She pried her lips from his and pushed him away. “Remember your promise?”
His body turned to stone beneath her fingers.
She fixed her gaze on his searching eyes and forced the words from her mouth. “Time to mount your trusty steed and ride off into the sunset, cowboy.”
The tension radiating from him vibrated through her. “Forgot my horse.”
She dropped her gaze to the fingers splayed across his chest. “You swore.”
“Things have changed.”
She tamped down the panic surging up her throat. “Nothing’s changed.”
He shook his head. “Everything’s changed.”
His voice dropped so low it shook her. She couldn’t meet his gaze, couldn’t speak. With each deafening chime, the EKG broadcast her panic to the world like an electronic tattletale. She flinched as he leaned down and braced his arms on either side of her torso. He didn’t touch her, but his presence bore down on her until she struggled to breathe. “I love you, Abigail Marie Williams.”
Three simple words she’d craved for years, but instead of being whispered into her ear by a sweet, gentle, and caring man who cradled her in his arms, an unstoppable, indestructible warrior unleashed them with the intensity of a threat.
If she hadn’t been about to split apart, she’d have laughed at the irony, but like everything he did, his declaration had a purpose. He was testing her, probing her for the answer to his unspoken question. He wasn’t disappearing into the sunset. Men like him didn’t simply walk away from the people they loved.
She forced herself to meet his gaze. “You don’t love me. You don’t even know me. For Christ’s sake, we’ve known each other for only two weeks.” The words burned her throat as she spat them at him.
His eyes narrowed. “I know every sound you make when you sleep. I know the smile you use to hide the pain. I feel your heart beating inside my chest. I know you so well it terrifies you.”
In time she could’ve forgiven herself for enjoying him, taking from him, using him when she’d only been risking her own heart, but she’d allowed this to happen. “You took a sick, lonely girl on the adventure of her life. I’ll never be able to repay you for that, but the ride’s over, Sergeant. Time for you to get back to your life and find another damsel in distress to rescue.”
The storm raging in him darkened until his irises turned black. “My life’s with you, and this ride’s just beginning.”
Tears blurred her vision as she shook her head and shoved at his chest. “Doris has taken enough. I’m not letting her take you.”
“Tough, I’m not letting you go.”
With each word, her throat clenched and her breath quickened. “And I thought I was the dreamer.” She tried laughing, but it spluttered out as a choked whimper. “This isn’t a fairy tale, and we’re not riding off into the sunset on your rainbow-colored unicorn. This is my third time in the ring. And I don’t know how many fights I have left in me.”
“Then we’ll fight together.”
“I don’t need your fucking help.” Panic forced the words from her mouth as she hammered on his torso. “I’m not your mom, and I’m not some pathetic stray who needs saving. I take care of myself, and I don’t need some delusional guy with a fucking hero complex hanging around.” She glared at him as her chest tore open. “Find someone else to save and stop fucking looking at me like that.”
He reared back as if she’d slapped him.
She sucked in a breath as his eyes widened and her EKG screamed. “How the hell did you think this was ending?”
“I-I thought you—”
His stone mask cracked as her heart broke “What, just because we enjoyed ourselves for a couple of weeks, you thought everything would be okay? I’d just get this thing cut out of my head, give up my career, pack up my life, leave my sister, and move into that dusty barn in the middle of fucking nowhere to herd cattle?” She hurled the words at him, each lie widening the gaping hole in her chest. “Don’t you dare look at me like that. I told you the truth from the very beginning, and I’ve got enough to deal with.”
She slapped at the tears dribbling down her cheeks and ignored the tremor in her voice. “I told you how this was ending. I warned you. You have no right to put me through this.”
The mask shattered and fell from his face, but the features beneath were even harder and colder as he straightened. “No handshakes, no hugs, no kisses, not even a wave good-bye.”
The words leaked out from somewhere deep inside him like she’d broken him open. She nodded and stabbed a finger at him. “Like you promised.”
