by Mary Davis
“So if Lydia knows about Mutter, why didn’t she come, too?”
“She’s going to keep Vater occupied so he doesn’t question where Mutter has gone and keep Naomi and Sarah under control.”
Her oldest sisters were helping her. “What about Miriam? Does she know?”
“Ja. She’s afraid of never marrying, as well.”
“Is that why she’s never agreed to have a boy court her?” So, it was just as well that Amos wasn’t interested in her.
Hannah nodded. “None of us see how we can. Vater can’t run the farm and keep an eye on Mutter.”
Was Mutter really that bad off that her daughters felt as though they could never marry? Because of Mutter’s condition, she probably hadn’t noticed when any of her daughters went missing, let alone Deborah. With her older sisters busy keeping an eye on Mutter, they either didn’t notice Deborah’s frequent absences, or they just didn’t have the energy to keep track of their mutter and watch over an eight-year-old Down syndrome sister and a sister who could take care of herself. Not to mention Naomi’s neediness.
This was a lot to digest. She would let it all sit and simmer until after the visit to the doctor. She didn’t want to think about it all right now, so she turned her thoughts to more pleasant things. Like the handsome man seated next to her—a man who was both kind and helpful. Gratitude filled her at his presence.
When Amos pulled the buggy to a stop in front of the clinic, Hannah said in a light friendly voice, “Deborah, go tell Kathleen we’re here for tea and a visit.”
Deborah understood to forewarn the doctor about the state of their mutter. She got out of the buggy and hurried inside. Jessica Yoder, the doctor’s sister and receptionist, sat at a desk just inside the door. Deborah stopped short. Jessica smiled and greeted her warmly. “Hallo. Dr. Kathleen is expecting you. We thought you were bringing your mutter.”
“She’s coming right behind me. I need to—”
Dr. Kathleen came out of her office. “You made it. Is your mutter with you?”
“Right behind me. She thinks we’re here for tea and a visit. She became very upset when she learned we were coming to see a doctor.”
Dr. Kathleen smiled. “Then today I’m simply Kathleen.” She gave her sister a pointed look. Her sister nodded back in understanding. “And we shall have a nice visit.”
Jessica jumped to her feet. “I’ll get the tea started. We have half of a cake. I’ll slice it.”
Amos opened the door for Hannah and Mutter. Then he came in and closed it behind them.
Dr. Kathleen greeted Mutter and had her sit on the sofa in the waiting room, which used to be a living room and still resembled one. At least well enough that Mutter wouldn’t notice the difference. Hannah sat next to her.
Dr. Kathleen looked at Amos. “Normally, only family members are present at something like this.”
Hannah spoke up. “He knows. It’s fine if he stays.”
“Very well, then.” Dr. Kathleen sat in a chair nearest to Mutter.
Jessica brought them each a slice of cake and a cup of tea.
Deborah sat in a chair across from the sofa, next to Jessica.
Amos separated himself from the group of women and sat in the chair behind the small desk that Jessica had occupied. He looked like a man at a quilting party. He fidgeted as though uncomfortable, but he stayed. He could have excused himself and kept occupied outside, or even gone to find Noah Lambright, Dr. Kathleen’s husband, but Amos chose to stay. That said a lot about him.
But just what did it say about him? Did it say he was interested in what was wrong with her mutter? Did it say he cared? Or did it just say that he was nosy? Whatever the reason, his being here calmed Deborah. When it came time to talk to her vater about all this and tell him that she, Hannah, Lydia and Amos had gone behind his back to take her mutter to see a doctor, Amos could be an advocate on their side. Maybe her vater would be more likely to listen to another man.
* * *
Amos studied Deborah as the women talked. He wasn’t sure staying was the best choice. He just knew he wanted to be here for Deborah. If she needed him. If her mutter forgot who she was again. How terrible for her own mutter to not recognize her. He couldn’t imagine.
