by Brenda Ford
“What am I supposed to think? What else can I get from that?”
“That’s why you shouldn’t read it!” She tosses her hands in the air in frustration. “It’s my friend. It’s a little joke. I told you that I had a girl’s night tonight with Amber and the rest of them.”
“Amber?” That’s a name I haven’t ever heard mentioned before. She didn’t tell me this.
“Yes, Amber. She is one of the new intern girls. Anyway, that isn’t relevant. We were going to have a little night in, and I said as a joke that we should all wear sexy underwear. It’s just stupid girl stuff.”
That is the most suspicious thing that I have ever heard Mandy say. Do women really do that? Wear sexy underwear for one another? I was too dizzy and sick to question it really.
“Right, so they had to cancel the night because of you and this date?”
“They didn’t cancel it. When I messaged Amber, I said that I would show her my panties another day. It’s just a stupid joke. You wouldn’t get it because you weren’t a part of the conversation.” I must be giving her a suspicious look because she rolls her eyes at me. “You want to see the rest of the messages.”
This is a test. I’m not stupid enough not to notice that, which is the only reason why I shake my head. Of course, I want to see the rest of the messages. Anyone with any curiosity would, but that can’t happen. Mandy has somehow snatched back the control once more and I have to let her have it. Just because that’s the way it’s always been. Her shoulders slump forwards with relief. She’s glad to have gotten away with this again… or glad to have me finally seeing her point of view anyway, depending on how I want to look at it.
Am I really going to believe this again? Despite all the evidence?
Am I really going to throw myself away from Mandy? All those years just gone?
I don’t know what the hell to do.
Chapter 7 – Rachel
“See? Aren’t you glad you wore that dress?” Sheri yells over the loud music blasting through the bar. “Look at all of the attention you’re getting. Guys are absolutely loving you tonight. It’s great.”
I smile and nod, trying to hide my gritted teeth. “Yeah, it’s good. I’m glad we came out.”
The night is good, I am enjoying it, but I don’t like all of the attention. It’s unpleasant and not what I want. Men using cheesy chat up lines, trying to instigate any kind of reaction from me, no matter what it takes, making lewd comment about my chest just because I have a low-cut neck line on. I feel good, I’m enjoying the way that I look, but it isn’t an invitation for anyone to stare at me like this. It isn’t right.
“I really like Luke. He’s so damn cute,” Sheri continues. “Do you think I should ask him out?”
I lean across my friend to see a nice-looking pretty guy smiling at her. He seems okay to me. Not a particularly threatening guy. Not someone who would cause that edgy feelings of danger when around him… but if that isn’t what she wants, then that’s fine. So, I shrug and smile at Sheri, silently telling her to go for it.
“Yeah. I think I’m going to ask him out. Not only that, but also, I’ll see if he has a friend for you. This isn’t just me finding a date, is it? This is for the pair of us. We need to have a double date.”
“No, you don’t need to…” I call after her, but it’s too late. She’s already gone. Gone to ask Luke if he has someone for her sad friend who apparently can’t get a date all by herself. What a sorry state of affairs.
With a deep sigh, I turn around to the bar and order myself yet another drink. I would say by now that I have had at least three too many, but that isn’t going to stop me from having another. I need to get very tipsy if I don’t want to be rude to Luke who might very kindly offer to find me a date.
Almost the moment the bar tender gives me my drink, I suck it back and finish it. It burns the back of my throat and slides down to my stomach, causing a little more fuzziness to me. It’s nice, I need that sensation to block out the sadness that still threatens to consume me if I allow it to.
“Fuck it.” I slide off the bar stool as Sheri flirts away with Luke. “I’m going to the bathroom.”
It surprises me that I can walk in a straight line. It seems like I’m not quite as drunk as I thought I was, which is a nice shock for me. As I head in to the bathroom, I find a little smile on my face.
“Fucking men!” a young woman screams at her phone. “I fucking hate you, you piece of shit.”