“Like I promised.” He shook his head and picked up his hat. He nestled the battered felt onto his head while he studied her with cold, dead eyes, eyes she’d stolen the light and hope from.
The need to throw off the covers and leap into his arms was so powerful she had to claw her fingers into the mattress. He was everything she’d ever wanted. He was her present, and he was her future, and he stared at her like she was a stranger.
He nodded and turned for the door.
What remained of her heart shattered and crumbled into the depths of the abyss that had swallowed her world. She’d hurt him, hurt him in ways wars and bullets never could, but he’d survive, and he’d go home and lose himself in the paradise he deserved until all she’d be was a distant memory. Just a few more steps, just a few more torturous moments, and she could surrender.
He opened the door and turned to face her. The anguish, the pain, the desperation twisting his features hurt more than the agony ripping her apart. “Do you love me?”
More than you’ll ever know, my love. “Go home, Sergeant.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
Who dares wins. Well, he’d just dared and lost big-time. He’d been conditioned to get off his arse and start swinging whenever he was knocked down, but just standing was taking everything he had.
Ryder stopped in the middle of the hallway and turned back to the door leading to Abi’s room. Two seconds, two goddamned fucking seconds, and she’d be in his arms and crushed to his chest. And then what, dickhead?
Watching her shake her head and tell him to go home had hurt even more than the ice-cold logic she’d used to crush his heart. She hadn’t even been able to look him in the eye. He’d had weeks to figure out a plan, but instead of focusing on the endgame he’d been too busy living in a fucking dream world.
No wonder most of his teammates were single. Falling in love was a surefire way to get a bullet in your arse. Christ, he couldn’t even come up with an answer to where they were going to live. The fact she may not have wanted to relocate her entire life into the middle of a scorching, fly-infested desert hadn’t even occurred to him because he’d been too caught up in the smiles and laughter he thought he’d brought to her life.
While he’d been skipping along rainbows, she’d been counting down the days before a group of masked strangers cut her skull open and poked around inside her brain.
He trudged into a deserted corner of the corridor and let his head thud against the wall.
He’d stared at her while she lay in a hospital bed after just waking from a coma and asked her if she loved him. What fucking idiot does that? If it had been anyone else, they’d have fallen out of bed laughing before collecting themselves and breaking the news that they were a little preoccupied trying to stay alive to wonder if they’d fallen in love with an unemployed grunt soldier who lived with his mother.
He head-butted the wall. The pain was easier to cope with than the truth that he was a fucking selfish idiot.
“That bad, huh?”
He turned to find Olivia leaning against the wall beside him. How long had it been since he’d let someone get near him without realizing?
Olivia edged closer and squeezed his shoulder. “Patient transport’s here. We leave in fifteen.”
He nodded but couldn’t think of a single thing to say.
Olivia sighed and pulled him down into a chair before
taking the one next to him. “I’d offer you coffee, but I think we both need something stronger.”
He nodded before dropping his head into his hands.
Olivia rubbed his back and cleared her throat. “She’s the toughest…”
Her hesitation had him looking up.
Olivia smiled and punched him in the shoulder. “She’s the second toughest person I know. She’ll get through this.”
Abi had him beat in the toughness stakes. If he’d had to live day and night with a monster growing inside his head, he’d have gone nuts. “Are you going to be okay?”
Olivia huffed and reared back. “I’m the third toughest person I know. As a team we take the number one spot.” She shrugged. “As long as she bloody listens to me and allows me to look after her, we’ll be fine.”
“Good luck.” He was going for humor but sounded more like a spoiled teenager.
Olivia chuckled and shook her head. “She’s got such a hard head I sometimes wonder if they have to visit a hardware store to get a saw big enough to crack her open.”
He winced at the image of Abi lying helpless on a gurney as someone cut open her head.
