Allie changed quickly and drove to Neptune Park on the southernmost tip of St. Simons Island. Nestled between the towering white lighthouse and the red brick library, the park offered sturdy concrete picnic tables and wooden benches overlooking the ocean. There was a massive wooden playground that Caroline adored and a huge shade tree that offered respite from the late-afternoon heat.
As promised, Ben and Caroline were waiting. She found them easily—her daughter on the swing set, her dark hair flying behind her as her feet sailed into the air. Ben talked and laughed with each push, no doubt entertaining her with the jokes and light teasing that her daughter adored. Behind them, the sun, tinged with orange, dipped lower on the horizon, causing the sky to glow electric blue.
She stood there, watching, her bag tucked on her shoulder. They even looked like father and daughter; everyone remarked on it. Both dark-eyed, with dark hair and high cheekbones. Caroline was delicate and bird-like, while Ben towered above her, broad-shouldered and square-jawed. Her daughter’s giggle floated through the air—contagious, almost magnetic—and Allie found herself practically jogging toward Ben and Caroline.
“Mommy!” Caroline shrieked, jumping off the swing in delight. She ran to Allie, arms wide open for a hug and kisses.
Ben hovered nearby, waiting, as Allie stroked Caroline’s hair and asked about her day. “It was good? I’m so glad. Where did Grandma Lily take you?”
Her daughter chattered away, bouncing and skipping as they made their way to a table near the playground. Ben spread a blanket over the table, set out a picnic basket, and checked on the pile of chilled drinks in a small red cooler next to the bench seat. He handed Allie a bottled water and offered Caroline pink lemonade.
“My favorite,” she said, taking the drink. “Thank you.”
Ben bent at the waist in a slight bow, making Caroline laugh. “My pleasure, madam.”
Allie smiled and swelled with pride. He was amazing. And adorable. How could anyone resist him? She sometimes forgot that Ben was a highly connected and well-thought-of political consultant with high hopes to help to run Sonny Perdue’s second gubernatorial term. The job that would make or break Ben’s career. It was all he’d ever dreamed of—and he was so close to having that brass ring in his hand.
Caroline and her friend’s giggles interrupted her daydream. As they ran up to the table, Ben grinned and raised an eyebrow as the girls whispered back and forth, then looked up at Allie with hopeful faces.
“Can we stay another twenty minutes?” Caroline pleaded, wringing her tiny hands.
Laughing, Allie nodded. “Go ahead, and stay where we can see you, okay?” She waved her hands as they squealed in delight and scampered off, back to the swing sets and monkey bars.
“So much for the big date,” Ben teased and sat down on the bench.
“Oh, that’s what this is?” Allie fluttered her eyelashes.
“Hey, I wrangled the night off and drove back from Atlanta—just for you. I spent hours slaving over this sumptuous meal. Only the finest egg salad sandwiches and sour cream and onion potato chips,” Ben said, puffing up his chest with pride. “Oh, and your mom made chocolate cake.”
“Aha! You did have help,” Allie said, elbowing him in the ribs.
Ben crossed his arms and looked serious. “Of course I had help. You don’t want any old chocolate cake. This had to be perfect.”
“Oh . . .” Allie blushed, unable to find words.
“Sometimes I can’t believe it’s been four years.” Ben rubbed his chin, tilted his head, and smiled, brushing an imaginary piece of lint from his khaki pants. “I can still see you, that day after Caroline’s first birthday party. She was down for a nap—”
“And I was crying,” Allie said. Her eyes filled, flooding her vision. She fumbled to wipe both cheeks, smiling at the memory.
“When I found you, do you remember what I said?” Ben asked.
Of course Allie knew the answer. It was etched in her memory. She leaned closer to him, burying her face in his shoulder. He smelled like fresh air and sunshine.
“That I didn’t have to worry. You would take care of me. And Caroline,” Allie murmured.
“And that I would spend every day, every waking moment, making you happy. I didn’t care about the past. I love you, and that’s for always.”
Allie snuggled closer. “I remember.”
Ben shifted away, peeling his body away from hers. He turned to face Allie.
