“Without,” she said immediately.
With a groan, Lori dropped her forehead into her hand. “Are you listening to yourself?”
“I said it, didn’t I? What’s the problem?”
Getting up from the chair, Lori walked around the kitchen bench and right up to Ali, who eyed her warily, especially when her sister grabbed her upper arms and leaned forward.
“Pushing Ghost aside means pushing him out of your life,” Lori stated quietly, her gaze steady. “It means he’s no longer important.”
Ali’s eyes widened. “Ghost is import!”
“Is he?”
“Of course.”
“So you’re not pushing him out of your life?”
“No.”
“Because it looks to me as though you are.”
“That’s ridiculous-”
Lori’s gave her a small shake. “Then, you drongo, you need to take careful stock of your life and where you want it to go. If you don’t have an ounce of feeling for Ghost – which I seriously doubt – then you need to be able to watch another woman come into his life and maybe set up house with him. Permanently.”
A chill went through Ali. Another woman? Permanently?
“Yeah.” Obviously reading her expression, Lori nodded. “It means he isn’t important enough to you, certainly not important enough to take a risk on. If you’re not prepared to take a risk on him, to take this further and explore it, to push your own fears aside and put everything you have into a relationship with Ghost and make it work, then maybe it’s true, he isn’t important enough. But you need to decide that, Ali. I can’t do it for you and Ghost certainly can’t do it.”
Dry-mouthed, Ali stared at her.
Releasing her, Lori stepped back and held out her hands to the side. “On one hand, a friendship that’s already changed. Do you leave it behind?” She dropped her cupped hand slightly and lifted her other hand. “Or do you give the relationship a go?” She dipped and lifted both hands in a parody of scales. “You need to weigh up what’s important to you, Ali. And even more…”
Too choked with emotions to answer, Ali could only blink at her.
“You need to decide how much Ghost means to you.” Lori regarded her soberly. “You need to decide if you’re going to really let him go or meet him halfway.”
Unsure what to reply, her mind whirling with the previously un-thought of possibilities of Ghost moving on without her, Ali could only bite her lip. Even weirder, she suddenly couldn’t see her sister through a blur of tears.
Lori laid one hand gently on her shoulder. “Only you can decide, Ali. You know Ghost, you know yourself. Do you care enough about him, have feeling enough, to give him a go? Because that’s the whole crux of the matter. You need to decide if you have any feelings at all for him. Only you can do that.” Stepping back, she gave her an affectionate pat on the cheek before picking up Minx and walking out of the kitchen.
Leaving Ali alone with her thoughts.
Thoughts that now had new implications. Feelings for Ghost? She didn’t know, she honestly didn’t…okay, that was a lie. Wiping away the tear that spilled down her cheek, Ali stared unseeingly across the room. The truth was that her feelings were all mixed up. She didn’t know what she felt. She knew it hurt to think of Ghost moving on with another woman, but would that be better than risking her own heart and maybe having it broken? Because if Ghost broke her heart, she honestly didn’t think she’d ever get over it.
That meant that Ghost was more important to her than she’d realised.
Pushing away from the sink, she walked over to the tissues and pulled one from the box, drying her eyes and blowing her nose before opening the security screen and stepping outside into the evening, welcoming the cool breeze that blew across her hot cheeks.
Moving to the edge of the veranda, she automatically glanced across to Ghost’s house, able to hear the low murmur of male voices but unable to make out the words. Probably Matt and Ghost having a beer outside, something they did at least once a week. ‘Men’s business’, Ghost had always said with that twinkle in his eyes, to which she’d replied pertly, ‘Men’s gossip’. That twinkle had just grown brighter.
She loved that twinkle, that hint of mischief, that spark of fun in his brown eyes.
Leaning against the veranda post, she looked out over the darkened garden. Out of the two male voices she could easily pick out the deep tones of Ghost. His voice drifted through the night air to wind around her, soothing her, and with a sigh she leaned her head against the post.
