“It’s never changed. Your mother and I are trying to support him, but at the same time, we’re trying our damnedest to steer him in the right direction. Your lavish life of no responsibilities and going out all the time is blinding him. He wants to be twenty seven and not married, no career, and living in a tiny apartment. Or out of a semi.”
“Excuse me? I have plenty of responsibilities. I’m employed full-time, bring home a paycheck, and have benefits. I volunteer at the Humane Society. This apartment is perfect for me, and I like having an apartment. I’m sorry if I’m not living this magical life you dreamed of. I don’t know what you expected of me but I’m happy. And for your information I am dating someone. He’s kind and handsome and is good to me.” I push my finger against my chest so hard I probably left a bruise.
My dad scratches his ear. “Yeah. I know about this guy.” He takes his phone out of his pocket. “The next time you send a text like this make sure you’ve sent it to the correct person.”
He sticks his phone out, and I’m scared to look. I take it from him, and I’m staring at a picture. Of my cleavage.
“I’m…. I didn’t take that picture, Dad.” I tighten my robe when I hand the phone back to him. Hannah must have done that and hit Dad instead of Ed. They’re next to each other on my phone.
“I don’t care if you took it or not. You shouldn’t be sending pictures like this, anyway.” I jump out of the way as he rushes for the door. He puts his hand on the handle and turns back to me. “I’m disappointed in you, Whitney.”
He opens the door and before the it slams behind him I hear him add, “Even more than I already was.”
••••••••
“Ricky! Ricky!” I bust open the door to my parents’ house and march up the stairs to my brother’s bedroom. I tried to cool down on Sunday, spending the day shopping with Hannah after shaking off the embarrassment of the picture she sent my dad. Hannah apologized profusely, and I accepted every time. We both were pretty drunk, and she didn’t do it on purpose. I did promise to snap a picture of her boobs and send it to her parents though. Since she knows that’s something I would never do, she didn’t care.
One day later, I’m still pissed at my brother. Between coming to terms with the fact my parents think I’m a disappointment and being upset my brother wants to throw his life away, I’m being pulled everywhere. I wanted to see Ed today, but now I’m stuck confronting my brother. When I told him I had family obligations today, he understood.
If there’s one thing Ricky and I have in common, it’s our desire to sleep. Not caring one bit how exhausted I may be, I set my alarm for seven o’clock to be sure I was out the door and bursting into his room at eight o’clock sharp. My parents would be at work and he would be deep in sleep not expecting me.
I don’t knock and open his door and step into his bedroom. I plug my nose for a quick second at the stench of dirty socks, sweat, and probably his bad morning breath. His eyes open wide and he sits up. He’s not alone.
Next to him lies a girl with blonde hair overflowing on the pillow. She’s covered by the blanket, but I can see her bra straps.
“Whitney! What the hell are you doing here?” His sheets fall, exposing his chest. He doesn’t care, and tosses the extra sheets over the girl next to him. Her body moves slightly as she lifts her head.
“Ricky? Who is that?”
“My sister. You better go.”
“Yeah. You better go.” I reiterate it to her, and when she doesn’t move, I repeat myself. She doesn’t budge, obviously trying to wake up. “Now.” I’m here to have a conversation with my brother. I’m not going to have it while some strange girl is lying in bed next to him.
The blonde removes the covers, and stands, now exposing herself in only her bra and underwear. She’s practically oblivious to the fact that I’m here. What’s wrong with this generation? I inhale and exhale deeply, making sure I’m heard, as I wait not so patiently for her to get moving. “Sometime today please.”
The girl looks at me, rolls her eyes, and then looks back at Ricky. “Who’s this chick?”
“My sister.”
She obviously didn’t hear him before. “Yes, his sister. And I don’t know how the hell you got in here without my parents seeing you, but you can use the front door to walk out. And do it quickly.”
She turns back to Ricky again, this time her eyes full of uncertainty.
“It’s okay, Bridget. My parents are at work.”
