by Rae Hachton
“Alison left this behind today. It's her favorite toy. She carries it everywhere.” I handed it to him. He reached out, grasping the bear's blue paw, but instead of taking it, he just paused there. We both held the bear. He gazed at me, awkwardly.
“You know, you don't have to keep returning things just to have an excuse to come and talk to me.”
“I—” I opened my mouth to speak, but faltered instead.
“What—are we going to play ring-around-the-rosie now? 'Cause all I have are ashes.”
I realized that the reason he hadn't taken the bear was because I still held onto it like an idiot. I let go at the same moment he nearly snatched it away.
“Thanks,” he said in monotone. “I'll give this to her when she gets back.”
Everything that I had planned to say to him quickly vanished. The summer afternoon quietly burned, leaving behind an afterglow. Kaleb extinguished his cigarette and sauntered back into his house.
Glitter. Glow. Flicker. Gone.
I wanted desperately to forget about him. This summer would be the summer that Kaleb disappeared from my mind for good. Forever. And I would do everything in my power to make that possible. In a couple of months he'd be leaving anyway, right? No point in trying to get close to him now.
When I arrived back at home my mother had already left. She was a nurse at the local hospital and she worked the late shift. She wouldn't be home until morning. Great. I'd be alone all night. But being alone was something I'd grown used to over the years. It was also something that Kaleb and I had in common. We were both loners. I just wasn't sure if that was something we'd chosen to be, or something we'd learned.
I searched through the refrigerator for something to eat. I was starving. Mom had apparently not been to the grocery store in a while. There was nothing in the refrigerator except carrots and celery, low fat yogurt, and tofu. Oh my God, I was going to die of starvation. I couldn't live like this. I slammed the door shut and jerked open the cabinets. Protein bars? Vitamins? I dug into the back of the shelf. Yes! We had fruit roll up, the closest thing to junk food we had in this house. It was sad at how excited I'd become over seeing it. I quickly popped open a pack and began cramming the sugary fruity goodness in my mouth. I wondered if I had any money to order a frickin' pizza or something. I looked over into the cookie jar, checking for cash. Why did we even have a cookie jar if mom never allowed any cookies in the house?
Nope. No money. I could never get lucky.
I was gazing out my kitchen window when I saw Gunner walking his dog. He and I hadn't been what you would call friends, but we lived in the same neighborhood and went to the same school, so we spoke sometimes. I went outside and stood on my front porch. Gunner looked across the street, saw me and waved. I returned the friendly gesture.
Oh God, I could smell barbeque.
A minute or so later, Gunner bolted across the street, his dog running with him. He nearly pulled the leash out of Gunner's hand.
“Hey girl,” he said. “How's your summer going?”
“It isn't,” I said. I reached down to pet Sammy. “I don't think it's officially summer yet anyway, according to the calender.”
“Yeah, but it's hot as hell,” he laughed. “Hey, did you sign up for Mr. Macon's film class. I know you're more of a theater kind of girl, but I told you to sign up. It's so boring around here, I thought it'd give us both something fun to do.”
“You're crazy, Gunner. That summer class costs like five hundred dollars. If I had that kind of money I'd buy a basket full of potato chips and cookies and store them in my room so my mom wouldn't find it. She doesn't let me eat anything good, just these nasty health food drinks.”
“Damn, Kayleigh. No wonder you stay so thin.”
“And someone's grilling! I'd kill for a burger right now.” I looked around as though I could figure out who was grilling out. “I'm like a savage right now. If I found out who's grilling, I'm gonna run through their backyard and steal a hotdog or something,” I laughed.
“Yeah, it's my dad,” he said.
“Oh I totally hate you!”
“Well hey, why don't you come on over for dinner?”
“Seriously?!”
“Yeah. Your skinny ass needs to eat, hell. And afterward we can go to Ashley's party.”
“Oh my God, thank you. I'm starving over here.”
“And hey, I'll talk to Ben about letting you in the class since you don't have anything else to do.”
