Cherish and Simon- the First Year

by Eva Morian

  Cherish rubbed her lips together before she squeezed her eyes shut; waiting. Her stomach was a complete mess and her nerves shot through the roof. She knew the others were acting weird, but she wasn't expecting to suddenly have her first kiss with Simon. Margaret pressed a hand to her mouth as she quickly snapped a picture.

  In the moment their lips pressed strongly together, Cherish was heated to her core. This was already beyond a peck and he could feel the heat rise to his cheeks. He was shaken. Her lips were so big and soft. She smelled incredible and he’d lost himself in her as she did him.

  Ten seconds passed before Simon realized they hadn’t stopped. Consciously, he pulled away with a decent smack of their lips and stared into her eyes with a bit of surprise; catching his breath.

  Cherish released the breath she didn't know she’d been holding. She leaned forward into his direction before catching herself and straightening her back. Staring up at him, she swallowed heavily with an intense grip around her heart. She clenched her jaw while rubbing a knuckle against her bottom lip.

  Todd never felt like that.

  The ones around them seemed more than content with the result of their trick. The camera clicked again as Margaret's thumb slid against the cog; resetting it. She spoke up to change the subject and sway the attention, "Perfect! I got it!! Are you ready for the movie?"

  Miriam climbed off the chair before Cherish finally tore her gaze from Simon, "Y-Yeah....what...which one is it?" She asked following them into the living room.

  Simon was still frozen to the step. He vaguely nodded. His mind was tangled with the knowledge that kissing Cherish, even forced to, felt parallel to Emily. Different, but brought the same nerves and reaction as their first date. That concept was dangerous to him.

  Sitting with everyone else, he noticed that Cherish made a point to sit between his mom and Miriam. So, he made himself comfortable on the love seat and did his best to keep his attention on the movie. Alas, his mind was miles away and replayed her lips on an endless loop in his memory. Glancing over at Cherish, he blinked slowly and silently sighed.

  Even though Cherish stared at the screen, her mind was busy with a constant stream of questioning herself, her actions, Simon’s actions, and her feelings. She always knew that there was warmth when it came to him. What they did together from subtle flirting to sleeping in the same bed wasn’t normal by a long shot, but for them it worked. She was always confused with how she felt about him, but didn’t understand the weight and gravity he held in her life; her heart. Her fingers gripped the ends of his sweater lost in thought.

  Simon didn’t want to play the unspoken route because from day one, they’d been completely candid and honest with one another. The strong foundation they sat on was built on trust. He wanted to address the massive elephant in the room before one of them got hurt from the silence.

  Halfway through the movie, he found an opportunity to text her while everyone was distracted.

  We should talk. Want to sneak out to the hot tub after bed?

  Her right pocket vibrated, and she instantly glanced to Simon. Seeing him lower his phone, she clenched her jaw before she stood and trailed into the kitchen. Taking out her phone, she read his message and shut her eyes. He wanted to talk. Why did those words scare her? She bit on her bottom lip as she stared down at the screen and typed a response.

  You want to talk in a hot tub? I didn’t bring a suit and it’s snowing outside.

  Simon glanced towards the kitchen; clarifying.

  You won’t be cold in a hot tub, not even in winter. I promise. We can go in our underwear, that’s not big deal, right? If you don’t want to, you don’t have to.

  Cherish pressed her fingernails against the countertop. Blowing out, she leaned her head back. After a minute, she shook her head, but responded the opposite of how she felt.

  Sure. Though I still get cold even when you say I won’t, but…you want to talk so alright.

  He could tell from the way she worded herself that she was nervous. As she knew him, he knew her mannerisms completely through and tried to ease her worries.

  Don’t worry too much. It’s nothing bad.

  The movie seemed to drag on forever, but Simon realized that Jack and Miriam had already started to doze off. His parents, on the other hand, were far too close and content under their blanket.

  Once finished, Cherish said a quick goodnight to everyone else. She was the first one out of the living room and up the steps for her bedroom. Simon didn’t cry like his father because he far too distracted by their planned meet up.

