She nodded, but then shook her head. “Not really. I don't need a practicum this early into my schooling. I just thought the experience would make things easier.”
“You should call in. If she fires you, or gives you crap, then don't sweat it. We can find you a library nearby that won't make your life hell. Okay?”
She nodded. “I should call now, and leave a message. In case I wake up late.”
“Good idea.” He held her hand and led her to the bedroom, where he watched her dial the number and cringe through the message. It was a problem they would deal with tomorrow. Once she hung up, he took her in his arms and gently laid her on the bed, pushing the hair from her face.
“I'm here. Wake me up if you need me, or feel sick again. Okay?”
“Okay,” she said. He kissed her cheek (though he wanted to kiss her lips) and wrapped his arms around her, holding the woman he was coming to truly love close to his body. He was confused about the photos, confused about her illness, but he was not confused about her.
Chapter 12
Ashanti
There were few things more excruciating for Ashanti than waiting for phone calls. When those calls were undoubtedly going to go poorly, well, that only made matters worse. She had just woken up, feeling fine but still encouraged by Troy to stay home, and was sitting on the couch while he made her soup.
Her phone was in front of her, face up, on the coffee table. The ringer was on the highest setting. Her nerves were fried. When the phone finally lit up, she jumped up and scrambled for the phone, dropping it on the floor in the process.
She inspected it quickly (no cracks) before she swiped her finger across the screen to answer it. “Hello?” She said, then cleared her throat. “Um, sorry, this is Ashanti speaking.”
“Ashanti. Good to hear from you. Look, my dear, I know that things just come up sometimes, but this is so soon after the last time you changed plans on me.”
Troy poked his head out, listening in on the call with eyebrows raised. “I know. I woke up with really bad nausea, and –”
“There really is no excuse. I told you I need two weeks notice.”
Was the head librarian really going to be this petty and ridiculous? “You have to be kidding.”
“I'm afraid not, dear. Your mother would be so disappointed with how flaky and untrustworthy you turned out to be.”
That was it. She was ready to scream, but she steadied her voice. “You're going to make a mockery of my mother's memory to me, over the phone, because I can't give you two weeks notice about my being sick?” An angry laugh forced its way out of her. Ashanti didn't like how it sounded, but it got the job done.
“Well,” the librarian started, but Ashanti cut her off.
“No, you listen to me.” Her voice was low, dangerous. “I quit. But not only do I quit, I quit with a promise to you: I will tell everyone I know, and more importantly everyone that you rely on for donations, about how you've treated me. I'll put it up online. I'll tell them in person. And I will make sure that they all know you treat your students so poorly, to feed your old lady ego. How dare you talk about my mother, as if she would be ashamed of me. The only thing she would be ashamed of is that I let you treat me so poorly for so long.”
“Ashanti, hang on.” The other woman sounded thoroughly afraid, and Ashanti was glad. She wanted her to take her seriously.
“No. I won't. Goodbye.” She hung up, then immediately blocked the number to the local library. Looking to Troy, she started to cry. “Now what am I going to do?”
He went to her side and held her. “We'll figure it out. You'll still become a librarian. When this is all over, we'll find someplace better for you to work. For now, however, you have to take care of yourself. Does this open up any free time? We could go for a date every week.” He grinned at her. “Like a real date.”
“I've never been on a date,” she answered. He gave her a puzzled look, but it was gone too fast for her to ask about it. He stood up and helped her to her feet, too.
“Are you actually going to do all that stuff? Seems a bit mean spirited.” He grinned.
“Probably not,” Ashanti admitted. “But I'll probably tell my grandma, and she'll do all the gossiping for me. This one time, I had a teacher that wasn't stopping others from bullying me in class. Well, it turned out that the teacher's wife was in Grandma's sewing group, one of the many hobbies she's had for a long time. I guess he got chewed out pretty bad, because suddenly he started taking the bullies seriously. After that, the class became one of my most peaceful classes.”
