“Dad!” I blushed, feeling annoyed and touched at the same time.
Sophie smiled. “He’s very cute and seems nice too.”
“So you approve?”
“Yeah.”
After dinner, Sophie and I went out to the movies. Josh texted me a few times while we were there. I wrote back telling him I was out and would call him later, but I never got to it.
My cell phone rang. I groaned opening one eye. The clock beside my bed read 6:35am. “You’ve got to be kidding,” I muttered. I reached for the phone and answered, “Hello?”
“Do you know how to use a phone?” Josh’s tone was harsh.
“What?” I rubbed my eyes.
“You said you’d call me later. You didn’t. Obviously your phone works, so I can only assume that you don’t know how to call out.” Josh’s voice was still angry.
I was confused. “I’m sorry, Josh. We got in late. I was tired and went to bed.” I tried to explain to him.
I heard him take a few deep breaths. “Who were you with?”
“Just Sophie.”
I could hear his breathing slow down. “Oh. Okay. Would you call me back next time, even if it’s late?”
“Sure.”
“Thanks. I’d really appreciate it. I was so worried about you, Natalie.” His mood had changed. His voice was softer and sweeter than just seconds before. He said some charming things to me and then we hung up. I tossed and turned for an hour before falling back to sleep.
It was almost noon when I woke up again; I tried to forget my earlier conversation with Josh. I went downstairs and had a bowl of cereal, which was a great meal no matter what time of day it was. Afterwards, I went back upstairs and tried to concentrate on my homework. I relaxed in a long, hot shower around five. Pounding on the door brought me back to reality. “Natalie, hurry up!”
I sighed and rinsed off one last time before getting out and drying off. I yanked on my underwear and bra. Hurrying from the bathroom to my bedroom, I yelled, “I’m done!”
I turned on my music and grabbed lotion off my dresser. I rubbed the lotion on my body, put on my deodorant, and took a moment to dance with the music. Smiling and singing along, I sat down at my vanity table.
After smelling a couple different perfumes, I chose a vanilla scented one and put a couple dabs on. I threw on my purple plush robe and then put on my make-up. I didn’t put lipstick on right away. I didn’t want to smear it.
There was a soft knock on the door that would no doubt be my mother. “Come in.”
Sure enough, Mom walked in and sat down on my bed. “You look beautiful.”
“Thanks, but I’m not done yet.” I laughed, rolling my eyes.
“You still look pretty,” she said. “You really like Josh?”
“Yeah.” I nodded.
“I just want to tell you to be careful.”
“I will, Mom.”
“You just met this boy,” she stated, her voice gentle.
“I know.”
“Don’t be afraid to say no.”
“Mom, I’m going to a school dance.” I laughed, trying to lighten the mood.
“I just worry about you. I want you to know you can tell me anything. Don’t ever be afraid to talk to me.”
“I know, Mom. I’ll be okay.”
She nodded, seeming to believe me. “I love you, Natalie.”
“I love you too, Mom.”
I finished getting ready after Mom left. I found it really sweet that she took the time to come in and talk to me. After my hair was done, I took a new shirt out of the closet and put it on, and then I threw on my favorite jeans. I zipped them up and looked in the mirror. I smiled, “I hope Josh likes this,” I said to myself. I heard the doorbell ring as I touched up my make-up.
“Natalie! Josh is here!”
I put on a deep berry lipstick and checked myself in the mirror one last time before going downstairs. My parents and Josh were talking in the living room. I felt like I was in a movie when everyone looked up as I walked in. Josh stood up and smiled. “You look beautiful.” He handed me a bouquet of roses.
“Thank you. They’re beautiful.” I eyed him carefully, but there was no sign of the anger he had expressed earlier. I brushed off any worry I had that he was still mad.
“Let me put them in water for you.” Mom took them.
“Thanks. Bye Mom. Bye Dad.”
“Bye Honey, be good.” Mom smiled.
I blushed, embarrassed again.
“Be careful,” Dad advised.