  Everyone said goodnight sans Cherish and went to bed. Simon watched after their parents and flicked through the channels mindlessly in wait. He continuously glanced back at the staircase before he returned his gaze to the screen and tapped his finger impatiently on the remote control’s power button.

  After twenty minutes, he leaned his head back towards the hallway where the others rested before he pushing himself to his feet and shutting off the lights. He went outside in the cold and pulled the cover from the hot tub. His fingers tested the water for Cherish before he shook his hand and cranked the dial to a higher temperature to appease her. Returning inside, Simon rubbed his hands together and blew into them as he tiptoed to the basement in search for the linen closet. The last thing he wanted to do was announce to his parents what was planned, and he was too nervous at the possibility of running into Cherish prematurely. With two towels in hand, he returned to the living room and stripped down to his boxer briefs. Even though he prepared himself for the frigid journey to the tub, he honestly couldn’t wait for her.

  Pacing in the middle of the room, she shook her head repeatedly. She couldn’t comprehend what needed to be said, but also knew they couldn’t go about their lives without acknowledging what happened. Sighing, she mustered up her resolve before she stripped down and tied a towel around her body.

  Opening the door, she clicked off the light and was plunged in shadows from the moonlit windows. The stairs creaked with her steps as she rounded the railing and was met with his half nude figure. Clenching her jaw, she subconsciously tightened the towel and wet her lips while approaching him silently. She inhaled a deep, regretful breath and stared out at the tub on the deck, “Why do I let you keep talking me into these things?” she asked.

  Simon practically jumped out of his skin. His eyes narrowed at her while he tried to play it off, “Why do you keep scaring the life out of me is a better question.” He panted slightly.

  Cherish pressed her hand against his shoulder to calm him, "Why are you such a wuss is the best question." She returned.

  Simon smirked at her while his hand rested on the door knob and turned. A playful, teasing smile appeared over his lips while he opened it. Before he answered, she was hit with the frigid wind she’d spent the entire day avoiding. He hopped a few steps to the welcoming steam that rolled off the heated water. The first instinct she had was to recoil, but she quickly followed suit with him. Easing and melting into relaxation after he lowered himself in the water, he allowed the heat to take his tension away.

  Tossing the towel on the ground, she stepped into the hot water and immediately covered herself to her neck. An involuntary shudder took hold of her body as her teeth chattered together, “I-I knew this was a bad idea.” She whispered.

  The atmosphere made facing the facts about her much easier. She looked incredible across from him and he said the first thing that came to mind, “We should talk about you know.” He said.

  She cupped her warmed hands over her cheeks only to visibly pause. Staring at him, she looked away for a second and didn’t know what to say. Instead she waited until he clarified what he meant; stalling.

  Releasing a deep sigh, he was still confused and knew they shouldn’t approach the possibility, but he also didn’t want to face her rejection. Internally, he was fighting himself, “We’ve had something for a long time, haven’t we?” he asked.

  She could feel Simon’s gaze lo
cked on her while she rubbed her shoulders and finally looked in his direction. The moonlight against his skin made him look otherworldly. unable to run from it, mainly because she didn’t want to face the chill that lurked right outside the heated tub, Cherish sighed and rubbed her neck, “Specify what you mean. We’ve had a lot happen to both of us and I admit we do have a special bond. What do you mean a long time?” she asked.

  To Simon, she sounded as though he’d imagined what he felt, or worse, his feelings were unrequited. His vulnerability bubbled forth, but he bucked up the nerve and continued to put how he felt on the table, “Really special. When we kissed it felt like when I was married.” He said in the nicest way. He didn’t want to compare her to his late wife, but there was a very similar emotion that Cherish had brought out in him.

  Her eyes widened in shock. She reminded him of when he was married to Emily? Honestly, Cherish couldn’t decipher if she should’ve felt worried or extremely flattered. The fact was, he was nothing like the men she’d been raised with. He was the absolute opposite and that’s what she couldn’t let go of. He was the epitome of a great man and a wonderful individual. She didn’t know how to react to someone who doled out compliments and not heartache.

