by Never , M.
“And he’s going to be fine. Just like before.” I make my way around the bed to hug Gerard. I hate seeing him in so much pain. I hate seeing them both in pain.
“Next to Ky, you and your mom are the most important people on Earth to me. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost any of you.” He holds me tightly.
“Well, hopefully, you won’t have to worry about losing any of us for a long time. And now you and Ky can make up for the time you’ve lost.”
“I’m hoping beyond all hope, Little Darlin’.”
“It’ll happen if I have anything to say about it.”
“Got him wrapped around your little finger, huh? Just like his old man?”
“Maybe.”
“Definitely. The way he fought for you. He wouldn’t leave your side. For a second, a terrifying second, I thought if you lost your life, he was going to give up his, too.”
That revelation shocks me. I stare down at Ky. Pissed at his stupidity and maybe a little more in love with him for it, too.
Ky whimpers, trying to shift his body on the bed.
“Hey.” I rush to his side. “Don’t try to move too much.” He flutters his eyelashes, attempting to open his eyes. Once he does, his attention seems far away. “How are you feeling?”
“Like I got fucking shot,” he complains.
“You did get shot, numb nuts.”
“Hey, Dad.” Ky closes his eyes again and breathes deeply. He seems to drift back off, but he surprises me by startling awake. “Kira?”
“I’m right here.” I touch his face.
“Are you okay?” He suddenly seems to be mentally alert.
“I’m traumatized, exhausted, and in shock, but I am trying to keep it together,” I answer honestly. “I also may never go back into the water again.”
Ky frowns at that admission. “Kira—”
“Ky, don’t.” If we open that flood gate of emotion, the entire hospital will get washed away. If there is one thing I’ve learned how to do, and do well, it’s compartmentalize. I’m a teetering fishbowl of frazzled nerves at the moment, and soon I will tip. I just need to hold it together long enough to know everyone I love is okay.
“We’ll fix it,” he promises. “We’ll fix all of it.”
“I know we will.” I try to smile, but it’s becoming increasingly harder to suppress the stress. I’m falling back into that blank space where the line between reality and delusion blurs. Where anxiety takes over and holds my life hostage. And now, the place that is supposed to help me escape, help me heal, terrifies me. It’s associated with chaos instead of calm. It’s been transformed, leaving me in the middle of nowhere. Alone, but not scared, protected but still confused, even with all the answers laid out right there before me. “Rest.” I kiss him on the forehead, the cheek, the lips, finding immense relief that we’re both alive.
We’re together, we’re safe, and though tears have fallen, strength did rise.
Epilogue - Gerard
Gerard
I spy on my wife as she watches Ky and Kira from the kitchen. She is the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on, and somehow, some way, by the grace of God, she’s mine.
“Penny for your thoughts, Darlin’.”
Kristen shakes her head thoughtfully. “He’s good with her.”
“He has definitely come a long way,” I agree. Ky is standing with Kira by the edge of the pool. They look cozy, facing each other and holding hands, but looks can be deceiving.
Kristen pays little attention to me. It’s been that way for a few days now. She’s cycling through emotions just like the rest of us. But Kristen’s scars, like Kira’s, run deep.
I place my hand on her hips and rest my chest against her back. Here we are in our big, beautiful house, financially stable, our children with us, and the picture that is supposed to be perfect is broken. There’s a crack, and I am doing everything in my power to fix it.
“She’s been through so much,” Kristen thinks out loud. I’ll take whatever thoughts she wants to give me. Even the bad ones. She's been so quiet and distant, I was beginning to go crazy. “What if she can’t bounce back from this?”
“She will.” I wrap my arms around her and place my chin on her shoulder. “She has you, and me, and Ky in her corner. And she’s strong. Just like her mother.”
It’s been a week since Ky has been out of the hospital. He’s bouncing back just fine. It’s Kira we’re all concerned about. She’s been having a rough time of it. Not sleeping, barely eating, and deathly afraid of the water. She went through a traumatizing experience. We all acknowledge that. And unfortunately, it wasn’t her only one. She and Kristen have traveled down this road before. I have only ever known Kira to be a sweet, beautiful, happy girl. A loving, loyal, woman any man would be proud to call his daughter. Stepdaughter or daughter-in-law.
Kristen’s body language is so stiff. She has never felt like this in my arms. Not even after I told her about my past, about the awful things I had done all in the name of being a rebel without a cause. When you’re young, you want to be tough. You want to be taken seriously, especially in the arena I grew up in. But then events happen in life that make you see things differently. You have a child. You hold this defenseless little being in your hands, and you suddenly want to be better. Do things better. Do things differently. I didn’t want Ky to grow up and follow my path. When his grandfather Alfred passed down the presidency to me, I knew I wanted to make a change. So, I did, gradually. And to my surprise, the majority was behind me. Turns out a simpler life was what most of us were after. Just riding free, enjoying our family, and having a little fun. Deacon was part of the minority. He was my right-hand man for a long time. He loved the life. Loved hurting, stealing, and killing. So, when things started to change, he did everything in his power to keep them the same. He got in bed with some bad people, tried to use the club to launder money and push drugs. Had the 5-0 turning eyes on us. It got to be too much, so I gave him an ultimatum. Quit it or get the fuck out. He didn’t appreciate my bluntness, so he tried to kill me with the knife currently stabbed into the bar top at the Den. Things obviously didn’t turn out in his favor. He left that day, bloody and bruised, and was never heard from again.
