Cherish and Simon- the First Year

by Eva Morian

  The car was eerily silent. The lie of knowing one another was no longer in play.

  The rumble of the tires was the constant sound and Simon didn’t want to risk waking the babies with music. Cherish clenched her jaw as she patted along Jasmine’s bottom and rocked from side to side; staring down at her child. After a few minutes, he decided he needed to know where to start. What happened to land this woman in her situation. He didn’t want to, but he had to put her on the spot. “So, where’s Todd?” He questioned.

  Cherish looked to Simon for the first time and cleared her throat. Her voice was hoarse, raspy, and strained but she tried to amplify, “I-I don’t know.” She said with bitter shame. Wetting her lips, she blew out and slowly turned her attention back to Jasmine. She didn’t dare ask about Emily because the answer was completely obvious.

  His lips drew into a tight, thin line. Cherish almost lost her child and future because of that piece of shit. He and Emily witnessed the way Todd treated her while she was pregnant. He already didn’t like him from a stranger’s point of view. To know Todd didn’t have redeeming qualities to be there for his child’s birth and to clearly abandon Cherish at the hospital, Simon couldn’t hold his tongue, “Oh, then he’s a worthless shit then.” He snipped. Simon was usually a calm and mildly spoken man. He had venom in his insult with the “T” in shit clear and sharp. He did a double take at her from the empty road, “Sorry if that offends you. It’s not my place but he wasn’t treating you right.” He sighed.

  Cherish’s large eyes met with Simon as he expressed the very thing she had come to terms with over the last two days. “Hmph…” She huffed under her breath. She cupped Jasmine’s head and proceeded to nod, “No, no you’re right. He’s a big, fat, stinking pile of donkey shit.”

  “You’ll be better on your own. I’m sure of it. We’ll find you a job, get you a car, and a place. For now, don’t worry about anything.” He listed as though trying to convince himself.

  Simon said “We” quite a bit. Suddenly, it dawned on her that he intended to keep them off the street until she was able to get on her feet. His kindness was beyond anything she’d expected from another human being, especially after the man she dedicated herself to had destroyed the marginal faith she had in humanity.

  Cherish parted her lips. She wanted to say something so badly but instead there was only silence. Why was he doing this? Surely, he had enough on his plate. Now, he was willing to put Jasmine and her on his shoulders as well? Maybe he didn’t want to be alone as ironic as it was. Or, perhaps, he did it out of pity? That had to be the reason. So why didn’t it feel that way?

  “Thank you.” Cherish said before they fell into silence once again.

  Riding the car down the backstreets to Simon’s home, he felt a certain clench in his stomach. The street was dotted with beautiful colonial homes with large walkway gardens and pillars decorating the front doors. This was the nicest neighborhood Cherish had ever seen in her life. Places like this existed? She’d only seen them in the movies but never in person due to the life she was raised in and lived with Todd.

  Simon caught sight of her surprised expression. He began to wonder to himself if he and Emily ever mentioned his profession in their long, one-time conversation. He pushed the thought aside as they pulled up to a smooth driveway under a lattice work arch, and towards the detached garage in the back. The home resembled the neighbors with shrubs and bushes around the front. Simon shut the car off, “I’ll take Jr. first and then come for you two.” He said.

  Cherish looked around the garage and felt a smile creep on her face. She couldn’t stay there. He was far too gracious and now she felt obligated to do something in return for him. But what? All she could do was barely keep herself from crying, “T-take your time.” She whispered in response.

  Getting out of the car, he pulled Jr., who stared up at his father with dark blue eyes for a moment, out. Simon brought his boy inside the house and turned on the lights as he passed through the kitchen. Setting him in the downstairs crib, an idea Emily loved, Simon counted it lucky now that there were two babies in the house.

  Returning for Cherish and Jasmine, he opened the door and took the bag for her. They went the pace that Cherish stepped to the side door into the kitchen. There was a staircase tucked behind a hidden wall across from the door, with the open floorplan. The kitchen, dining room, and living room flowed seamlessly from one space to the other. Cherish’s eyes danced around the room a bit in awe.