“Ben?” Did he just call Mr. Macon by his first name. “Ben?!”
“Oops,” he covered his mouth. “Guess it just slipped out.”
“Gunner! Do you have a crush on Mr. Macon?”
“Oh no, it's not a crush. We're sorta seeing each other.” I think my eyes almost popped out of their sockets. “And if you tell anyone about it, I'll kill you in your sleep.” He stepped off my porch and walked back across the street, indicating that he wanted me to follow him.
“You are not seeing Mr. Macon.” I couldn't believe it. I walked with Gunner to his house.
“No, I mean we do other things, too.”
“Oh my God! You're so not sleeping with Mr. Macon! He's our teacher!”
“He was our teacher, past tense. And he's teaching me pretty well,” he added. He noticed I was gazing at him and he playfully pushed me. “Shut up,” he said.
“You shut up!”
“Well what about you? You got any hot dates I need to know about? Do tell.”
I laughed. “Dates? I can't even manage to grab the interest of one willing guy.”
“That's a lie. Kaleb seems to like you a lot. You can't pretend to not know how that boy stared you down at school. You should totally go for it. I would, I mean, if he were into guys of course. So unfair. If you don't grab it, I'm never going to speak to you again, Kayleigh.”
***
After I devoured a hamburger and half a bag of barbeque potato chips, Gunner practically begged me to go to the party with him.
“Why is it so important that I go?” I asked.
“I don't want to go alone,” he whined.
“Why do you want to go at all? You're with Mr. Macon, remember? Or, so you claim. You can't possibly be going to scope out guys.”
“You just don't understand these things, obviously. Like, I'm not going to just sit here and wait for him to call. And if you want to be boring you can just stay at home, and be all woe is me, but I'm going to this damn party.”
“I've never been to any parties.”
“Great,” Gunner said. “This can be your first one. A new experience for you.” He clapped his hands together. “But, do you have anything cuter to wear? Maybe a nice dress or something.”
“You'll take me as I am or I won't accompany you at all. You can play dress up with me later.”
“Fair enough. You'll do. Just wait right here until I get ready.”
I scoffed. “And how long is that going to take?”
“No longer than usual,” he smiled. “So—You've never been to a party before, which means you've never been drunk.”
“I've had a few sips of wine before.”
“Doesn't count,” he said, then continued. “You've never had a boyfriend—”
“Wait—who says I've never had a boyfriend?”
“It's obvious. You haven't.”
“Is that such a terrible thing?”
“Like yeah, for me it would be. It means you've never been kissed, which means you've never been laid, which means you're still a virgin, which means if I were you that would totally suck.”
“Whoa, you're all up in my business.”
He pulled shirts out of his closet, holding them up to the mirror. “No, I'm not all up in your business, because if I was that would mean that I’m straight and I'm not. But Kaleb wants to be all up in your business.”
“Sounds like you have a fixation with hooking me up with Kaleb. Why?”
“Because he's so fucking hot, and since I can't have him, I would mu
ch rather he be with someone that I actually like instead of some bitch I can't stand.”
“That's crazy. It's called free will? Kaleb can be with whomever he chooses. You don't get to decide.”
He spun around and looked at me like I was crazy. “And he's chosen you. Duh. You've been his ever since elementary school. Just wait. You can run all you want and deny how much you want him, but you two are going to end up married, and I'll be at that wedding.”
I rolled my eyes. Gunner was so dramatic. Now I saw why he was in theater for so many years. “Gunner, do you even like filmmaking?”
“I like everything. Filmmaking, theater and acting, set design. Anything that's arty and creative. That's why I'm going to art school.”
I played with the fringe on one of his pillows. “I don't really like theater. I mean, that's why I never auditioned for a role in any school play. I prefer being behind the scenes.”
“You mean, behind the camera.”
“Yeah, maybe.”
“Because you like hiding.”
“Okay, are you attempting to psychoanalyze me now?”
