“How fortuitous,” Rafferty said. “I guess this isn’t such a bad substitute for skydiving.”
Megan could tell she was still angry about her mother’s meddling, but they had made an appointment to go up in a glider the following weekend and that had helped Rafferty’s mood. “Thanks.” Megan pulled two Coronas out of the fridge. She cut up a lime while Rafferty inspected the big pot where the lobsters were boiling. “Don’t look.”
“Why not?” Rafferty was waving her hand to disperse the steam.
“Because it’s cruel. I can barely get myself to do it.”
“It’s part of the food chain.” Rafferty put the lid back on. “Oh, my God, I can hear them screaming.”
Megan pinched her arm. “Stop it.”
“See, there it is again. Can’t you hear them? ‘Let me out of the pot. I’m melting, I’m melting.’ ” Rafferty did a lobster imitation, her arms flaying wildly.
“You are horrible.” Megan stuffed a lime in the bottle of Corona and handed it to her.
Megan noticed the toe of Rafferty’s boot was covered in horse dung. Rafferty casually sauntered out on the deck of Megan’s condo. “The coals look ready. Do you want me to put the steaks on?”
“Sure,” Megan said. She brought the steaks out on a plate. They were two huge porterhouse steaks.
“Those look great.” Rafferty put them on the grill, first searing one side and then the other. She turned the gas down on the grill and closed the lid.
“You do that so well.”
“I love barbequing.” Rafferty sat down in one of the lawn chairs and nonchalantly removed her boots.
“Thanks for coming,” Megan said as she leaned over and gently squeezed Rafferty’s thigh. “So you’ve been to the barn, I see.”
“What are you talking about?”
Megan pointed to Rafferty’s boot. “You’ve got horse shit on them. There’s only a few places where one can get that and it’s not in the city.”
“It’s just this place I go to. It helps me relax.”
“Maybe we could go there someday. When you’re ready,” Megan said gently.
“Someday I will. You know, I like spending time with you.” Rafferty took her socks off but avoided meeting Megan’s gaze.
“But I impinge on your love life.”
Rafferty took a sip of beer and looked at Megan quizzically. “What do you mean?”
“You spend all your time with me.”
“And you keep me from doing damage to my heart by dating worthless causes. I have never felt better than I do now. So stop worrying. I better check the steaks.” Rafferty hopped up.
Megan could tell she was getting nervous.
Rafferty pulled the steaks off. “So how is your love life lately?”
“It’s wonderful.”
“Who are you seeing?” Rafferty asked. She appeared shocked.
“Like you don’t know.” Megan took the steaks inside and
Rafferty followed her.
“I don’t. Who are you seeing?”
“You, silly,” Megan said. She put the steaks on the counter. Megan stroked the side of Rafferty’s face. Rafferty was saved from further embarrassment by the kitchen timer going off and Megan inwardly cursed. This would have been the perfect time to kiss Rafferty but the lobsters were ready. Rafferty was blushing so Megan pinched her arm. This was going to be a little more difficult than she imagined. Rafferty, it appeared, was not going to be much help. “Don’t worry, you don’t have to marry me anytime soon.”
“You’re messing with me,” Rafferty said. She was no longer blushing so she appeared to have collected herself.
“No, I’m serious.”
“About what?”
“Getting in bed with you.”
Rafferty tried to laugh. “Yeah, right.”
“Wait and see. Now let’s eat before everything gets cold.”
After they had cleared away the dishes, Rafferty stood in the kitchen rubbing her tummy. “Dinner was fabulous.”
“I think my culinary skills are improving.”
“Thank you,” Rafferty said, pouring them each another glass of wine. “You’ll make someone an awesome partner someday.”
“So will you,” Megan said, starting the dishwater and immersing the pans.
“I’ll do the dishes,” Rafferty offered.
Megan turned around, thinking it was now or never. “Rafferty, can I kiss you?”
“What?”
