The doors opened onto 5C. Kira looked from right to left. Could he be here somewhere? Was it even him? “Liam, what happened to Stark and I? Do you know why we broke up?”
“I don’t, hon. I know you were different ranks so that made things hard. No one back on base knows the two of you were together,” he answered sadly, and wheeled her toward her room.
“But you knew?” she asked, studying his face.
“Yeah. Do you remember when we first met?” he asked her as they reached the room. He opened the door and wheeled her inside.
She racked her brain. She remembered working with Holt at the hospital … Or was it the clinic? “Did we meet in clinic? I remember working with you there.”
He laughed and put the locks on the chair and held out his hand to help her up. “No. We met at the confidence course. The first time I laid eyes on you, you were trying to get on this floating barricade in the middle of a cold-ass lake. I started to go on but you went under. I reached into the water and pulled you up. You must have pushed off the bottom of the lake or something because you came up with such force we both fell back onto the barricade. I was blown away by how beautiful you were, even covered in all that mud.”
Kira sat in the bed and started to take off her shoes. She remembered some of the course she thought. Maybe climbing. God how long would it take for all of my memories to return. “What’s wrong with me? I feel like half my life is missing.”
He sat beside her on the bed. “It will come. I saw you later that day at the end of the course. It’s the first time I met Stark too,” he said, pinching his lips together at the mention of Stark’s name. “I’m not sure why he was there. Special forces guys can go anywhere they want though. He was standing by the last obstacle watching you. The damn thing was actually called ‘dirty name.’ I had already finished, and when I saw you coming I went back over to cheer you on.”
“So you were both there watching me? That’s not creepy at all,” she said, rolling her eyes.
“Hey. I had just finished. I don’t know why creeper guy was there. He was cheering you on to go higher and higher on that damn thing, talking to you like you were one of his recruits. I wanted you to stop. Kira you could have been killed. You made it to the top and when your fingers slipped, my heart stopped. I watched you fall. You lay there unconscious and even though I barely knew you, I hated him in that moment,” he stopped, and patted her hand.
“I was ok though. I mean, I still got to be in the Army. Obviously for all the good it did me, I’m here,” she said, forcing a chuckle.
He smiled even though his eyes looked lost. “I got to know you better in clinic. You are funny and smart … and a really hard worker. We started having lunch together and went to some trainings together. I thought we were starting to get close but he kept popping back up in our lives.” He turned and looked her in the eyes. “I’m never going to be the bad boy. I get it. He’s dangerous and exciting. He takes you places I never will. But you don’t …” he stopped and cleared his throat. “There are things I hope you never have to remember.”
Kira watched him wring his hands. He stood for a minute and paced back and forth. “When he broke your heart, when you had no one else to turn to … I was there. I am here now, and I am not going anywhere. I will never be the bad boy, Kira. I won’t push you until you break. I just want to take care of you and love you if you will let me.” He crossed the room and kissed her hair.
“Liam,” she started, but didn’t know what to say. After all that, how could she say she didn’t feel that way about him. Kira sat quietly and put her head on his shoulder. How had their lives gotten so fucked up? She felt like there was so much of this story that she didn’t know. She didn’t have the strength to try to find out today. She let her eyes close. She felt Holt lay her back onto the bed and cover her with the blanket. She drifted in and out of sleep. Each time she woke, he was there sitting in the chair, reading.
STARK MADE IT back to his room. He had ducked into a men’s room for a while in case she had come after him. Once a fierce warrior, he was reduced to hiding in the fucking men’s room. I should have never gone into that gym. What the hell was I thinking? The look in her eyes haunted him. She remembered who he was. The satisfaction was short lived. Did she see my leg? He had to stay out of her life. What is fucking wrong with me? They had broken up. He needed to leave it at that. He was never going to be a captain now. Everything he had planned, everything he had worked for, was shit. Still, he wondered if she saw him, if she remembered him, would she come looking for him? Did she still care enough to want him … ?
Stark, you fucking coward. She deserves so much more than that. She still has her whole life ahead of her. One that doesn’t involve me.