Dr. Kathleen skillfully questioned Teresa Miller, not once letting the older woman know that she was being examined. She asked questions about her daughters and husband, about the farm, about when she was married. He couldn’t tell how the answers gave anything away that might be wrong. She seemed perfectly normal, but he knew she wasn’t.
When Deborah glanced his way, which seemed to be often, he gave her a smile. Most of the time she returned his offer of encouragement in kind.
Dr. Kathleen leaned forward. “Teresa, would you help Jessica in the kitchen make a fresh pot of tea?”
Jessica rose.
When Teresa stood and had her back to the doctor, Kathleen mouthed to her sister, Keep her in there. She took a pad of paper from the end table next to her.
Jessica nodded. The two crossed the large room and went through the open doorway into the kitchen.
Amos moved from his place at the desk and sat in the chair Jessica had vacated, right next to Deborah. Though he liked sitting near to her, it was harder to watch her from this vantage point.
Dr. Kathleen spoke in a soft voice. “Tell me what you’ve noticed that concerns you.”
“Hannah, you’ve known about her condition the longest, maybe you should start,” Deborah said.
Dr. Kathleen looked at Hannah. “That sounds like a gut idea.” Then she glanced at Deborah and Amos in turn. “But I want to hear from each of you. One person may notice something the others don’t.”
Hannah cleared her throat. “Mutter has always been a little different from the other mutters, but nothing concerning. I guess I was eight or so when I realized other mutters weren’t the same as mine. Lydia and I would whisper about it in bed at night. When we were ten, Vater asked us to keep an eye on Mutter. We didn’t understand why, but we did as we were told. Each night, Vater would ask us what Mutter did that day. He would ask specific questions, like if she ever just stood and stared. We thought it was some sort of game.”
No wonder one of the twins always gave him directions instead of their mutter when their vater wasn’t around. They were shielding Teresa and making sure no one knew she had a problem.
Kathleen wrote on her paper. “What were the repeated things you told him?”
“She would stare off into space like she saw something interesting someplace else. She would call my twin and me by each other’s names, which we thought was fun. For a long time, we thought we were gut at fooling her. Now we feel bad for doing it. She would wander off and not know where she was.”
“What were the most unusual things she did?”
“She put the bowl of cake batter in the oven, and the oven wasn’t even on. She hung the dirty clothes on the clothesline. She would forget one of us was her daughter. She would cry for no reason.”
Kathleen turned to Amos. “You’ve been at the Miller farm for only a short time. Have you noticed anything?”
He shifted in his chair. It felt wrong to talk about her this way. He turned toward Deborah, and she nodded for him to go ahead. Knowing she was all right with him talking about her mutter made him feel better about this. If it would ultimately help Teresa, he needed to report his observations. “She recognized me before Deborah. When we were hitching up the horse to come here, she asked me to introduce her to my young lady.” Remembering the hurt look on Deborah’s face made his chest ache all over again. “She forgets things. I found her wandering in the road. She didn’t know why she was out there. She’s called me by other people’s names. I thought it was because I was new on the farm and she couldn’t remember my name.”
Kathleen asked Deborah, “Does your mutter often forget who y
ou are?”
“Ja.”
“More so than your sisters?”
“I used to think I was the only one she forgot, but now I wonder if everyone isn’t forgotten.” Deborah stared at her oldest sister.
A sheepish expression crossed Hannah’s face. “She seems to forget Deborah more than anyone else. She’s gotten worse since our vater broke his leg. Instead of the occasional slipup, it’s happening most days. We used to be able to manage her so others wouldn’t notice. It’s become more and more difficult.”
Kathleen wrote some more. “I remember when your vater got hurt. She was quite upset. I thought it was just because she feared losing him. I gave her something to calm her on the ride to the hospital, but now I’m afraid that just masked her condition.”
Hannah nodded. “I wondered why she seemed calmer at the hospital and around doctors than we expected her to be.”
“Has she had any serious accidents with head trauma?”
