JH: Yes.
GS to AH: And you took Hopper’s last name?
AH: Of course.
GS: Who was the one to propose?
JH: Me.
GS: Did you ever think you would be in another relationship, let alone get married, after Matt?
JH:
GS: But you weren’t in hiding. You’ve been working at Gamble headquarters, managing Team Gamble NASCAR drivers all this time, haven’t you?
JH: That’s right.
GS: Did Gamble know who you really are?
JH:
GS: Is he the one who helped you stay hidden all these years?
JH: Yes, but it was nothing sinister. Everything is legal.
GS: Of course. Everyone knows Ron Gamble is an upstanding businessman.
JH: He is.
GS: Have you been on a motorcycle since that day?
JH:
AH: During my first pre-season race.
GS: Ah, yes. During the pileup on the track. You took the bike and pulled Arrow from his car.
JH: Yes.
GS: Is dating—excuse me—being married to someone who races difficult, given your past?
JH:
AH: I don’t know how long I’ll be racing. Not forever.
GS: You’re willing to give up racing? So soon in your career. You know you are one of this season’s to-watch drivers.
AH: Some things are more important than fast cars.
JH: He’s here to stay for a while.
GS: Does everyone at Team Gamble know you are in a relationship? Given what happened last year with the hazing scandal with Joey Gamble, were you concerned at all about people knowing you’re in a same-sex relationship?
JH: Yes, everyone knows. Of course I was concerned. What happened to Joey is unacceptable, and if I hadn’t been so lost in my own pain over the past, I might have been able to stop it. I will always feel guilty for that. I will always have regret.
GS: And how has everyone in your camp been with your relationship?
JH:
GS: Does anyone ever accuse you of playing favorites?
JH: I treat all the drivers the same. It’s business. I’m hard on all the drivers.
AH: He is. He’s a real ass.
JH:
GS: What would you say to anyone who says you got married really fast or that maybe you shouldn’t have gotten married at all?
JH: You want the PC reply to that or the real reply?
GS: Both.
JH: I would say when two guys who have been through as much as we have, it’s never too soon to grab on and hold tight to anything that makes us feel alive again. I’d also say everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and we ask for privacy for our private lives.
GS: And the non-PC response?
JH: Shove it up your ass. It ain’t your life.
GS: I, for one, think you two make an adorable couple.
AH: You see all my tattoos? I’m not adorable.
JH:
GS: You disappeared for a long time, Jayson.
JH: Yeah.
GS: Did you keep in contact with anyone? Family?
JH: No one. I walked away from my life and pushed away everyone I cared about.
GS: Why?
JH: Because I thought it was what I deserved. I felt responsible for Matt’s death.
GS: Do you still feel responsible?
JH: I always will.
GS: So what changed? Why come out of hiding?
JH: I didn’t come out. People starting poking around in Arrow’s life and started looking at me. Like I said, I am still legally Jayson Hopper, so the story broke.
GS: Do you wish it hadn’t?
JH: I’m not upset it’s out. I think it’s time for some closure, time to move on.
GS: Because you’re in love with someone else now?
JH:
GS: You know there are thousands of stories printed about what happened to Matt and then more stories later about you.
JH: I didn’t read them.
GS: Never?
JH: No. I don’t need to see theories or horror stories. I was there, and nothing the press writes can come close to the horror of that day.
GS: It was reported and then confirmed by Motocross that you were there that day to settle a rivalry, you hit your head, and Matt took your place.
JH: That’s right.
GS: What else happened that day?
JH: After Matt and Blaine took off, I heard some noise outside. I was in our trailer. My head was gashed open and bleeding. So I looked out the window and saw Rockford suiting up and getting on a bike. I had a bad feeling and I was worried they were going to try and fuck with Matt.
GS: This race was to determine the MotoIntercontinental, wasn’t it?
JH: I’d already secured the spot. I’d won it fair and square. I deserved it. But yes, Blaine was challenging me for it.
GS: Do you wish you’d walked from that challenge?
JH:
AH: It’s okay, Hopp.
JH: Every single day.
GS: What happened after Rockford took off on his motorcycle?
JH: I got on Matt’s bike and drove off after them.