  He led Cherish to the living room, so she could sit down. Releasing a huff, Simon was washed over with a very odd sensation. Though Emily wasn’t there, the room felt warm suddenly and a calm came over him; almost surreal. He stared at Cherish and was thankful to have another person with him. He realized he’d rather spend time with a stranger in his home than be alone. Focusing on Cherish, he was able to put his internal struggle on the back burner, “So, welcome home.” He said.

  Cherish’s mouth fell open as she blew out and stared up at Simon, “I…I…I don’t know what to say other than thank you. You really didn’t…” Feeling herself tear up again, her mouth tilted into a frown as she looked away from him and towards the picture of he and Emily on their wedding day. Blowing out, she swallowed the knot in her throat before she looked at him again through the fallen black curls in her face, “…you didn’t have to do this, but I thank you so much for giving us this chance. I will do anything, anything to repay you. I promise that when I’m able I will get a job and save up money, I will find my own place. I don’t want to be a burden, Simon.” She said.

  He empathized with how Cherish felt. This situation was odd and yet he was sharing all of it without the expectation of anything in return. As awkward as they both were, he was happy to help her. She was a good, grateful person and Simon believed every word she said. For the first time in days, he smiled, though minute, warmly. He could’ve told her she wasn’t a burden but, she would find out on her own.

  Just as she was about to speak again, Jasmine’s face twisted. Her eyes opened, a mewl came from her chest, and Cherish’s breasts ached. She was hungry. As Jasmine struggled in Cherish’s arms, the latter’s breath caught in her throat and her stomach clenched. She always became nervous when she started to cry because she knew her baby had a terrible latch, “Shh, shh baby. Are you wet?” she whispered.

  Simon looked down at how Cherish struggled and got the message. Naively, he assumed, that because of the size of her breasts, she’d breastfeed. He noticed the tired lines on her face that likely mimicked his own. Naturally, he figured she’d want privacy, “Take your time and come upstairs. I’ll bring her up.” He said pausing, “Oh, what’s her name?” He questioned.

  Cherish glanced at Jr. before she grabbed her baby bag with a nod and followed, “Her name is Jasmine.” She answered.

  “Jasmine…” He repeated reaching for the little girl. He lifted the restless child who grew grumpier as moments passed. Simon led Cherish up the stairs to his bedroom without thought. He already planned to sleep in the guest bedroom with Jr. before they’d left the hospital. The bed in the master was nicer and he felt Emily would’ve done the same. His wife was a saint and he remembered how highly she spoke of Cherish. All she wanted to do was help.

  Simon thought it would’ve been nearly impossible to enter this room without his wife, but the situation lessened the blow. To Cherish, it wasn’t hard to figure out who the room belonged to. She stared around at how beautifully the bright, pastel room was decorated. There was a new, dark rocking chair, changing table, and crib to the far side; beneath a row of windows overlooking the front yard. The bedroom set was white lacquered wood which was in stark contrast to the black baby furniture. The area where Jr. was meant to sleep was practical and simple; special.

  The messy bed, in Cherish’s eyes, showed it was in use right before Emily went into labor. Instead of feeling put off, she couldn’t help but feel a warm presence in the room. Emily’s beauty and kindness seemed to radiate within tho
se walls. This was where she and Simon shared their most passionate moments, intimate thoughts, and ultimately where Jr. was conceived. Cherish felt honored to be allowed in a space where love, a feeling she never knew, resided. Emily and Simon were the last scrap of humanity she’d met, and the kindness continued after death. Cherish was thankful.

  Handing Jasmine back to Cherish, he pulled the decorative pillows off and dragged the comforter to make a space for their new guests. The room was no longer perfect for him, but Cherish now, “Go ahead and settle in.” He said in a gentle tone.

  Blowing out, she lowered the strap of Jasmine’s baby bag from her shoulder and proceeded to sit in the rocking chair. She held onto Jasmine and began to rock, “Thank you again, Simon.” She said.

  Pausing, he looked to Jasmine who fussed in her mother’s arms, “Eat up little one.” He whispered. Jasmine erupted into a shriek and showed the true power of her lungs. Quickly, Cherish stood and placed her on the changing table. She had far more respect for Emily and didn’t feel right to use the bed. Simon quickly pointed to the wall across from the bed, “The bathroom is over there.” He stated.

