He drank half his own coffee in a few impatient gulps, then pushed the tray aside, which made Helen wonder why he had bothered in the first place. Before she practically touched hers he grabbed her cup, putting It out of the way too.
‘What is this?’ she demanded, her control nearly breaking as his devious change of tactics confused her.
His glance went insolently over her, probing the lace which covered her slender shoulders. She could see the anger still in him and her heart sank.
‘Can’t you guess?’ he said softly. ‘I thought you would have. I want to know why you asked both Phillips and Blyth to visit you as soon as my back was turned. It was no accident, was it?’ His quiet tones turned icy with fury. ‘You had it all arranged.’
Helen went pale and stared back at him. ‘I didn’t…’
‘Shut up!’ he snapped between his teeth. ‘Even the servants knew what was going on.’
‘You mean your hired spy thinks she does!’ Helen choked contemptuously. ‘You must know Mrs Swinden hates me. I believe she would stop at nothing to blacken my character!’
‘You do that yourself,’ he said unpleasantly. ‘Two men in one afternoon—and you think you’re too good for me!’
Helen drew back with a harsh gasp, suddenly seeing how livid he was. ‘You must be out of your mind,’ she whispered, ‘to say such things!’
His face was masklike and rigid. ‘I could be,’ he taunted, ‘but I’ll enjoy making you suffer.’
She shook her head wildly, her eyes wide with fear.
She could feel the menace in him, but worse than that she. could feel every pulse in her body responding, which frightened her even more. With words she might have a hope of fighting him, but her traitorous body was quick to hint that If he began making love to her she wouldn’t stand a chance!
She tried to get up, but Stein immediately caught her, his arms pinning her to the couch. Dizzily she wished she had had the sense to sit elsewhere, but he had looked so contemptuous she had thought he wouldn’t come near her.
He held her ruthlessly, his eyes staring into hers, letting her see his hate until the room began to sway.
‘I was beginning to trust you,’ he said harshly castigating her with his gaze, ‘but you won’t make a fool of me again!’
Trembling, Helen twisted, but her struggles were fruitless, the pressure of his body not relaxing an inch.
‘I never tried to make a fool of you!’ she pleaded entreatingly. ‘I know I’ve done wrong but not wrong like that.’
His smile was cruel. ‘I may have been hooked, but a fish doesn’t swallow the same line twice.’
‘I’m telling the truth!’ She shivered as his strong, hard face convulsed with rage. ‘I—I’ve never belonged to Gary Phillips or Donald Blyth or any other man.’
‘Tell that to the Marines!’ he sneered, his grey eyes molten. ‘Remember, darling, I know what both Phillips and Blyth are. Certainly not types to be interested in innocent little virgins.’
Helen’s cheeks went scarlet. ‘I don’t give a damn what you think!’
Her sudden defiance was foolish. She saw it immediately and closed her eyes against the violent fury in his face.
‘You’re going to!’ he muttered, gritting his teeth. ‘Before this night’s out you’ll be crawling to me on your hands and knees.’
Helen got her hands between them, trying to push him away, but she only came against a solid wall of immovable flesh. Panic-stricken, as his arms tightened, she couldn’t extricate herself from the intimacy of his embrace. She could only lie panting against him, watching helplessly as his eyes flickered over her.
There was something in his expression which sent terror racing to each one of her nerve ends.
He must have drunk too much at the party, she thought, forgetting he had imbibed very little. If he’d been sober he wouldn’t have got in such a rage. She could feel it just now, burning in him, fuelled by an icy determination. He had always meant to make her suffer, and all the signs were that he intended waiting no longer.
‘I said I’d wait until you begged,’ he gasped, as if he could read her thoughts and was merely adding to them, ‘I said I wouldn’t take you until then because I but who needs a mercenary little mind like yours? Donald Blyth might be willing to pay for the privilege, but I’ve already paid. So what the hell am I waiting for?’
His mouth came down savagely, parting her trembling lips, taking them in brutal possession. She sensed his predatory anger was far from appeased. She could hear it in the thudding beat of his heart and feel it in the pressure his arms exerted on her. Her whole body began trembling as his mouth explored hers hotly, and she lay shaking, silently fighting the effect he was having.
The intensity of her own reactions took her by surprise. As Stein continued kissing her and his hands began moving slowly over her, her heartbeats quickened and she felt herself beginning to weaken. Sharp stabs of a strange excitement were shooting through her and every principle she had ever known and clung to was abysmally forgotten. When she struggled to break free of the burning passivity beginning to control her limbs, he defeated the feeble thread of purpose in her mind simply by increasing the pressure and subtle probing of his lips.
His hands lingered on her shoulders, then with an impatient rasp of breath, he eased her forward and slid down her zip. Grasping the silky material, he removed her dress expertly, flinging it to the floor. The room was warm and when she shivered it was not from cold, Sensation was rushing through her as his hands returned to stroke her near-naked body, threatening to drive her crazy.