After a few more minutes of futzing around, Bridget finally makes her way out the door. I wait to hear the door click before I start laying into my brother.
“What’s wrong with you? First you start your summer vacation by showing up at a nightclub with a fake ID and drinking. Now I show up and there’s a girl in your bed. I hope you were smart about it. The last thing you need is a baby.”
He lets out a big yawn and shrugs. “Someone’s got to give mom and dad a grandkid.”
“Out of line. Just because I’m in my late twenties and not married doesn’t make me some sort of spinster. I’ll get married and have kids when I’m ready. Not that it’s any of your business.”
He tosses his sheets off and crawls out of bed. I look away because the last thing I want to see besides the girl in my brother’s bed is my brother in his boxer shorts. “And my sex life isn’t yours.”
I can’t help it. Try as I may, I can’t hold the laugh in. The laugh comes straight from my belly, and it takes a few moments for me to control it. “Sure. Your sex life. You’re seventeen. What do you know about sex?” He opens his mouth to speak. “Never mind. I don’t want to know. That’s not why I’m here.”
He opens his drawer and pulls out a pair of shorts, slipping them on. “Why is it that you’re here?”
I need to sit down. One look at his bed and what may or may not have gone on there last night makes me change my mind immediately. I turn to his desk and grab his chair, swinging it around, and take a seat. “Dad came to see me yesterday.”
“I thought he might do that.”
“They really want you to go to college, Ricky. And I do too.” I point to his bed. “This kind of stuff may seem like fun right now, but there are consequences that come along with it. And sneaking into clubs, those have their consequences too. Every single thing you do with life comes with some sort of aftermath whether it be good or bad. One wrong step can lead you into a chain reaction of bad decisions.”
“You went to college. You’re working at the mall.”
“Why does everybody keep going back to the fact that I’m working at the mall? Why is this all being spun around on me? What do I have to do with any of this?”
“You have everything to do with this. You’re the oldest child. Everything you’ve done is a reflection of them. Any mistakes you made, they want to make sure I don’t make the same ones.”
I jump up from my chair. “What mistakes have I made?” I want to know what everybody thinks is wrong with me. Why is the path I’ve chosen so horrible?
“You didn’t follow your dreams.”
A jolt of regret from coming over here runs through me. I don’t know what dreams they’re referring to. I’ve always loved makeup. It’s always been a part of my life and even though I’m not making a ton of money and putting it on celebrities or on stage actors doesn’t mean I didn’t follow my dreams. “I’m doing just fine.”
“Are you?”
Is this the impression everyone has of me? What else would I have done with my life? “I’m going in the only direction I know how. If mom and dad can’t see that, or if you can’t, that’s not my problem.”
Ricky opens his closet door and yanks a shirt off the hanger. He slips it over his head. “I’m doing the same thing.”
“No, you’re not. You want to drive a truck across the country and not even bother with an education. I’m still paying off my student loans, and you have the opportunity to go to college—for free! Do you know how many people are afforded that opportu
nity? And to prove some point to mom and dad you’re doing all these stupid things? I think you want to get caught.” He doesn’t make eye contact with me. “You’re not doing drugs too, are you?”
“No. I’m not that stupid.”
He could’ve fooled me. Whether he wants to believe it or not, the things I caught him doing these past few days are equally as stupid. “What’s the problem, Ricky? Why are you so hell-bent against college?”
He sits down on his bed and buries his head in his hands. He mumbles something, but I don’t understand him.
“Lift your head up, dude. What is so wrong with college?”
He slowly raises his head and stares out his window. “What if I fail? What if I play basketball, and I’m the worst on the team? What if I’m the worst on the basketball team, and I can’t keep my grades up in my classes? What if I fail at everything?”
“What if, what if, what if? You’re looking at this all wrong. What if you’re the best on the team? What if you’re a straight-A student? What if you’re completely average but you have the best four years of your life, and you discover more about yourself than you ever could have driving a truck across the country? What if you follow your dream of playing basketball?”
