“Today, I’d like you to go to church with us, if you will. Then we observe a day of rest. After that, I expect you to use this chance to make a life for yourself. How you do that is up to you.”
Huh. After ten years of being told when to eat and when to sleep and what to wear and how to spend each day—with no hope for there ever being a time it might be different—I wasn’t quite sure what to make of Anjelita’s proclamation. But I did know it was worth the risk.
Chapter Four
It felt a little wrong having a whole day with nothing to do but enjoy the company of those around me. I’d gone to church with the Torres family because it made Anjelita happy. And it was an excuse to wear the cotton dress. I hadn’t worn a dress in a really long time. It was cool and comfortable on my skin. I didn’t care that it was worn. I still felt more like a girl in it.
To say people were curious about me at that little church would be an understatement. Most people openly gawked. They were nice enough when introduced, but it made me uncomfortable just the same.
And then there were the single women. Venom rolled off of them in waves when they saw Charlie slide into the pew next to me. Cara squeezed my neck enthusiastically. I could have told the jealous felines not to worry so much. Charlie might have complimented my dress, but the terse tone he did it in took away from the words themselves.
I began to wonder if I was destined for a special kind of hell. Not only was I an escaped convict and a thief, but I spent the entire church service intensely aware of the man sitting next to me. He smelled really good. And there was this amazing kind of heat that seemed to radiate off of him. I could feel it the most in the places our skin almost touched. When we accidentally made contact because we placed our hands on the pew in front of us at the same time, I couldn’t control the impulse to snatch my hand back.
I hadn’t believed Anjelita when she’d insisted Charlie saw me as a woman. But the way his breath now came in jagged gulps made me think maybe he was as befuddled as I was. I tried to remind myself that he was on the other side of a chasm I couldn’t cross. But with my arm getting goose bumps because it was near his, he seemed awfully reachable to me.
After church, Charlie was reserved but no longer hostile. It irked me a little that he seemed so calm. I felt like I’d just gotten off the tilt-a-whirl.
Lunch was sandwiches and lemonade on Charlie’s wraparound porch. I almost wish I hadn’t seen his picture-perfect farmhouse, or its chicken coop, or the mares grazing in the field behind the house. It made me feel weird, being able to picture myself in his world.
Before the plates had been cleared, Cara and Isabel had me by the hand dragging me out to meet Daisy and Princess Tiger Lily. Daisy was nearly white with tinges of gray on her muzzle and legs. Princess Tiger Lily was a bright bay pony. I wondered if I should be offended that the red horse with a black mane and tale was named after a Native American princess from a children’s movie. It was obvious Cara meant it as a high honor, though. She clearly doted on the animal.
By the time Anjelita came to tell us the homemade ice cream was ready, I’d taught the girls how to make dandelion chains and we were all three adorned in crowns of yellow.
The summer breeze toyed with my hair while the sun kissed my cheek. The ice cream was heaven to my taste buds. Laughter bubbled like a brook all around me. It was a serene moment of perfection.
Unbidden, images of the previous summer flashed through my mind. Sweaty and aching after long days of laboring in the sun, tempers would flare each evening. Mary’s friendship had probably saved my life on more than one of those evenings. It had certainly saved my sanity.
“Excuse me,” I hopped to my feet as tears sprang to my eyes. I was angry with myself for marring such a lovely day, but I also couldn’t stop the tumult of emotions. Somehow I managed to find the bathroom. I splashed some water on my face and took a few steadying breaths. When I was pretty sure I had a better grip on myself, I wandered back to the porch. Dreams like this one were very pretty, but they weren’t meant for me.
The other adults eyed me as I reclaimed my seat but I waved their concern off and muttered something about too much sweet tea. Charlie arched an eyebrow and his mouth seemed to battle with a grin.
I barely paid attention to the conversation floating around me. Instead, I watched the children play—wishing I could be one of them.