Olivia cursed. “Sorry, I’m guessing hospital humor’s as bad as battlefield comedy.”
He nodded and returned her fake smile. “You’re an amazing woman, Doctor Williams. She’s lucky to have you.”
“I’m the lucky one.” Olivia’s eyes glistened as she sniffed and wiped her nose. “You’re pretty amazing yourself, Sergeant Harper.” She sighed and dropped her gaze to the hands cradled in her lap. “What’s it like?”
He raised an eyebrow but she didn’t look at him.
“Falling in love. What’s it like?”
“You’ve never been in love?” He couldn’t believe such a vibrant, compassionate, strong woman had never fallen for anyone.
Olivia shrugged and shook her head. “Guess I never met the right guy.”
Well, whoever the hell she did fall in love with was a lucky son of a bitch. He drew in a deep breath and leaned back in his chair. “It was a lot like getting shot for me.”
Olivia gasped and stared at him.
“Sorry, bad battlefield humor.” He patted her knee. “All you feel is this thud, and you wonder what the hell happened until the pain hits, but instead of pain it’s this kind of electricity that shocks you and relaxes you all at the same time.”
Even with his rib cage ripped open and his heart lying in ruins on the floor, he couldn’t help smiling as memories of the last two weeks drifted through his mind.
Olivia placed her head over his. “When did you know?”
He blinked away the visions. “I felt the impact the first time she pushed those damned glasses up her nose and looked at me. I think the electricity started shocking me somewhere east of Hawaii, and by the time we landed in Brisbane I’d flatlined.”
The smile that had spread across Olivia’s face slowly dimmed. She released the lip she’d been chewing and squeezed his fingers. “I-I’m so sor—”
He pressed a finger to her lips and forced himself to smile. He should tell her he’d be fine. He should joke about how he and Abi would look back on their outback adventure in ten years and laugh. He should lie and tell her he was an indestructible warrior and order her to stop worrying about his pathetic arse. But the incredible woman he was trusting to protect the most precious thing in his world deserved the truth.
He turned his trembling hand over and captured hers. “I’ve died three times…this is worse.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
Abi stared at the blank monitor in front of her and tried using the hum from the plane’s engines to muffle Doris’s cackling. The cold, empty, lifeless screen could’ve been broadcasting the live stream from her soul. She couldn’t even work up the energy to rage against the bitch dancing and partying inside her head. The evil little shit had started screaming and stomping around as soon as the painkiller cocktail the doctors in Brisbane had injected into her had worn off. But Abi was too numb to care.
She released the breath she’d been holding for no good reason and sank back into her seat. Doris could celebrate all she wanted, but she couldn’t take the last two weeks away from her. And Doris couldn’t snake her cancerous tentacles around the man who’d dared Abi to dream big and then shown her just how amazing life could be.
I love you, Abigail Marie Williams. Ryder’s words echoed inside her head as his exhausted, terrified, and broken face flooded her thoughts. The agony she’d carved into his features would remain with her as surely as if she’d hacked it out of her own flesh. But he’d survive, just like he’d done all his life. He’d wake up tomorrow in that hot, dusty paradise surrounded by the family he loved, shake off the memory of the greedy woman who’d ripped out his heart, and get on with the life he deserved.
She dragged in a ragged breath and slowly nodded despite the misery and doubt crushing her chest. She’d done the right thing. After two selfish weeks spent ignoring the truth and taking from the man she cared more for than she could’ve thought possible, she’d finally found the courage to do what was right.
She forced herself to unclench her fists and stared down at the trembling fingers that had held, caressed, and worshipped every part of the magnificent body he’d almost destroyed protecting the liberties she took for granted. He’d spent more than a decade fighting in hell and had come as close to dying as anyone could, but his years of service were over and he’d sacrificed enough. He’d earned a life free of doubt, pain, and misery. And he deserved to grow old without fearing the woman sleeping beside him wasn’t going to make her next birthday.