“Just sayin'. For once, you should just take charge and go for what you want. It's so liberating.” He was enthusiastic when he said that.
“Is that what you did with Ben? Take charge?”
“Maybe,” he smirked.
“Gunner, you seem so awesome. How come you and I have lived across the street from each other but never been friends?”
“Kayleigh, you barely come out of the house.” I frowned when he said that. “Well, it's true. But if you stick with me, I will break you out of that shell.”
“It's just that my mom—” he held up his hand and interrupted me.
“—your mom is a crazy bitch, no offense. But she's at work tonight, and you're coming with me and we're going to have fun.”
“And she's going to kill me if she finds out.”
He shrugged. “So make sure she doesn't find out.”
Maybe he had a point. No sense in staying home all the time. But—
“Ashley never gave me an invite.”
“The best parties to attend are the ones you weren't invited to.”
That'd be something to see.
Listening to Gunner, I went to the party. I wasn't even a few feet through the door when Ashley approached us. “Is Kaleb with you?”
“No,” Gunner said. “He's not with you, either.” But Gunner meant it in an entirely different sense. He meant that Kaleb wasn't her boyfriend and she needed to stop throwing herself all over him.
Ashley directed her next question at me. “You two are close, like siblings, right?”
Was she talking about me and Kaleb? Because if she was trying to imply that there wasn't any attraction surging between Kaleb and me, she was wrong. There was, and I think she knew it, too.
“We're not that close.”
“Oh,” she twirled a strand of hair around her finger. “In middle school, the way he treated you, I always thought you were his kid sister.”
“You thought wrong,” I said, stepping away from her, but she asked another annoying question. One that made me want to lunge at her and attack by the throat.
“You're not into him or anything though, right?”
Kayleigh, calm down. She's deliberately trying to piss you off.
Gunner spoke up for me on that one. “What 'biz is it of yours if she is?”
“Oh, look. You're his pet. How cute. He speaks for you and everything!” She said with fake excitement. She tossed her hair over her shoulder and spoke as though I wasn't standing right there. “Hope she's not. She's only going to get hurt. Kaleb isn't into girls like her. Totally not his type.”
And what? You are. Bimbo.
“Besides,” she looked straight at me when she said it, “Kaleb and I already hooked up.”
There was an undeniable sinking feeling, like my heart had plummeted into the abyss. I bet she saw the shock mixing with the disappointment and hurt on my face. But that quickly boiled into anger.
When? When had they hooked up? The afternoon he took her home? I wanted to know.
But that wasn't enough. She had to add to it. “He's been around, Kayleigh. What makes you think he'd change just for you? He was also on meth. You don't know anything about him.”
Even though I wanted to choke her, I had to admit—Ashley was gorgeous. Super model gorgeous. Perfect height, perfect size. Her legs weren't awkward like mine. And she had boobs that she basically put on display. I looked like I was twelve when compared to her. She was the kind of girl a guy like Kaleb would go for. Probably not date or fall in love with, because let's face it, Kaleb didn't date and he wasn't the guy who struck me as the kind who fell in love with girls. He had intentions of doing everything with them but that.
What in the hell was I thinking? I'd left him my number. He was never going to call. Why would he? He only called the girls he hooked up with. Just like at the lake. He'd made plans with me, but maybe they'd been an afterthought, or a way for him to practice his charm. He already had his grin down to perfection.
If he'd wanted to spend time with me, then why had he blown me off for Ashley? He could've said no to her, but he hadn't.
I stalked away and Gunner followed me. “Don't worry about it,” he said. “She's only doing that to get to you.”
“Yeah, and it's working. Maybe she's right.”
“Doubt it. Learn to read in between the lines, girl. Doesn't matter that she's smokin' hot, you totally intimidate that bitch. She loses confidence when it comes to you being around Kaleb. That right there should tell you everything you need to know. He's obviously into you so badly it shows. She sees it. That's why she tries to kick you down.”