GS: Did you have a concussion?
JH: Yes, but it didn’t matter.
GS: What did you see when you caught up?
JH:
GS: Did they see you?
JH: Not at first, but they did when I got closer. It caught them off guard. They knew it was me right away. I wasn’t wearing a helmet or any kind of gear. I was in my street clothes.
GS: What happened then?
JH: They went after Matt anyway.
AH: I think that’s enough detail.
JH: No, it’s okay. That’s what we’re here for.
GS: You saw the accident?
JH: I tried to stop it! They wouldn’t back off. Blaine wanted me to see. He nudged Matt right off the road. He lost control… I saw the bike flip, the way he bounced over the road and slid over the bank.
GS: You also wrecked. Is that right?
JH: Yeah, but I don’t really remember… I woke up sometime after I was on the ground. Matt was there. He wasn’t moving. I called out for help, but then I passed out again. I didn’t wake up until the hospital.
GS: It was reported someone saw the crash and called the police immediately. Blaine, who also crashed, was picked up by Rockford, and the pair fled the scene.
JH:
GS: They didn’t get away with it, though. The police picked them up several hours later, on their way out of town.
JH: I hope they both rot in hell.
GS: You aided the police in their investigation. I read reports that you cooperated and told everything you remembered. In exchange, you got a reduced sentence of reckless driving.
JH: My sentence wasn’t reduced. I got a lifetime sentence of pain.
GS: You know Blaine and Rockford tried to blame you for Matt’s death. They told the police you were the one who ran him off the road.
JH: Yeah, ‘cause two men caught trying to
flee town are innocent.
AH: You didn’t tell me that, Hopp.
JH:
AH: It does matter.
GS: I could keep telling you what the reports said, and you can confirm, but I’d rather hear the rest in your words, if you don’t mind.
AH:
JH: Originally, I was looking at jail time. Involuntary manslaughter, reckless driving, reckless endangerment—hell, I think they were even throwing around gambling charges. Anything and everything they could think of, they were trying to pin on me.
GS: You fought the charges, got a reduced sentence?
JH: No. I was hoping they’d send me away for life.
AH:
JH:
AH: Lost it how?
JH: I broke down and cried. It was all bottled up, you know? The image of Matt lying in the morgue.
GS: That must have been very difficult.
JH:
GS: So they dropped the charges.
JH: I lost my driver’s license for a couple years. I’m banned from Motocross for life. And I had some community service.
GS: What happened to Blaine and Rockford?
JH:
GS: And your spot for MotoIntercontinental?
JH:
GS: There are a lot of people out there who say you are responsible for Matt Lewis’s death.
AH:
JH: A, come on. Sit down. She’s not accusing me of anything.
GS: I’m not.
AH: Don’t even imply it. He would never intentionally hurt someone he loves. Never. He’s not built that way. He’s cut himself up into a million tiny pieces since that day. No one has suffered more than he has.
GS to JH: I can see why you love him. He clearly loves you.
JH:
AH: I’m not joking, Emily. I like you, but I love him.
GS: Duly noted.
JH: I didn’t kill Matt. I shouldn’t have been on that hill racing that day, but I didn’t want him to die. I would have gladly taken his place if I could have.
AH:
JH: I’m sorry, babe.
GS: Watching you two interact, it’s both heartwarming and gut wrenching. Is it difficult, Arrow, to be so in love with someone who had a relationship before you?
AH: It would be more difficult to live without him.
GS: Do you plan to reach out to your family now that your identity and location is out?
JH: Maybe.
GS: Will you be going back to using Jayson instead of Hopper?
JH: No. I’m Hopper now, but I will be using my last name again.
GS: Since you’re married now?
JH: Yes.
GS: Are you a different person now than you were six years ago?
JH: Completely.
GS: You two are the first married same-sex couple in NASCAR. Do you hope it gives other same-sex couples some sort of hope or makes it easier for them to be accepted?
JH: Sure, I mean, if A and I can fall in love, then anyone can find love. But honestly, we don’t want to be poster children for gay marriage. We just want to live our life.
AH: I think Drew Forrester and Trent Mask make better role models.
GS: Think they’ll get married anytime soon?
