He’d had no idea his mother was pregnant, so clearly he hadn’t seen her in a while.
He’d been hell-bent on starting his own business behind her father’s back.
And what about those foreign investments he’d made on his own behalf, the risks he’d taken?
Maybe she just hadn’t been looking in the right place for information. Maybe it wasn’t information she needed.
Maybe what she needed here was a motive. Did it have something to do with Stella?
Was she the reason Flint Collins needed to steal money? Had she made him that desperate? And if not, had something else? If Tamara could find the answer to that question, she might be able to end this whole episode in her life.
Problem was, after her conversation with Mallory, Tamara wasn’t sure she wanted it to end.
Chapter Fifteen
Stella wasn’t going away. Whether she was truly frightened of him now that she knew about his past or—more likely—just incredibly pissed off, she wanted a restraining order against him. No mutual agreement, nothing that could ever come back looking negative on her. All she wanted was him signing her damned paper, agreeing to release her family from any wrongdoing in perpetuity. And an order to stay away from her.
After almost two weeks of back and forth, trying to come to an amicable agreement, Flint’s attorney called him the Friday after Thanksgiving and told him the only way to be free of the family was to fight them. In court. A date had been set for a hearing on the order for Thursday of the following week—on Diamond Rose’s first-month birthday. Standing at the window in his office, watching the bustle of Black Friday shoppers on the streets below, he listened as his attorney highly recommended that he show up.
If he didn’t, the order would automatically be put in place. Would become a matter of permanent record. In other words, if he didn’t show up, he looked guilty.
Which meant that if he hoped to have any kind of long-term relationship with Tamara, even as just the close friends that was all she seemed capable of considering at the moment, he was going to have to tell her about the order.
It might be enough to push her out of his life.
He’d have to take that chance. He was done living with lies, hiding things because he was ashamed of them.
He was tired of being ashamed of his past.
The truth hit him so hard, he had to sit down. He was ashamed of who he was.
Almost as quickly as he sat, he stood again. The second he let life knock him to the ground, he gave it a chance to keep him there.
His much younger self had had the guts to stand up to the bullies on the bus and he sure as hell wasn’t going to allow a selfish woman and her wealthy, powerful family to make him cower.
He had no reason to feel ashamed about anything. It was time to quit acting as if he did. Time to quit hiding the facts of his life.
Finishing with his attorney, agreeing to make the court date and authorizing him to go full-force ahead to have the order dismissed without cause, Flint hung up and called Tamara. She was working upstairs in her office, but she’d told him the night before, when she’d called after Thanksgiving with her folks, that she wouldn’t be at the investment firm much longer. Her work there was almost finished.
She’d had a couple of offers. One local, one out of state. The out-of-state company was larger, but she hadn’t yet confirmed either one. Hoped to be able to schedule both.
He hoped she’d be scheduling time for him, too.
“I hear there’s an old-fashioned country Christmas-tree lighting at Pioneer Park in Julian tomorrow,” he told her. “I’ve never been to a lighting, so I don’t know what we’d be in for, but I was thinking it would be good for Diamond’s first outing. Bright lights for her to focus on, and if she cries, we’re outside in a noisy atmosphere. You want to come along?” He was taking a huge chance, maybe pushing her too fast. He went with his gut and did it anyway.
“I’ve actually been to that celebration before,” she said. “Several times. It’s nice. They have a lot going on. Santa. And other Christmas things. And...have you checked the weather? Do you know if it’s going to be too cold to take her out?”
“The stroller has zip-up plastic walls and I’ve got a hat that completely covers her ears. And blankets.”
He also had to tell her about the restraining order.
If they were going to move forward after her work at Owens Investments was done.
“So you hardly had a chance to talk to Mallory yesterday at the dinner, huh?” she asked out of the blue.
“There was another single father there, one she’s apparently gone out with a time or two. While I like your friend, I had absolutely no interest in butting in where I clearly didn’t belong.”
“Would you have wanted to butt in if the other guy hadn’t been there?”
Was she jealous?
Was it wrong of him to be smiling at that thought?
“If he hadn’t, there wouldn’t have been anything to butt into.”
“Would you have asked her to the tree lighting if he hadn’t been there? And the two of you had spent more time talking?”
“I just learned about it this morning,” he told her. “I happened to see a sign on the way to work. If you don’t want to go, you don’t have to, Tamara. I’m not pressuring you. I’m just asking.”
“It’s not that I don’t want to go...”
The problem was Diamond. He understood. So much more than she thought.
“She’ll be in her stroller the whole time,” he said. “And if there’s an issue, I’ll take her back to the car and handle it.”
“Don’t you think this seems more like a date?”
“It’s whatever you and I decide it is. Just like our lunches. And dinners. Do you think it’s too much like a date?” Maybe he was putting on some pressure, after all.
Maybe it was time.