  Downstairs there was a harmony of cries in unison of Jasmine from Jr. Sighing, Simon cut his glance towards the hallway, “And it begins.” He muttered lowly to himself as he left.

  Cherish glanced over her shoulder and caught a glimpse of Simon’s back before he disappeared. Lowering her head, she smiled at Jasmine and spoke in a soothing tone as she changed her diaper. As she pulled out a “fresh” onesie, Cherish grimaced. Her little girl’s outfit looked worse in the sunlight streaming through the blinds.

  After Jasmine was changed, Cherish huffed out, carried her baby over, and sat down in the rocking chair again. Shakily releasing a breast, she held Jasmine tight, and tried to place her nipple into her daughter’s mouth. Jasmine was not impressed. She grew frustrated almost immediately, wailed out, and rolled Cherish’s nipple in her mouth. In less than a minute the feelings of rejection began to bubble forth. She took a deep breath and remembered not to take the refusal personally.

  Cherish clenched her jaw, “Please baby.” She whispered under her breath and forced her dark nipple back into Jasmine’s mouth. Rejected again. After three less-than-par sucks, Jasmine gargled on her own spit and tears before her reddened face twisted. A screech, beyond anything Cherish had heard, emitted from her little body and Cherish began to wipe her face, “S-shh.” She murmured.

  Simon checked Jr.’s diaper, rocked and shushed him while they both waited for the bottle warmer. Unfortunately, Simon didn’t have working nipples for Jr. to satiate himself on, so the boy would have to settle for formula. This was an uphill battle. The nurses in the hospital noticed Jr. fought to eat from the bottles. They warned Simon to mention dietary issues to the pediatrician which only worried this new father more than it should’ve.

  At every turn when Simon tried to feed Jr., the little boy spat the nipple out, the milk he gained dribbled, and made a mess in his cries. Simon began to question his ability to hold a bottle and figured he was the one in the wrong. Exasperated, he took his crying, hungry son upstairs. He knocked on the door before entering the room. His brows bowed in sadness, “I’m trying to get him to eat but he won’t take it. Am I doing this properly?” He asked with a hint of panic in his voice. He knew Cherish was in this blindly as well, but he was desperate and hoped two heads would be better than one amid the wails.

  Cherish’s glossy and overwhelmed eyes met with Simon’s worried blue gaze as he approached her. Their lack of parental skills were on the edge of cracking and neither of them seemed to worry that she was topless. She tried to concentrate over the crescendos of screams of the babies’ symphony. She held Jasmine in one arm, pushed herself to her feet, and gently took the bottle from him. She tested the nipple against Jr.’s cheek and bounced Jasmine in her arms. Jr. was quick to spit the rubber out and his deeper cry shrieked with Jasmine’s once more. Jasmine shook, and her little arms jerked around erratically. Jr. mimicked her and Simon swore they were in competition on who could be worse.

  The bottle was going to waste and Cherish knew, deep down, that’s what Jasmine wanted; not her. Jasmine wanted the first thing she was fed with and imprinted in her mind. Unable to see a baby starving, including her own, Cherish blew out while she placed the bottle on the dresser, “I’m sorry. I... just…let me.” She stumbled, unable to finish the sentence; much to Simon’s confusion. This man was desperate to try anything.

  She held Jasmine out to him, traded babies, and pushed the bottle back into his hands. She stared down at Jr. and placed her finger into his mouth. She felt his tongue and how strong of a suck he had as one of the nurses taught her. Cherish smiled once Jr. began to suck while he opened his blue eyes at her, “Hello handsome.” She said to him glancing over at Simon, “Try the bottle on her.”

  Simon brought the artificial nipple to Jasmine’s sweet little lips. Immediately, she latched on and suckled repeatedly to satiate herself. Her blue-gray eyes peered up at Simon and he was socked in the chest. Through his darkened emotions, he’d found another beacon of light and, in almost an instant, felt love. A smile washed over him as he lightly bounced and rocked her. Jasmine was an easy baby to feed and Simon relaxed, “Look at you, beautiful. What eyes you have.” He said feeling a bit awkward to hold another’s child as his own, but he was melting for her.