Before Rafferty could protest Megan had her up against the sink and was ardently kissing her. Megan felt Rafferty’s tongue dancing and twisting with her own, which was offering no protest. Megan pulled her closer and kissed her neck. Megan knew Rafferty was totally succumbing to the moment and this was a good thing.
“You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to do that,” Megan said, reaching for Rafferty’s breast, her fingertips tracing the outline of her nipple.
Rafferty eyes were panicked. “This isn’t good.”
Megan kissed her forehead, her eyelids and then her lips. “No, this is really good.”
“Megan, I can’t do this. I just can’t,” she said, pulling away.
“What’s wrong?”
“I’ve gotta go,” Rafferty said. She bolted from the kitchen.
“Rafferty, wait!” She heard the door shut and tires screech out of the drive. Megan stood there in shock for a moment and then she got angry. Rafferty wasn’t going to get off that easy. They were going to resolve this tonight, before Rafferty had time to build up a case against her as she knew she would. Rafferty loved her, Megan could feel it, but it was a matter of convincing her that this could work.
Megan dug around for her car keys. When she tripped over the rug in the foyer she thought better of driving. She’d had a few too many drinks to get behind the wheel. She contemplated calling a cab and then decided to walk. Both she and Rafferty lived in condos along Phoenix’s central corridor. Rafferty lived exactly thirteen blocks away, on the first floor of a four-unit complex.
Halfway there the storm let loose. Thunderclouds had been building all day but most times they hung around for half a day and then moved on still holding their cargo, leaving the desert floor just as dusty and dry as when they came. But not tonight. Megan was soaked by the time she got to Rafferty’s condo.
She rang the bell. She had stewed all the way there and now she was angry and wet. “You can’t just leave like that!”
“I’m sorry. I freaked. Come inside, you’re soaking wet.”
“I’m not coming in until you tell me why you don’t want me. We’re perfect for each other. All I think about is you.”
Rafferty was quiet for a moment. “There’s just one problem. You’re straight.”
“Not anymore,” Megan said. She started to shiver. The temperature had dropped and she was wearing only shorts and a T-shirt.
“What? You had an epiphany three seconds before you kissed me?”
“No, it’s been weeks, months, years and I finally understand myself. I fall in love and you don’t want me,” Megan said, tears welling up in her eyes. She couldn’t help it. She was crying.
Rafferty grabbed her arm and pulled her inside. “I want you. I’m scared. I don’t want to fuck this up. There, I said it. Now, let’s get you some dry clothes.”
“You’re scared. That’s pretty lame.” She followed Rafferty to her bedroom and began peeling off her wet clothes with the same carelessness as when they were at the gym. She was standing naked in the bedroom and she knew Rafferty still didn’t have the guts to do anything about it. “Who isn’t scared?” she said, continuing her diatribe. “The eco-challenged woman who is willing to throw herself out of an airplane or ride off an incline is afraid of having an argument or what? I’m not signing up for a quick fuck. I want the whole package.” She stuck her hands on her hips and waited for an answer.
Rafferty just smiled.
“What?” Megan demanded.
“You’re beautiful,” Rafferty said,
wrapping a flannel shirt around Megan’s shoulders and pulling her close. She kissed her softly. “I love you.”
Megan didn’t know whether she could trust her. “Then show me.” She pushed her toward the bed.
“What if you don’t like it?” Rafferty asked as Megan unbuttoned her shirt.
Megan pushed her onto the bed. “Are you always this neurotic about sex?”
“Only with you.”
“Trust me, I’ll like it.” She pulled off Rafferty’s pants and then lowered herself down onto Rafferty, who moaned softly, then wrapped her hands around Megan’s butt and pulled them together. Megan kissed her and then traced the outline of Rafferty’s soft brown nipple with her tongue. She didn’t know if she was supposed to be the initiator because she was technically the novice but she really didn’t care. She was going to make Rafferty feel all of her. Then she flicked Rafferty’s stomach with soft little kisses. Rafferty opened her legs wider and groaned. Megan kissed her inner thighs and ran her tongue between Rafferty’s lips. This brought a heavy sigh from Rafferty and Megan knew she was on the right track.
