by Mary Martel
Part of me was jealous of their easy, happy companionships.
Maybe I should get a dog.
Yeah, maybe not. You had to feed them and love them and let them outside so they didn’t pee or poo in your house. And you had to walk them and play with them.
I could barely even take care of myself, and lately I’d been consuming my meals in the form of vodka. I had nothing to offer a dog, and the poor thing would probably run away from me and chase after the first human it saw jogging down the beach.
Maybe I should get a plant or something instead, and if I kept it alive for a while, maybe then I could move on to a pet.
Like a goldfish perhaps. Was it easy to kill a goldfish? I bet Riley would make sure the thing didn’t starve to death. He’d been putting forth a hearty effort to make sure I ate every day, a goldfish would be much easier in comparison.
Maybe after I took care of Belinda, I’d start taking better care of myself. Don’t hold your breath.
I sat down on the towel and kicked my legs out in front of me with my toes buried in the sand. I dropped the water bottle onto the towel beside me and the diary into my lap.
Whenever I cracked one of these damn books open, I always went in with big hopes and dreams of learning something bright and new about my beloved sister, and every time I walked away utterly devastated and on the verge of tears.
I should do myself the favor and chuck them all into the garbage bin, or better yet, burn them, but for whatever reason, I seemed to enjoy the pain they brought me. To lose them would be like losing yet another piece of me, and I didn’t have much left to lose.
My sister’s death had affected me in more ways than I had originally thought if I was now enjoying the pain certain things gave me. I was fucked up in the head beyond belief.
Sighing, I picked up the book and cracked it open to a random page.
A ghost of a smile crossed my lips and tears stung my eyes as I took in the purple ink with silver sparkles in it. There were hearts and roses scrawled into the margin and little random swirls all along the bottom of the page.
I did it.
Finally, I did it.
I had sex with a girl today for the first time ever, and it was not at all what I had been expecting.
It was everything, and I can’t wait to do it again, but with a different girl because this one hadn’t really been interested in me but tipsy, and I think just in the mood to get off. She didn’t care who I was just so long as I knew what to do when I had my face between her legs. And she had a serious bush going on down there. I don’t even think she trimmed the thing ever.
It was... scary.
But, well, I’m no quitter, so I went for it anyways and ended up enjoying it.
Her bush might have been scary as hell, but she’d tasted like heaven to me.
I couldn’t wait to get my hands on more, it was like a drug to me and I was already jonesing for my next hit.
One thing that brought me extreme joy was knowing I finally got one over on Gem. I’d done something first for once. And it was something my sister would likely never do.
So, ha, take that, Gemmy.
She got her period before I did. Yeah, yeah, only by three days, but still! It counted, damn it!
Gem always had to do things first, and I know it’s not a competition between the two of us, she would never do that to us or to me. She was just so much braver and courageous than me that she just went for things I was always too timid to even try.
I wasn’t usually like that. But tonight I channeled my sister and I went for it. And I did something I’m sure my sister will never ever do in her life.
So, yeah, I got one over on Gem, and I’d secretly enjoy it forever.
I remember a conversation I had with Gem when we were younger where I asked her if every girl thought other girls were pretty, and she’d laughed at me. She’d told me no, that most girls didn’t like other girls, and if they were actually pretty, then they usually liked them even less because of it. Then she’d told me to like boys the mostest, because they were dumb and easy to manipulate.
She’d completely missed my point, and I’d been too embarrassed to tell her the truth of the matter.
Now it seems too late.
I sighed as I set the book back down in my lap and closed it. Almost every entry I’d read so far made a comment about me and her feeling guilty about something. It made me feel awful and hate myself just a little bit.
Even during a time where she should have been excited and happy, she was still upset over some bullshit with me when if she’d just been honest with me in the first place, she wouldn’t have anything to be upset about. There’d be zero guilt, and she could have called me up to share a secret.
Instead, she’d felt immense guilt then, and now I was swamped with it.
I opened the book back up and thumbed through the pages to find the passage I’d just read.
The date caught my attention, and I clutched the book to my chest and burst out laughing. I laughed so hard tears pooled in my eyes and fell down my cheeks. I laughed so hard my stomach hurt, and I probably looked like a complete and total maniac sitting here in front of the lake both laughing uproariously and crying my eyes out, but I didn’t care. It was the release I needed and what I’d been searching for. I felt like a weight had been lifted because I’d found out my sister had her first sexual encounter before me.
Well, shit.
Gin would have loved to have known this little tidbit of information. It probably wasn’t even the only thing she’d done first between the two of us. And now I’d never know unless it’d been written down on the pages in her little books.
Maybe I’d buy her a trophy and take it to her grave so I could leave it there for her. I bet she’d like that, and I hadn’t once been back there to visit with her because clearly I was a shitty sister.
She deserved better from me, and I promised myself then and there that I’d go at least once a month from here on out to visit my sister’s final resting place.
I’d be a better person for it, and it might help to heal the breach that had taken up residence in my heart since she’d died.
The water called to me, and I left my things on the towel and walked the short distance to the shore. The waves lapped at my feet, and I walked farther and farther into them.