With a jolt of realization at what he might be planning to ask, Allie trembled. Her hands began to shake.
“We’ve been together for four years.” Ben swallowed. “And I’m so happy that you’ve been accepted to medical school, but I also know that we have some decisions to make.”
The sun dipped below the tree branches, painting the sky in crimson and orange. Leaves fluttered to the ground, crisp and dry. Parents were gathering diaper bags and sleepy children.
Ben’s words tumbled, end over end, in Allie’s mind. But he was smiling. And fumbling in his pocket.
“Will you—” Ben’s voice cut through the noise in her head. Ben who loved her. Always.
Allie’s breath quickened. Her heart thudded against her rib cage.
“Will you marry me, Allie?” Ben said, taking her hand and getting down on one knee.
Around the two of them, the world could have melted away. All Allie could see was Ben’s face and the sound of her daughter’s laughter.
“Yes,” she breathed. “Absolutely, yes.”
2016
Natalie was adjusting her white Crocs and reheating a cup of coffee when Allie found her at the end of the day. “Before you run, let’s chat for a minute.”
Allie nodded and sat down. She couldn’t look at the clock. The seconds ticked loudly, reminding her that she wasn’t finding any answers.
“So, how’s everything going?”
“Today, not so well,” Allie said, owning up to the mistakes. She wouldn’t, she couldn’t, mention the conversation with Caroline. Her sister’s dismissal of Allie’s innocence. How much it had cut her to the quick.
Instead, Allie drew a breath. “Natalie, I’m so sorry. My mind just wasn’t where it needed to be. It won’t happen again.”
Natalie leaned back and looked Allie up and down. “You had a bad afternoon. We all do. How are you holding up otherwise?”
Allie fingered the edge of her scrubs. “It’s been a little strange. Most people look at me like I have the plague. Or some fatal disease, like if they get too close, they’ll catch it.” Allie sighed. “A few people are decent.” Her eyes welled up. “The rest just ignore me.”
“Okay, I’m sorry. Don’t cry.” Natalie winced. “I just want you to know that I’m not upset. I’m happy with your work. And I’m sorry for whatever you’ve been through.”
“I love this job. And the other . . . Whatever people think, it’s fine,” Allie said, wiping at her cheeks with the back of her hand. “I just care about my family.”
Natalie waited.
“The worst part is that my daughter isn’t talking to me. She doesn’t know what to think. She was so young when everything happened,” Allie said.
Natalie nodded. “That’s pretty normal. Kids think you’re the enemy, put on earth for the sole purpose of making their lives miserable.” She pressed a fist to her chin and leaned closer to Allie. “Took our son a long time to realize we were really on his side.”
“I’m sorry,” Allie said.
“Hey.” Natalie shrugged. “There’s no perfect family here. Or anywhere. We all have our baggage,” Natalie confided. “Russell has a new chance at life. A fresh start. Now that he’s out of that mess back in Atlanta.”
Allie swallowed. Natalie understood the situation.
“I’m glad Russell has you.” Allie didn’t want to bring up the editorial, but forced herself to ask, “Did you hear about what happened at Mansfield Academy?”
“The thing from the paper?” She shrugged. “Sure, the gossip
reaches this office too. Someone’s trying to scare you off, Allie, and stir up trouble. And they’re using Caroline to get to you.”
“I’m sick about it.” Allie pressed a hand to her stomach. “Emma finally got to talk to both the principal and the superintendent. They say they’re handling it, but I’m not sure what that means. We’ll see.”
“Well, keep me posted. And take time off if you need to. Just let me know.” Natalie swept her arm in a shooing motion and stood up. “Go on home. And try to have a good evening.” She smiled.
“Thanks,” Allie answered. “I’ve got a few stops to make.”
Natalie paused and gave her a curious look. “Good night, then.” She bent down and picked up her Crocs. “Hope you find what you’re looking for.”
Allie watched Natalie leave the room.
Me too.
The truth.
THIRTY-ONE
EMMA
2016
The tighter Emma held on to Caroline, the more everything spun out of control.