“Er, sorry.” As her eyes drag up to meet mine, I feel like I have just walked in on something private. “I didn’t mean to…” I point behind me. “Do you need me to leave? I can come back later if you want?”
“No, no, come in.” She grins happily at me, which is strange since she was so pissed off just a moment ago. “I’m just pissed off with this guy that I’m seeing. He’s supposed to be here tonight, but he hasn’t turned up.”
“Men.” I roll my eyes, kinda glad to meet someone else with love life troubles. “Honestly, they make life so difficult, don’t they? It would be so much better if they just weren’t around.”
“I know, right!” She holds out her hand for me to shake, which I do. “I’m Keeley, by the way. Keeley who is being abandoned by fucking Jon who is supposed to be showing me that he can actually commit after eight months. Like, that’s long term, right? I have been faithful to him; all I want is for him to do the same.”
I nod, as if I know what she’s talking about, but I don’t really. I don’t have any experience in a long-term thing, eight months or longer. I don’t know if that’s something I can comment on. “Well, I’m Rachel.”
“What about you, huh?” she asks. “A gorgeous girl like you. I bet you have no trouble getting guys to commit to you. I bet you have a line of them just wanting to be the one you choose to marry.”
I laugh bitterly. “Huh, if only that were the truth. No, no guys wanting to be with me.”
“Oh whatever!” Keeley laughs. “That just means there is one you want that you can’t have.”
That statement leaves me breathless. It’s too close to the truth for comfort. “Err, yes, I guess so.”
“Tell me about it,” Keeley demands. “Take me away from the shit of my situation.”
I can’t help myself, I do still want to talk about this and I have exhausted using Sheri as a source. She just wants me to move on now. With the booze swimming around in my system, I can hardly contain myself.
“Well, the guy that I love has a girlfriend already. One who treats him like shit. She’s cheating on him and everything, but he just doesn’t want to see it. So, there isn’t anything that I can do.”
“No!” Keeley pouts out her bottom lip. “That sucks, Rachel. I can’t believe that any man wouldn’t want you, that seems insane, but we always want what we can’t have, don’t we? I mean, Jon is a massive dick, yet I still keep believing that me and him are going to be together. It’s stupid.”
“Yeah, well I guess me and you are the same on that front.” I smile thinly. “Wanting what we can’t have.”
“Maybe we should make a deal to keep away from these guys,” Keeley practically yells. “Never see them again. I mean, they aren’t any good for us, are they? So, what’s the point of seeing them.”
“I would love that, but unfortunately I can’t make that happen. I’m in a band with his twin brother.”
“No! That’s a nightmare. Oh my God, how the hell do you handle it? That’s insane.”
“I know.” I can’t help but laugh at her over the top reaction. “But that’s my life.”
Keeley drunkenly grabs my shoulders and stares in to my eyes. “Then you need to be strong, Rachel. You need to find your inner goddess and be strong. If you can’t avoid him, then be strong.”
“You don’t think I need to move on?” I ask. “My friend keeps telling me that I need to move on.”
“Not if you aren’t ready for it, no.” She shakes her head hard. “You have to work out what is right for you.
I might not have known you for very long, but I can already see the strength inside of you. You have an intense power that you just need to harness. To make sure you survive this.”
Maybe it was the drink or perhaps this is exactly what I need to hear, but I find myself nodding and soaking it all in. I do need to use my inner strength, to survive this somehow. I can’t keep being weak and feeble. This man doesn’t want me, so I can’t continue to let myself fall at his feet. He doesn’t even notice me, aside from that one time where he complimented me. But I can’t allow one compliment to have my head in a spin.
“Well, you need to do the same,” I tell her seriously. “You need to forget this Jon guy. If he doesn’t know what a catch you are, then he needs to lose you. There is someone out there who deserves you and will commit to you without even having to consider it. You just need to give them the space to come to you.”
