Heart of the Wild

by Rita Hestand

  "So long, Kasie," he said, dragging himself from her and out the door.

  But he couldn't go--she hadn't told him yet!

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  * * *

  Chapter Ten

  A dozen questions clamored in Kasie's head at once, as the men headed in an easterly direction through the thick blanket of snow. Questions like, who was in that plane crash? Were they badly injured? It hadn't occurred to her at the time, but could it be her father? Was that why Amory and Tanka seemed so anxious to leave? No, she wouldn't think in that direction; she'd be a wreck. Would they be alive when they were found? She had to keep busy, not think about it. Yes, that was the only answer. As long as she was busy, she didn't have time to worry.

  Kasie wondered how long they would be gone. Should she prepare supper? Would the firewood hold out this time? Amory had said it would. Could she manage on her own? Of course she could. Could she fire that damned ole gun if she had to? Fire it, yes, but hurt someone or something, she doubted it.

  She glanced around the cabin and realized just how safe and snug she felt here. She had become comfortable here, at home.

  Still, just because she was capable of chopping wood and could aim a gun didn't mean she was ready to become part of the Wilderness Family.

  Determined not to spend her time uselessly, she settled by the fire with the book Gina had left behind, a romance. Not exactly her kind of reading, but anything would do right now. She thought about how she was warm and snug by the fire, and how the men must be half freezing in the cold.

  She was almost getting into the novel when the door flew open, and in walked a tall, silver-haired man with aquatic eyes, and a smile as big as Texas on his handsome face.

  Kasie jumped to her feet, startled.

  "Hello, father." Her voice sounded husky. She felt speechless. All those words she had been planning to use were not there anymore. Nothing seemed available to say.

  How could she sound so casual? "Hello, father?" As though she had seen him yesterday.

  This was the father she hadn't seen for eight years. Where was the temper she had stored up so long to use on him? Why couldn't she lash out at him?

  There was a sudden impulse to run into his arms and cry, but she rooted herself. He was going to have to make the first move.

  He was just as she had pictured him: tall, elegant, yet just a little pale, and he had aged some. His face held very few wrinkles, but it was weathered and intelligent looking. His body was still strong and controlling. There was power in this man, a power like she saw in Chay Amory.

  The look on his face said he wasn't as sure of himself as she expected him to be. Perhaps his daughter intimidated him, for surely nothing else did.

  "Kasie," he finally murmured, his voice steady, forceful, and he stretched his arms out to welcome her into an embrace. Kasie hesitated for a long moment, then she walked slowly over to him and extended her hand.

  But he was having none of that, he pulled her straight into his arms, and hugged her to him. She felt the smallest of shudders from him, and heard his voice break a couple of times as he told her how glad he was to see her. It sounded genuine.

  It was hard not to respond to a man who willingly opened his arms to her. Who called her his baby.

  She smelled the expensive cologne, felt the fine texture of his coat rubbing against her cheek, and heard him say the words she longed to hear.

  "I've missed you, honey."

  The next few minutes were a chaos of emotions running rampant as hugs and sobs were suddenly shared, and tears were shed.

  "I thought you'd never get here," she barely managed to say as he kissed her forehead and looked deep into her misty eyes, like the devil himself, searching for a soul.

  After a long time he released her and chuckled. "I began to think so, too. I'm sorry it took so long, but I had little choice in the matter. I guess the shoe's been on the other foot so to speak lately. I haven't been in total control of situations, and it's darn hard to take. God, you look so beautiful. Even more so than I remembered."

  "I'm not a little girl any more, dad."

  "But still my baby. When Chay told me you were here, safe and sound, I could hardly wait to see you. And I'm sorry I had to do this, Kasie, but I felt it was the only way to make you see things straight. We don't see things the same way, and that's okay. I've wanted to see you so many times."

  "What stopped you?"

  He frowned and walked around the cabin, finding an ashtray for the cigarette he had just lit.

  "Can't seem to break this damned habit of mine. Well, your mother for one. How could I have known you were in Texas? Ava never let on. I never dreamed you'd go back there."

  "It's where I was born. Where Julia was from. I stayed with her until she died."

  Kasie marched over to the ashtray and squashed his cigarette. He frowned, "Not you, too?"

  "They'll kill you, dad."

  He nodded "She was a remarkably good woman. I was informed of her death by a mutual friend of your mother's. I sent flowers, but was out of country at the time. Cancer is a very hurtful thing to watch, especially when it gets hold of someone you love. I'm very proud you helped take care of her, Kasie."

  "It seemed the least I could do for her after she took care of me so much of the time. She always spoke fondly of you, dad. Even when I didn't. I loved her...like a mother."