A tear slid down her cheek and trailed fire over her raw skin before dribbling onto her T-shirt. She reached for the ends of her scarf to soak up the evidence of her most recent meltdown only to remember she hadn’t bothered covering her head. What would’ve been the point? A scarf wouldn’t have concealed her tear-streaked face or prevented people from staring at the pathetic basket case blubbering in a wheelchair as she was wheeled through the airport like an invalid.
She slapped her tears away. No more crying, no more crying, no more crying… But even as she cursed herself, the tears that had started the instant he’d walked out of her hospital room—and her life—flowed all over again.
She closed her eyes and breathed in the stale cabin air in the hope it would dilute his memory, but it was useless. The scent of dust, wood, and leather that clung to his skin had worked its way into her soul, just like the warmth and power of his touch, and the joyous thunder of his laughter.
The captain’s voice crashed through her thoughts with warnings of turbulent skies and bumpy rides, but there was nothing left in her stomach to throw up. She heard Olivia stow the magazine she had been staring at and not reading and clip on her seat belt without even sighing or muttering a curse.
Olivia had spent the first leg of their odyssey home reassuring her everything would be okay and commiserating with her about how fucked up life could be. Upon leaving Hawaii, Olivia had changed tact and gently reminded her Ryder had known what she was up against and that she’d even spelled out exactly how things would end between them when the time came. But what her sister didn’t know and what her man did was that love changes everything.
Abi swallowed the bile oozing up her throat and risked a glance at her ominously silent minder.
Olivia glared back and growled a curse between clenched teeth.
Abi groaned and banged her aching head into the monitor. “I know, I know, just don’t say it.”
“Say what?” Olivia jabbed a finger at her. “That you should’ve listened to your kid sister for once in your life? That skipping off into the outback with him was crazy? That you’d have to be nuts getting involved with someone who lived on the other side of the world? That allowing yourself to fall for a man just before you got your head cut open was suicidally freaking stupid?”
Abi didn’t bother defending herself. She’d done all those things and m
ore. But after the gut-wrenching torture of the last two days, the only thing she regretted was the pain and misery she’d caused her man and his crazy, loving family. She steeled herself for the next phase of Olivia’s grief counseling and faced her sister. “Thanks for not saying I told you so.”
Instead of the anger she’d expected, Olivia’s haggard features hid something she couldn’t decipher: confusion, desperation, frustration? With a sigh that seemed to drain the fight out of her, Olivia turned and locked her gaze on Abi. “I sat beside him for six hours while he watched over you like a guardian angel. He didn’t eat, he didn’t sleep, he just sat there and stared at you as if he was willing every breath you took. I never dreamed men like him existed. And y-you ripped out his heart.” Olivia shrugged and slowly shook her head. “How could you drive him away? He’d die for you.”
The truth echoed through Abi’s mind as she reached over the armrest and tucked a stray lock of hair behind Olivia’s ear before losing herself in her kid sister’s glistening eyes. “That’s why I had to break his heart.”
Men like Sergeant Ryder Harper never gave up, and they sure as hell didn’t surrender. They kept fighting until their mission was complete or they were dead. And the only thing more powerful than their will and honor was their devotion to protect and care for the people they loved.
Abi smiled despite the gaping hole in her chest. “Have you ever felt so safe, so protected, so cared for that every single insecurity, doubt, and fear you’ve carried around since you were a kid simply evaporated?”
Abi dragged in a ragged breath and cupped her sister’s cheek. “Have you ever loved someone so much the only way you could truly show them was to hurt them more than anything or anyone ever had just so they could be free to live a normal life?”
“This isn’t the end.” Olivia cursed and jerked away. “First, we’re going to kill that fucking bitch inside your head. Then, you’re going to get that cowboy of yours to fly over to the States, hoist your stubborn ass over his shoulder, and ride off into the sunset together.”
Against All Odds (Outback Hearts) Page 26