In the quiet of the night she let her thoughts wander, let them meander where they wanted, allowed them to settle and then move again, drifting through her mind until they finally set down and made themselves clear to her conscious.
Ghost had always been important, but being a friend there was no real risk. Over time they’d grown closer, so comfortable with each other, so in tune. But no risk of hurt, of breaking up, because friendship carried its own rules.
A relationship, however, that changed the rules, brought more risk, and that was exactly why she had been so reluctant to take it further. No, she couldn’t deny that he attracted her, not after that heated exchange at the river. That episode had lifted the veil draped across her eyes, brought him into sharp focus, made her see him in a whole new – and scary - light.
Ghost had gone from friend to lover in one erotic, intimate encounter. Everything had changed.
Ali didn’t like change. She didn’t like comfort to give way to uncertainty, and to be truthful, she was really uncertain. Uncertain also because she didn’t know exactly what Ghost saw when he looked at her. Hell, she looked at him and saw the handsome man he was, the luscious, muscle-bound hunk that had many a woman running at the click of his fingers. What could he possibly see in her, over-weight Ali Mackay? She was nothing special, nothing outstanding.
That scared her. What if it was only a fling, nothing that was going to last? A novelty of whom he’d soon grow tired?
No sooner had that thought crossed her mind than she scolded herself. Ghost wasn’t like that, he didn’t take chances he wasn’t sure of, he thought things through, knew what he wanted.
Only he hadn’t thought things through that night at the river. She knew him, he hadn’t gone looking for her with sex on his mind. What had happened had…well, happened, catching them both off-guard.
Just the memory had her shifting restlessly, just as the even, deep tone drifting to her ears soothed her. It also caused little sparks of warmth to caress over her skin at the memory of that voice, that breath at her ears, instructing her, ordering her so gently yet firmly…
Inhaling deeply, she pushed the delicious memory to the side. A hot encounter was one thing, but a relationship was another and it deserved her sole attention.
Looking up at the stars in the sky, she wished her Gran was alive, her parents, someone who could advise her, although almost immediately she knew that her sister was the one who’d forced her to face her fears and mixed emotions.
Whether she liked it or not, feared it or not, it was Ali’s decision to make.
Switching her gaze to the fence she saw the soft glow of the veranda light shining out. Ghost would be sitting on the swing seat, a glass of light beer or Coke in his hand, the cats flitting about enjoying the luxury of an evening outside. Matt would be sprawled in the lawn chair.
Deep laughter sounded but she picked out Ghost’s immediately. She’d know it anywhere. She’d know him anywhere. In a crowd of a thousand laughs she’d know it.
She knew him.
She’d always known him.
She wondered what would happen if she didn’t take the step forward, if she didn’t shore up her fear and take the opportunity held out to her with both hands. But she knew. Even without a crystal ball she knew what she’d face later, maybe weeks, maybe months, perhaps even years down the track of life.
Regret.
Because the truth was she couldn’t just walk away and let an
other woman take her place in Ghost’s life.
Inhaling deeply, she rubbed the bridge of her nose. She hadn’t thought that far, had been caught up in the here and now, but Lori had made her face it, face the future, face what could happen, and the truth was she couldn’t do it. She couldn’t walk away from Ghost.
As much as she feared what might happen, she couldn’t walk away from what he offered. Because to do so would be to hand him over to someone else and that knowledge cut like a knife, sharp, painful and undeniable. She might fear a broken friendship, but to throw away anything they might have together was both unforgiveable and undoable.
However, deciding and doing were two different stories and she was glad that he had company. Regardless of the realisation she’d come to, she still wanted time to come to terms with it.
“Call me a coward” she muttered, turning around and going back inside. “I won’t argue.”
Lori didn’t mention anything further, chatting about normal everyday things until she left for work.
Before she went to bed, Ali retrieved the photo of her and Ghost from where she’d laid it in the drawer and placed it back on the dressing table. Now the dressing table looked balanced. Just right, in fact.