“Not that I can remember,” Hannah said.
“Has she had any serious illnesses with a high fever?”
“I don’t know,” Hannah answered again.
Kathleen nodded. “I’m going to need access to her medical records.” She excused herself for a moment. When she returned, she held out a piece of paper. “This form needs to be filled out and signed.”
Hannah took the form. “I can do that.”
Dr. Kathleen shook her head. “You can fill it out, but we need either your mutter’s signature or your vater’s on her behalf.”
Hannah stared at the form. “I’ll fill it out, and then I’ll have our mutter sign it.”
Kathleen glanced at their mutter’s back through the kitchen doorway, then returned her gaze to Hannah. “She needs to understand what she’s signing, or I can’t submit it in good conscience.”
Hannah nodded. “I can make her understand well enough.”
“I would prefer your vater be apprised of this. He should give his consent, as well.”
“Does he have to?” Hannah said.
“Legally? Ne. But because your mutter is Amish and her husband is head of the household, he should be involved, or we could all be shunned for going behind his back.”
Deborah and Hannah nodded.
Amos broke his silence. “Do you suspect that Teresa might have fallen and hit her head or had some illness that caused her problems?”
“Those are two possibilities. If she has had either, it will give us a direction to look in. If not, that, too, will give us other avenues to search.”
Amos hesitated but felt the subject no one seemed to want to bring up needed to be. “You haven’t mentioned it, but could she have Alzheimer’s disease?”
“Let’s not use that label yet. It could be any number of things. I need to order more tests before I go there.”
Deborah spoke up. “What if we can’t get our vater’s permission? What do we do then? Leave our mutter like this?”
“Let’s see what he says first. I’m sure he wants what’s best for her.”
What the doctor thought was best might not be the same as what Bartholomew Miller thought.
Deborah had a pinched expression and looked like she might cry.
He wanted to wrap his arms around her and comfort her. Not only would that be inappropriate, but he also didn’t know how to do it without others seeing.
But since he couldn’t do that, maybe he could find a way to convince Bartholomew that there was no shame in seeking counsel from the doctor.
Chapter Eleven
After the visit to the doctor’s, Deborah sat on the porch with her vater. She and her sisters agreed she might have the best chance to convince him to release Mutter’s medical records and get her diagnosed. She could give a fresh perspective. The twins had been Vater’s confidantes and helpers for years. Maybe he would listen to someone else, but she wished Amos was beside her for moral support. “Vater? May I talk to you?” Her twin sisters were right inside, listening, ready to step forward if necessary.
“Of course. Any of you girls can always come to me. I think I know what this is about.”
“You do?”
But he didn’t seem upset. Instead, he looked almost happy. “Amos?”
“Amos?” Just the mention of his name made something happy swirl around inside her despite the current circumstances. “Ne. Why would you say that?” Did her vater know she had feelings for him? How embarrassing.
“I see the way you look at him, and the way he looks at you.”
Amos looked at her in a certain way? The same way she tried not to look at him? She mentally shook her head. Before the conversation had even started, Vater had derailed her. “I don’t want to talk about Amos.” Not that she didn’t enjoy talking about him, but now wasn’t the time. She tamped down her feelings for the kind farmhand. “I want to talk about Mutter.”
Vater’s congenial attitude fell away as he stood and tucked his crutches under his arms. “Mutter is well.” He hobbled down the steps and across the yard.
He obviously didn’t want to talk about the painful subject. He’d shut her down before she’d even started. Should she go after him?
The front door opened. Hannah, Lydia and Miriam stepped out onto the porch.
Deborah faced them. “I’ll go after him and try again.”
Miriam heaved a sigh as though defeated.
Lydia shook her head. “Vater doesn’t want to hear about Mutter.” She sounded defeated, as well.
Hannah planted her hands on her hips. “Well, he’s going to. He can’t ignore this any longer. Come on. We’ll all talk to him. He can’t ignore four of us at once.” Hannah headed toward the barn, where Vater had gone, with Lydia and Miriam on her heels.