He had to do what he needed to do to get out of there. Where am, I going to go? Back to Colorado? I don’t want to see my guys or Paige. To California? Fuck, I’m not going to face Simone like this. No place felt like home without Kira in it. He moved the wheelchair closer to his bed.
“Hey there. Busy morning?” Jamie asked coming in his room. “Can I help you get back in bed?”
“Sure. Why the hell not,” Stark barked.
“I’m not your enemy. Did you make it to OT this morning?” she asked, with her eyebrows raised.
“You know I didn’t or you wouldn’t be asking like that,” he gruffed back at her.
“You are acting like a stubborn teenager. We are just here to help you. If you don’t start participating in your therapies they are going to send you to an outpatient facility.”
“Well, you are acting like a nagging mother. Why do you care anyway?” He pulled his arm away as she tried to help.
“Because I care about you. I believe that the dedicated soldier who risked his life to save his friend’s is still in there,” she countered, and got a hold of his arm.
“That guy is buried in Canton, Ohio. I’m just the schmuck who was unlucky enough to live.” He let her hold his arm. What is the fucking point of resisting, anyway?
“That’s a shitty way to look at his sacrifice and yours. You have a bunch of messages at the desk. Maybe talking to some of your friends or family would be good?” she offered, as she helped him transfer. “If you don’t call Paige soon, I have a feeling she will be coming down here.”
“You know Paige?” he asked, stunned.
“I do now, because she calls at least four times a day and demands to talk to you. Since you won’t take her calls, I have to. That is one determined woman,” Jamie reported. Stark laughed, but she didn’t sound amused.
“Ok. I may give her a call,” he consented. He could only imagine what would happen if Paige came there. Shit, she would search Kira out in a minute. That would be a hot fucking mess.
“Call her now, or the next time she calls, I’m going to tell her to come on down,” Jamie warned, and handed him his cell.
“Shit. Ok.” Stark sat holding the phone. What should I say? I don’t want to talk to her or anyone else. He was sure the guys had talked to Paige, especially since he wasn’t returning their calls either. He wanted to just disappear … fade into a memory.
“Oh, I forgot to tell you, the laptop you ordered arrived. Let me get it for you.” She hustled out of the room.
He was still staring at the phone in his hand. He took in a deep breath and blew it out. He knew he was going to have to talk to Paige sooner or later. He turned on the phone and pulled up his contacts. He sat looking at the favorites screen. Kira’s face jumped up at him. He wished he could call her even just to hear her voicemail.
What, am I fifteen? Fuck. He pressed on Paige’s name and waited. He didn’t have to wait long. She picked up on the second ring.
“Hello … Hello? Owen Stark, is that you?” Paige demanded on the other end.
“Hey Paige. How’s it going?” he responded.
“Oh, my God, it’s good to hear your voice! I have been trying to call you every day. I don’t think that bitch Jamie is giving you all your mes
sages.” She sounded like a mother hen who was struggling to keep it together. “How are you baby? The guys told me you were hurt and Colin …” Her voice trailed off. He heard her blow her nose. “Zoe and I are flying out with Mags day after tomorrow. Do you need anything? Can I bring you anything?” She flooded him with questions.
He shook his head. This wasn’t Paige. She was strong and calm. She had seen everything, she didn’t get emotional. “Paige, honey, you don’t need to come out. I’m fine. I’ll be home soon,” he started.
“Owen Stark, you are a damn liar. We both know you aren’t fine. There is no way you could be. I’m not letting you go through this alone. Zoe is coming with me to help with Mags. They are both dying to see you.”
“Paige, seriously. You don’t need to do that.” He just needed to lay low for a few more days until Kira was discharged. He had to stay away from her. He had to. But with Paige here, the chances of Kira finding out he was here increased exponentially. He just wanted to stay out of her way.
He couldn’t shake how happy she looked when Holt was taking her to therapy. She deserved that kind of happiness. Or when she was running, the pure joy that came across her face, until she saw him. What is wrong with me? Why can’t I just leave her alone?