I waded in until I was waist deep and I dropped down into the water. My knees hit sand and I leaned back with my hair floating all around me as I stared up at the clouds in the sky.
When Gin and I were little, we’d lay in the grass side by side with our fingers laced together, and we’d point out clouds to each other and tell the other what we thought they looked like. We could spend hours doing it, just happy being together.
When we were littler, everything was so much simpler. All it took to make me happy was just to be in her presence, and I had everything I needed to feel whole.
I pressed my hand over my chest, covering my heart, and the tears finally came. I was so fucking sick and tired of crying all the time. When was this shit going to end? When was my heart going to feel like it wasn’t ripped in half?
Never, that was when. Or at least that was what it felt like.
I felt them coming before they moved in around me. Franklin sidled up to me on my left, and Riley came in on the right. Their arms wrapped around me, and I felt safe and secure between them.
Franklin pointed up at the sky, and my eyes followed where his finger was aimed. “What’s that one look like, Gems?”
I rolled my eyes at him. That wasn’t how we played this game and he knew it. I played along with him anyway. “Your dick, that’s what,” I deadpanned.
Riley chuckled darkly as his arms tightened around me, and he attempted to pull me away from Franklin. “You’re right, baby. It looks like his prick, almost nonexistent.”
I widened my eyes and shook my head frantically at him. Not smart, my man, to insult another man’s dick. Besides, he’d had a front row seat to what Fr
anks was working with, and by no means was it anywhere near small.
Franklin ran his nose up the side of my neck and he nipped at my ear, making me yelp. “Would you be really upset with me if I were to drown him right here in your lake?”
I shook my head as I laughed. “You can’t kill him, Franks. I like him, and if you were honest with yourself, you’d admit that you do too.”
I’d pay to hear him tell both me and Riley how much he liked him. I’d be waiting for the rest of my life, though, and I was okay with it.
Franklin shoved me backwards, and my head went under water. I sucked in a mouthful of water and came up sputtering and coughing. I swiped my wet hair out of my face, ready to launch myself at Franklin so I could potentially drown him, when I fell back onto my ass in the water laughing.
Riley lunged at Franklin, they collided, and they both fell into the water with Riley’s arms wrapped tightly around Franklin in a bear hug. They went under with a splash, and I immediately whirled around and ran toward the shore and my lonely towel that waited for me.
To hell with them, I wanted no part in wrestling with those two in the water because with my luck, I’d probably be the one to drown on accident. And wouldn’t that just embarrass my mother yet make her happy all at the same time?
I heard them splashing and cursing each other out behind me while I made my way back to my towel and couldn’t help but smile at their playful banter. It was exactly what I needed to hear to make me happy.
There was a pile of towels and clothes beside my towel with an expensive pair of my sunglasses sitting on top like the bow on top of a birthday present. Thankfully no one was out here today, or they’d have probably been stolen already. That was why I’d brought a cheap pair down with me.
It had to be Riley who’d taken them, Franklin had his own shit. I smirked, wondering if he had any clue how much they’d cost.
I laid out on the towel, put my cheap pair of sunglasses on, and closed my eyes, ready to soak up some vitamin D. My tan could use it.
I didn’t know how long I lay there for, and I was pretty sure I might have even dozed off a little. All that champagne with my breakfast really made me sleepy.
“Babe,” Riley called from above me. “Wake up. We’re ready to head back up to the house, and no way are we leaving you down here while you’re sleeping. I get there’s private beach signs, but anybody could stroll right on by. Get up and come back up with us.”
Bossy, bossy boys.
I had no idea why they seemed so obsessed with me not being alone, but it was beginning to get on my last damn nerve.
I stood up in a rush, grabbed my towel, and ran for the stairs. My feet burned on the hot sand with every step I took, making me flinch.
“Hey!” Riley shouted from behind me, and I heard Franklin laughing.
Ignoring them both, I raced up the stairs two at a time. It wasn’t until I came to a stop directly in front of the pool that it hit me. I went down there earlier and up just now, and not once had I thought about Gin’s last trip down the stairs at my mother’s house.
“You okay?” Riley asked from beside me.
I wasn’t, not by a long shot, but I was a little better than I had been yesterday. And that was something, right?
Riley hesitated beside me, waiting for an answer. I didn’t want to get into something with him that’d only make the two of us sad, so I turned on him and gave a mighty shove. He yelped in surprise as he fell in the pool.
My laughter bubbled out of me, sounding happy and carefree, things that definitely didn’t describe me in the slightest.
He popped up out of the water and immediately began growling at me and cursing under his breath. He stopped all of a sudden and grinned in smug satisfaction. I had a bad, bad feeling about this.
I started backing up and away from the pool as my instincts to flee kicked in. Hands landed on my shoulders, and I shook my head in denial. No, really, I’d literally walked right into that one.
“Oh, no you don’t,” Franklin murmured in my ear. Using his hold on my shoulders, he shuffled me forward, and no matter how hard I dug my heels in, we kept moving forward. “Get in there with your boy toy. I think you should reward him for his performance earlier. When you’re done, come and find me.”
