by Brenda Ford
“Soon,” I whisper while brushing my fingers off her cheeks. “It can be for real soon.”
She rests her hand on top of mine and strokes my fingers. “We weren’t exactly patient, were we?”
“No, I know.” I can’t help but laugh. “I promised myself I would graduate first, but you’re so irresistible.”
We kiss for a little while longer, just remaining in this gorgeous moment of bliss where it’s just me and her. I have fantasized over being with Amelia a lot, but nothing in my imagination ever did her justice. She’s phenomenal. Off the scale amazing and I never want to let her go. I’m so glad now that I waited for her.
“Was that really your first time?” she asks, checking all over again. “I can’t believe it.”
I press my hand on her chest, over her heart, and rest it there to highlight my words. “I promise.”
She cocks her head to one side and narrows her eyes to examine me. “Then you really are something else.”
“I’m something else?” I press my lips to hers. “What about you? You’re incredible.”
She giggles and blushes. “You really make me feel special, Nelson. Now go before I don’t let you.”
I back away, knowing that if I don’t go now I never will. I hitch myself up onto the window sill and blow her one last kiss. When I leave this window, she will go from being Amelia to Miss Clark all over again. Back to being the English teacher who I can fantasize over but never touch. But since we know how much chemistry flows between us there isn’t any doubt in my mind that we are supposed to be together, I can wait… I think.
I climb back on the tree and scramble across to my room, not quite as sure footed as before because I’m not driven by the intense lust anymore as I swing back into my room. I press my palm up against the window and wave at her. She’s smiling, looking happier than I have ever seen her before, and that image of her is so beautiful. It’s even better than seeing her up against the window touching herself. This is a keeper memory.
As she shuts her curtains, I do the same thing before climbing into my bed. My imagination captures the better of me and my head spins off into a wonderful world where me and Amelia are fully committed with the support of all the important people in our lives. Me and her kissing, exploring one another’s bodies under the covers, going on trips together, seeing the world, getting married and having a happy ever after.
God, I can’t wait to leave high school now. I can’t wait for all of that to happen. It’s such an exciting future that I can’t wait to get my hands on. Sure, I still have the college decisions to make, which is now definitely going to be impacted by what just happened, but I can deal with that later on. I can worry about my education and my career once I have sorted out things with Amelia. Right now, getting my love life on track is vital.
Knock, knock.
I jump off the bed as someone bangs on it. My heart leaps into my throat as I wonder who it is. Dear God, I seriously hope that someone hasn’t found out what’s going on already.
“Who… who is it?” I call out, unable to keep the intense anxiety from my voice. As it turns out, I’m not made for doing something wrong. Someone should have told me before I got started… not that I’d have stopped.
“It’s Wesley, will you open the door? My hands are full.”
Confused, I do as he commands and see him there with arms full of food. “What’s this?”
“Well, you seem a bit off at the moment,” he informs me as he comes into my room. “And although you say that it’s high school work, exams and stuff, I don’t know how much I believe you. You aren’t like me; you aren’t the person to get stressed out over that like me. I believe it’s something else…”
“It is school work. There isn’t anything else going on.”
Wesley lies the food down on the floor and raises his hands in a surrendering gesture. “Okay fine, it’s school work. But even if that’s the case then you lot looked after me through it, so I will do the same for you.”
I smile gratefully at him. “I appreciate that a lot. Thank you.” My stomach rumbles. “I guess I am hungry.”
We sit cross-legged on the floor and dig into the Chinese food. It reminds me of when we were younger and we used to eat in front of the TV. Brad would always let us because it was easier, then yell at us when we got too engrossed on the cartoon on TV rather than eating, letting our food go cold.
“Do you remember when Brad turned off that Muppet movie right in the middle of it?” Wesley asks, clearly thinking the same thing as me. “And Alex tipped over his plate in temper?”
“Always the temperamental artist,” I laugh. “No wonder he became a musician.”