“Come play tag with us,” Isabel seemed to read my expression. It occurred to me that the only chains that bound me now were those of convention.
“Honey, Miss Neena doesn’t want to play tag with you,” Anjelita barely got the sentence out before I was down the stairs and on the lawn with the girls.
“I don’t mind,” I quickly reassured her before calling, “Not it.”
“Not it,” Charlie surprised me by tossing his napkin on the table and standing. The amusement in his eyes told me I hadn’t hidden my surprise well.
“Not it!” The girls cried at the same instant.
“Uh-oh,” I pursed my lips and shrugged. “Now how are we going to decide?”
“Thumb war,” Cara sighed as if it were inevitable.
“Alright,” Charlie extended his hand. “Let’s do this.”
After a few accusations of cheating and much giggling, the first round of thumb wars was over and I found myself face to face with Charlie, our hands locked and ready for battle. I tried not to think about the incredible warmth spreading from his touch.
“One, two, three, four; I declare a thumb war,” we dutifully recited and the battle began. The girls’ cheers were soon joined by Anjelita’s and Manny’s. It started slowly at first, then next thing I knew I was jumping and dodging my entire body trying to stay in the war. He was as bad as I, twisting and maneuvering to get the edge on me.
“Stand still you little cheat,” he laughed.
“You stand still, big cheat.”
My thumb was actually getting tired. It was ridiculous. It was fun. I was determined to win.
“Neena,” Manny called my name. I looked up and realized I’d been duped the second I felt Charlie’s thumb clamp down on mine.
“That’s low, Torres. Real low,” I shook my head disapprovingly.
“Don’t worry, Neena. He’ll pay for that one,” Anjelita assured me.
“Thanks, man,” Charlie half-saluted him then smiled wickedly at me. “Neena’s it.”
“Fine. If you can look yourself in the mirror after this… fine,” I reached out and touched his arm before darting off. “Tag, you’re it.”
“No fair!” He called after me before turning on the two girls, who squealed with delight before tearing through the yard.
I ran and played until my lungs screamed in protest and I collapsed in the lawn to watch the clouds roll by while I waited for my breath to even. Charlie dropped to his knees beside me, grinning like a man who’d just learned how.
“You’re insane. You know that, don’t you?” he laid back, crossing his arms behind his head.
“Yes, but life is more amusing that way,” I smiled a little and closed my eyes. The sun on my face felt delicious. I took a deep breath. Someone had cut their grass recently, the sweet heavy scent hung in the air. “You know, I thought I’d be bored to tears today. This has been fun.”
“Why did you think you’d be bored?”
“The whole day of rest thing.”
“So, you don’t normally take a day off?”
“Not normally, no.” I took another deep breath. It all felt so good. Even the sweat on my brow felt good. The almost palpable tug from the man next to me felt really good.
It would be so easy to curl up at his side. I bet I’d fit perfectly. I peeked over at him out of the corner of my eye. He’d taken his Sunday shirt off; his white t-shirt clung to him now. He had muscles that weren’t all that noticeable in the button-up. In a white t-shirt, they begged to be traced with my fingertip. Or my tongue. Either would do.
My breathing had evened out. That thought made it pick ba
ck up again. I turned my head before he saw the direction my brain was headed. Oh dear Lord, please let him not know the direction my thoughts had headed.
A field of yellow stretched before me. In an instant, my mind switched gears.
“Hey Charlie,” I began slowly.
“Hmmm?” he practically oozed contentment.
“Is that your field?”
“You mean the dandelion garden?” he laughed a little ruefully. “Yeah, it’s mine.”
“Do you have any plans for it?”
“Eventually I’d like to rotate the horses to it. I just haven’t had the time to do much with it lately.”
“If I sow some grass seed for you, can I have the dandelions?”
“You want the dandelions?” He propped himself up on one arm to stare down at me.
“Yes, please,” I turned and met his eyes so he’d see I was serious. I hadn’t really counted on getting caught in them again. His face seemed so close to mine. Everything in me was screaming for him to move closer.