“I will.”
“Nice to see you again, Mr. And Mrs. Jarrett.” Josh opened the door for me and we left. Being a perfect gentleman, he opened the car door for me as well. He wore a nicer pair of jeans than usual and a stylish button up shirt. And for once, his hair was brushed back, out of his eyes.
When we got to the school, he opened the car door for me again and escorted me inside. The gym and cafeteria transformation was astonishing. Our school had voted Starry Night to be the theme for the dance. The walls were covered in dark paper and sparkling lights hung from the ceiling. People filled the two rooms, some were snacking, some were dancing, and some were just hanging out in crowds.
“What do you want to do?” Josh asked.
“Dance.” I laughed. He nodded and we went into the gym. They were playing some fast dance songs. We started dancing and talking. When I looked up, it really felt like I was looking into the night sky. Sophie came over to us and we hugged. “You look good.” She wore a long blue skirt that was made to look wrinkled.
“Thanks, you too,” she answered. “Hi Josh.”
“Sophie.” He muttered, his voice cool. Sophie studied him for a minute and then she introduced her date, Alex, someone she had met when we were out at the dance club.
A slow song started playing and Josh held me close to him as we danced. Our foreheads touched and we gazed into each other’s eyes.
When the next slow song played I rested my head on his chest. I could feel his heart beating. I closed my eyes and let the music move me. It was an incredible, wonderful night.
The dance was over at eleven. Josh took me home and walked me to the door. “Thank you for taking me.”
“It was my pleasure.” He took my hand. “I had a great time.”
“Me too,” I murmured softly.
Josh leaned over and kissed me gently on the lips. My heart pounded. He broke away leaving me wanting more. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“Okay.” I unlocked the door and went in. Leaning against the closed door, I smiled and closed my eyes. After a minute, I went upstairs, told my parents I was home and went to my room. Before I went to sleep, I called Sophie to fill her in before I forgot every single detail.
When I got to school Monday morning, Sophie stood at her locker talking to Tim. Tim was the last guy I dated. After dating for most of the school year, our relationship had ended over the summer. It didn’t end badly, we had just grown apart. We wanted different things in life. We still talked when we saw each other, but we didn’t go out of our way to. I smiled and walked up to them. “Hey guys.”
“Hey Natalie, how are you?” he smiled at me playfully. He was shaking his head in my face.
“You cut your hair!” I exclaimed, standing on my tiptoes to rub my hand over his crew cut.
“Do you like it?” he asked.
“It’s nice,” I said honestly. This was something I had bugged him to do when we were together. “You look good.”
“Thanks. I’ve got to run, see you around.”
I rolled my eyes after him. “Now he cuts his hair.”
Sophie laughed. “Hey Josh.”
I turned around and came face to face with Josh. “Hi.” I smiled leaning in to kiss him, but he pulled away.
“What was that?”
“What was what?”
“Were you flirting?” he asked. I shook my head, speechless. His eyes were stone cold, his face red. “Who was that?” he demanded to know.
“Tim,” I answered, having nothing to hide. “I dated him last year.”
“You dated him?” he said through his teeth.
“Last year!” I repeated, raising my voice. Suddenly, Josh’s fist punched the locker he was standing next to. He glared at me and took off down the hall. I stared after him in shock.
Sophie put her arm around me. “What was that all about?”
“I don’t know. I’ve never seen him like that.” It bothered me all day long, especially in English class when he wouldn’t even look at me. What did I do that was so wrong? Why was he treating me like this? What was up with his temper? The questions were eating away at me, but I decided to let it go and call him later. The uneasy feeling that I had felt a couple weeks ago came back.
Chapter 2
I planned on calling Josh as soon as I got home to find out what his problem was, but I had forgotten it was my uncle’s birthday. Mom was home early cooking dinner for her big brother and she asked me to help. I loved Uncle Carl, he was a fun guy. He liked to hang out around our house; he and Mom were real close.