AH: Why don’t you call and ask them?
GS: Maybe I will. Jayson, if you could say anything to Matt’s family right now, what would it be?
JH: That I’m incredibly sorry I lived and their son didn’t. That I will regret that day for the rest of my life and that I’m so sorry he isn’t there with them now. I would tell them that I loved him… and that he loved them very much.
GS: I reached out to Matt’s parents before this interview. I wanted to see how they were doing six years later.
JH: I’m sure they blame me.
GS: They don’t. Matt’s mother, Rhonda, she told me she came to see you at the hospital, but they wouldn’t let her in. She also went to the police and asked for leniency on your behalf because she says, to this day, she knows how much you loved Matt, and she believed you would never do anything to hurt him.
JH:
JH to AH: I thought they hated me.
AH to JH: No one who knows you would ever hate you.
JH to AH: I missed his funeral. I was in jail.
AH to JH: You got a private good-bye that day in the hospital, babe.
JH:
AH: I love you, too.
GS: His mother said they miss him every day still, but they’ve learned to be happy again. She hoped you found the same. Looking at you now, I see you did.
JH: Thank you for telling me.
GS: How about we lighten it up a little now?
JH: Please.
GS: Does Lorhaven like you?
JH:
GS: Where do you see yourself in five years?
JH: With Arrow. Hopefully in a house instead of an apartment. A house with privacy.
AH: A house with a wall around the property.
GS: Kids?
JH:
AH: Just me and Hopp. I don’t want to share him with anyone.
JH:
GS: Congratulations on your wedding. I have to say I was surprised.
JH: You wanted an exclusive. You got one.
GS: Thank you for being here, for being candid. I know it wasn’t easy.
JH: I’m beginning to realize the best things in life never are.
GS: One last thing before we end the interview.
JH: Yeah?
GS: What color are your underwear?
AH:
JH: What color are yours, Emily?
GS: Red.
JH: Black.
AH: I’m not wearing any.
JH: What? We’re in public!
AH:
GS: Is there anything else you’d like to add to this very informative interview?
AH: I’m hungry.
JH: He’s literally always hungry.
GS: Myself and the rest of GearShark wish you both the very best. Oh, and there is some chatter about you two having matching tattoos?
JH:
GS: That’s seriously romantic.
AH:
JH to AH: Put your shirt on!
Cleary, these boys—ahem—men have not always had it easy. To see they have found a way to carry on, even with the pain still with them, is very inspiring. It’s also very refreshing to see two people who love each other so completely. I think we can all agree the world needs more of that type of love.
Another big thanks to Jayson Hamilton (aka Hopper) and his new husband Arrow Hamilton for being here today and for taking us beyond the #FinishLine to give us an all-access glimpse into their rearview as well as what’s ahead.
Life doesn’t always give a man what he wants. Instead, he is given what he needs.
In my case, I got far better.
I was given a shitty, hellish start. A long, arduous walk through hell. But if I hadn’t been lost in the darkness for so long, I might not have been able to totally appreciate the light I basked in today.
The exclusive interview with Hopper healed not just him, but us both.
We understood the deepest, most onyx parts that made us the men we were. Those parts would never go away, and that was okay. We loved each other for those parts and, sometimes, in spite of them.
To me, that was the definition of real love.
I didn’t have to be someone anyone else thought I should be. And Hopper didn’t have to pretend he didn’t sometimes still tumble into the clutches of the past.
I’d come a long way from the days I sat inside the prison of my airstrip, behind locks and fences, living in the shadow of my brother’s strength. It was okay to stumble, to even hurt. I could embrace that now, not try and run from it.
It was okay if I stumbled or maybe even fell. I no longer walked alone. Hopper would carry me, just as I would him.
Just like the article in GearShark said, every race had a finish line, but what happened once you crossed was what mattered most.
Hopp and I crossed our finish line. We joined our lives, our names, and everything beneath our skin.
But our story was far from over. Our race was far from finished.
Except we weren’t racing; we were slowing down to embrace everything about our life. Even the messy parts and the parts when my sexy husband showed his goods on a national magazine cover.
#FinishLine (GearShark #5) Page 18