“Possibly.”
Seth was also at the party. When he saw me, he ambled over with another guy. “Hey, Kayleigh,” Seth said. “When are you going out with me again?”
“She never went out with you, Seth,” Gunner said. “She just danced with you at prom.”
Didn't really even do that, I thought to myself. Seth didn't say anything about that.
“This is my older brother, Matt.” He pointed at the guy standing beside him. “Sorry I couldn't stay down at the lake, I had to bolt. Had work.”
“Don't worry,” Gunner said. “No one missed you.”
“Well isn't he just a complete smart ass tonight.”
“I think it's called a joke,” Gunner rolled his eyes. Matt eyed me, making me uncomfortable. I tugged on Gunner, secretly begging him to get me out of here.
Seth handed me a drink. “C'mon, Kayleigh. Just a few sips. You gotta live a little.”
I hesitated momentarily, before taking the plastic cup from him. Everyone was drinking. Maybe I'd fit in better if I had a few sips. It was a party after all. A little bit wouldn't hurt, right?
CHAPTER SEVEN
Couldn't get Kayleigh off my mind
*
I decided to go to Ashley's party after all because I needed to get away. I couldn't get Kayleigh off my mind no matter how much I tried. All I did was think about her. I arrived at the party late. As soon as I got there I had three girls lined up for my attention, but I pushed them away. I was here for a drink, I was here for—
Kayleigh? She was the last person I expected to see at this party. But across the room, there she stood, giggling. How had she gotten here? Why had she decided to come?
Suddenly, I didn't care about the alcohol or getting drunk and forgetting everything. My main objective was getting Kayleigh out of here.
Her next door neighbor was sitting on the counter, flirting with some guys. It dawned on me how Kayleigh had gotten to this party.
I approached Gunner. “You brought her here?”
“Yeah,” he said.
“What in the hell were you thinking?”
“I was thinking that Kayleigh needed to have some fun. Why?”
“Kayleigh's never been like this before, man. I don't like it. And I don't appreciat
e you bringing her here tonight.”
“Then do something about it, dumbass, and stop standing here.”
I turned away from Gunner, focusing my attention on Kayleigh. I watched her from a vantage point. She was drunk. So intoxicated she could barely stand so she leaned against some guy. My blood boiled. Seeing her like this was so out of place. For a second I thought I'd stepped into some alternate dimension.
Okay, so maybe part of me was jealous because I'd seen her with someone else and I didn't like it—I didn't like the way it made me feel—but the other part of me just wanted to get revenge on Kayleigh for having found me in my weakest moment. This was more about getting even. Everyone had a shadow side. I'd found hers.
I stood at a vantage point and watched as she inhaled smoke from his cigarette and drank beer from a red plastic cup. If she was going to act that stupidly and share a cigarette with a guy, then it sure the hell was going to be me. No one else. Now I was super pissed.
I never imagined seeing Kayleigh at a party like this. It wasn't her. As I watched, the guy rubbed on Kayleigh's arms—her small arms. Suddenly, I felt very protective of her. The guy was three times her size, and with her being intoxicated, he could do anything he wanted to her. The thought made me sick. I had to stop this. Kayleigh didn't know what kind of danger she could be in. I knew she didn't come to these kind of parties. Ever. This was her first. And for whatever reason, she'd decided to show.
The guys here were too old for her. She could pass as the little sister to any of them. And the way she wore those Buddy Holly glasses—she was too vulnerable. I couldn't leave her here knowing what might happen.
Anger boiled in me when he leaned in, jerked her towards him, and tried to force a kiss. She tried her best to scramble away. But he grabbed her. Oh fuck no.
Was no one else seeing this?
I dashed across the room. I tapped him on his shoulder to get his attention and when he spun around, I knocked him the fuck out with my fist. He staggered back and crashed into the towering stack of plastic cups. One of the other guys asked, “What in the hell did you do that for?”
I reached for Kayleigh. “She has to go home.”