Deborah trailed after her three older sisters. Amos had said it wasn’t a gut idea to have them all gang up on Vater at once. “But what about Mutter, Naomi and Sarah?”
“I told Joanna to keep them all in the house.” Hannah strode with determination in her steps.
How much did seventeen-year-old Joanna know? She knew enough to obey Hannah.
Deborah stood shoulder-to-shoulder with her sisters as they entered the barn, having automatically lined up from oldest to youngest. They would be able to speak freely with him out here, where neither the younger girls nor Mutter would hear.
Though they’d told Amos that they would deal with their vater themselves, he was in the barn as normal. Hannah and Lydia didn’t want him involved because Vater had tried to keep this within the family and didn’t want to embarrass him by bringing in an outsider. Maybe that was why Vater had come out here, to keep them from broaching a subject he didn’t want to talk about.
Deborah had wanted Amos in on the discussion. He’d been a big help in taking Mutter to see the doctor, and she treasured his support.
Hannah drew in a deep breath. “Vater, we need to talk about Mutter.”
He shook his head. “Is this why you girls followed me out here?” He glanced toward Amos, who stood in the doorway of the cow’s stall. “This is not the place.”
Amos leaned the mucking shovel against the wall and strode past them all. “I’ll be outside if anyone needs me.” He gave Deborah a pointed look and a nod.
Her insides danced, and she nodded back out of appreciation, both because he was giving the family privacy, and because he would be available should they need him. What she wanted to do was hold on to him to stop her world from tipping out of control, and right now, he felt like the only solid thing in her life, but she let him leave without a word.
Hannah took a step forward. “Vater, Lydia and I want to get married, but we can’t leave Mutter without someone to look after her. I think Miriam has settled on never marrying, because she thinks she can’t. She’ll take on the responsibility of Mutter and become an old maid, but I know she would like
to marry and have a family of her own. We hate to saddle her with this job. We need to do something about Mutter.”
Vater glared at his eldest, then shifted his gaze to Deborah. “Deborah, go in the house.”
Deborah wasn’t sure what to do. Obey her vater? Or stay put? She was the one who had taken their mutter to Dr. Kathleen.
Miriam gripped Deborah’s wrist and said in a quiet voice, “Stay.”
Lydia spoke up. “Vater, Deborah knows all about Mutter’s...issues.”
His gaze darted from daughter to daughter to daughter. “She doesn’t know. She doesn’t understand.”
Hannah spoke up this time. “She does know. Deborah and I took Mutter to see Dr. Kathleen.”
“You did what? You told the doctor? Behind my back? This is a private family matter.”
Lydia, the peacemaker, took Vater by the arm. “We all know that Mutter needs special help and guidance. If we deny that, we can’t help her. We want to do what’s best for her.”
Hannah added, “And for the whole family.”
Deborah shifted her feet. “And for you, too.”
Vater glared at each of his daughters in turn. Then the fight went out of his eyes, and he seemed as though he was giving in, just a little bit. “Your mutter is just fine. We’ve always been able to take care of her.”
“Ne, she’s not fine.” Deborah didn’t know where that burst of courage had come from, but for some strange reason, she sensed it might be that Amos was nearby.
“Things can’t continue this way,” Hannah said. “We can only take care of her if none of us ever marries or leaves.”
Lydia jumped back in. “Mutter is getting worse.”
“Ne, she’s not. I won’t listen to any more of this nonsense.” Vater glanced toward the barn opening. “This isn’t the place to discuss this.”
Hannah squared her shoulders. “This is precisely the place. Amos went with us to see the doctor.”
Vater’s eyes widened. “You told him our family’s problems?”
Deborah took a step forward. “We didn’t have to. He’s seen Mutter’s odd behavior and figured it out.” Amos knowing and being understanding about it strengthened her resolve. None of them could excuse this away now that an outsider knew.