And with that, he pushed me right into the pool. I was tired of Franklin trying to drown me today.
For a second time today, I came up sputtering and coughing as I whipped my hair back behind my head and wiped the water from my eyes.
“You motherfucker!” I screeched, and was greeted with the sound of his laughter. Ugh! I couldn’t believe he’d actually tossed my ass in the pool. “You’re not my best friend anymore, Franklin Nines. I’m trading you in for Riley.”
Not. I could never trade Franks in for anybody, and he damn well knew it. Fake threats would get me absolutely nowhere with Franklin. They’d simply frustrate the shit out of me while he laughed in my face.
“I don’t want to be your best friend,” Riley said from where he popped up out of the water directly in front of me. “I want to be your boyfriend, well, one of them. I don’t ever want to replace your bodyguard, you’d hate me later for it.”
At least he didn’t seem mad at me for pushing him into the pool. No harm no foul. Riley was a better person than me, because I planned on holding this against Franks for at least the rest of the day.
Though, to be fair, Riley was wrong. I didn’t think I could ever hate him for anything. I’d know because I had tried my damnedest to hate him, and I wasn’t ashamed to admit that I’d failed spectacularly.
“You left your book down on the beach in your mad dash to get away from me. Your boy grabbed it on his way up here. Since the only thing I’ve seen you read so far has been Gin’s books, I figured you’d want to know it made it back here safely.”
I closed my eyes and sighed. That damn Franklin, always looking out for me. Now Riley was doing it too. What did I ever do to deserve these two in my life?
When I opened my eyes, I blinked in surprise. Riley had moved silently through the water and was now right in front of me, as in if I leaned forward six inches, we’d be touching foreheads. He reached up and brushed the hair away from my face, and his eyes tracked his fingers’ movements.
“Are you okay?” I asked him quietly. Wasn’t that a loaded question?
Okay with what exactly, Gems?
Okay with the sex scene that went down in the kitchen?
Okay with Franklin bossing you around and even upsetting your job and your personal life outside of us?
Okay with our new, strange relationship?
Shit, the list could go on and on.
“Yeah.” He cupped my face gently with his hands. “I think that’s what I’m supposed to be asking you. He didn’t really give you much choice earlier. I’ve been waiting for a chance to get a second alone with you so I could make sure you and I are okay.”
I studied his face and his incredibly blue eyes. He was handsome and kind and so not my type, but here I was with him, and I knew I fell a little harder every day I spent with him.
“I already made my choice,” I told him. “Franklin knew he didn’t have to ask me if it was okay, he knew it would be.”
“And what choice was that?”
The time to be a coward was not right now. Still, I wanted to shove my head under water and never come up for air.
What if he thought I was gross and didn’t want me? What if he couldn’t see being with me while I was with Franklin too? Some men weren’t capable of sharing their woman, and I refused to choose between the two of them. I couldn’t do it.
Fuck it, the time to be brave was now. Nothing would ever be worse for me than losing my sister, so if he left me, then fine, I’d deal with it. I might die a little on the inside, but I’d just fucking deal with it.
“The choice I made to not choose between the two of you. Instead, I chose both of you.”
To my utter shock, he made a noise in the back of
his throat as he lunged for me. His fingers tangled in my wet messy hair and he kissed me.
I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and my legs around his hips. His hands fell away from my hair and smoothed down my back, past my hips, and he cupped my ass from the inside of my bikini bottoms so we were skin against skin. His fingers dug in and he kneaded my flesh.
I moaned into his mouth and tightened my legs around his waist while grinding down onto his bulging hardness.
He groaned and broke the kiss. “Fuck, baby, you kill me every time you run around in your bikini, flaunting your mostly naked body like a damn tease. You know exactly what you’re doing and it’s killing me.”
I liked that I drove him nuts, and it only turned me on more. I scraped my nails slightly down his back and he shivered in delight.
“Fuck yeah,” he groaned as he carried me, wading through the pool toward the stairs.
I trailed kisses up and down his throat, not caring in the slightest where he was carrying us off to.
He walked through the house, carrying me as if I weighed nothing, while I clung to him, afraid he might drop me. We went through my bedroom and he carried me into the bathroom. He set me down on my feet in the shower and moved back to close the door.
Okay, I guessed we were taking a shower together.
With my back to Riley, I turned on the shower and cranked the hot water up. Once the water was all set to how I liked it, I stripped out of my bikini and let both pieces fall to the floor.
Hands spanned my hips and gripped me before I was moved to the side, and Riley stuck his face under the spray of hot water. A glance down told me all I needed to know, and not only had Riley taken the time to remove his swim shorts, but he’d also remained very, very hard.
My hand moved as if it had a mind of its own, and I reached out and wrapped my hand around his cock. He grunted as I fisted as much of him as I could and slowly slid my hand up his hard shaft.
Riley grabbed me by the back of my neck and pulled me forward. His mouth crashed down onto mine, and he kissed me with a ferocity that had my toes curling and my stomach fluttering with desire.
