from the wall.

  “That’s me.” I smiled as I walked into the room. Obviously, the kid was a football fan. “What are you two working on in here?”

  “Math,” he grumbled, and Lily nudged him with her elbow.

  “Liam has a test tomorrow, but he only likes math when it has to do with sports or player stats,” she confided in amusement. “You two have a lot in common. Liam’s an athlete, too. He plays baseball for a challenger league and he’s Brighton’s number one fan. According to him, you’re on track to decimate last year’s completion record.”

  “Smart man,” I replied, dragging an empty chair to their table. I spun it around and straddled it across from Liam. “My friend Brandon Taylor pitches for Fairfield Academy and volunteers as a buddy in the challenger league. Ever met him?”

  Liam nodded excitedly. “Brandon’s awesome. I wish they had a challenger league for football, because that’s my favorite. Mom takes me to every Brighton game.”

  “Is that right?” An idea came to me, and I leaned in. “Well then, we should reward our biggest fan, don’t you think? Tell you what. You study tonight and try your best on that test, and I’ll see what we can do about getting you on the sidelines Friday night. We can use an assistant water boy, if you’re interested.”

  Liam’s eyes grew wide. “But you play the Morton Mustangs Friday. They’re your biggest rival!”

  “I’m aware,” I replied, swallowing down a laugh. I shot Lily a wink. “But you’ll have to study hard for that test, and your mom needs to see it. She’s the one who’s gonna tell Lily, and then I’ll talk to Coach.”

  “You’re on!”

  The hero-worship on his face almost choked me up. So many people in our town idolized me. They admired me for my stats and revered me for how I handled the team. Most of the time I felt like one giant collection of expectations and idolizations. A caricature of myself. But with Liam, it was different. Sure, he’d looked impressed when I first walked in, but the hero-worship came later, for something I did off the field.

  It made me feel like maybe I’d actually earned it.

  Pride swelled in my chest, and I reached over, ruffling the kid’s hair. Then I leaned in to see what he was working on. Algebra II and Advanced Math sucked, but I could handle fifth-grade fractions.

  I gave a suggestion for the problem, and as Liam bent back over his schoolwork, eyes glowing with a newfound determination and his pencil ready, I glanced up to see Lily watching me with a soft, adoring expression.

  Thank you, she mouthed with a gentle smile.

  It was then that I knew.

  I was in love with Lily Bailey.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Lily

  The setting sun cast a shimmering glow over downtown Cypress Lake as I studied Dad from the passenger side of his car. Tonight was “Family Night.” The school board, in response to concerns about stress and our workload, had sprinkled six no-homework nights throughout the year in the hopes of creating free time for family bonding. This was the first one Dad was in town for, and he’d insisted on spending it with me at Ilusiòn.

  Something was different with him. There was a new energy that hadn’t existed before this last trip. The spark I’d seen in the guidance office was back in his eyes, blazing brighter than it had in three years. He’d been home for twelve whole days, with no talk of leaving again, and his office door had remained open since the night he’d arrived.

  As cautiously optimistic as I was about the change, I was also terrified. So far, Dad hadn’t noticed anything off with Debbie. He hadn’t been home when Stone and I dropped her off yesterday morning, but I still had two more nights to get through until Gabriel picked her up Friday. He’d promised to run a full diagnostic and call me with the results, but with Dad’s renewed presence, it’d take a miracle for him not to realize something was up before then.

  It’d take an even bigger miracle to save my poor car.

  Dad cleared his throat. “Is this your final lesson before the showcase?”

  I shifted
on the leather seat, tucking a leg beneath me. “Yep. Everything is pretty much set, we’re just polishing choreography and working on our story.”

  “Story, huh?” He glanced at me. “Like acting?”

  “In a way. Mrs. Viktória wants us to interpret the lyrics and apply them to our facial expressions and movements.” I ducked my head, hoping the heavy fall of my hair hid my blush. “The song we’re dancing to is about two people meeting, discovering they have a lot in common, and falling in love.”

  Actually, “Shape of You” was a bit more than that. It was overtly sexual, and the couple’s relationship began with them having sex, but if I’d said that, I had a hunch Dad would’ve had a coronary and wrecked the car. He was acting protective enough as it was.

  Still, he frowned at the windshield. “And you’re dancing to this with Stone?”

  I bit my lip to hide my smile. “Yes, Dad. He is my partner.”

  It was oddly cute, seeing him get all parental. I’d never really had a boyfriend for him to worry about before. When he’d surprised me by coming home early the day of Homecoming, I’d been so preoccupied getting ready I hadn’t prepared him for meeting Stone. They’d met once at Ilusiòn, but he’d had no clue we’d started hanging out, or that we were now together. I could see how it’d come as a shock, returning home after spending so much time away and discovering your daughter was not only grown up, but she now had a love life.

  Protectiveness aside, I would’ve thought he’d be happy with my choice in boyfriend. Ballroom lessons had been his idea, after all, and I was dating the teacher’s son, which almost guaranteed I’d stick with it…as long as the showcase went well.

  Dad harrumphed but said no more as he pulled into the parking lot.

  When we walked inside, the chime on the door was swallowed by Christina Aguilera’s powerful voice belting “Show Me How You Burlesque,” which meant Cameron’s group was wrapping up their samba routine. As much as I hated being impressed by anything having to do with Stone’s ex and my academic rival, I couldn’t help creeping closer to watch.