‘No wonder Blyth braved my lodge-keeper twice,’ Stem muttered thickly, ‘if this was the kind of welcome he had to look forward to!’
Helen lifted heavy lashes and saw his dark face bending over her, a hot flame in his eyes. ‘He’s never even kissed me!’
Roughly he said, ‘You like to make every man feel he’s the only one who’s ever been near you.’
She rubbed her knuckles into suddenly wet eyes, like a child. ‘You’re the only one who’s ever been this close.’
He stared at her, his face white. ‘What do you take me for, a gullible fool? Do you think I’ve forgotten rescuing you once, not far from here?’
Mutely she shook her head. ‘But you came in time.’
‘I wasn’t there every time.’
Helen closed her eyes so she didn’t have to watch him despising her. She felt exhausted by his sharp contempt, yet the tension inside her was building up unbearably.
She murmured his name passionately, thinking she might go insane if she couldn’t say it. Winding her arms tightly round his neck, she whispered it breathlessly against his mouth. ‘Stein—Stein …!’
His mouth came down hard and she heard his gasping mutter. ‘Are you trying to drive me out of my mind?’ His lips touched hers in such sensual hunger it inflamed her senses until she groaned. His hands disposed of her bra, then caressed her breasts until his mouth slid down to join them. She gasped at the savagery with which he kissed her, but she couldn’t withstand his silent demand for her surrender. When his mouth returned to hers she began kissing him back, if not as expertly, as passionately, until their bodies were writhing and twisting together.
‘I want you!’ Stein groaned, his voice hoarse as he suddenly picked her up and carried her through to his bedroom. ‘I want you,’ he repeated thickly, ‘and I mean to show you how much!’
CHAPTER TEN
IN his room he lowered her on to the bed, stripping off his shirt as he followed. Briefly Helen was terrified as his hard body came down over hers, but his powerful thighs soon mastered her struggles.
He took her face and stared into her dazed blue eyes.
‘You little bitch! I’m going to have you whether you enjoy it or not. Fight me and I promise I’ll hurt you!’
For a moment Helen shivered with anguish, but the next she was surrendering blindly as the naked desired in his eyes sent a thousand pulses drumming through her. Harshly h
is mouth swooped on her swollen pink lips, driving her senses into turmoil. Scarcely conscious of what she was doing, she ran trembling fingertips along his broad back, feeling the muscles contract as she touched him. As he bent to kiss her breasts again, she whimpered and pressed her mouth feverishly to the warm skin of his shoulder, trying to make him understand that she wanted him as fiercely as he wanted her.
She felt suddenly completely without shame about wanting him so much, and no longer did she even attempt to hold back from the hot, pulsing kisses they exchanged. When Stein thrust his strong legs between hers, she lay suppliant beneath him, not wanting to fight him any more, ready to give him everything he demanded. A wave of nervousness made her instinctively quiver, but, as his hardness began to penetrate, he controlled her expertly and she lost all real awareness of what she was doing.
She could feel him moving against her, the thick rasp of his breathing assaulting her ears as his hands curved from her breasts to her hips, pulling her closer up to him. Her senses were reeling from the pressure he was putting on her. Her whole body seemed on fire as the desire he was arousing mounted inside her, consuming even her ability to think. Hearing him gasp hoarsely, she moaned against his ruthless mouth, ‘I’m yours, Stein darling, if you want me. I always have been…’
He stiffened, his body going rigid. She felt the sudden anger and tension in him descending on her like a mighty weight. There was frightening pain as he savagely imposed himself on her, but as swiftly, the hard, hot pressure of his body and mouth disappeared.
She couldn’t tell the exact moment, because she thought she must have fainted.
When she came round she had no clear recollection of what had happened. It was daylight, and while she was still in bed Stein was up and dressed, standing beside her, holding a cup of tea. He was observing her coldly, without expression, and she wondered how long he had been there.
While he was pale there was no indication that he was unduly disturbed. ‘You’d better drink this,’ he advised in cool, controlled tones, as she gazed blankly up at him. ‘I’m off to work. After you’re dressed, Paul is waiting to take you home. I’ll see you there this evening.’
Before she could reply he spun on his heel and was gone, leaving her with only a hazy impression of burning eyes set in a grim face.
Helen lay where she was, frozen with as yet unexamined thoughts. The more she tried to remember the more desperate her despair grew, as the one thing she seemed able to recall with any clarity was her own total abandonment. Her face flushed with shame as she remembered how easily Stein had reduced her to a begging, abject creature without pride and then rejected her. He had looked at her this morning with contempt and she knew she couldn’t face him again. Nor Paul!
Paul must have spent the night here, there were other bedrooms. What must he be thinking?
Hearing the muffled sound of voices in the hall, she guessed Stein was leaving. As soon as he had gone she stumbled out of bed and began to dress. She was thankful that Stein had brought in her clothes, but her cheeks burned as she wondered if he had managed to do so before Paul had seen them scattered over the lounge.
