by Rita Hestand
"No," she said too quickly. "Not exactly," she corrected. "It's just that Amory makes me so mad."
"Hmm, want to tell me about it?"
"No," she answered again, too hastily, then glancing at him, she sat in the chair and nodded. "Yes, I guess I do. I've got to clear the air around me, somehow. I can't get around him without exploding, Tanka. No one's ever affected me like that. I've always had control."
Tanka chuckled softly, knowingly. "Yes, I've noticed the sparks flying. How long have you been in love my brother?"
"In love! With that jerk?" she shrieked with surprise. Was it written all over her face? Did the whole world know how she felt?
"With that jerk. Of course you're in love, no one gets that mad, that easily, unless there are some deep, perhaps hidden feelings. I should know."
Kasie looked at him, realizing he was admitting something aloud, too. But she wasn't ready to bare her soul.
"Nonsense," she denied his theory; she had to. "I loathe the man."
"Sure you do." Tanka nodded, confusing her. "At least, at times you do. But I don't understand why you run from him?"
Anxious to dispel his notions, she rushed to defend herself. "I'm not running from anything, or anybody. It's just that things have gotten so mixed up, here. I mean, he brought me here some time ago, to see my father. I expected my father to be here, or I wouldn't have come at all. Despite what you may think of me, Tanka, I'm not that kind of person. How do I know, maybe Amory is a kidnapper? Maybe he's sitting around here waiting for some kind of ransom. I mean, I am the daughter of a very wealthy set of parents. It's not entirely impossible. I knew I should have put up a bigger fight about coming here."
"Why didn't you?"
"Because, deep down I guess I really wanted to see my father. Explain things this time, so he'd understand. Hoped to see him. I figured I could kill two birds with one stone. Besides, I looked at it as an adventure. And you've got to admit, I'm no match for Amory."
"And you, Kasie?"
She glanced at him again. "I had everything figured out, before I came here. My life was so in order. I knew exactly where I was going, and who I was. I'd spent three years with Halls, and I was really getting somewhere, making a career out of computers. I'm good at it. Granted, it was a boring job, and I often found myself daydreaming, but I was independent of everyone. For the first time in my life I didn't need someone to take care of me. You probably don't understand something like that. How could you?"
"Actually, I think I do. I mean, you come from some very rich stock, Kasie. And I'm sure you've had someone around most of the time telling you what to do, how to do it, and when to do it. That can be pretty annoying. A strong independent person like yourself couldn't handle that for very long."
"That's pretty astute of you."
He smiled indulgently. "And now?"
"Now," she murmured as she ran a hand through her hair while shrugging her shoulders like a limp doll. "I--I don't know."
"Topsy-turvy, huh?"
"You could say that, yes. I mean I had plans to move up with my job. Make lots of money. Tell both my parents to take a flying leap. I was accomplishing several things. Independence, privacy – things I never had before. Then this."
"Is money that important to you?"
"Money is the only thing that my parents think is important. It's what I was brought up to believe. But no, it's not important to me. I've had everything a kid could want, most of my life. But I wasn't happy."
"And were you trying to please your parents or yourself?"
Her gaze fell to the floor. "I don't know. I guess I might have been. Subconsciously, maybe."
"And love, Kasie, is that important to you?"
She had been starved for her father's affection all her life, but sometime or another she had shut it all off. Perhaps when she walked out on Amory.
"Don't start telling me about the happily ever after kind of thing. I don't believe it exists. I quit believing in it, a long time ago."
"Eight years ago?"
"Maybe."
She hated him seeing the truth, and yet it was a relief to be able to level with someone, "Look, love isn't an emotion you can depend on, Tanka. You think you have it, and it's simply made a fool of you. It's just a trick your imagination plays on you. My mother's been married five times; my father, four. I don't intend to break their record."
"How did Chayton hurt you?"
"Chayton?" she gasped his name, savoring the sound of it. It felt so good, so right saying his name, a name that had haunted her for eight years. But had he hurt her? "We were talking about my father."
"Ah, yes, with the father that tried to arrange your life. Yes, I can see that. Trusting in men has only hurt you, hasn't it? You trusted Chayton, and then thought he was marrying you to please your father."
She shrugged, folding her hands in her lap. "He was."
"And deep down you think Amory doesn't and hasn't ever loved you, don't you?"
When she said nothing, he went on. "I can understand that. He doesn't express himself well in words, however, I've always known him to express himself well in other ways—say, in actions. And these feelings you're trying so hard not to admit have confused your thinking."
"I'm confused, yes. But not about Amory. He has no interest in me except that I'm John Douglas III's daughter. And, I think, a little revenge."
"Then let me un-confuse you about a few things at least." He paused, waiting to see if she was listening. She looked at him curiously.