“Hello … Stark, are you still there?” Paige called into the phone. “Love, when I was stranded in the desert you came after me. There is no force on earth that could keep me away right now. I love you. Zoe loves you. If you think of anything you need just call and we will bring it.”
“Ok, Paige.” There was no use arguing. “Give my love to Zoe.”
“Oh, hon,” Paige blurted. “Simone has been calling the house. I’m not sure how she knows, but that bitch knows everything. You might want to give her a call.”
Shit. The last person he wanted to deal with was Simone. Spending time with her was like pouring salt into an open wound. Just the thought of calling her made his skin crawl. He hadn’t forgiven her for driving a wedge between him and Kira. He still suspected her private investigator for having something to do with that cartel fucker that took Paige. Simone was definitely on his shit list. He didn’t have the desire or the fortitude to deal with her at the moment. What he needed was a stiff drink.
“Hey Paige. Bring a boy some Jameson,” he said before hanging up. He had a feeling he was going to need it.
Maybe Kira would be gone before Paige got here. One could only hope. He lay back in his bed and stared up at the ceiling. How can I go on this way? What is left for me? If I just didn’t wake up would it really matter?
He closed his eyes and let his thoughts wander to that first weekend in Aspen. That was the happiest he had been in over a decade. If I could go back just for a day and live like that again, what would I do? To listen to her talking, dreaming. To hold her, feel her next to me. Had I taken it for granted? The perfection of the moment. He could see her standing in his kitchen in his worn-out T-shirt. God damn, that woman was beautiful. The moan she made when he pinned her in that shirt and set her up on the counter, set him on fire. He took a deep breath and let himself remember the warm silky perfection of sliding into her. Fuck. There would never be another woman like her, fucking ever.
“Here it is!” Jamie exclaimed bursting in his room carrying the laptop.
Fuck woman don’t you ever knock? “Thanks, just put it over there,” he said hastily, not wanting her to see the raging hard on Kira’s memory had left him with. He did his best to sit up quickly and scrunch the blankets over his straining sweats.
“Um, ok. Are you sure you don’t want me to help you set it up?” she asked, knitting her eyebrows in confusion.
“Yup … nope, I’m good. Just leave it there. I’ll get to it in a little bit,” he said with a rushed tone.
“Ok, if you need any help just let me know. I’ll be right out at the nurse’s station.” She eyed him suspiciously as she left the room.
He would get to it, but first he needed to get to the bathroom for some privacy. He had a date with a certain flour covered klutz.
KIRA ROLLED AND bounced around in the darkness as they barreled over the rough terrain. The pungent odor of blood and vomit permeated her nose and she fought not to throw up herself. She struggled to breathe through the dense fabric and stale air. Her heart raced. She didn’t know where she was or where they were going, but the end of the road wouldn’t be good. She was certain of that. She took a breath and tried to calm herself. Someone was missing. Someone was supposed to be there with her. What the hell was going on? Kira fought through the darkness. The vehicle stopped abruptly and she rolled into another body. He moaned. She knew that voice. It was Holt! They had been kidnapped! How had this happened?
“Wake up. Holt please wake up!” She tried to shake him, but he only moaned in pain.
Kira cried out for help. She tried again to wake Holt. She moved her hands slowly around in the darkness for anything. A weapon, a way out. Something. But her arms were so heavy. Everything seemed in slow motion.
Suddenly, the door to the vehicle opened and someone jerked her out into the night air. She was powerless to resist. She was terrified but tried to stand strong. A sharp pain wracked through her gut and she fell to her knees. Kira struggled against her captors. She had to get free. She had to help Holt. Somehow, she knew this was her fault. She had to pass this test or they were both going to die. No one was coming for them. Voices in Spanish yelled and cursed at her. A large forceful hand grabbed her by the shoulder. Kira screamed again and sat up in the darkness. She was drenched in sweat in her hospital bed. Her heart pounded in her chest. She took a shuddered breath and turned on the light. She needed to see the room. I am in Walter Reed Hospital. I was shot but I’m ok. I am safe. Slowly, Kira repeated the mantra that the psychiatrist had taught her over and over until her breathing slowed. Am I ever going to be normal again?
