by Brenda Ford
“You fought over me?” Shit, how did I not know that was going on? “That’s awful.”
“As if you aren’t loving this,” she sneers. “Two girls fighting over you. You probably orchestrated it to make this happen. And don’t ask me if I think you would be like that because quite honestly, I don’t know who you are anymore. I have no idea how to even look at you anymore because you are not the Oliver Smith I know.”
She slams the door in my face hard, completely stripping all the air from my lungs. She’s being hurtful because I have upset her, I know that. I won’t be too offended by her words because that’s how she acts until she calms down. I understand. Nothing is going her way at the moment, so of course she’s upset.
But the one thing that really sticks out in my mind is Ellie. She’s left and I have no idea where she’s gone. I can’t exactly knock on the door and ask, can I? Rosie will stab me. So, I guess I will just have to not know. I won’t be able to chat with her and clear everything up. I’ll never be able to apologize.
Shit, that actually hurts. Thinking that I can’t even say sorry for the shitty way I treated her is bad. It ended on terrible terms and I don’t want the best relationship of my life to completely fizzle out in that way.
“You have no choice now,” I whisper as I walk back home. “It’s all over.”
One thing I know for sure is that I need this drink tonight. I need to open up to my brother and finally just be honest about it all. Brad won’t judge me; it will be okay. And they do say that a problem shared is a problem halved. Having any of this weight off my shoulders will help.
Chapter 26 - Ellie
I don’t have much, and that becomes even more apparent as Auntie Amelia takes a look around my home, but I don’t mind. Me and Seth have all the furniture that we need, we don’t need fanciness on top of that, we’re fine to survive. I’m actually proud of everything that I’ve managed to achieve in such a short space of time. In just a week, me and Seth have a complete set up and his space themed bedroom is on the way. I’m working on it.
“This is… nice,” Auntie Amelia days tentatively. “You have a good place here.”
Seth runs through the apartment with a toy air plane high above his head, making a racket. I can’t help but laugh. He’s a bit freer here, he can do what he wants. He’s even having friends over soon.
“Thank you. I’m happy. The house money came in just in time. This is much better.”
“So… it was just because of the fight then, huh? Between you and Rosie.” I keep trying not to think about it because it makes my stomach twist up in uncomfortable knots, but I guess I have no choice now. “Because I never did find out what that was about which is a real shame because I could have helped you.”
“Hmmm, well we were just on top of one another, that’s all. We needed some space.”
“Alright, but if you don’t like this better, you could always come back. I miss you both a lot.”
I smile at her gratefully. I still appreciate her a lot for everything that she’s done for me. I don’t know where the hell we would be without her. “Well, you know you are always welcome here, don’t you? We will always love to have you around. For dinner, or whatever.” I shrug before saying the next, oddly uncomfortable part. “Rosie too, you know, if she wants to. I don’t know if she’s ready to make up.”
“I’m sure she will be,” Auntie Amelia jumps in quickly. “I will sort it.”
Urgh, that won’t be a fun night. The two of us acting like we’re okay for everyone else’s sake. But I might be wrong. Maybe we will end up having a real conversation and we’ll sort everything out. We will decide to rise above everything that’s happened with Oliver and to just put each other first. That would be best.
“So, it seems like Seth is doing well,” Auntie Amelia continues. “He’s still thriving. Loving his life.”
“Well, I’m used to looking after him. Mom worked so much that it was mostly me and him, so it’s fine. I can cook and wash. Get him to school on time… all the important things are covered.”
“It’s a shame that you have always had to be the adult. It’s a shame that your mom didn’t have the help of your father.” She tuts loudly. “But then he was a useless piece of trash, wasn’t he? Always. Sorry, I know that it’s wrong of me to speak of him like that but… well, he is. Your mom was always too good for him. I tried to tell her that at the time, but then I didn’t really have a leg to stand on because I attracted bad guys too. Never as bad as him though. I think he’s the worst kind of dirt bag… sorry. Again.”
“Insult him as much as you want,” I laugh. “It makes no difference to me. I agree with you. We were better without him. Me and Seth are still better without him, so it’s all good.”
Auntie Amelia gives me the saddest look ever. She feels bad for me which she doesn’t need to. Not having my dad around has made me stronger, looking after Seth has prepared me for right now. I don’t like anything that’s happened, but it’s all worked out alright. I mean, I’m coping. If I end up having to cope without Rosie too, then that will be okay as well. I will always keep my head up high through everything.
“If there is ever anything that you want to talk to me about, you know you can?” She rests her hands on my shoulders and looks at me intently. “Whatever it is, I’m here for you. I don’t want you to feel alone.”
“Thank you, that does mean a lot to me. But I think I’m doing okay.”
“If you want assistance getting a job or anything like that, I can assist you with that too…”
“I have a lot of balls in the air. A lot of applications have gone out there. I have some interviews lined up,” I lie, but only because I want to seem more capable than I actually am. I’ve been working so hard on setting up a home for me and Seth that I haven’t had a chance to apply for anything yet. But I will. It’s only a matter of time. “I have it all under control. Thank you, though. I do appreciate everything that you do.”