He licked his lips nervously and cleared his throat. It seemed as if he was unsure of whether his voice would quite work. “Take all the dandelions you want.”
“Thank you,” excitement welled up within me. “Do you know where I could get some canning jars?”
“Sure. I have some in my attic.” He seemed to have inched a little closer to me. Or was that just wishful thinking?
“Do you need them? I mean, I could pay you for them eventually.”
“I’m curious enough to know what you have in mind that you can have them for free,” his voice had taken on a low, silky tone. It seemed to stroke me right down the middle. I swear my body ached to arch into that sweet, sweet voice.
“No, really, I can pay you. We’ll be partners…. I’ll need to borrow a stove…” I struggled to form a thought other than the one that screamed in my brain… kiss me. Please kiss me. For the love of all things holy, kiss me.
My throat was dry. My chest hurt. He really was leaning closer; it wasn’t just my imagination. His breath seemed to catch. His eyes told me he was as confused and fascinated as I.
“You can have anything you want,” his mouth moved so close to mine I could feel it.
“Daddy! Daddy!” Cara’s voice startled us both so much we jumped. I guess I jumped a little higher than he did, because we cracked skulls and both fell back to the ground clutching our heads.
“Son of a…” I stopped short of the expletive I’d been about to let loose. It was good to know Dixon Correctional taught me something useful in my time there… I’d picked up a few extra words in my vocabulary over the years.
“Daddy,” Cara threw herself at her father, her joy evident on her face.
“What, baby girl?” he couldn’t help smiling back.
“Grandma and Grandpa are here.”
“Wow, that’s great.”
I could tell from his expression that it wasn’t great. Nowhere near it.
“Go get your things rounded up, I’ll be there in a minute,” he kissed her on the forehead and sent her along. As he stood, he seemed much older suddenly.
“Don’t you get along with your parents?” I tried to understand.
“I get along with my parents fine. Things are still a little awkward with Julie’s folks, though.”
“Oh,” I frowned. “You still… see them?”
“They’re Cara’s grandparents. No matter what their daughter did to us, I couldn’t take her away from them.”
“That’s very kind of you,” I was still trying to process it. I didn’t like being reminded that he had once been married. It was better to think the stork dropped Cara in his lap. Why was I suddenly so possessive of him?
“I’m just trying to do the right thing by everybody,” he seemed embarrassed by the compliment. “It’s no big deal.”
He held a hand out to help me up.
“I’ll wait here,” I shook my head, not even trying to cover the stark terror on my face.
“Don’t be silly, come on.”
“But what will they think if we go out front together?”
“Maybe they’ll think that after five years of divorce, Charlie finally found a beautiful woman who’s fascinating enough to wake him up again.”
His honesty left me totally speechless. I opened my mouth to tell him he had no clue just how interesting I was but closed it again. I probably looked like a fish, sitting there opening and closing my mouth.
“Please? For me? Don’t make me go face them alone.”
Ugh. Those stupid eyes did it to me every time.
“Fine. But if I find out later I have grass stains on my back, I swear I’ll die of mortification and it’ll be on your head, Charlie Russell.”
“Fair enough,” he laced his fingers through mine. I started to bolt at the gesture of familiarity. He tightened his grip and tugged me along.
It was hard to tell who they loathed more—Charlie, or me. Introductions were made and everyone pretended to be pleasant enough. But the animosity roiled in their eyes. Part of me wanted to recoil from their anger. The better part of me was filled with a righteous indignation of my own. My grip on Charlie’s hand tightened and I straightened my shoulders.
They didn’t need to know I was a convicted murderer who’d known their former son-in-law for two days. Let them think I was a normal person madly in love with the man their daughter had tossed aside. With a little luck, it would get back to the one who’d let him go and she’d feel just a fraction of the pain she’d caused.