"First let me set you straight about our friend out there. My big lug of a brother out there isn't a skirt chaser, but he believes in loving one woman. He's no flirt. In fact, he hasn't had a serious relationship in years. Eight years to be exact. Oh, I'm not saying he hasn't had a few flings. But nothing serious. You see, he's afraid of losing, too. He lost you, and he lost his family."
"You can't lose what you don't have."
"The naive little Kasie I knew had stars in her eyes back then. Maybe you were right about Chayton then, but now he wants a family. He wants what his parents had. Our parents died together in a boating accident. He took over this business when he was only twenty-four. A big responsibility for one so young. He's a man, with a man's feelings. And he's got some feelings for you, even though I'm sure he doesn't realize how deeply yet. Or maybe he feels you don't love him, and he's too proud to admit his own feelings.
"And we have - you, me, Gina, and Chayton – lived together. And because we have shared the more intimate side of ourselves, we know each other better. Granted, it's only been a short while, but did you live with this Rick character?"
She shook her head.
"We know little things about one another that others don't. That makes our relationships special. Just look at you now. You've known me only a short time, yet we speak as though we've been friends a lifetime. Let me give you some examples.
"How many people know which direction you squeeze the toothpaste?'
Her mouth flew open, but he continued.
"How many people know you like to bathe at night? Or how often you shave your long, lovely legs? Or how often you don't giggle, like Gina does? In fact, I'd say you're in dire need of a good laugh, my little friend. You've been taking yourself and everyone else too seriously. How many people know if you smack at the table, which you don't. How many care? How many men have had the extreme pleasure of watching you comb your beautiful hair? How many people where you work know that you are really an outdoors sort of person? That you love a sunset? And who would believe it possible for you to fall in love with a cantankerous old bear? It's a special closeness you won't share with many."
Kasie's face fell, Tanka was right. So very right.
"Does anyone notice how you swear to cover up your real feelings? That smoking bothers you, even though you're too polite to just say so? No, my lovely Kasie, we know these things about you, because we have lived with you."He smiled reflectively. "You care whether I bundle up in the snow. You are a
fraid for us when we hunt the bear. You've even worried about Gina and Kyle right this minute. You chopped wood, a deed you would never consider anywhere else. You could have been born right here on this mountain, you love it so."
Dear God, he knew her so well.
"And Kasie, unless I miss my guess, you've been drawn to my brother from the very beginning. Some inborn trust of him let you come with him, despite that he's no match for you. Can you deny your feelings have magnified for him in these past eight years?"
Kasie colored. "I'm that obvious?"
Again Tanka chuckled. "No, you aren't. You've done an excellent job of disguising your true feelings. But do you seriously want to let him keep thinking you do not care?"
"I--I don't know. He's never said anything like that to me. I can't just go blurting things out, I'd be such a fool."
"Sweet Kasie, how happy I am for my brother. Don't hurt him any longer. I love him, too. Tell him, Kasie, before it's too late."
Hurt Chayton Amory? It seemed absurd!
She smiled warmly at Tanka, and got up to see about supper. As she passed him, her hand fell to his shoulder. "I almost envy Gina."
* * *
The next morning Kasie was finishing with the dishes when Amory insisted she come outside with him. It reminded her of the first day she had spent with him. He seemed in very good spirits.
But this morning he had the old buffalo gun in his hands, and he glanced at her with a question in his eyes.
"Look Kasie, we've just got word of a plane crash in the high mountain region, to the east of us. Tanka and I are going to have to leave you here, again, alone. It's probably for the best, since your father is due here any day now. But first, I want to make sure you can use this thing, if you have to. It's an antique, so take good care of it. Pay close attention to what I tell you."
Kasie peered down at the gun, then up at him. "But Ole Blue is dead, what's to be afraid of?"
Amory grinned in surprise. "You never know. At least I'm not leaving you unprepared, this time. There's firewood this time, too, so remember that. Now, I've loaded it and I want you to try and hit that low hanging branch on the hemlock over there," he pointed, then handed her the gun.
Tucking her bright yellow oxford shirt into her Levi's, and buttoning her coat, she took the gun. "Don't you think I should have a lesson on how to shoot first?"
"This is a lesson. And I'm assuming you know a little about them, or you wouldn't have thrown such a fit for me to leave you one."
"Thanks for that," she said with a smile. "Now, I just aim and hit?"
He rolled his eyes. "That's the general idea, yes."
She positioned the gun like she'd seen so many times on TV. She aimed, and pulled the trigger. The gun flew up, her shoulder flew back, and she fell on her bottom in the snow.
Without a grunt she got up, dusted her pants.
"Well, did I hit it?"
Chayton looked at her strangely, then let out a laugh. "Not hardly, but you scared the hell out of a rabbit."
"Ha-ha, very cute."
He moved in closer, until she could smell the light scent of mint on his clean-shaven cheek. If she leaned just a little closer—
"Now, let's learn how to shoot the gun and hit something with it," he added, pulling her into the circle of his arms. Warm arms.