Those words apply to me as well, but it’s harder to take my own advice. Yet Keeley nods enthusiastically as if my wisdom is something that she really needs to take on board. Even if I can’t do it myself.
“I’m going home now!” Keeley says with a happy smile. “I’m not standing around here on my own just waiting for some guy to come in. Jon doesn’t want to meet me, and even if he does then I don’t want to meet him two hours late. No way. How sad is that? Fuck him, I am out of here! I won’t sit around any longer for him.”
I laugh as she swings her bag over her shoulder, and she walks towards the door. “I will see ya, Rachel. It was good to meet you. Just to let you know, you changed my life for the better.”
As the door swings behind her, I feel exactly the same way. My random meeting with the very drunk Keeley has shifted things inside of me. Now, I know for sure that I just need to use my inner strength to get through this. I do have it in me, it isn’t an issue, I can do this, I just need to keep my head up high.
With a deep breath, I step back outside into the bar area and giggle to see Sheri really flirting with Luke like there’s no tomorrow. Good, that’s good. She deserves to meet someone nice. I hope this guy can do that for her. After seeing my friend, I scan my eyes around the bar to see if Keeley is still around but true to her word she really has gone home. I hope she wakes up tomorrow and deletes Jon’s number from her phone. Starts her process of moving on. I know that is so much easier said than done, but I want that for her. I might have only had one conversation with her, but it’s enough to give me sympathy for her.
A little bit of me wonders if I should go too. Leave like Keeley has and head home for sleep. I’m pretty certain that Sheri won’t miss me if I go. She seems very smitten with the guy that she’s wrapped around. I could be at home, lying in my bed in a moment, if I want to be. I kinda want to do all of that…
Oh my God. I must be at home already, dreaming away, living in a nightmare. That’s the only way that I can explain what’s going on in front of me right now. Nothing else makes sense. Angelo… no, he can’t be here.
When I told Keeley that I can’t escape this man, I didn’t exactly mean this! I never expected to run into him here in the middle of this random bar. He looks… I don’t know, that isn’t an expression that I have ever seen on his face before. He looks a little tortured. Isn’t he supposed to be on a date tonight with Mandy?
As if he can sense my eyes upon him, Angelo turns to look at me and his eyes light up. There’s a real happiness there, like he’s glad to see me, which is something else that I have to not cling on to. However much I want to. My pulse speeds, my knees turn to jelly, any desire to be strong simply melts away. How can I be when desire rockets through me? When I yearn for him so badly? I can’t stop a smile from creeping up through me, from my whole body lighting up as I see him too. This isn’t the way that my night is supposed to go, but it seems that I’m here now. With him. The first night of the rest of my life has ended.
Chapter 8 – Angelo
“Rachel?” I say with a smile as I spot her standing in the same bar that I have chosen to come in after my stupid date with Mandy. I certainly didn’t expect to find anyone I know here. “What are you doing?”
“Oh, I’m just here with my friend…” She points behind her at a woman who is kissing passionately with some guy. “But as you can see, my friend is busy now, so I guess I am here by myself.”
“Well, let me buy you a drink then,” I say on impulse. “I could use someone to talk to.”
“You want to talk to me? Are you sure about that?”
As she clutches her hands to her chest, I realize how strange this must be for her. Me and Rachel have known one another for a very long time, ever since she started playing in a band with Alex, but we haven’t ever been close. I guess that’s because I have always been with Mandy and she hasn’t wanted me to get close to any other women. I can see why she wouldn’t like Rachel in particular because she’s stunning in a different way than her. She’s cool and edgy, she screams danger, unlike Mandy who is polished and pruned to perfection.
I actually remember wanting to have fun with Rachel at first because she seems like such an awesome person. But I was guided away in a subtle way to make sure that me and her wouldn’t talk again. But again, Mandy didn’t want me to stay over, especially after our argument. Instead of wanting to talk things through further, she needs her space, so here I am and here Rachel is as well. Why shouldn’t we have fun?