“Right. Well I am going to say goodbye to Seth, then I will get out of your hair. Let you get on with things.” She pulls me in for a hug. “But please make sure that we see each other real soon.”
“For sure, we will. Any time you want to come around, you can. You will always be welcome here.”
“Yes, I will. You won’t get rid of me that easily,” she teases. “I’m your family and I love you.”
“Love you too, Auntie Amelia. Thank you for everything.”
I watch her walk away in to Seth’s room and I allow myself to finally take a breath. Much as I love my aunt, that was tense. Any conversation that involves Rosie or where my life is stresses me out, so that was all of it rolled in to one. Plus, I really don’t like lying to someone who I care so much about, who has done so much for me, but it’s for the best. That’s all I need to remember, that the little white lies are for an easy life, to make sure that no one else stresses out about my issues. I can tackle everything by myself. I always have done, and I always will. My inner strength just keeps growing every single day.
As soon as I get Seth into bed and sort things for tomorrow, I start on the job hunt. I polish up my resume – not that I have much on it, but I’m hoping that’s excusable because of my age – and I start looking for what is around. In walking distance, preferably, so I don’t need to rely on public transport which isn’t always the most reliable. It isn’t the easiest thing to scroll through a number of jobs, knowing that I’m not capable of doing a lot of them, but I do my best to keep my spirits high. Seth doesn’t need me to have the best job ever, he just needs me to keep a roof over his head. That isn’t too high a bar to work with. A job that pays.
The inheritance money has gotten us this far and it will keep on looking after us, I’m sure. But I am very aware of every penny I spend. It isn’t a never ending supply. When it ends, we need to have something else. I have always known that a back-up was essential, now I just need to figure out what the back-up it will be.
“Bar work?” I mutte
r to myself. “Sure, I can do that. Although the hours…” That’s another issue. Finding something that I can work around Seth’s school hours. He definitely isn’t old enough to be home alone. “Restaurant work. Shop assistant. Model… no way, I can’t do that. Promo girl. What else? Dancer? No way, I can’t dance in front of people. That sounds too much like a stripper anyway. I can’t do that…”
In the end, I send my resume off to everything. Anything and everything, aside from the stripped job, of course, that’s one I can’t do no matter what happens. I can’t afford to be too picky. I will just have to see who will have me and then try and work everything else out from there. At least I will have Auntie Amelia to help out if need be. She’ll pick Seth up from school sometimes, it’ll be fine. I can do this; I just need to work the best way to make it work. One of these places should give me a chance, right? Even if I don’t have any work experience, any real skills, anything to make me employable. But there needs to be someone who will pick me over everyone else. God, I hope so anyway. Otherwise… well, I don’t want to think about it.
“Right,” I mutter to myself. “Done. Now… well now I just need to wait. Sit back and wait for something to come to me. What a shame that I’m not exactly the most patient person in the world.”
I lie my head back on the pillow as if I’m actually going to get a chance to sleep tonight, and I let my mind wander. I don’t do that much because it’s so dangerous, but today it feels like the right thing to do. My to do list is done for the time being, I don’t have anything to worry about, so I can just day dream.
Of course, my mind goes straight to Oliver. He’s the thing on the edge of my mind all the damn time so the moment he gets a chance to come inside he will. I think of his strikingly beautiful face, his kind eyes, his lovely smile. The way that my mouth tingles when he kisses me, my skin prickles when he grazes his fingers over me, the wonderful sensation of him inside me. God, I miss him inside me.
There’s a deep stirring, a pulsing in my panties, without thinking too much about it I edge my fingers slowly towards my core. It’s been a long time since I had any satisfaction and right now, I need it. I don’t particularly want to be thinking of the man that I can’t have as I touch myself, but I can’t help it. He was my first everything. Kiss, sex, love… all of that doesn’t just go away like that. It will take longer than overnight. Maybe Rosie is right about one thing, and I do need to find someone else to move on properly.
Tonight though, I can imagine none of that happened. I can be back in his bed with his warm body pressed up against me, his expert movements sending me to heaven over and over again. I can almost feel the orgasm washing through me, claiming me hard, making my body shudder and shake. I miss that, I want it again, so badly…
“Oh shit!” But just before I reach the waist band of my underwear, the thought in my brain changes completely, shocking me to the core… and not in a good way. I become repulsed by the idea of Oliver with Rosie now instead. I know that he seemed to reject her in the first place, but I’m out the picture now. They can do whatever they want. She might even be in his bed now which is why she hasn’t tried to call me.
I suppose if there have been this many dramas so early on then it wasn’t ever going to happen anyway, so I shouldn’t be sad. I moved away to let them be happy if that’s what they want. I can’t be mad about it now. I just need to pick myself up and carry on. That needs to start with not allowing my mind to wander again because it isn’t just dangerous, it could be life ruining.
Chapter 27 - Oliver
“Hi, Oliver,” Violet practically whispers beside me. “Are you okay? You seem a little…”
Urgh, now that’s officially everyone. Everyone trying to be helpful and trying to prey into my business. I’m pretty sure that Brad has even had conversations with some people, asking them to leave me be which I recover from some ‘personal issues’, which I guess has made it even more intriguing.