“What if it happens again?” Kristen turns to look at me, wrath in her beautiful blue eyes.
“I want to say this was a fluke thing, Darlin’, but there’s no guarantee in life. I’ve done a lot of bad things, but most of the people I crossed are in the ground.” Put there by yours truly.
Kristen frowns, her forehead wrinkling. I don’t like that expression one bit on my beautiful girl.
“I’m scared, Gerard. And I’m angry. And I’m worried, and all I can think is that it’s my fault.”
“Your fault?”
“Yes. Maybe we moved too fast. Maybe I didn't give it enough time. I put my daughter in jeopardy again—”
“Kristen, stop.” I fluster, taking her face in my hands. This conversation is taking a hard left down a road I don’t like. “I will do everything in my power to prevent anything like this from happening again.”
“It shouldn't have happened in the first place.” Tears spring to her eyes.
“No, it shouldn’t have,” I agree. “But it did, and we all came out okay.”
“Did we?” She’s referring to Kira.
“She will be fine. I will not rest until she’s as happy and confident and secure as she was before, and Ky won’t either. You are not alone, Darlin’. Not anymore.”
That has always been one of Kristen’s biggest weaknesses, taking everything on herself. By herself. She’s as strong as they come wrapped in one gorgeous, feminine package.
“I want to believe you.”
“Don’t just believe me, believe in me.” I clutch her face sternly. Kristen visibly relaxes, and I think I have finally gotten through to her. Kristen begins to cry, and it’s the first time I have witnessed real emotion pour out of her since she got home from Paris.
She
buries her face into my neck and lets the tears loose. I hug her tightly, allowing her to just let it all go.
Ky can see everything that’s happening inside, but luckily Kira’s back is turned. He stealthily shoots me a knowing look. He’ll keep Kira distracted. We both know seeing her mother break down will not be conducive to her healing process.
“Why don’t we go upstairs, Darlin’? For a little more privacy.”
“Okay,” Kristen sniffles, with no indication of detaching herself from me.
“Do you want me to carry you?”
“No,” she blubbers adorably, wiping her wet cheek on my shirt.
“Better?” I gaze down at her as she rests her head on my shoulder. She looks exhausted, and stressed, and in need of some decent rest.
“A little.”
“Feels good to get it all out?” I tuck some of her dark hair behind her ear.
“There’s way more.”
“Hmmm, I can think of a few ways to help you relieve some of that stress. I’ve been missing you these last few days.”
“Have you?” She tilts her face up to look at me.
“So much.” I drop my head and skim my lips across hers. “I’m here for you. Better or worse.”
“I know you are.” She regards me with warmth and love returning in her eyes. The way she’s looked at me for the last three years. The way it’s intended to be. “Now take me upstairs and fuck me slow, and make it mean something.” She reiterates what she said to me on our first date.
It makes me as hot and bothered now as it did then. We’re finally rekindling the embers that have been left smoking the last few days, and I couldn’t be more thankful for it.
Kristen, Ky, and Kira are my life. They’re my family and my reason to be.
Nothing is ever going to jeopardize that again.
I trap Kristen in my arms and plant a slow, hot, possessive kiss on her lips before I drag her upstairs.
If she wants it to mean something, it will.
I’m going to make it mean more than just something. I’m going to make it mean everything.
Ky
I hold Kira’s hands up against mine as I watch my father drag Kristen from the kitchen. They look like they’re working things out. I don’t know Kristen well, but from what my father has told me about her, she’s very much like Kira, happy and loving and loyal, but lately some of those sentiments have been distant in this house.
“C’mon, Snow, just a short swim. We’ll stay in the shallow end.”
“I don't want to, Ky,” Kira fights me, squeezing my fingers with hers. “You’re never going to get over your fear if you don’t try.” Kira hasn’t gone near the water since we’ve been home. Even showers have been difficult for her.
She glances down at the crystal blue H2O and shivers. “I’m not ready.”
“What if I gave you a little incentive?” I bait her.
“What kind of incentive?” She raises an eyebrow.
“Not that kind of incentive. Not yet anyway.” I lick my lips salaciously. Kira rolls her eyes, and it’s comforting to see her sense of humor retuning little by little. For a minute there, it was touch and go. When she finally broke down, there was a moment when we thought more professional accommodations were needed – i.e., twenty-four-hour observation in an institution — but luckily Kira persevered. She’s been seeing her psychologist daily, and I think it’s really helping. Her therapist gave her a journal to write in, too, to jot her feelings down so she can pinpoint the triggers, but all she keeps writing is “tears may have fallen, but strength has risen.” She says the saying soothes her, so far be it for me to interfere in her healing process. I’m just here, for whatever she needs. Hopefully for life.