“Angelo was always the more straight laced of the twins, wasn’t he? Brad says he takes more after Dad and Mom was a bit wilder. I guess at least we still have a little of our parents in them.”
I feel cheated sometimes, because I was so young when our parents were killed in a car accident. It means that I have absolutely no memories of them. But I suppose it also means that it’s not so much harder for me to miss them than it is for the others. It’s always been this way for me, with Brad as the father figure.
“Which one do you think you take after then?” I ask, liking this distraction.
“A bit of both I think. I guess I’m definitely more organized and focused like Dad…”
“But you do have your wild side as well,” I laugh. “Don’t we all know it. That summer after you left high school, you were a nightmare! I don’t think we saw you for about two months.”
“Yeah, well that’s the summer to party, isn’t it? The one right after high school when you are transitioning into real life. It’s the time to let all that steam out and get it all out before being sensible all over again.”
I sure as hell won’t be doing any partying. I’m going to be spending every damn day in Miss Clark’s bed. Doing a whole lot more of what we did today. But that is my way of blowing off steam.
“What are you thinking?” Wesley asks. “You have a very serious look on your face.”
Obviously, I can’t tell him the truth, so I leap on the first thing that I can think of. “Oh, well my friend, Luna, was talking about working for the college over the summer. Getting some extra credits.”
“She sounds like an ambitious girl. Are you thinking about doing the same thing?”
“Oh no, I wasn’t thinking that… just a different path, isn’t it?”
“Oh, Nelson.” Wesley pushes me playfully. “Do you like this Luna? Are you going to miss her?”
I shake my head rapidly, his confusion is a mistake that I need to cross over rapidly. “No, it isn’t that…”
“It’s okay if it is, Nelson. I don’t know why you’re so shy about your love life. None of us have ever met anyone that you’re with or anything. Is there… I don’t know, something you want to talk about?”
I catch my breath in my throat, wondering if he knows somehow. “No, it’s just…”
“Have you fallen for someone you don’t think you should have or something like that?”
God, he knows me all too well. It’s like I’m a see-through paper and he can view all of me. “I…”
“It’s okay if you have and it’s alright if you don’t want to talk about it as well. I don’t mind. I just want you to know that I’m here for you if you do want to talk. Whatever it is, I will listen.”
I sigh and hang my head low, knowing that I want to just let a little bit off my chest. I certainly won’t be able to reveal all the details, but if I just tell someone then at least it will be a little more real. I know that it’s happened, but I just want someone else to know a bit as well. Although I’m glad Wesley turned up now not a while ago or he might have gotten a live show! I don’t want him to know the truth that way!
“I have fallen for someone that I shouldn’t, and I can’t say much more than that.” I shake my head. “Sorry, I know that isn’t much and it’s a bit shit. But yeah, I have… I’ve fal
len hard.”
“Okay,” Wesley drawls. “I thought as much. Is that really all you can say? Does this person like you back?”
“Yes. She does.” I nod. “And eventually, I think we will be together, it’s just a case of waiting.”
Wesley nods. I can see the cogs ticking in his brain as he tries to work out what he can say next. I don’t know what he can say either, it’s a tricky one. “Well, if you ever do want to say more, let me know. I don’t know what I can do to help you before then aside from just offer my ear and advice whenever you need it.”
“Thank you, Wesley, that means so much to me. If I can talk to you, I will.”
The conversation drifts then, much to my relief., leaving me to stew over everything deep inside. Would Wesley be happy if he knew who I was really sleeping with? Would he kick my ass or be pleased that I have found someone? Even if she is a whole lot older than me and is my teacher. I don’t know. That’s why I’m not going to say anything to him just yet. I will wait until the dust has settled. Until I have fully left high school and my brothers can barely remember that she used to be my English teacher. Of course, they will remember that she’s our next door neighbor with a daughter older than me, but I’m hoping that doesn’t matter.