  Waddling to the rocking chair, Jr.’s calm broke and he weakly cried out again, “Okay, okay. I-I’m new to this like you, big guy.” She murmured to him. Blowing out, she calmed her nerves before she attempted to breastfeed another person’s baby. Propping Jr. in her arm, Cherish guided him towards her and placed her nipple and a bit of breast into his mouth. She held his tiny arms down with her thumb and instantly she felt the difference. Jasmine only took the nipple, but Jr. took as much of the breast his little mouth could.

  He sucked with deep, hungry pulls and grunts after each swallow. He was calm and content while his little eyes drooped shut. Wincing, a minute passed before Cherish was used to the sensation. The engorged pain she’d felt around her breast deflated and, for once, she felt true release. She tilted her head while staring at him and instantly felt a connection to the little boy. According to society this would be wrong, terrible even for her to impede on another woman’s infant, but she couldn’t watch his struggles and he was too young to understand the pain he felt in his stomach. This boy would not starve if she could help him. She couldn’t help but care about him. Yes, Cherish was smitten with this little newborn, almost alike to how she was with her own daughter. Then, she noticed that it was almost entirely silent in the room. She honed in to see how Simon and Jasmine fared.

  The situation was still odd but oddly right.

  Simon caught Cherish’s gaze and saw his child filling his belly. Jr. stared up at this woman like she was all things glorious. That was an incredible thing to see. A mother figure nurturing his child in the most natural way possible. The fact that this woman stopped all she did so his son could eat, showed her character. It didn’t, however, stop the sharp pain in his chest. Inevitably, a lump formed in his throat that he had to fight off again and again. All he could do was lend a faint smile to her in their temporary peace. She returned with a half-smile and turned her attention to Jr. His eyes were shut tight as he nursed with his head cradled by her with care.

  The room was silent aside from the sucks and tiny mews emitting from beneath them. Simon carefully eased himself to the bed and sat on the plush mattress. He did a double take to Jasmine and dared to speak, “I think we figured it out.” It was only a temporary fix. Jasmine loved her bottle, but Jr. couldn’t expect Cherish to feed him all the time. That wasn’t fair to her. She was a guest in Simon’s house, and he wasn’t going to saddle her with another baby.

  Nodding, she stared down at Jr.’s pale features pressed into her dark brown breast, “I think we did.” She answered.

  Simon stared at Jasmine while the last bit of formula swirled d
own, “Thank you for doing this. I don’t mean, I mean…You just don’t have to feel forced to feed him. I’m not asking anything out of you or repayment.” He pondered a moment to himself, “I wonder if I can get one of those fake boob straps. You’re going to have your hands full with Jasmine.” He said. As he spoke her name, the bottle fell from her mouth and she sank into a deep sleep against him calmly. Simon lifted her to his shoulder and patted along her back as he stole a glance to Jr.

  Cherish took a few moments before looking to Simon again. She spoke to him in a hushed voice out of concern, “If you want to try bottle feeding Jr. again, I won’t stop you. Just know that you don’t have to waste your money. I will help you and he seems to like breastfeeding. I am willing to do it. I don’t want him to go hungry. I’ve already seen Jasmine in that state, and it hurts. I don’t want to see him like that. Besides…” Cherish’s gaze drifted down to Jasmine who slept in Simon’s arms, “…she seems to like the bottle more than this little guy.”

  Simon watched this woman as she laid out all that she was willing to do for Jr. and him. He wondered for a moment if she felt that she owed him for what he’d done for her. The straightforward look in her eyes and how she held his son tenderly, like a mother with her own child, he believed Cherish meant what she said. One bit caused Simon to read into it more that he should’ve. “It hurts.” He wasn’t sure if she went hungry with Todd or perhaps there was a deeper meaning, but he wouldn’t dare ask.

  Looking down at Jasmine as she slept peacefully in the crook between his arm and chest, Simon knew he didn’t want her to go hungry; ever. Just as he’d dedicated himself to Jr., he would make sure that she was always well fed. With this protective need to nurture her, he smoothed her almost bald head, “I’ll keep feeding her then. If we work together I don’t think things will be too bad. We can do this.” He said in a gentle voice.