Money was going to be a problem, the few pounds she had wouldn’t take her very far. She had made up her mind she would go to France and work for Raissa, but her biggest difficulty might be getting there.
Stein must have left her to sleep in his room. The other side of the bed was undisturbed, but it was obviously his bedroom she was in. There were odd things, a book by a writer she knew was his favourite, one of his short towelling robes behind the door. She noticed a framed snapshot by the bed and picked it up, startled to see her own face staring back at her. It was one she had had taken almost three years ago—she wondered dully how Stein had come by it.
Replacing it, with hands that trembled from the regret in her heart, she stumbled to the dressing-table to comb her hair. It was here that she found, unexpectedly, a roll of notes, a hundred pounds’ worth in all.
Briefly thinking it was like an answer to an unconscious prayer, she stuffed them in her handbag: It wasn’t stealing, she assured herself feverishly. As soon as she reached France she would begin paying Stein back—this and every other penny she owed.
Quietly she crept into the hall. From the kitchen she heard the sound of a radio turned low, mingling with the occasional clatter of dishes and cutlery. Paul was either eating his breakfast or busy washing up.
Swiftly, making no noise, Helen opened the front door and let herself out. Paul would imagine she was still asleep.
With any luck, it could be another hour before he went to investigate, and by then she should be well away.
In a second-hand shop several streets away, she exchanged the clothes she was wearing for a pair of jeans and a jacket with a warm sweater to go underneath. It was nearly Easter and it would be warmer in France than it was here, but she had to get there first. She managed to persuade the owner of the shop to provide her with a rucksack too, knowing her cloak alone was worth more than all the rest of the things she had got put together.
Outside the shop she paused, wondering how she should travel. While it might not cost so much to go to France by sea ferry, it would take longer. She was trying to decide whether to ring the airports to see if she could get a flight, or go personally on the offchance of getting one, when she suddenly knew she had to have more time before making a definite decision. She felt so mixed up and unhappy she didn’t think it would be fair to either Raissa or her family to descend on them in such a state. And, underlying all her doubts, was a growing reluctance to spend any of Stein’s money, even on the fare.
Eventually she decided to make for Newhaven, which she had once visited. She could always get the ferry from there to Dieppe if she changed her mind about going to France. If not, then Newhaven was a busy, popular resort where she might be lucky enough to find work.
She hitch-hiked most of the way, feeling it would be an unnecessary extravagance to travel by bus or train when she had all day and nothing else to do. It did take almost all day. It was early evening when she arrived and began looking round for a place to stay. It had to be somewhere cheap and not conspicuous. If there was a Y.W.C.A. or Youth Hostel, she didn’t try and find them, suspecting these could’ be the first places Stein might look for if by some improbable chance he discovered the direction she had taken. She didn’t think she would ever see him again, nor did she want to, but if he was still motivated by a thirst for revenge, he might stop at nothing to find her.
Unfortunately all the boarding houses she tried which looked as if they might accommodate her reasonably were either closed or fully booked for Easter. She had almost given up and was thinking of finding a quiet spot on the promenade as she tried one last place. There seemed to be no one at home, but, after she had knocked twice, the door was eventually opened by a pleasant-looking middle-aged woman.
Helen thought she was in luck until the woman shook her head and ruefully held up a bandaged hand.
‘You’re the third party I’ve turned away in the last hour,’ she sighed. ‘I cut myself badly and can’t manage the cooking, you see. The neighbours are good, but they have their own problems.’
Helen said she was sorry and was just about to leave when she was struck by inspiration. She hesitated, then took the plunge nervously. ‘I - I don’t suppose you’d let me stay and help, until you’re better? I’d cook and do anything just for my keep, for a few days.’
The woman gazed at her doubtfully, not deceived by the roughness of Helen’s junk-shop attire. ‘You somehow seem above that kind of thing,’ she said at last.
Helen smiled wryly, hastening to assure her, ‘I recently looked after three children in France. I was there for a year, helping with everything-cooking, housework, the lot.’
The woman laughed. ‘I must say I think I could come to like you, and it’s the first time anyone’s ever made me such an offer. Well, I couldn’t expect it, could I? I mean we’ve all got to live, haven’t we? I’d b
e grateful, mind you, if you’d really like to help, but I’m a widow and I’m afraid I can’t afford proper wages.’
Helen smiled with relief and said it didn’t matter. ‘I won’t let you down,’ she promised.
The woman smiled too, holding open the door.
‘Come in then,’ she invited warmly, ‘You’re very welcome, for as long as you care to stay.’
Helen stayed a week before deciding she couldn’t go to France but must return to Oakfield. In a way she was reluctant to leave Newhaven as she got on so well with Mrs Lamb, but she couldn’t sleep at nights for thinking of Stein. The money she had borrowed was burning a hole in her conscience, as was everything else she owed him. Her love for him, too, was eating her up until she couldn’t think straight.
Chains of Regret Page 18