Uncle Carl wasn’t married and he didn’t have any children. He always joked that he was married to his work and someday he’d get around to finding a wife. I hoped he’d find someone to love. Everyone should have someone.
I ignored the vibrating cell phone in my pocket while we had cake and ice cream and then played games. I looked around at my family, taking note of how happy everyone seemed to be. Uncle Carl’s blue eyes sparkled as he took the lead in the game. Mom swatted at him, laughing.
My dad actually looked like the odd man out; he was the only one sitting around the table that didn’t have red hair. He handed the dice to me and I rolled. I actually enjoyed playing with them. I probably wouldn’t admit that to anybody, but I liked it.
After the party, I slowly climbed the stairs up to my room. I dreaded calling Josh. I was worried about what he was going to say. I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket, ten missed calls, all from Josh, but no messages. I sighed going through the conversation in my head. I hit redial and took a deep breath.
“Hello?” he answered.
“Hi.” I swallowed.
He didn’t say anything for a minute. “I’ve been trying to call you.”
“I had to do something with my parents,” I told him. “Sorry.” I waited, hoping he’d apologize before I brought it up, but no such luck. “Josh, what happened earlier?”
“I don’t like thinking of you with other guys,” he admitted. I could hear the bitterness in his voice.
“You were…scary.” I tried to find the words. He didn’t respond. “I’m with you, Josh. Tim and I dated a while ago, we’re just friendly now.”
“It looked like you still liked him.”
“I don’t.” I didn’t know how to convince him that he was the one I wanted. “Why did you hit the locker and storm off? Why didn’t you just talk to me?”
“I wasn’t thinking. I was mad. I saw you rubbing his head and I thought I was losing you,” he explained, his voice softer now.
“I don’t like to see you like that,” I said quietly.
“I’m sorry,” he finally apologized.
I accepted his apology and tried to forget all about it.
*
As the days passed, Josh and I grew closer. We went on a couple dates every week and he was always a gentleman. Sophie and I continued to talk every day and still went out for girls’ night once a week.
A couple months after Josh and I had our first date, we had our first fight. I was getting ready to go out dancing with Sophie when Josh called. “Are you going out?”
“Yeah,” I told him.
“Where are you going?”
“Deceptions.”
“With Sophie?”
“Yeah.” I wondered what was going on. “What’s wrong?”
“I don’t think you should go.”
“Why not?”
“Because you’ve got me now, you don’t need to go out dancing.”
“Josh, I’m dancing, not searching for guys,” I told him. Dancing was one of my favorite things to do. I wasn’t giving it up to date someone.
“You are a beautiful girl. Many guys will be after you,” he said.
“If a guy comes up to me, I’d turn him away. You know I only want you.”
“Then prove it,” he challenged.
“Prove what?”
“That I’m your only guy.”
“And how do you want me to do that?” I asked curiously.
“Stay home,” he answered simply.
“Josh, I can’t. Sophie and I have plans.”
He didn’t answer right away. “There is someone else.”
“No, there’s not. Why are you being so jealous?” I bit my lip so I wouldn’t say anything more.
“I love you, Natalie. I don’t want to lose you.”
“You won’t.”
“You shouldn’t be out dancing.”
I heard the doorbell ring. “Josh, I really have to go.”
“Don’t go, Natalie.”
“I’ll call you when I get home,” I promised.
“Natalie, please don’t go. Natalie?”
“Goodbye Josh.” I hung up and shoved the phone in my pocket. I felt very bad. I hated to hear him upset.
“Natalie?” Sophie touched my shoulder.
I snapped out of my thoughts. “Oh hi Sophie.”
“Are you okay?”
“Josh doesn’t want me to go.”
“Oh, did you two fight?” she asked.
I nodded. “He’s upset.”
“Are we still going?”
“Yeah, let’s get out of here.”
We went dancing, but I didn’t enjoy myself at all. I kept thinking of Josh. I tried calling him when I got home, but he didn’t answer.
The next morning, I tried calling again. But, he still didn’t answer. I felt horrible all day. I tried calling every hour. I even texted him, but he didn’t respond.