“Do you know how many people actually go on to play professional ball?”
“No. I have no idea. But it doesn’t really matter. Make your dream bettering yourself with your education. Basketball is a plus. So you don’t play pro ball. So what? You’ll have a college degree and doors of opportunity will open. Maybe you’ll wind up coaching somewhere locally, helping someone else live out the same dream. You never know unless you try.”
I get up off the chair and sit next to him. I put my arm around him and instead of pushing me away, he lets me.
“I wish you’d follow your dreams.” He echoes what Ed said to me not too long ago.
“What do you mean?”
“You really don’t know why mom and dad are the way they are to you?”
I thought it was only me. I didn’t think anybody except me really noticed the way they expressed their disappointment in me. I graduated college, and I have my own apartment. What’s there to be disappointed in? “No. I don’t get it. And they won’t ever tell me so I’ll never know. I’ll be one big, fat disappointment my entire life.”
He releases from my embrace and heads back to his closet. He reaches up to the top right corner and pulls out a piece of paper.
“What’s this?” I ask as he hands it to me.
“The future you’ve always wanted, whether you realize it or not.”
I’m staring at four people, painted so perfectly with every stroke of the brush. Me, Ricky as a baby, my mom, my dad. My first portrait of our family, which I painted when I was eleven years old. So maybe it’s not perfect, but there’s plenty more where that came from. “Where did you get this?”
“Mom and Dad have an entire bin of these. They’ve kept every thing you have ever painted.”
My eyes well up with tears. “Are you serious?”
“You’re great at what you do, Whitney. You’re awesome with people, you’re talented with makeup, but this,” he points to the paper. “This is where your passion lies. Painting is your basketball.”
I don’t know what to say. I’m confused. I used to paint all the time, but after grandma died, I put it all away. I focused on my job and got caught up in leaving the mall and falling into something more glamorous. How is it that everybody can see this but me?
“Thanks for saving this.” I glance at his alarm clock. “I have to volunteer at the Humane Society so I better go. Think about what I said, okay?”
He nods as he takes the portrait from me. “Only if you do.”
“Fine. But you better stay out of trouble from now on. I don’t want Mom and Dad coming back and blaming me again for your idiotic choices.”
“Deal.”
Chapter Thirteen
I only lied a little to my brother. I am going to the Humane Society but not to volunteer. Today I go as a visitor. Russ texted me in the morning and told me I could visit Sienna if I wanted. She’s almost ready to be put up for adoption, and he knows how much I love her. I not only love her, but I’m appreciative of the fact that Russ thinks enough of me to let me know this in advance.
Walking into the facility through the main doors as a guest instead of a worker is different. Everyone there looks up from what they’re doing or stops the conversations they’re having to greet me. I smile and lend a wave. “Is Russ in back?” I ask Beatrice who is busy typing at the computer. The phones ring like crazy behind her as Stephanie tries her hardest to keep up with the volume.
“Actually, I can help with the phones if you need.” Mondays are always busy. Since they aren’t open on Sundays, a lot of strays are dropped off and people are calling with questions. I don’t usually volunteer on a Monday because of this. There is enough to keep them busy without having to worry about what kind of work to give me. If I do come in, it’s simply to take the dogs on small walks.
“Don’t worry about it, Whitney.” Beatrice looks up at her computer long enough to say to me. “Russ is in the adoption room waiting for you.”
I thank her and open the door to go back to the adoption room. It’s bittersweet that I’ll be in the room with her since I’m not adopting her. As much as I want to, I know that’s not the best thing for me right now. Josie is moving out soon and the added expense of a dog is not something I should take on yet. I’m choosing responsibility over love. It may not be what my heart wants, but it’s the smart thing to do. Sometimes I really hate being an adult.