"Hold the gun as though you were going to shoot."
She repositioned the gun, trying to keep focused on what she was doing, rather than who she was with.
Immediately he shook his head, brushing her cheek just the slightest, and sending a wave of awareness through her. His cheek felt soft against hers, and she thought she heard him groan softly. Must have been her imagination, she chided.
Again his arms were around her. Warm, strong arms, that held all the security Kasie ever needed. Again her throat tightened, her arms shook, and her legs quivered. She was a mass of nerves.
"Now, lower your head until you can see out the sights," he commanded, pointing to where he wanted her to look. "Got it?"
She barely nodded, causing her cheek to rub gently against his. He cleared his throat and straightened away.
"Okay, now try for the limb again."
She shut her eyes and squeezed the trigger. Again, she landed in the snow.
Amory was doing his best to hold back the laughter, a poor job.
"Would you stop?"
He sobered. "Sorry, but at least you hit the tree this time. You're doing better. We'll just have to do something about the after-effects. Let's try standing with your feet apart, and sort of digging into the spot."
She made the necessary adjustments, as his hands pushed and pulled on her legs. It was an endless battle keeping her mind on what they were doing. Her blood pumped so hard that she was sure he could hear it.
"Good, steady your aim, put your barrel a little lower than the spot you want to hit. Ease down on the trigger, pull too fast and you'll move your sights. Now, pull, gently."
She closed her eyes once more, but opened them to check her sights, then pulled and was surprised to see that a tip of the branch was blasted away. She jumped into the air and cheered.
Amory had to laugh, even though inside he felt a strange sense of pride growing. His face settled into a satisfied smile.
"Not bad. See where you hit the branch? Next time you aim at it, remember that you are still a little right and too high for your target. We'll have another lesson later. You aren't great, but with this kind of gun you don't really have to be. The only thing better would be a sawed off shotgun."
"Then why the lesson?"
"Because if you don't know how to aim or hold a gun, you could hurt someone. Even yourself. Tanka's a perfect example."
"I see, I'm just another idiot with a gun."
Amory's smile faded. "Don't be so damned touchy. I'm just trying to help you."
"Sorry. You know, Amory," she glanced at him smugly, "you cuss too much."
"Picked it up, somewhere." He smiled back.
"How do I load this thing, and how many bullets will it hold at once?"
Tanka shook his head as he joined them. "Looks like she's curious. I think Kasie could actually make a pioneer woman, with a little practice."
Suddenly Amory stiffened and started walking off. "Oh, I don't know. I'm sure she's getting anxious to get home. But at least she won't have been bored to death."
"Can I go with you guys?"
The men looked at each other, then her, and choired, "No way!"
The ranger showed up at the door in less than an hour.
Completely outfitted and geared up, Tanka stood in front of her. He leaned to kiss her on the cheek. He smelled sweet, Kasie noted, but not tempting.
Amory, on the other hand, looked like a bad storm about to erupt. He came to her side, avoiding her eyes for as long as he could.
"Look, Kasie," he drawled, "your father will no doubt be here before we get back. And whether you believe this or not, I'm sorry for all the inconvenience I've caused. I never once thought this would happen. John assured me he'd speak to your employer, personally. And he'll square things with your mom and boy-friend."
Kasie's throat seemed to swell up into a knot. This was goodbye, and she knew it. Her heart felt empty. There was no time to apologize for the hard times she had deliberately given him. No time to say she loved him and make him believe it.
"Anyway," he was saying, "John's not one to hang around long, and we'll be gone a while. So, I guess this is it. I'm sorry we got off on the wrong foot again, Kasie, but maybe ...our paths will cross again, someday."
"I--I don't want to stay here alone," she cried. "Why do you have to go? Why can't the rangers take care of it?"
"They could, but we're closer, and we know our way around that area better than they do. It's a matter of getting there in time, more than anything. We've worked up there. Besides, we don't know how many people were in the plane, and it takes several to carry them down the mountain, especially if they can't walk. This is
part of my life, Kasie, what I do. I have to go. I'm sorry--for a lot of things."
She'd cry later. She swallowed the lump in her throat with great difficulty. "Then I guess this is goodbye."
"No," he boomed, pulling her chin back up to meet his angry gaze. Without so much as a warning he scooped her into his arms, holding her tight and hard, and looking directly into her somber face. "This is," he murmured, just before his lips came down on hers.
It was like a hot branding iron against her mouth. He stole the air and life from her. Kasie's heart felt as though it might explode. Her mind blanked, save for reveling in the knowledge that for a few seconds, he might be all hers. This couldn't be goodbye. Not when they had finally found each other. She needed him so. And at last she admitted she loved him with all her heart. Her decision, no one else's. Her arms flew up and around his neck, and she answered his kiss full fold.