With Allie home, all of the protection she thought she had built up now seemed made of sand and salt water. Enough time in the sun, and with enough wind, the walls would crumble to the ground. Now, grain by grain, it was happening, and Emma didn’t know how to stop it.
Dinner with Caroline was equally frustrating. She’d spent the afternoon preparing her niece’s favorite gumbo, a recipe that involved creating a thick, buttery roux and chopping piles of celery, tomato, onion, okra, and bell peppers.
“So, you’ve been spending a lot of time at the nursing home,” Emma said as she handed over a steaming bowl. “See anything of your friend?” A hint of a smile began sneaking across her face.
“Yes. He helped me out the other day,” Caroline said, wrinkling her nose. “I was having a little bit of trouble with one of the residents.”
“What happened?” Emma took a sip of water, her eyes never leaving her niece. “Something bad?”
“No, nothing like that,” Caroline said. “Just a lady who had a bad accident and some brain damage—she kind of freaked me out. Her day-to-day memory isn’t very good, but sometimes she remembers stuff further back.”
“That’s got to be awful,” Emma said, shaking her head.
“Yeah, she’s really confused sometimes. I feel bad for her, to never get to leave that place,” Caroline replied. She lifted her chin to look at Emma. “Have you ever been to the nursing home? Like, inside?”
Emma pondered for a minute. “A long time ago. I can’t think of anyone I know who lives there now.”
“Do you know Dr. Gaines?” Caroline asked.
Emma, mid-sip, almost inhaled her drink. “What?”
“A lady, her name is June Gaines.” Caroline focused on her bowl, stirring the thick broth. “She’s a doctor. Or she used to be.”
After taking a second to compose her thoughts, Emma continued. “It must be the same person. I guess I didn’t realize she was there.” She crumpled her napkin in her hand. “I haven’t thought about her in forever.”
“It’s just weird because everyone else is like ninety years old,” added Caroline.
Emma allowed herself a small smile. “I’m sure there are some lovely ninety-year-olds,” she chided her niece playfully.
“Oh, there are,” Caroline said, smiling at the joke. “But she’s younger and has nicer clothes, and her hair is always done. She doesn’t fit in there. That’s why it’s weird.”
“What did she say, exactly, to freak you out?” Emma’s throat went dry. She reached for her water and downed half the glass.
“Nothing. Just rambling. It was just a little weird.” Caroline picked up her roll and pulled it apart, watched the steam escape. “She thought I was someone else.”
“Like a celebrity or something?” Emma asked lightly, forcing a giggle.
“No, nothing like that.” Caroline frowned. “But I think she delivered babies.”
Emma’s chest began to tighten. “From what I remember, a lot of babies. For a while, she was the county’s only female ob-gyn. So she was busy, worked long hours, took call, and went in for emergencies.”
Her niece sat up at full attention, wrinkled her forehead, and leaned in to hear the rest. “Will she ever get better?”
Emma wrinkled her forehead. “I don’t know. That’s one for the specialists. Anything else, Miss Twenty Questions?” She smiled and winked at her niece.
“Well, if she delivered a lot of babies, did she deliver me?” Caroline asked.
Emma considered this. “I don’t think so,” she said. “Allie had a male doctor.” She picked up her water glass and sipped.
“Why not?” Caroline lowered her eyes to the table. “She didn’t want anyone to know?”
Trying not to choke, Emma picked up her napkin, dabbing it to her lips. “Caro, I’m not exactly sure.”
But Emma was sure. She knew Allie was figuring out what to do about medical school, deciding whether she could get her enrollment postponed, and worrying about how to tell their parents.
“We didn’t even know she was pregnant for a long time,” Emma added softly. It was a harsh reality for her niece to absorb, and not entirely true. Allie had told Emma right away; she’d shared the whole story.
Caroline sniffed. “So she didn’t tell anyone, and then it was too late to get rid of me?” Her cheeks flushed bright pink. She pushed back her chair, ready to stand up and leave the table.