“Wow,” Troy commented. “I still don't quite understand why you were being teased so much.”
Ashanti paused, quietly, then said, “It wasn't completely unwarranted.”
Troy had a look that communicated he didn't understand, but he didn't force her to discuss it. “Come on, come eat your soup. Then we're binge-watching that horror show the rest of the night, no complaints!”
She laughed and pulled him in for a hug. Back in the living room, her phone chimed again. “Oh, let me see what that is. It might be Grandma.”
“Alright, but if she wants you to call her, you make her wait.”
“Gotcha,” she said with a nod, then picked up her phone.
Meet me at 2 am at the Chamber of Commerce parking lot. Bring $100k. If you don't, your grandma gets to find out all about what her whore granddaughter did.
She swallowed, her heart sinking into her stomach. Her knees felt like they might give out, and then they did. Sitting on the floor, she wondered: how could she get out that much money in such short notice? She had the money, but no way to get to the Chamber of Commerce. Not without Troy finding out what was going on. Not without Troy finding out that she…
“Ashanti? What's wrong?”
She looked up at him, at the face of a man that truly did want the best for her. She loved him, she realized. Really loved him, though it was a young love, still immature and scare. Having him find out about her past was impossible, but it was more impossible for her grandmother to find out. She had to choose: risk losing Troy over a past indiscretion, or risk losing everything.
The choice was obvious, but it was going to be painful.
“I'm in trouble, and I need your help.”
Troy
“His name was Elliot, and he was the biggest mistake I ever made.” That was how she started the story. “Tall, handsome, and the class clown is how I would describe him. God, I loved him, as much as a teen can love someone that would never talk to her. I sent him a note. I don't know why, I never told any of the other boys I had crushes on, but I couldn't take the pain of him not knowing anymore.”
Troy listened with pained interest as she told him about her love for some kid in high school. He wished that she was talking about him, about loving him.
“It was a stupid thing to do, because he latched onto me, like a leech. Eventually, I realized that he was manipulating me, but not before I spent money and time on him. He was never satisfied with anything I gave him.”
“Did he hurt you?” Troy asked.
She shook her head slowly. “Only psychologically. Never physically. He would tell me he wasn't sure if I was worth him, and call me a whore to my face, around his friends and when we were alone. He wouldn't touch me, because I was too revolting for him, but he enjoyed the gifts I bought him. Tickets to movies, sports memorabilia, even a really expensive watch.” She winced. “But he wouldn't date me. He had no interest in me, just in toying with me.”
“What happened?”
“I was desperate and stupid and I thought I loved him. He came to me and offered one last chance to gain his approval. Nude shots. A lot of them. He took some of them himself, telling me to bend over and show him… everything. Most I took myself, in the school bathroom or at home. I was in a really unhealthy place, and I thought that what I was doing could win his love.”
“Jesus,” Troy said.
“I know. I'm fucked up. I'm awful and disgust
ing and this is why I didn't want to get close to you. Now that you know, you can save yourself the trouble of putting up with me.” She covered her face with her hands.
“What the hell are you talking about? Ashanti, the only fucked up person is that Elliot kid. He was abusing you, and he's obviously seriously narcissistic or something. Nothing you did was weird or wrong, okay?”
She had started crying. It was uncomfortable, to watch her be so miserable. He wanted to scoop her up, be her knight in shining armor. “But it gets worse! I thought he was gone, but now he wants me to pay him! A lot of money, and I don't know how I'm going to get it to him! I can't ask you for help when you have every right to hate me.”
“Ashanti… Jesus. He sent me something, trying to toy with me, too. A box of those nudes, but only the top part. He didn't show me anything scandalous. Don't you see? This is not something I could hate you for. You've worked yourself into a hysteria, so you're not seeing clearly.”
“I am seeing clearly! I'm damaged goods! Maybe you got my virginity, but I was hardly innocent when you took me!”