Eventually, it’s time for Wesley to leave the room to go to bed so I climb between the sheets myself and lay my head back. I can sense sleep coming easy for me this time, for the first time in a very long time, which is nice. There’s a smile on my face as I think about the gorgeous woman across the way who wants me. Really wants me.
I can’t wait to see what tomorrow will bring. I’m excited to get back to school and sit across Miss Clark, knowing how good it feels to be inside of her. It will be torture for sure, but the good kind.
Chapter 12 - Amelia
Bang, bang, bang! Urgh, it’s like a building site in my brain. Bang, bang, bang!
I stir in the bed and grip on to my head, wondering why it aches so much. It isn’t like I’ve got a hangover or anything. I can’t remember the last time I had an alcoholic drink. So it must just be a headache.
Bang, bang, bang! Or perhaps it’s in my dreams. Maybe I’m having a nightmare… Bang, bang, bang!
“Shit.” I jump out of bed realizing that the noises are real and it’s someone at the door. By the sound of it, it’s an emergency which I really don’t want to sleep through. Immediately, my brain flies to the worst places and I imagine something terrible happening to Rosie. I grab a robe and chuck it on. “Coming!”
I nearly stumble down the stairs because I’m running so fast but since the banging doesn’t stop, I slam towards the door and tug it open, ready to throw up as soon as I see Lux there.
“Oh… Lux…” What the fuck? How is he here? What the hell? “What are you doing here?”
“I… I…” He staggers forward, clearly very drunk which is ridiculous since it’s only seven AM. “I want to see Rosie and you’re being a massive… massive bitch about it. You know you are as well.”
“Lux.” I glance behind myself to check that Rosie hasn’t heard what’s going on. “You can’t be here. It isn’t right. I certainly can’t let you be here while you’re drunk. She won’t want to see you.”
“As you fucking reminded me,” he yells. “She is an adult now and can make her own decisions. She can be the one who decides if she wants to see me or not. You don’t get a say. You kept her away from me for years.”
“I didn’t do anything wrong and you know it.” I need to remain strong. It’s been twelve years since I last had to tackle this man drunk and I should be a whole lot better now. “I am protecting Rosie.”
“Fuck you, Amelia. Fuck you for thinking that you’re so much better than me. That you can look after Rosie better than me. You didn’t protect her when she was younger, did you?”
I’m stunned, I feel a bit like I have been punched in the face by him… again. He’s knocked all the wind out of me, and I can’t get it back. The person that I didn’t protect her properly from is him. Is he fucking joking? He had me terrified, beaten, and trapped and now he’s blaming that on me?
“So, I’m coming inside now.” He shoves me to the side, and I fall backwards against the wall, hitting my head as I go. “And I’m going to find Rosie because she needs to know that I am here to be her father.”
As my head smacks back against the wall, I’m transported back to a time when me and him were together. When he came back from a bar once and he slammed my head against the door over and over again, not even stopping as my ear bled. Rosie was only tiny, and upstairs in bed, and I needed to protect her so I remained as quiet as I could and took the beating. I didn’t even know what it was for, I couldn’t even hear the words being screamed at me anymore, I was just a messed up ball, bleeding hard.
He didn’t even apologize afterwards. It was the first time he didn’t say sorry for hurting me which was the turning point for me. I knew then that we had transported into another stage of our relationship where I wouldn’t even get the nice bits in between the beatings… but I was still too scared to leave. It was too much.
It’s hard for me to drag myself out of my hole, but I need to because this isn’t the past. I’m not in that moment now. Rosie is an adult, but she’s still in bed and I need to protect her from him. There is no telling what he will do in this state and I desperately don’t want her to see it.
“Lux, no, stop this.” I try to grab on to his arm, but he shakes me off. “Don’t do this, you will ruin it.”
“Fuck you, Amelia, I don’t want to hear anything that you have to say.”
“But this isn’t about me and you. It’s not and you know it. It’s about Rosie.”