Rafferty was wet. Megan ran her tongue along her clitoris and then inserted her finger. Rafferty moved against her. She pulled Megan up on top of her and reached for her. Megan was dripping when Rafferty put her fingers inside. Together they rocked against each other. Megan felt Rafferty quiver and she knew she had made her come. It was the most amazing feeling, being inside Rafferty while Rafferty was inside her. It wasn’t like straight sex at all. Megan’s mind finally shut down when she felt herself shudder and her whole body light up in the most incredible way. She opened her eyes to find Rafferty staring at her.
“Wow,” Rafferty said. “I think I like it.”
“So do I. I love you, Megan.” Rafferty’s face was suddenly full of seriousness.
“I love you too. I won’t let you down. I promise.”
Rafferty smiled. “I know you won’t.” She rolled Megan onto her back. “There’s some places I’ve been longing to visit.”
Megan laughed.
*
It was Sunday evening and Helen unlocked the door to her daughter’s condo. She had called at least twenty times. There had been no answer at home, on her pager or her cell phone. The deadbolt, Helen noticed, had not been set. Megan never just disappeared like this, Helen thought.
The blue screen of the television lit up the drawn curtain in the living room. An old Western was playing on the cable station. The sound was on mute and the set was extremely warm. Two wine glasses and a bowl of popcorn were on the coffee table. There were dirty dishes on the counter and a few beer bottles. Two of them were open but had not been drunk.
Megan was fastidiously neat. The condo never looked like this. Helen wondered who she was with and why she had left in such a hurry. Her car keys, wallet and cell phone were still on the table in the hallway. Helen sat down in the living room and tried to assess the situation. It appeared that Megan had been snatched from her home at a moment’s notice. She had been missing at least twenty- four hours and no one appeared to know where she had gone. Helen had been trying to get ahold of her since Saturday morning to see if she wanted to go shopping at the Pottery Barn. Her neighbor, who worked there, had told her there was a big sale. Megan liked their stuff and so Helen thought she might like to go. She had tried her again in the evening and then again Sunday morning. From what she could tell Megan had left sometime Friday night and had yet to return. This was not like her. Helen dug out Megan’s credit cards and called to find out about the most recent transactions. There were no plane tickets, no mystery hotel rooms or any rental car activity. Helen had learned all about tracing a person’s activities from the private detective she had hired to tail her husband. Most people were not very sneaky. Having thought of all other possibilities for Megan’s whereabouts, Helen called the police.
*
Late Sunday evening, Rafferty took Megan home. When she pulled up in Megan’s driveway Megan squeezed her hand and looked over at her with the fever of an entire weekend spent in bed dancing through her brain. Rafferty put her head on Megan’s shoulder. “Tell me it was real.”
“It was so real. That’s why you’re taking me home tonight or we’ll never make it to work tomorrow.”
“And you’re still going to love and desire me tomorrow, correct?” Rafferty said. She nuzzled Megan’s neck.
“You’re being neurotic again,” Megan counseled.
“That’s because it seems too good to be true.” Rafferty had that worried look on her face again.
Megan kissed her deeply. “Don’t worry, everything is fine.”
Suddenly, lights flashed behind them and a police officer on a bullhorn called out, “Get out of the car and put your hands on top of your head.”
Rafferty looked in the rearview mirror. They were definitely addressing them. “Do you have an outstanding warrant or something? Because I think they’re serious.”
“I don’t even have so much as a parking ticket. There must be some mistake.” Megan turned around to look at the police car parked behind them.
They both got out of the car and put their hands up. A female police officer rushed up to Megan to identify her while her partner was pushing Rafferty on the hood of the car.
“What are you doing?” Megan asked, as the female officer escorted her toward the house. Helen came out the front door. “She didn’t do anything.”