I knock on the door before entering, and when I open the door, Sienna’s yips greet me. She’s jumping up and down so fast I think she may do a somersault in the air. One thing that’s always surprised me is how much I love her little bark. I’ve never been a fan of the smaller breeds. They always seem to be so hyper with annoying barks. But the way that Sienna looks at me, her big circle eyes bright and her wide smile with that tiny tongue rocking back and forth in her mouth make me forget all about that. I kneel down, and she bounces right into my arms.
“Someone’s happy to see you.” Russ stands up and hands me her leash. “The vet thinks she’ll be ready for adoption in about a month.”
He’s telling me this in case I change my mind. She takes her leash in her mouth and shakes her head back and forth. “Thank you.”
“You know we don’t normally do this, but I’m going to leave you two alone.”
“Really? Thanks so much, Russ.”
He shuts the door behind him, and I scoop Sienna up in my arms. “How’s my little girl doing?” My baby talk voice emerges. “Are they taking good care of you?”
She licks me on my cheek. “I love you, too.” She licks me again. “I’m not going to lick you back.” I grab her snout and plant a kiss on her nose. She hops out of my arms and runs for the corner. She wants a ball from the bin. I wait as she chooses one and then toss it back and forth for her a few times, imagining what it would be like to have her live with me. She’s so active. Apartment living isn’t for her. Sienna needs a backyard, sidewalks she can take walks on, and her own home to bark in. While I can imagine playing with her every day, I can also picture my neighbors getting upset at those barks that I love so much.
She wants to keep playing, but the reality that within the next month or two she’ll be gone, living with somebody and I’ll never see her again, hits me. I slump down into the chair, and Sienna follows behind, jumping onto my lap. It’s then I start to cry. Sienna licks the tears off my face, and I let her because I need that more than anything right now. As my phone buzzes and I see Ed’s name pop up, I realize there’s someone else I need as well.
••••••••
Meeting Ed for coffee at Perc Me Up is weird. I mean, I come here all the time and when I get my coffee in the morning, we’ve begun blowing kisses to each other. But we’ve never actually sat down at a table and sipped
on coffee for a date.
I suppose it doesn’t really qualify as a date. I’m simply stopping in for a drink during his break. Whatever. I’ll take it. If it’s time with Ed, I’ll take full advantage.
There are plenty of tables available, but I select a couch close to the door. This is more intimate. I want to be close to him, be able to hear him breathing.
“Hey.” Ed leans down and pecks my cheek as he hands me my coffee. He sits next to me, the couch cushions dipping and forcing us closer together.
“Thank you.” I don’t wait to take a sip. “Amazing, as usual. I hope this spot is okay.”
“It’s perfect. I’m glad you came.”
My heart grows like the Grinch’s as I think back to that night on the beach. He really is so full of passion and the flicker in his eyes when he speaks excites me.
“Are you busy today?” I regret asking as soon as I say it. I observe the empty tables surrounding us. I’m full of hope, though, that foot traffic has increased.
“Not as much as I’d like it to be.” That flicker in his eyes slows, struggling to stay lit. “This morning we did okay. The mornings tend to be that way. But this—“ He holds his coffee in his right hand and uses it to point across the room, “This isn’t good.”
I wish I could say something, do something to cheer him up. I have all I can do to stop myself from running out the door and yelling into the street for customers to come. “We should get working on that fundraiser. I want to help you.”
“I’m still not convinced it will really drum up business, but I’m willing to try. Besides, if I’m walking around it’ll give you ample time to check out my butt.”
My face reddens as I recall the texts Hannah sent. In all the craziness with my parents and brother I completely forgot about them. “Sorry about that.”
“You—or your friend—said that a lot in your texts. It’s okay.” He drinks his coffee and lets out a big, “Aah.” I wait. “I like your butt, too.”
I’m sure my cheeks are on fire now because they certainly feel that way. What do you say after someone compliments your backside? I wish this were in a text message. I’d probably throw my hands in the air and flail across the room. I keep my composure. “I work out.” I don’t, really, but the response seemed appropriate and drew a smile from that gorgeous face of his.
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