  "A loyalty she surely deserved. I thought of her many times. Envied her many times."

  "Envied?"

  "Of course! She had the pleasure of being with you most of the time. I worked too much of the time. I thought I'd never see you again. I never guessed you'd move to Texas. I suppose I should have, knowing how close you'd grown to Julia."

  "I moved there to get away from Mother, and of course, Julia being so sick kept me there until I decided to stay. By then, I had found a good paying job."

  "Yes, but there's been a lot of moves since then. And yet, when I think of it, I can almost understand it. You were never really part of your mother's fancy life. I wondered many times if I did the right thing in letting you remain with her so long."

  "Letting me, father? I ran away from you, remember?"

  "Me, and Chay."

  "Mostly you."

  "You disappointed me that day you ran off, without so much as a word. Maybe I deserved, it, but certainly he didn't."

  "Amory could never say no to you father, even when it was in his own best interest. Forcing him to propose ..."

  "I never forced him."

  "Of course you did, you just don't realize the kind of pressure you use."

  "No, no, you are wrong. I'll admit I pretty near forced him to bring you here, but I didn't force him to propose to you. That was all his idea."

  "You never let up, do you, father? It doesn't matter now, that's over and done with."

  "Doesn't matter? Why Kasie, of course it matters. I never for once thought you didn't know."

  "Didn't know what?"

  "Chay had plans to build this place for you. He had already spoken with the preacher about christening your children. The boy had big plans. None of which was my doing. He was even going to give you his mother's wedding ring, a beautiful one-carat diamond. But, I guess you are right, it doesn't matter now, though. So, did you like living with your mother?"

  "But that's impossible," Kasie cried, reeling with this confusion. "He never told me any of it. He never even told me he l--" Kasie eyes closed. Dear God, had he loved her then? Why hadn't she recognized it? Why hadn't he said the words she so longed to hear? Had she wronged him? But it was too late. Then, remembering what her father had asked, she shook herself and replied. "I tried, but I never quite fit in."

  "And is this Rick character a product of your mother's?"

  "No. She didn't even like him in the beginning."

  "Then you decided to marry him on your own?"

  "Yes. We were a lot alike in many ways."

  "And is he good to you?"

  She
chuckled. "Of course, why?"

  "Nothing, we'll talk about that later. You look great." He was saying, shaking his head and smiling.

  "You look great, too, dad."

  "God, I've dreamed of this day. Having you back here."

  He sounded sincere.

  He glanced around, then asked, "So, where's Chay and Tanka? I'm anxious to talk to the both of them."

  "O--oh, there was a plane crash, and they went to help."

  He nodded. "Of course, I heard something about it on the radio. A private plane, a young couple on a ski trip. I hope they are okay."

  "Oh, no! So do I," she agreed. "You know, it just occurred to me a little bit ago that it might have been you."

  Funny, but it hadn't been her intention to hug and kiss her father when she saw him. Perhaps it was the long wait that had mellowed her. Or the secret yearning she had had all along to see and be with her father once again. Or the fact that it wasn't him in the plane crash.

  "I just can't believe how beautiful you've become," he said, smiling into her face. It was obvious he was running out of conversation, and a little on edge.

  Beautiful!

  "I--I heard you've remarried. Where's your bride?" Kasie asked, distracting him from herself.

  His eyes averted hers for the moment. "Yes, she's at the lodge in Eugene. I wasn't planning on staying here long. At least no more than a night. So, why don't you get your stuff together, and we'll go on down, tonight."

  He wanted to leave, now? Now! Just like that, in the middle of the evening. She glanced around. She hadn't prepared herself for leaving so abruptly. She figured her father and Amory would have a few things to talk about.

  Yet, Amory had said his goodbye, and there was no reason left to stay. There were no declarations of love, or sorry to see you go.

  "Don't you think we should spend the night and go back in the morning?" she asked, her heart sinking when he shook his head.

  "There's really no need, darling. The roads are wide open now, and it won't take any time at all to get there. Besides, Margaret expects us. We'll leave Chay and Tanka a note. And believe me, I won't forget their kindness."

  Her heart plummeted. "You don't need to talk with him?"

  "It can wait."

  "Well, then," she said, forcing a smile, "I guess I should pack up."

  Her heart sank into a black oblivion. This was the last goodbye.

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  * * *

  Chapter Eleven

  "You know, I didn't know about Margaret until Rosie told me. We stopped there on the way up to get a few supplies."

  He cleared his throat and looked away from her. "You'll love Margaret. Everyone does. Best thing that's ever happened to me, and I know it, too. I can hardly wait until the two of you meet."