“Yeah, why not.” I force out a chuckle. “I’m having a shitty night. I could use a friend.”
She nods and follows me to the bar where I put in an order of a couple of drinks. I have seen Rachel drink a few times, so I have noticed enough to get her what she wants. Then we sit beside each other.
“So, what’s going on?” she asks me. “Why is your night so shitty?”
“Urgh, you don’t want to know.” I shake my head sadly. “It’s all just a mess at the moment. Mandy and I… well, I think we might be on the verge of splitting up which really sucks. I don’t know how to cope.”
I can tell by the way that Rachel stiffens at the mention of this, this isn’t what she was expecting to talk about. I feel bad for laying all of my relationship shit on her, but since she doesn’t tell me to shut it and I really need to talk to someone, I continue, but only for a little bit. Until I get bored of it myself.
“I just think she doesn’t want me anymore, you know? And it seems like she might be cheating on me.”
“That’s… horrible.” I glance at Rachel to see a redness staining her cheeks. Yep, not only am I boring myself, but I’m upsetting her as well. “What do you think that you might do about that?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t really made up my mind yet. Something drastic though. But that’s enough about me. Why don’t we talk about you? I don’t know much about you. What’s going on?”
“With what?” Uh oh. Now, I have managed to make her more uncomfortable. “My love life? Unfortunately, that is a very boring story. I don’t have anything for you there.”
She is too beautiful for that to be the truth. I mean, just looking at her is giving me heart palpitations and I have a girlfriend. So, how many single guys must there be out there who want this woman. Even if she isn’t with anyone now, there must be someone on the scene who would intrigue her and want her. It makes no sense.
No, there must be another reason why she isn’t telling me about her love life. It’s either because she’s got this incredible love story and she doesn’t want to rub my face in it… or she’s got a past with someone I know. Alex, maybe. My twin brother. We might not look alike, but it’s strangely all the same. Perhaps Alex has treated her like shit and that’s why she doesn’t want to talk about it… or maybe she’s secretly in love with him…
No. Immediately, I shake my head no. There’s no way. She doesn’t seem the type to like Alex. They might be in a band together, but he’s a lot wilder than she is. They wouldn’t match at all.
I don’t know why, but there’s a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach. I don’t th
ink I’d like it if she was with Alex. That’s strange, I have no reason for it, but it’s there all the same. She’s a nice girl, I like her. She would be a nice sister in law… yet, I don’t like it anyway. It would just be too odd for words.
“Okay, so no love life.” I hold my hands up in a surrendering gesture. If she doesn’t want to talk about it and I don’t want to push it, then there’s no point in carrying on. “Why not talk about the band instead? How are things? You guys are doing really well, aren’t you? Which is hardly a surprise considering how good you are.”
She grinned, her whole face lighting up with beauty, as she tucks a stray strand of hair behind her ear. “Thank you. That’s really nice of you to say. I’m really proud of how well things are going.”
As she begins talking about her music, her whole body glowing as she does, I’m intrigued by her words, fascinated by everything she has to say. Rachel is a wonderful distraction tonight. Surprisingly, she’s exactly what I need. I’m glad we bumped into one another tonight, it’s like fate has pushed us together.
“Oh, my goodness, I am going to be so hung over tomorrow!” Rachel giggles as we walk home. To her home. I’m far too much of a gentleman to leave her by herself. But also, because I am not ready to leave her just yet. I’ve had such a good time with her. She has turned my shitty night into a good one. A really good one! “You are such a bad influence, Angelo Smith. Why did I let you keep me out so late?”
At one point, when her friend left with that guy, I thought that she might too, but she didn’t. She stayed with me which I have to say left me very pleased. There is something awesome about Rachel, she’s great.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to,” I chuckle back. “It was only supposed to be a little chat, wasn’t it? A moan about my terrible date. I didn’t mean to get you in a state that will affect you tomorrow.”
“I have band practice and you have work. It’s going to be a bad day. I’ll be cursing your name.”