My display might have been meant for Julie’s parents, but it certainly hadn’t been missed by the Torres family. Anjelita and Manny exchanged approving glances. There’d be no living with them after this.
Chapter Five
“Don’t read too much into things,” I sighed for what felt like the one hundredth time that evening.
“I’m just so happy,” Anjelita squeezed my shoulders again.
“Don’t forget that less than a week ago, I was just a vagrant you showed kindness to,” I snapped the last pea and stood to stretch my aching back before moving to rinse the bowl.
“Don’t keep hiding behind your past,” she admonished, taking the bowl from my hands. “If you want to talk about it, fine. But don’t hide behind it.”
Oh to be as sure as Anjelita. Maybe I could be, if my life were as steady as hers.
“I have a past, too,” Anjelita frowned a little, her eyes never leaving the potatoes she scrubbed.
Had she read my mind?
“Your expressions speak volumes.”
Dang, she did it again.
“Don’t think because this is the life you see now, this is the life I’ve always had.”
“I’m sorry,” I felt a little ashamed to be caught in my assumption.
“No, it’s okay. I want you to hear this. I grew up in a little border town in Texas. My parents died when I was young. My aunt took me in, but I hated her. She was such a bitter, miserable woman. So, I ran away the first chance I got. I did whatever I had to just to survive. And I do mean whatever.”
“Anjelita…,” I stilled when she placed her hand on mine.
“Manny wasn’t much better off. Sure, he had Mamá Torres, but his papá took off when he was young. He’s always worked to support his family; when there wasn’t legitimate work to be had, he found more creative ways to take care of them. And if he wasn’t working, he was in a bar. He got into a lot of fights. Goofy man spent more time in jail than out of it.
“Somehow we found each other in a sleazy little bar in Oklahoma. At first, it was all about the sex. It was really good sex.”
I’d never considered myself uptight. But if there had been a hole nearby, I would have crawled in it at that moment.
“But then Manny nearly got himself beat to death when he picked a fight with the wrong person. Suddenly I had something other than my own survival to fight for. I nursed him back to health and we left that life... left and never looked back. Now we h
ave a family and a good church and this amazing life that’s better than we ever could have imagined.”
“I’m glad it worked out for you.”
“We’d still be in that life if we hadn’t been shown grace,” Anjelita smiled and went back to scrubbing potatoes.
“So now you are showing me grace,” I connected the dots in my mind. She was helping me because someone had helped her once upon a time.
“Could be,” she handed me a potholder and motioned for me to grab the chicken out of the oven. “Just remember we all have a past and none of us are as pristine as we seem.”
“Do I even want to know what you are telling her?” Manny appeared, his tall frame filling the doorway as he leaned against it.
“Probably not,” I quickly sat the baking dish down. It didn’t take long for heat to find its way through threadbare potholders.
“No one’s ever going to think of us as respectable if you keep telling them our sordid past, querida.”
“Lord help us if we ever start worrying about being respectable.”
“Lord help us indeed,” he shook his head and chuckled.
“So have you decided what you want to do tomorrow?” Anjelita swatted away Manny’s hands and shoved the bowl of potatoes at him with the instruction to make himself useful.
“I have,” I brightened at the thought. “Charlie and I are going to be partners in a new venture.”
“Really?” Anjelita’s curiosity was piqued. She called Isabel in for dinner then quickly turned her attention back to the conversation.
“Charlie mentioned something about dandelions,” Manny nodded. “It’s driving him nuts trying to figure out what you’re up to.”
“You’ll all just have to wait and see tomorrow,” I wasn’t just toying with them. I figured it would be easier to show them than to explain anyway.
“Yeah, well, he’s already cancelled all of his appointments so he can stick around and figure it out.”
“He hasn’t,” I gasped.
“He has,” Manny smiled at me. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that news. Alone all day with Charlie. There wasn’t much else the conversation could do to hold my attention the rest of the evening. I was too busy alternating between looking forward to morning and dreading it.
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