He grabbed her then, pulled her in for a harsh kiss before pulling back and staring into her sad, moist eyes. It was impossible to understand her, but he loved her. He loved her so much. “I don't give a damn about virginity. I don't give one fuck about innocence. I care about you, Ashanti. And I'm going to help you take care of this piece of shit, without draining your bank account.”
“He told me that if I asked for help, everyone would find out how much of a whore I am,” she choked, gripping his shirt and sobbing into his shirt. She was shaking against him.
“You're not a goddamn whore. Stop.” His voice was commanding, but gentle. Slowly, her cries turned to sniffles. He held her until her body was still.
She was quiet for a long time. “I don't deserve your help,” she finally said, quietly.
“Of course you do. You're my wife. What kind of husband lets his wife get into so much trouble without helping her?”
She laughed. “I'm such a shit wife.”
“Nah. Not anymore than I'm a shit husband.”
She swayed as she pulled away from him. “I don't feel so great, again. Hungry and sick at once. Can I sit down?”
“Yes.” He looked at the box in his hands. “We'll burn this later,” he said as he set it down, then helped Ashanti to the couch. “I'll bring your soup out here, okay? Then I'm going to call my grandma and see what she says about how you feel.”
“Why would you call her?” Ashanti asked. God, the way she looked at him made him feel… whole. Normal.
“She used to be a nurse. She has all kinds of home remedies.” He took the soup to Ashanti, then stepped into the hallway to make the call without disturbing her TV show. “Hello, Grandma?”
“Oh, Troy! It's good to hear from you. Listen, my computer is acting funny, do you think you could come by later and try to fix it?”
Troy chuckled. “I'm not great with computers, but I know Ashanti is. But she's actually why I'm calling.”
“Oh? Is everything alright at home?” Grandma Ina sounded genuinely worried. “She seems so reluctant about you. I'd hate to think that we made the two of you miserable.”
Now is not the time to argue with her about that, he reasoned. “She's sick, actually. I was wondering if you could give me a remedy.”
“Sure, tell me the symptoms,” she said. Solving medical puzzles always made her excited. It was one of her favorite things to do.
“Well, she was complaining that she was tasting metal at the back of her mouth, and she's been throwing up. I think it's the flu, but I wanted your opinion.”
There was a quiet pause. “I see. Could you ask Ashanti if she's had a headache? Strange fatigue?”
“Ashanti, Grandma wants to know if you've had a headache or fatigue,” he called out to her.
She thought for a moment, then nodded. “Yes on the headache, for about a week, but the only fatigue started today.”
“Yes to both, Grandma.”
“I knew it. It looks like you need to head to the drugstore and pick up a pregnancy test.”
Troy laughed out loud. “You're joking, right?” He looked to Ashanti, who quirked her head to listen in. She's joking, right?!
“Well, when did you two last have sex?”
On our wedding night, but I'm not telling her that. That was like 2 weeks ago. “What? We haven't had sex, Grandma!” Ashanti's eyebrows perked up. She stopped slurping on her soup as she listened in on the conversation.
“Hmm,” the old woman considered. “If you say so. Well, if it's the flu, all she really needs is soup and rest. Let me know if she gets worse, okay?”
“Alright,” Troy agreed. “Thanks.” He hung up, and felt like he was about to break into pieces until he looked to Ashanti.
She was watching him curiously. “What was that all about?”
“She was just being weird. Anyway, rest and soup for you. When do we have to go meet that asshole and beat his ass?”
She grinned. “2 AM!”
“Perfect. That gives us enough time to watch some TV together.” He collapsed onto the couch, not sure if he should bring up that she might be pregnant.
He could not believe that she might be pregnant.
Chapter 13
Ashanti
The night with Troy was nice. Mostly because he was kind to her, and let her be emotional when she needed to. Telling him the truth had been uncomfortable, and she fully expected him to check out and let her deal with her own problems.