“No. You’re right, Flint. I’m making excuses.”
“You don’t have to go.”
“I want to...” She sighed, hesitating.
“Then come with us.”
“I’m scared.”
“I know.” He could support her. He couldn’t take away her battle. Or fight it for her.
“Okay.”
“You’ll come?”
“What time?”
“It’s about an hour’s drive, so I’m guessing around five, being flexible in that I want to have Diamond freshly changed and fed right before I swing by to get you.” He knew she owned a bungalow by the beach. He’d yet to be invited there. And he didn’t even have the address.
“I’ll meet you at your house,” she said. “It’s easier that way.”
He’d prefer to deliver her safely to her door when they got back, but let it go. She needed to be in control of her destiny. He was good with that.
And good with life in general, too. There would always be roadblocks. It was how he handled them that defined him.
* * *
Tamara had no idea what she was doing. Not really. Not deep down where it mattered. She’d told her parents, over a quiet Thanksgiving dinner the day before, that she’d befriended Flint for the purpose of spying on him for her father.
Neither of them had been thrilled with the news.
When she’d added that she liked him, and was struggling because of it, they’d looked at each other and frowned.
Her father had asked if that was how she’d known about the offshore bank account and, when she’d affirmed it, he’d asked her not to use a friendship to get any more information on his behalf.
He hadn’t asked her not to be friends with Flint, although she figured from the concern on his face, and the hesitation in his tone, that he wanted to.
Instead, when she left, her parents had both implored her to be careful. They’d hugged her tight and sh
e could almost physically feel their worry palpitating through them.
At no point during the day, not in a single conversation, had any of them mentioned a baby. Any baby.
And now here she was, sitting in Flint’s car on the way to a holiday celebration, dressed in black leggings with black boots and a festive long black sweater with Christmas-tree embroidery. She wore Santa Claus earrings. Flint in his black pants and red sweater looked equally festive and she caught a glimpse of the baby’s red knit hat when he’d loaded her carrier into the back seat. They resembled the stereotypical American family out to enjoy the season.
So not what they were.
It wasn’t supposed to drop below forty degrees, but she’d dressed warmly.
At the moment she was sweating.
She hadn’t turned around in the front seat, but she knew the baby was right behind her. Kept waiting for her to wake up. To need attention while Flint was driving...
“I have something to tell you.” Flint’s words brought her back to sanity fast. Was he going to confess that he’d siphoned money from his boss?
If he had, she needed to know. Needed all of this to be over.
And yet she didn’t want it to end.
She felt trapped, with no way out. Or no way that would let her be happy when she got out.
For someone who had something to say, Flint was far too quiet. Maybe he wasn’t ready?
“I have to be in court next Thursday to defend myself.”
Everything stopped. It was far worse than she’d expected. He hadn’t just stolen from her father? Someone else had pressed charges?
Where were her feelings of validation for her dad? Her rage?
All she could find was cold fear.
Disbelief.
“I told you about Stella—how I didn’t tell her about my background...” He was continuing in the same calm tone. It took Tamara a second or two to catch up. There was an innocent baby right behind her. One who’d never have her own mom or dad, since her mother died without naming him, but had a brother who loved her as much as any parent could have.
“...she’s taken out a restraining order against me. My attorney’s been trying for two weeks to get her to sign a mutual stay away agreement, but she’s more of a barracuda than I realized.”
Focusing on the traffic along the freeway, taking herself outside something she wasn’t handling well, Tamara juggled her thoughts.
“Stella claims you hurt her? That she fears for her safety?” She knew what restraining orders were for. Steve’s sister’d had to get one against an ex-boyfriend.
Heaven help her, but there was no way she could believe Flint had threatened anyone, let alone a woman. He didn’t deal with anger by attacking. He sucked it up.
She didn’t have to see how livid he was to know that. She just had to listen to him, to see his tenderness, his unending patience with a crying child. And to know he’d given the mother who’d made his life hell a funeral, even though—as she’d later found out when she’d asked—he’d been the only one in attendance.
“The order actually reads that due to the fact that I hid from her who I really was, she fears for her and her family’s safety.”
“I thought you had to have proof of harm, or threat of harm, in order to get a restraining order.”
“You only have to say you fear harm to get the initial order. The accused then has a chance to rebut the charge before the court and then the order’s either granted or dismissed. If I don’t go to court, it’ll be automatically granted and become a permanent part of my record. Anytime someone did a background check, it would show up and I’d look like I’m an abuser.”
“What a bitch.” The words were out before she could stop them. She wasn’t proud of them.
Flint’s grin surprised her. “Thank you.”
He didn’t say any more about the situation and she didn’t ask. He’d been honest with her, but she was lying to him every single second she was with him, by not telling him who she was. And she’d be breaking her word to her father if she did.