  Simon ran both hands through his dark locks as he took in her silence, “Maybe I’m the only one who thought this way, but it feels like this was a long time coming. I try to ignore it, but there’s always this tension between us.” He whispered wetting his lips. Shifting in the tub, the steam clouded his glasses which caused him to pull them from his face and set them along the side.

  With her bottom lip between her teeth, she nodded and pushed a curl out of her face, “Yeah.” She admitted. Nervously, she patted along the back of her tied up hair and sighed, “I understand what you mean. I…I feel it too, but I can’t acknowledge it because I know how I am when it comes to men and…”

  Simon knew exactly what she meant by her issues with the men of her past. This was part of the reason why he wanted to be careful with her. Plus, he didn’t think enough time had passed since Emily left the world; not matter how ready he felt, he didn’t feel right to move on so soon.

  Sighing, Cherish looked out at the expanse of white and towards the darkened mountain shadows, “…your kiss didn’t feel like Todd’s. I felt more in those short seconds than I’ve felt in my three years with him…” Turning her head, she stared at him and, even though she felt sick to her stomach, continued, “…and that’s what scares me the most. There’s so much that I could lose because of how I feel about you.” She whispered quietly

  Simon couldn’t deny the butterflies through his core, “I know what you mean. It’s big and I can’t…” He got tangled in his words which was normally bad news for a lawyer; not a lover. “…I can’t imagine losing you and Jasmine. The last thing I want to do is chase you away by giving into…” He shook his head and motioned between them, “…this so soon.”

  She felt more at ease with the fact that he acknowledged, reciprocated, and respected her decisions. Not only did he not push her into something they weren’t ready for, but they still could be completely open and honest with one another. Cherish broke into a soft smile as she sighed, “Jr. is my life. I love that little boy as much as Jasmine. You and your family took me in and gave me something that I’ve never had. All without anything in return. Emily made such an impression on me that, I can’t imagine disrespecting her. We both have a lot to heal from and…”

  She sighed, “…I don’t want you to think that…what I’m trying to say is…fuck.” She whispered tilting her head to the side, “I don’t think now is a good time for us. What we have right now is amazing, but I don’t want to make our parents think we’re trying to replace Emily. I keep in mind who they thought I was the morning after the hospital, and I don’t want to disappoint them. I want to clarify though, no matter what, you will never chase me away. You have done so much for Jasmine and me that…I could never in a million years turn my back on you or Jr. You have us forever.” She whispered to him.

  He nodded before lowering his gaze. To him it was still vague on what they were doing. Were they choosing to ignore their feelings indefinitely? Or were they waiting for an undetermined amount of time? Now he had the worry that she’d never accept their possible relationship because of her persistent dedication to his dead wife. The day he buried Emily, he noted that his relationship was over, no matter how badly it hurt.

  He had his knuckles pressed to his mouth before he sighed and lifted his head, “You know we feel the same about you and…” He rolled his eyes upward because they both knew how over the top his family was, “…something tells me that this will be more disappointing to them.” He said with a gentle smile. Even though he tried to act as though nothing had changed, that annoying downtrodden emotion persisted.

  Looking him over, she could tell almost automatically he was bothered. She’d studied him in silence for longer than she dared admit; knowing his ins and outs. She had him pegged down to his mannerisms before he’d escape to the bathroom for solitude. Consumed with this man and the life he gave her, Cherish pinched against her bottom lip. She waded closer and rested against his side. Simon’s stomach flinched from the bottom as she glanced up at him and perked an eyebrow, “What else is bothering you?” she asked. Holding a finger up, water cascaded down her dark arm and dripped beneath them, “And don’t lie to me. You know you can tell me anything.”