  "Yes, I'm anxious to meet her. It's been so long since I was ho--I mean."

  Home? This was her home, and she realized it now. The cabin in the wilderness was her home, that's why she had felt so comfortable here.

  Why was there a big lump in her throat? Why did she feel as though she were deserting something? Foolish girl, you don't belong here, just wishful thinking. You never did!

  When she took a little too long with her things, he seemed puzzled. "Can I help?"

  "No, I don't have that much. Forgive me, my thoughts are so scattered right now. I just have a few things. That reminds me, I need to see that he's paid for these clothes."

  He chuckled, coming closer and pulling her back into his embrace. "Don't you fret about that. I'm just glad Chay had enough sense to see to those sorts of things before he brought you here. Otherwise, it might have been a disaster with this untimely blizzard."

  Kasie's mind was racing with questions.

  "Had you known this Margaret long before you married her?"

  "I've known her most of my life. She's good people. We'd been friends for years before her husband died."

  "So I've heard."

  "You don't know the half of it. Why, I actually dated her in my younger days. Would have proposed, but Margaret never was the kind to two-time a man. She was practically engaged. But enough about me and the bunch around here, now tell me, did Chay take good care of you?"

  "Uh...yes, of course. I mean, at first I didn't know what hit me, the way he stormed in on me. And he is a bossy man. I mean, I couldn't be sure..."

  "That was all my fault. Believe me, Chay Amory didn't want to do this. And if he hadn't been such a good friend, I doubt he would have."

  Kasie's mouth flew open.

  "No sir, Chay Amory is first class. He'd never consider doing something like this under normal circumstances. He probably wouldn't have, if he hadn't felt just a smidgen sorry for me. And naturally, I let him."

  "That's what he said, too." She paused a moment for reflection, then glanced at her father with happier eyes. "He also told me about your by-pass. Why didn't you contact us, father? I'd have come. Don't you know that?"

  "Well, I thought it best at the time to see how it came out first. Besides, it's over, no need going into that, now." He looked distressed.

  "I think there is every need, father. I happen to love you, believe it or not. I'd have come."

  John eyed her a long moment. "Yes, I think you would have. But I was trying to spare you. Besides, I never believed for a moment I deserved your pity."

  "Pity! I never pitied you, father, only loved you." She stopped and realized her anger had been for nothing. Not wanting to fight and argue with him at this moment, Kasie dropped the subject. The mere mention of his by-pass brought pain and agony to his face, and his age was showing. She felt an unwilling compassion swamping her.

  "You look happy, father," she said, forcing the issue out of her mind.

  He chuckled again and patted his stomach. "I should. Margaret has been a life-send. Wait until you meet her. You're going to love her. She's a good woman, and I'm only sorry it took me so long to recapture what we once had."

  Kasie stopped everything and looked directly at him. "Aren't we going to discuss this little stunt of yours now?"

  He eyed her carefully, then half smiled, half frowned. "I thought we'd wait. But since you insist on laying things out in the open, okay. You see, I did some checking on this Springer fella while I was stuck down there in South America. Come to find out, he's a pretty decent young man, except for a rather nasty temperament. That worried me. I wasn't about to let you get tied down to a man like that. I even went so far as to speak with your mother. Of course, she was furious. Something about upsetting the wedding plans. She didn't seem that concerned for your welfare, only the scandal I was causing."

  "I can take care of myself, dad."

  "Can you?" His brow lifted in question.

  "It was only once, dad. Don't make it more than it was. I opened my mouth, and the wrong thing came out, and he slapped me. That's all."

  "That's all. Why would my daughter, whom I raised to think differently about men of such nature, take this so callously?"

  Kasie grimaced.

  "You can't marry this man, Kasie."

  "Oh, father, this is what I've been running away from. This control you and mother want over me is killing me. I need to be free, to make my own choices, to make my own mistakes."

  "It's a good thing I got hold of your mother. She was about to involve the FBI with this little caper of mine. I assured her you were in the best of hands. And I spoke with your boss personally, and he assured me that your job will be there when you return. If you still want it." He had ignored her.

  "That was kind of you."

  "I owed you that much."

  "Yes, you did." She snickered.

  "But, it was necessary. At least, I thought so at the time. And I suppose, if the truth be known, I just needed to see you, even if for a short time. I've missed you so much."

  "Necessary?" She repeated his words dully. "Necessary for whom?"

  "You don't love this fellow. I can see it in your eyes. Your eyes always give you
away, Kasie. Why, if you loved him, you'd scratch my eyes out for saying one wrong word about him. You can't."