He had surprised her. She really misjudged him after that first day they met. Sure, he had been rude and lewd, but ever since then he had been nothing less than a gentleman.
“Do you think we should dress in all black?” He asked.
She laughed and shrugged. If he knew about her past, she was less afraid of the future. If her grandma found out about the photos, if she was kicked out of the house, if she lost everything, at least she would have him. “I don't know. That seems a bit silly. We aren't breaking in or anything.”
A sudden and unwanted sadness overwhelmed her, then. It wasn't right to put her future on his shoulders. She had to stand on her own two feet, too. “Why are you even bothering to help me?” She asked, though she hadn't intended to. The words just came out.
They were true to her thoughts, though; nothing inside of her understood his motivations. Why he thought she was worth saving from a mess of her own creation.
“Because I love you,” he answered. When he said it, it shocked her, though deep down she already knew. “I love you.” The words were like music to her ears.
She stepped closer to him, unsure of herself. “Really?” She twisted a lock of her hair.
“Yes, really. I thought that would by obvious by now. I've loved you since that first disaster of a date night. I didn't know it then, of course.” He laughed, running a hand through his thick hair. “But I did.”
“So it doesn't bother you that I was creepy in high school?”
“Not particularly. Everyone had their issues. I smoked pot when I was a teenager.”
She mocked a gasp, and then giggled. “I've never done drugs.”
“I figured. Maybe we'll try it one day.” He got serious for a second, out of the blue. “But maybe not for a while.”
She realized she hadn't told him that she loved him. She was about to, when he pulled her into his arms and pressed his hungry lips to hers, devouring the last reservations she had about him in one passionate kiss. She licked at his lips, which he opened to deepen their kiss. His hands held her ass.
Letting go of her, he left off a deep growl and adjusted himself. “We don't have time to get too into that,” he said with a quick shake of his head. Ashanti just giggled in response. She loved the way he touched her.
He stopped, and looked like he wanted to say something. “What is it?” She asked, anxiety threatening to creep in. “You keep getting serious. It's scaring me.”
Softenin
g his demeanor, he turned to her. “I'm sorry. I don't mean to scare you. Can I ask you a weird question, though?”
“Sure,” she said, leaning back against her bed.
“When's your next period?”
She thought for a second, then checked her phone. “I track them on this app, Ovuview. It lets me know when I need to stock up on chocolate.” She giggled as the app loaded. “It looks like I'm supposed to start today or tomorrow. Why do you ask?”
Troy cringed, then ran his fingers through his hair. “Do you think I could get you to take a pregnancy test before we go? I… I need to know before I put you in any danger.”
“Oh, no. You don't think…?” That anxiety ebbed into her stomach, making it harder to breathe.
“Grandma does,” he nodded, refusing to meet her eyes. Obviously, he was close to panicking.
In all honesty, Ashanti should have been freaking out, too. She should have been pulling out her hair, screaming, terrified of the possibility of being pregnant.
Instead, she just knew. She knew that she was with child. It was a strange sort of premonition, a fluttering in her stomach now and then. Of course, it couldn't possibly be the child kicking, as it would have to be tiny if it existed at all. Just her body reacting to its presence.
“I'll take a test. Do we have time to go pick some up?” She was shaking, but less from anxiety and more from excitement. She was excited to know the truth of her situation.
“I went out already, while you were upstairs puking up all that soup. I went to the corner store. I, uh, did some research and the internet says the digital ones are pretty sensitive, so I got a three pack of those.”
“You were googling, huh?” She asked, smiling in spite of herself.
“Yeah,” he laughed, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly.
“So you want me to test now?” She asked.
“The tests are under the sink in the bathroom,” he said.
She nodded, and stood. “I'm still going tonight, even if I am. I want you to know that. This is my problem, and I can't let you try and solve it without me. Elliot needs to know… he needs to know that we're a unified force. Okay?”
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