  The fact that she was able to always know when he wasn’t right shined a light on how trustworthy she was to him. Sighing, he gave her a defeated smile and shook his head and looked towards the water fleetingly. He didn’t think he could look her in those gorgeous eyes just yet, “I agree with you and I know you’re right. I just can’t help but feel kind of disappointed somehow. I don’t understand it either.” He confessed. Finding the nerve, he looked to her face again as he tried to read her expression in the blueish silver moonlight.

  “Oh.” She replied before she leaned her head onto his shoulder. Able to see his dilemma, she admitted to herself that she felt the same. Staring up at the stars and moon, Cherish sighed under her breath, “Do you want to be with me one day, Simon, or do you like the thought of being with someone?” she questioned looking at him.

  Her deep, personal question which made him second guess himself momentarily. Thinking, he knew there were many people around he could be close to at his job, his friends, and even clients. They’d all shown their interests at one point in time and there were many chances he had since Emily’s passing to take. But, at the end of the day, he went home to Cherish, to their kids, and their family. She was the one he cared for.

  His silence frightened her. Even though she kept her cool on the outside, inside Cherish’s mind ran rampant. Those brown eyes of hers searched the stars above them to take her mind from his answer, but it didn’t last long.

  He wrapped an arm around her side and pulled her close before meeting her glance. She looked right into his face and was washed in a feeling she couldn’t explain. She knew that if given the chance, she would fall head first, arms wide open in a relationship with him. But, their situation was delicate, and she cared far too much about Simon and the others to go in blindly.

  His answer was the only person he saw and the face that caught his adoration, “You…”

  Cherish rubbed her lips together before she reached upward and stroked against his cheek, “Then, can you promise me something?” she asked in a soft whisper. Her touch made him feel at ease and calm. Her hand fell from his face all while she continued to stare into those blue hues, “When the time is right for us and this family. When we’ve healed and are willing to start a relationship, we’ll do it. I don’t want to rush, Simon. I don’t want to mess up with you too. I’ll wait for you, if you’re willing to wait for me…”

  Trusting every ounce of her, he was keen to do anything. What she proposed was sensible and the idea that she’d wait for him made him feel comforted, “I’ll wait for you.” He
promised.

  From that moment, they both knew there was more than a friendly bond between them. At that decision, he leaned in and pressed his lips to the soft, flat space between her eyebrows.

  Cherish shyly lowered her gaze. Her stomach fell as she felt his kiss press against her skin once again. Slowly, he pulled back to meet her gaze one last time before he glanced over the side and watched the snow fall across the mountains. She nodded slightly against his mouth before resting her head on his shoulder and took in the magnificent view ahead of them. As breathtaking as the mountains looked during the day, for Cherish, the nightscape was by far her favorite.

  Peaceful.

  Before long, they’d climbed out of the tub, much to Cherish’s chagrin, and returned inside. They quietly snuck upstairs and checked on the kids one last time. Parting ways to shower, Cherish looked back at Simon before she shut the bedroom door behind her. She pressed her back against the flat surface and released a deep breath. Her hands covered her chest while her head tilted back, “Oh wow.” She whispered to herself breaking into a grin. Knowing that she shouldn’t have fallen over the deep end, it was too late. Unable to stop smiling, she bit against her knuckles before she hurried to wash up.

  Simon figured that asking to share a bed would be too risky, but again he was torn. He couldn’t sleep without her. Thinking about her expression when he promised her, it looked like she wanted to hear him say those words for a while. The happiness in her expression and the look in her eyes were etched in his memory.

  Within an hour, she exited the bathroom for the last time and realized Simon had yet to make his debut. Tonight, was her turn it seemed. Keeping her nerves to a minimum, she paced across her bedroom and opened the door. Across the hall, she bit her bottom lip, knocked against the door, and waited.

  Simon was midway through drying off his hair. His heart skipped a beat as he shot up and raced across the room. Cherish almost lost her resolve when the door opened, and she was met with him again. He braced himself to make the right decision, “Hey. Are you staying over?” he asked opening the door wider against his better judgement.