She had a brief wonder of what it would look like with a bottle of aftershave, a man’s wallet, and a handful of small change sprawled across it as well, then her gaze lifted to the mirror and the reflection of her bed. She didn’t have to concentrate hard to imagine a muscular man lounging back in it, his eyes twinkling, his chest bare, long blonde hair sweeping over his broad shoulders…
While she stood at the dressing table with her nightie covering her meaty thighs. Ugh! Disgusted at her own derogatory thoughts, she snatched the paperback off the dressing table and went to bed.
Not that her thoughts didn’t stray a bit but she reined them in ruthlessly. The same couldn’t be said for her dreams.
~*~
Oversleeping the next morning meant that she couldn’t go over and talk to Ghost. Probably a good thing, what with her erotic dreams still dancing behind her eyeballs every time she let her attention wander.
Fuelling up at the service station, she spotted Chris in the garage just about to put his head under the open bonnet of a four wheel drive. He looked up and caught her eye, straightening hesitantly. However, he suddenly and rather hastily put his head back under the bonnet.
Geez, she must have given him a frostier look than she’d thought, for she’d half expected him to approach her regardless.
Adjusting the fuel nozzle as the petrol poured into the tank, she sighed. No way could Chris even think to live up to her expectations, not when Ghost had suddenly topped the list. Topped it? Hell, he’d just pushed that pole right over and stood in its place. Now she just had to think what she’d say to him. How did one greet a man one meant to…meant to…solicit? No, that wasn’t right. She grinned crookedly.
“’Morning, Ali.” The deep tone came from directly behind her.
Startled, she jerked, the petrol gun almost coming free from the fuel tank, but a big hand suddenly wrapped around her own and pushed it back into the petrol tank.
Ghost’s big body was right beside her, every hard line of his side pressed against her front. His arm against her breast, their combined position half bending over bringing their faces in close proximity.
Wordlessly, she stared into his eyes. His deep brown eyes gazed back at her so seriously, their customary twinkle not there, replaced instead with an intensity that shook her to the soles of her feet.
“Ghost,” she managed, moistening her lips with her tongue.
His gaze dropped down at the movement, unmistakably studying her lips before he met her gaze again. “Ali.”
Just the way he said her name, low and deep, sent a shiver through her.
She couldn’t have moved away to save her life. Below the sharp smell of petrol was the faint scent of his aftershave. His hair was still damp from a shower, no doubt he’d been at the gym. His skin was so warm and she almost leaned into him before realising what she was doing and pulling back slightly.
The flicker of his eyes and the tightening of his lips proved he hadn’t missed her movement, but when he started to straighten up she took shaky courage into equally shaky hands and said, “We need to talk.”
Instantly his gaze ensnared hers. “Yeah, we do.” And sweet baby Jesus, he leaned against her slightly.
The warmth of his body pressed against hers was enough to rattle her senses. “Ummm…I have to work now. It can’t be now.” She couldn’t even think of a clear sentence, not when she suddenly had the overwhelming urge to lean back into him.
“I’ll come over when you get home from work.”
“Lori doesn’t leave for work until seven.” She loved her sister but no way was she having a deep and meaningful with Lori in the house.
“Come to my house.”
“Okay.”
He didn’t move away, just continued to gaze into her eyes deeply, steadily, and oh geez, his thumb was caressing hers where it rested beneath his bigger hand.
Pulses pounding at his nearness and the attraction she now felt so keenly, she could only watch in dumb silence as he leaned even closer and placed his lips near her ear. Oh God, his warm breath smelling of mint toothpaste just had her knees going all rubbery.
As though he knew it, his hand lifted from hers on the petrol gun to slide around her waist, steadying her against his harder frame. “You okay, Ali?” His words seemed to vibrate through her, his breath tickling the stray hair that had fallen out of her bun to curl around her ear.
“Absolutely,” she croaked.
She felt him smile, his lips were so close to her skin, and then – oh sweet baby Jesus, he dipped his head and brushed his lips against the tender skin beneath her ear.