Letting go of one of her hands, I pull something out of the pocket of my shorts and hold it up.
Kira stares at it. “Is that what I think it is?”
“Yup. An engagement ring.” The jeweler called it a Stargazer ring because of the “stardust” like diamonds on each side of the square center stone. I just liked it because it screamed Kira — elegant, delicate, and feminine. It made a statement, just like she does.
“Don’t you think it’s a little fast to get engaged?”
“No,” I state matter-of-factly. “Our parents got married after three months.”
“They’re a special case.”
“And we’re not?” I argue.
“You have a point.”
“It doesn’t really matter anyway. I’m not officially proposing.”
“You’re not?”
“Nope.” I toss the ring into the pool. “Not until you go get it.”
“Ky, I can’t believe you just did that.” Kira peers down into the water.
“Incentive.” I cross my arms. I’m a devious bastard.
“Well, maybe I don’t want to marry you.” She mirrors my stance. I love it when she tries to act tough.
“Well, maybe that’s bullshit, because I know you do. Anyway, I told you, I’m not proposing until you get that ring. So, we don’t have to worry about whether or not we’re getting married right now.” I lean in close, so my lips are an inch away from her ear, and whisper, “It’s all up to you, Snow.”
The ball is in her court. I’m just the spectator.
“Ky,” she hums my name so seductively.
“Yeah?”
“You know I love you, right?” Kira runs a fingertip down my jugular vein, tracing the letters of my tattoo across my clavicle, then teases her way south to my hip. That single touch has my hormones racing. It’s the Indy 500 inside my pants.
“Yeah, I do,” I growl like the rambunctious puppy she reduces me to.
“Good.” She pushes me right into the pool. “Enjoy your swim,” she sings as she struts off, flipping her short hair and everything. Now there is the girl I know and love.
I do believe there’s hope for us yet.
Kira
It’s been two days since Ky tossed my engagement ring into the pool.
It’s been on my mind nonstop.
I won’t deny I want it, or that I want him to propose.
I barely even got a good look at it. It glistened in the sun for the half of a second he held it up, and then it was gone.
Tossing it was such a Ky thing to do.
This is the third night I’ve sat poolside while everyone sleeps, contemplating going in. But I just can’t bring myself to do it, no matter how much I want to. I just keep flashing back to Deacon, holding me under in the bathtub, over and over, until I was barely conscious. He knew the water was my safe place, and he shattered that escape for me.
I run my thumb over the delicate wave tattoo on my wrist. Where do I go if not the water? Where do I find my peace?
The lights below the surface of the pool tempt me to search again for my ring. Retrieving it would mean so much more than just a piece of jewelry on my finger. It would mean Ky and me together for life, and that is an enticing idea.
I touch my palm to the surface of the water. It’s warm and tranquil, inviting like always.
Staring at my reflection, the memories stir. The fear, the pain, the agony, it all sharply tingles under my skin, but so does want, and perseverance. Tears rise like the sea, and I let them fall. I let them rain out of me hard and fast and torturous. They hurt, but they also heal. Though tears may fall, strength can rise. Though tears may fall, strength can rise. Though tears may fall, strength can rise.
I inhale a deep breath and fall head first into the water.
It’s terrifying at first. Immediately, I want to swim to the surface and escape, but I don’t. I fight, because as frightening as it is, it’s also magnetic. The water calls to me. It cleanses me. It offers me a second chance.
I swim to the bottom of the pool and feel around for the ring. A tiny glint catches my eye, and I know I’ve found it.
Picking it up, I slide it on my finger and admire my hand under the shadows of the lights. It’s beautiful, and special, and perfect.
“’Bout time you went down and got that thing.” Ky’s voice startles me. I spin around in the pool, and there he stands, watching me.
“How long have you been spying on me?” I swim to the edge, right beneath him.
“Every second of every day.”
“Stalker,” I accuse.
“Yup.” He wears the name with pride.
“So, I think we had a deal.” I hold up my hand and him over the fire.
“I believe we did.” He crouches down. He’s shirtless, and sinful, and way too sexy for his own damn good. “I like you all wet.”
“I like you wet, too.” I pull him into the pool.
When he pops his head out of the water, he heads straight for me, pinning me against the wall and sliding his tongue all the way into my mouth, eating me slowly with kisses. I moan instantly, my body succumbing.
“I’ve missed you.” I wrap my arms around him and kiss him back with full force.
“I’ve always been right here.” He licks my neck, up and down, tasting, craving, consuming. Shifting us over to where we can stand better, Ky crushes me back against the wall. I get lost in the feel of him. In his strong hands groping me, in his powerful body pinning me in place, in the feel of his erection digging in right between my legs.