Fuck, she hated these nightmares. Maybe Holt was right. Maybe she should take some medicine to help her sleep. Kira feared addiction though, possibly more than she did the nightmares. Who needs to sleep anyway? Not me. Not tonight. Hell no, I’m going back into that. What she needed, was a walk. She needed to get out of that room.
Quietly, she got up and changed into a shirt and joggers. She didn’t care what anyone said, she was going for a walk. She put on her tennis shoes and had sudden déjà vu. The night she had been kidnapped she had slipped out quietly while everyone was sleeping. Where was I going, and why? She remembered looking at her watch. She was meeting someone. Was it Holt? He said in the briefing that they were going to a club. But why would I be sneaking out to do that? It didn’t make any sense. She needed to walk to clear her head and try to remember.
She finished tying her shoes and stepped out into the hallway as quietly as possible. She stopped at the nurse’s station.
“Can I help you?” a night nurse she didn’t recognize asked.
“I can’t sleep. I need to take a walk,” Kira responded.
“Are you by yourself, honey? Where's your boyfriend?” the woman asked.
“Yes. My … Captain Holt goes back to his hotel in the evenings. He doesn’t stay here. I just need to walk a little. Is that ok?”
“I understand. If you stay on this floor you should be fine. Just stay in the main hallways, ok? There are three main nurses’ stations and several smaller ones if you need anything,” she offered with a sympathetic smile.
Kira wondered how many soldiers like her had trouble sleeping. Nightmares were part of the game, she told herself. They are normal. I should expect this. All her clinical knowledge meant nothing in the face of night terrors. All she had to do was close her eyes and there they were. The worst parts of herself. All the scary, ugly bits that waited just beneath the surface waiting to claim her. She ran her hands over her face and through her hair.
She made her way down the hall. Details of that night came back slowly. She remembered slipping out of bed. The shoes she wore were ones that Stark had given her. She had carried them until s
he was outside and clear of the buildings. She moved quickly and quietly through the night. Where was Holt? She wasn’t planning to meet him. No. I was meeting someone else. What the hell was I doing? Why would I have left like that? Had I willingly put Holt and myself in that danger? What in God’s name was worth that? Kira needed to look back over the deposition. She tried to remember when Holt had appeared. She walked on struggling for details that hid in the recesses of her mind. It was when I reached the club. That’s right. We fought about drinking. He was upset that I was going to the club. He thought I had a drinking problem! Wait. Did I?
She continued down the hall until she reached the end of 5C. The sign read 5E Surgery Ward. She would walk quietly to the end and turn around. The last thing she wanted to do was disturb anyone else. Sleep was hard enough to come by. Kira realized that she was meeting someone that Holt didn’t know about. It had to do with my mission. I was supposed to meet someone for information but then Holt showed up and it all went wrong and we were kidnapped.
As she passed the nurses station, a night aide with curly hair stopped her.
“Are you ok, ma’am? Can I help you?” the woman in blue scrubs asked, looking Kira over.
“I am a patient on 5C. I just couldn’t sleep and I needed a walk. They told me to stay on this floor, so I was just going to walk end to end until I can get sleepy again. I promise I won’t bother anyone.”
“All right, then. Just let us know if you need anything.” The aide looked concerned for about a half a minute, then went back to reading on her Kindle.
Kira wondered what she was reading. Now that her vision was getting back to normal, Kira thought some fun reading would be a welcomed break. The last thing Kira remembered reading was a case study of neurotoxic viruses and their treatments. She wondered if she had any fun in her previous life? What had Holt meant he wasn’t the bad boy? Kira smiled. Every memory she had of Stark was sultry. God, even if it was all a mistake the memories she did have were enough to fill a lifetime.
Stark Resolution (Stark Trilogy Book 3) Page 13