She hadn’t even known it was that sensitive. Not until he had his lips against it.
Inhaling sharply, she fought to keep her thoughts clear and just managed it. Score one for being sensible.
Lifting his head, Ghost smiled as though he knew what he did to her emotions. “Until tonight.”
“You play dirty.”
“Honey, you have no idea.”
Stunned, she stammered, “T – that’s not w-what I meant.”
“I did.” His grin was as hot as his eyes.
Flirty Ghost, sexual Ghost, was not who she was used to. Dirty jokes, sure. Sexual innuendos, yes. But not in relation to herself. It was yet something else that had her off-balance and she could only gape up at him before clearing her throat. “Right, then.”
His hand slid from around her waist…right over her backside with a small squeeze that had her nearly dropping the fuel gun. Grabbing it easily, he straightened and slotted it back into the bowser. “Think your tank’s full, honey.”
“Yes. Yes, well, I better pay for it. I…um…” God, when had talking to him suddenly gotten so hard? “Uh…I’ll see you tonight then.”
“Looking forward to it.”
There was a light in his eyes, a definite twinkle, and it was enough to make her gather her thoughts into a semblance of order, but before she could say anything she noticed his gaze harden and turning her head to see who he was glaring at, she saw Chris duck into the garage office.
Oh. So her own glare hadn’t scared Chris off, it had been Ghost’s presence behind her before she knew he was there. That explained the reaction on Chris’s part.
Twisting the cap onto the fuel tank, she snapped the little door closed. “This doesn’t mean you can feel free to ride roughshod over me.”
When he didn’t answer, she straightened and looked up to find him watching her, his arms crossed over his chest, the biceps flexing mouth-wateringly. One eyebrow arched but he didn’t say a word.
“And don’t try that whole ‘I’ll be silent’ thing, either.” Turning away, she retrieved her handbag, slinging the strap over one shoulder. “I know how you think but it’s not going to work. No threatening Ch
ris. I’ve sorted him out already.”
Ghost nodded.
Eyes narrowing, she sized him up. Oh yeah, she knew him, all right. “I catch wind of you even giving him the evil eye and I won’t be coming over tonight.”
That got a reaction, all right, but not the one she expected.
Arms still folded across his chest, he leaned down towards her. All merriment had left his eyes, his gaze intense as he looked at her. “Ali, you don’t turn up on my doorstep by six thirty at the latest tonight, I’ll be coming over to get you.”
“What are you going to do?” she scoffed. “Drag me over there by my hair?”
“Throw you over my shoulder and carry you.”
She gave a bark of laughter. “With what? A crane?”
“I’m not joking, Ali.” His words were suddenly heavy with meaning, a hint of steel running through them. “You’ll be there, either of your own free will or over my shoulder. Your choice.”
Her mouth fell open and she could only watch in stunned silence as he swung around and strode back to the panel van he’d parked nearby. The van dipped as he got in, the door shutting with a decisive thump. Starting it, he put it into gear, gave her a nod and drove off, leaving her still staring after him.
Had he really said it? God, he’d certainly sounded like he meant it. Just the thought of him tossing her over his shoulder had her a little dizzy. He’d probably give himself a hernia, but still, who knew? He pumped a lot of iron, he was tall, and yep, he’d been dead serious.
Now her knees were weak and she actually had to steady herself with one hand on the hood of her car before she got the strength back in her legs enough to start walking towards the service station.
The rate she was going she’d have a heart attack before tonight. He’d have to visit her in hospital. The thought made her giggle with a slight edge of hysteria and she quickly clapped a hand over her mouth. It would never do to fall apart out here in the open. The gossips would have a field day and they were already getting enough to keep them entertained.
Paying for her fuel, she was grateful that the servo was busy enough that she could blend in with the morning crowd trying to fuel up and get to work on time. Once at the motel, she sat down behind the reception desk in relief.
Call On Me Page 18