“Rosie hasn’t said anything to me yet, so I don’t know what she thinks.”
“Dad?” All of a sudden, a shadow appears at the top of the stairs and I know that it’s too late. Rosie has heard, she’s here and now everything is about to explode. “I thought you were still in jail.”
“You didn’t even tell her that I was out?” Lux growls at me. “Wow, you really are a bitch. Rosie is my child and you didn’t even let her know that you were out with me the other night and that you are trying to keep us apart. Do you understand what sort of person that makes you? I am absolutely fucking horrified…”
I don’t look at him though. His words can’t touch me. Instead, I focus on Rosie who is staring at me in sheer horror. I try to mouth the word ‘sorry’ at her, but I don’t know if she’s getting it. She’s shocked. All of this is a nightmare to her, and I totally understand. It is to me as well. One I need to wake up from.
“Are you even fucking listening to me?” Lux demands, slapping his palm hard on the wall by my head. “I don’t want to be here talking to my Goddamn self because you can’t be bothered to listen.”
I hate this, I can’t be here again. I need to get this man out, but I don’t know how to. Where do I get this strength? I’m supposed to be this strong and independent woman now who has made it on her own. All of that has vanished.
“Dad, don’t speak to my mother like that,” Rosie commands in a voice I only wish I could have. She descends the stairs with a severe glare on her face, utterly fuming at Lux. At least I hope it’s at him, not me. “Don’t you dare speak to my family that way. You can’t come here wasted at this time of the morning.”
“I am your family too. You do realize that, right.” He hiccups embarrassingly loudly. “I’m your dad.”
She runs her eyes up and down him, disgusted. “If only you could stand up straight when you say that.”
“Oh, fucking hell. Your mother has turned you into a judgmental bitch like she is. That’s a shame but if we can just get you out of this house then you can start forming your own opinions about stuff.”
Lux reaches out to her, but she shakes him off. I admire her greatly. That’s exactly who I want to be. “Dad, I am not going to leave the woman who has raised me, taken care of me, brought me up while you have been locked away fro
m drink driving and killing people, just because you turn up and ask.”
“That was a different me. I’m not that person anymore. I’ve changed.”
“It’s seven in the morning and you are drunk. Also, you have been nasty to Mom and pushed her as well. I saw it! Plus, I remember seeing a whole lot more when I was younger. I was ten years old when you went away. Plenty old enough to recall you putting Mom in hospital a number of times.”
“We fought,” Lux offers, trying to justify what happened. “It was a two way thing.”
“I fought back,” I interject too quietly for anyone to really hear me.
“Oh yeah?” Rosie’s hands fling on to her hips. “And how many times did she put you in the hospital.”
Lux stumbles backwards, knocking a lamp off a mini table. It crashes to the floor and he’s too drunk to even notice the smashing sound. I’m too afraid to do anything about it. I’ll clean it up later on. If there is a later on and I don’t end up in another hospital bed somewhere, falling apart because of this man again.
“Rosie, you are a fucking adult now. Twenty four years old.”
“Twenty two, Dad. Wow, you don’t even know how old I am!”
“I can’t be blamed. I was in jail for years. How am I supposed to keep track of these things?”
Rosie rolls her eyes and snorts. “Well, if I was ever a priority to you, you would know. If you ever gave a shit about me, it would matter to you. And please don’t forget that you put yourself in the prison. You were the one drunk that night and you were the one who got in the car, killing those people – something that you don’t seem to feel very sorry for, I might add – and you missed out on my life. You know what? I’m glad you weren’t in my life. Of course I wish those people hadn’t died, but that accident took you away from us. It allowed Mom and me to be free of you. Since I always assumed that you would end up killing my mom.”
I suck in a breath, unable to believe that she just said that. It’s all that I want to say to him, but I don’t ever have the courage to do so. Even Lux looks a little stunned by the whole thing. He can’t believe that there is someone out there who will call him out on his bullshit. His daughter at that.