“You know this woman?” the officer asked.
“Yes, she’s my girlfriend.”
“Where were you this weekend?”
“Is that really any of your business?” Megan asked, getting angry.
“It is because someone filed a missing persons report.”
“Who did that?”
“I did,” Helen replied.
“Why?” Megan was aghast.
“Because you literally fell off the planet for over two days. Your car is in the driveway and all your incidentals were on the hallway table. Including your wallet. What was I supposed to think?”
“I was with Rafferty.”
“Why did you leave the house like that?” the police officer asked.
“Will you come inside so we can discuss this civilly?” Megan asked while she vied for time.
“Answer the question, please,” he said.
“I can’t believe this. I’m not fifteen anymore, missing my curfew.”
“Look, either you tell us what happened or your friend goes downtown for questioning. People don’t go missing like that. I want some satisfactory response here.”
“All right. I kissed her after dinner and she freaked out. I went after her but I’d been drinking so I couldn’t drive. She lives thirteen blocks away so I walked. I needed time to think. I didn’t need my car keys. I wasn’t driving or going shopping so I didn’t need my wallet and the only person I wanted to talk to was Rafferty, so I didn’t bring my phone. And then we spent the entire weekend making love. Happy now?”
Megan could tell Rafferty was mortified. She probably wished she was going downtown for questioning rather than standing here right now.
“Oh, I get it. She’s straight,” the police officer said, pointing at Megan.
“Correction, was straight,” Megan replied. She turned to Helen. “I love her, Mom.”
“Perhaps you two should go up to the house and have a little chat. We’ll let your friend loose.”
The cops rolled their eyes and one of them shrugged his shoulders. Rafferty said good-bye and then shot out of driveway like a bullet. Megan and Helen went inside. Megan’s heart raced and she suddenly wished Rafferty had stayed.
Megan fixed them both a drink, then her mother turned to her. “What is this all about?”
“Before you say anything, I want you to know I love her.”
Helen sat on the couch and patted the seat next to her. “Come talk to me.”
Megan sat down next to her mother. She hadn’t had time to plan a coming-out talk so she scrambled. She t
ried to think of something that would explain what had happened to her over the past months or so and now, spending the weekend in Rafferty’s arms, she knew how her life would be.
“I just want you to be happy and to have someone to love. If that someone happens to be a woman then we’ll just have a different kind of wedding one day.”
“That’s it? You’re not freaked?” Megan said, taking a sip of her beer.
“No, darling. I counsel a lot of lesbians. I probably know more about them than you do right now. I think I understand why you’ve been so distant lately and now perhaps we can get back to how we were.”
“I have been and I’m sorry, Mom. It must have been a protective device. I knew I was falling in love with Rafferty and I didn’t know how you were going to take it so I cut myself off.” Megan took her mother’s hand.
“But I’m here now.”
“I know, and if I need any advice on lesbians I’ll know right where to go.” She grinned.
“Good. Now perhaps we should call your friend. Ask her to come over. She’s probably wondering what we’re up to.”
“I’m sure she is.” Megan could only imagine the fit Rafferty was having. But it was only eight. She was sure an invitation to come over would calm Rafferty down. This was not exactly how she had planned introducing Rafferty to her mother.
Chapter Seven
On a Tuesday afternoon a few weeks later, Helen looked up from her appointment book to see Carmen standing in the open doorway. “There’s a woman here to see you Her name is Bel Aragon.”
Helen glanced down at her appointment book. Both she and Carmen had copies of the day’s schedule. Helen wondered if there was some error in her copy. This was highly unlikely, because Carmen was an excellent secretary. She made appointments, did all the billing, took care of insurance claims and in general did everything except the counseling. Helen would have been lost without her, and to ensure Carmen stayed, Helen compensated her well.
Carmen said, “She doesn’t have an appointment but she wants to talk to you. You don’t have another one scheduled until four. She could take this hour if you want, or I could have her come back.”
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