I took a walk after dinner to clear my head. There was a park not too far from my house. The stars were out and shining bright, reminding me of the dance Josh took me to. I sat down on a bench and I took a few deep breaths trying to relax. After a few minutes, I saw a shadow moving towards me. “Who’s there?” Nobody answered.
The figure stepped into the light. “Josh?” I moved trying to see. “Josh? Is that you?”
“Yeah.”
I stood up. “I’ve been trying to get a hold of—” Josh raised his hand and slapped me. My cheek felt like it had erupted into flames. I was stunned and speechless. “Josh?”
He stared at me, his eyes ice cold. “I asked you not to go.”
“I’m sorry.” Tears formed in my eyes.
“Don’t you understand?” He grabbed my shoulders. “I love you, Natalie.”
“I love you, too, Josh.”
Josh pulled me to him. “I’m sorry, Nat. Please don’t leave me.”
The tears rolled down my cheeks. “I won’t, Josh.”
“Promise.”
“I promise.”
We sat down and he took my hand. “You are my life, Natalie.” He wiped away a tear that was running down my face. His eyes were kinder now, his face relaxed and calm.
I touched his face, my hand trembling. “Hold me, Josh.”
Josh put his arms around me. We sat there in silence for a while. I didn’t know what to say, what to think. I was scared of what had just happened. “Josh?”
“Yeah?”
“I should get home.”
“Of course.” He stood up. “Let me walk you.”
I smiled. “Okay.”
In front of my house, he kissed me and told me he loved me. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Okay.”
Once inside, I made a beeline for my room. Quickly, I went in and sat down on the bed. I couldn’t believe what had just happened. Josh had slapped me! I touched my face replaying the incident in my mind.
The pain was gone now, but I couldn’t wrap my head around his actions. How could he do that? Why did he do that?
I loved him so much and I knew he loved me too. I just didn’t understand what had just happened. It didn’t make sense.
I fell back on the bed and stared at the ceiling for hours. My heart wasn’t just hurting; it was breaking. I cried myself to sleep that night.
*
There wasn’t a bruise in the morning, but I put on extra make-up anyway. I felt funny, different. I couldn’t let that show. Nobody could know, not now, not ever.
When I got to school, Josh met me in the hallway. He looked at my cheek and then looked down. “Nat, I—”
“It’s okay, Josh.”
“I’m sorry.” He looked into my eyes.
I took his hand. “Just don’t do it again.”
“I won’t.” He kissed me.
I felt torn the rest of the day. I was still quite shaken, but felt a little better seeing how sweet he was being. Sophie came up to me at lunch. “Hey Natalie, how are you?”
I looked up from my lunch hearing my name. “Huh?”
Sophie set her tray down and sat down. “I asked how you are, but obviously something is wrong.”
“No, I was just daydreaming.”
“You haven’t touched your lunch.”
“Not too hungry.” I forced a smile.
“Uh-huh.” Sophie looked in my eyes. “Well, whatever it is, you come to me when you’re ready.”
“Nothing’s wrong, Sophie. I just don’t feel too good today.” Sophie nodded but I could tell she didn’t believe me.
Josh took me to dinner the next night. Neither of us talked about what happened. Things were beginning to get back to normal. When Saturday came around again, Josh didn’t object to me going dancing with Sophie.
School was going okay. I maintained a B average. But, with midterms coming up in a couple weeks, I had to put in an extra hour of studying a night.
Everything went well, for a while anyway. My family was just as weird as ever. They picked on me every time I had a date with Josh. My dad loved to tease us and the older we got the more he liked it because we took more offense to it.
As much as I loved my family, I wasn’t extremely close to any of them. Miranda was usually in class or with her friends. Mom and I talked a lot, but we didn’t share everything. And Dad was just Dad. I knew he’d be there for me if I needed him, but we didn’t talk much.
Indie Chicks: 25 Women 25 Personal Stories Page 70