“Honey, wait,” Emma said, motioning for Caroline to stay. “Please, don’t go. Talk to me.” She waited until her niece settled back in her seat before starting to speak again. Emma licked her lips and formed a story in her head. This was her opportunity, a moment she could use to drive Caroline away from Allie for good.
“She really couldn’t take care of you, Caroline,” Emma began. “She was so focused on medical school, so intent on leaving town, that I think when she found out she was carrying you, she didn’t want to believe it at first.”
Caroline’s lips parted. “Like, she was in denial? Or in shock?”
“Exactly.”
“So, then what?”
Emma thought carefully. “She was distraught, especially after she told your grandmother and grandfather. They were pretty upset. Allie said more than a few times that she didn’t know what to do.”
“About me?”
Emma nodded.
“Oh,” Caroline gasped. “She didn’t want me. My own mother didn’t want me.” She clapped her palm over her mouth. After a few seconds, Caroline’s hand slid down below the base of her neck. She pressed and held it there, eyes closed tight, as if she were having chest pain.
“It wasn’t exactly that simple,” Emma whispered. But she wasn’t going to try hard to defend her sister. By all rights, she should be Caroline’s legal parent, since Allie had made her choice a long time ago. “Sweetheart, I’m sure she thought a lot about her options.”
Her niece’s eyelids fluttered open. “Like giving me up for adoption? Instead of an abortion?” Caroline’s voice hit a shrill tone.
“She probably did think about that,” Emma replied, keeping her tone low and even.
“Why didn’t she just give me away? Let some strangers have me?” When Emma didn’t reply, Caroline moved her silverware to her plate, picked up her cup, and stalked into the kitchen.
Emma closed her eyes and took a breath. This, however unpleasant for the moment, was exactly what she needed to encourage. Thinking about what to say next, Emma cleared her own dishes and walked to the counter to stand next to Caroline. She turned on the faucet, squirted some dish soap, and began to rinse her plate.
Caroline stared at the suds, jaw set, stone-faced.
“The sooner you get over this stuff with your mom and move on, the better it will be for everyone,” Emma said gently. “Why don’t I set up an appointment for you to meet with a counselor? That way you can talk it through. Make some decisions.”
“And how will that fix things? See a therapist and then wh
at? He’ll tell me I’m as crazy as my mother and that I’ll probably kill someone when I turn twenty-five?” She sniffed and then tears began to stream down Caroline’s face.
Emma put her hand over Caroline’s. “No one can fix it. But a professional might be able to help you deal with the situation. Give you ways to figure out how to let all of it go.” She squeezed Caroline’s fingers.
“I’ll think about it.” Caroline ran her fingertips along her cheeks, catching the tears.
“That sounds good. And that’s a really grown-up decision to make. Because what happens with Allie affects all of us. Everyone in the family. It’s not been easy on Grandma and Grandpa. They’re so upset about what she’s done. And Grandpa had to retire . . .”
Emma watched Caroline’s expression. It was a lot for a teenager to take in, but she wasn’t capable of making choices by herself. Not about this.
“My head hurts,” Caroline whispered. She pressed a hand to her forehead and bent over the counter. “I’m going to go lie down.”
“Okay, sweetheart. Come get me if you need me.” Emma kissed her niece’s forehead and watched her pad down the hallway. With soft steps, Emma retreated to her own room, turned down the sheets, and slid into bed. As she settled in, she thought about the past, when she thought everything in her life was perfect. She had love. She had big plans and a future.
And like with Caroline, it had all come crashing down.
Emma wiped at her cheeks before a tear dripped onto her pillow, and she tried to remember all of the good she’d had in her life. Before he was taken away, the man she loved had given her hope. Made her feel beautiful. And adored. She remembered all of the little moments they’d shared. Her favorite was the night they’d made their baby.
September 2006
With a spark and a whoosh, Emma lit a match. She held the flame over several candles, lighting each wick in turn. The glow softened the four walls, stacked with sterile instruments and drawers of medical equipment. She brought in soft pillows and blankets, arranged them into a cozy nest on the floor. There was little more she could do for ambiance.
Sister Dear Page 18