She felt like crap. She could blame Stella What’s-Her-Name for wronging Flint, but she’d have to shoot recrimination at herself, too. Even after these weeks of getting to know him, she’d doubted him. The second he’d told her he was going to court, she’d assumed he’d done something wrong.
It could’ve been a simple traffic ticket he’d had to defend. That had never entered her mind.
And yet...she was drawn to him. To be with him.
So much it hurt.
Chapter Sixteen
Public restrooms. Something else Flint had failed to consider in his new life. He was a man with a baby girl and he had to pee.
They’d been at the festival for an hour, had a couple of chai lattes and, together with the coffee he’d had before they’d left home, his situation was becoming critical.
He could take Diamond with him. Just wheel her right in. It wasn’t like she’d know the difference.
But he would.
He didn’t want her in a men’s restroom, sleeping there close to the urinals or...in there at all.
His only other option was to leave her with Tamara. Which wasn’t fair.
Urgency won out over fairness. “Can you just hold on to this while I pop in here?” he asked as they approached the cement building that housed the facilities. Not giving her much choice, he pushed the handle of the stroller in her direction and made his break.
Three minutes later, when he rushed back out again, his hands still wet from a brisk wash, they were exactly as he’d left them. Tamara hadn’t moved. Taken a step. She was standing there, her hand on the stroller, staring at the men’s restroom door.
And when he got close, he saw the tears in her eyes.
“I’m so sorry.” He took the stroller, wheeled them out of the crowd and off to a bench not far from the festivities but far enough to give them privacy. With darkness having fallen, a chill had entered the air, although it wasn’t cold enough to warrant the shiver he felt running through her as they sat.
“I should’ve thought ahead,” he said, not sure what he could have done differently. Even without the latte, he’d have had to go at some point. It was what people did.
And what he’d need to do again before the evening was over.
“This isn’t going to work, is it?” he asked her, not ready to give up but not willing to hurt her any more, either. “This is too hard for you.”
She shook her head and, in a season filled with hope, he felt his dwindling once again. No matter how many times that happened, he never got used to it. It never got easier.
He wasn’t going to try to convince her, though. He cared about her too much to watch her suffer.
“I’m the one who needs to apologize,” she told him, turning so that she was looking him in the eye. “I need to try harder, Flint.”
She’d lost four babies. Heartache wasn’t something that could be brushed off or ignored. On the contrary, broken heart syndrome was a medically proved reality, as he’d discovered when doing some research on her situation.
“You’re doing great, sweetie. I just...” What? He just what? He’d called her “sweetie.” As if they were a couple.
She was still looking at him, all wide-eyed and filled with emotion. So close. He leaned in. She did, too. And their lips touched.
Maybe he’d meant it to be a light touch. A sweet goodbye to go with the endearment.
Maybe he hadn’t been thinking at all.
What Flint knew was that he couldn’t let go. Her lips on his... His world changed again and he moved his lips over hers. Exploring. Discovering. Exploding.
He felt for her tongue. Lifted his hand to the back of her head, guiding them more closely together. Felt her hand on his thigh.
Laughter sounded and it was a little too close
. An intrusion, shattering the moment. He pulled back.
“I’m not going to apologize for that,” he said, breathing hard. He glanced at Diamond, her stroller right there in front of them, the wheels lodged against his feet. The baby had been asleep for almost two hours. She’d be awake soon. Needing attention.
And Tamara...
She was looking at the stroller, too.
“I’m not going to run,” she said. Maybe that made more sense to her than it did to him.
“Okay.”
“There are a lot of things against us,” she continued. “And chances are they’ll win out eventually, but I’m not going to run away.”
If the park staff had chosen that exact second to light the huge tree across the way from them, Flint’s world wouldn’t have been any brighter. He could hear “A Country Christmas” coming from the live band onstage in the distance and, for the first time, understood what people meant when they talked about the magic of Christmas.
“I’m very glad you aren’t running away,” he said aloud.
* * *
“I want to hold her so badly it hurts.”
They were in the car on the way home. Tamara had tried to keep her mouth shut. There was no future for them; she had to let him go.
And couldn’t bear the thought of it. Of deserting him.
Of him being deserted again.
“I’ll help you try to hold her...”
She shook her head, arms wrapped tightly around her.
“We could start out easy,” he said. “Just fix a bottle for her. Nothing else. See where that leads us.”
Fix a bottle. She could do that. Maybe even do it without undue stress as long as she focused on something else while she completed the task. That wasn’t how she usually did things; she typically focused on whatever needed doing immediately. But that wasn’t what she needed here. She’d think about...what?
At the same time, she’d be paying attention to the amount of water to powder, of course.
“My dad bought Ryan a plastic baby fishing pole,” she said, when fighting the inevitable didn’t work. Babies always brought her to this place. “It’s blue plastic with a red reel, and it has a big plastic handle that really turns and makes noise.”
An Unexpected Christmas Baby Page 14