But Violet… I don’t know. It’s awkward now. Knowing that she likes me, and I don’t feel the same way, makes it uncomfortable. Of course, nothing on the scale of me and Rosie, but I can’t worry about two messed up friendships all at once. One problem at a time. Right now, I just need to get through this day.
“I’m fine.” I nod sharply, trying to avert my gaze. “Just busy at the moment, that’s all.”
“Oh, right. Yes… you are very busy. I know you always have a lot going on. But if you ever want to talk…”
“I don’t think I do want to talk at the moment. Thank you for the offer though.”
“Okay…” She moves closer to me. “Because there’s something I want to discuss with you.”
Nerves zig zag through me, I really can’t handle her saying anything about romance to me. I really haven’t got the ability to deal with anything in the correct manner right now, but I don’t want to upset her either. I have caused more than enough pain recently. Instantly, I take a step backwards but there isn’t really anywhere for me to go. I’m stuck, and as I have already learned, being forced to face things doesn’t work out well for me.
“Oliver!” Brad barks, demanding my attention. He sounds mad, but his voice is a relief regardless. “I need to talk to you. Can you come to my office right away? It’s an emergency.”
I shoot Violet an apologetic look but then I race off towards my brother. Even if he’s going to fire me, it’ll be preferable to making even more of a mess of my life. That’s something I’ll be able to fix.
“What’s going on, Brad? Is everything alright? What’s the emergency?”
He nods at me to shut the door behind me which I do. “There is no emergency. You just looked like you needed saving. You’ve had enough going on for it to get even more complicated.”
I slump into one of the chairs in his office and allow the weariness to rocket through me. I really am shattered and every time I let the exhaustion claim me, it takes me hard. “Yeah, you’re right about that.”
“Do I take it from your attitude that you haven’t followed my advice?”
“Which bit? I drank so much that it all gets a bit fuzzy in some places. There was so much advice…”
“Where I told you to go and speak to Rosie. Figure things out with your best friend.”
I groan and throw my head back in distress. “Yes, but it just got messy. She keeps insisting that she really wants to be with me, which I don’t think is the truth. I think she’s just reeling over Tristan…”
“But what if she isn’t?” Brad shrugs. “Are you sure that you don’t want to be with her?”
I shake my head decidedly. “No, I don’t. I really don’t. I thought that I did for a while, but now I just want to go back to the way that things were. I want to be friends with her again.”
“Because of Ellie?” I offer a one shouldered shrug. “Which is more complicated, harder, and can’t happen anyway… at least according to you because of her age. But even though you have made your decision, you can’t move on from what you shared with her. Because it was special, right? That’s what you said.”
“It was special.” I sigh, practically deflating like a balloon. “And I think the reason I can’t move on is because we never had any closure. I left it too late to speak to her. She moved away before I could pluck up the courage to have a conversation and now… well now it’s all left open and up in the air.”
“Have you tried to find her? To have that conversation?” He narrows his eyes. “Because you should.”
“I can’t seek her out for that. No way. Anyway, she moved out to get away from me. If that isn’t a sign that she doesn’t want to talk to me, then I don’t know what is. It would just be selfish of me to find her to do something that I need, not her. Your last advice didn’t work out too well, and I think this will be even worse.”
I want him to tell me that I’m wrong, that I need to seek her out and have this chat. But he doesn’t. Instead, he looks at me like I might be saying something wise. It winds me up actually. Why can
’t he just tell me what I want to hear? Of course, that’s the reason I come to him because I know that he will be honest with me, but right now I don’t like it. I yearn to see Ellie; her absence makes it even more of a challenge. It’s killing me, not knowing where she is and what she’s doing. Who she’s spending time with… who she might be dating…
“I think I might need a break, Brad.” I check my watch. “Okay, so I know that it’s only half ten, but can I take my lunch break now? I need to get out this building and have a coffee or something. And I know that it is a big ask because my head has been all over the place recently, I haven’t exactly had my head in the game, but I’m working on being better. I’m trying to be what you need of me. I just need a moment to gather myself up…”
“Oliver, go it’s fine.” He chuckles. “I know you aren’t yourself at the moment. You also know that if any of my employees need a time out then they can have it. You go, get coffee, sort your head out.”
I smile gratefully at my brother. I’m glad that I branched out and confided in him now. Even if I can’t follow all of his advice, it’s good to know that I don’t have to suffer everything alone. There is someone that I can talk to. I was right about Brad not judging me as well. He’s been awesome through it all.
Thankfully, he hasn’t pressured me to say anything to any of my other brothers either which is good. One is enough. Any more can be overwhelming in a situation like this one.
“Thanks, Brad. I won’t be long. And I’ll be better.”
“If you don’t come back at all, I’ll consider it a mental health day. God knows you need it.”
“Hmm yeah thanks. I don’t know what I’m going to do now.”
“Well, you are a great manager, so your accounting team can cope without you.”
I nod and smile. “Right okay, well I will speak to you later on then. Either here or at home.”
“Do speak to me,” he insists. “Don’t hold things in any longer. It isn’t healthy.”
