Ailis fought her feelings on the long walk back. Aye, she loved Gavin, but she would not make Jenny's mistake. She wouldna cling to him if he nay wanted her. Never again would she lay with him. If he loved her he would have said so. And because she loved him, she would not drag him into her debt of vengeance.
How could she ask him to be part of the blood debt she'd vowed? 'Twould mean harm or death to him and his family if he were caught. She must leave. 'Twas the only way.
When she returned to the castle, she took the basket to the kitchen then slipped away to Megan's chamber. She entered, barred the door behind her and removed her gown. Her tears flowed down her cheeks as she looked at the slight smear of blood between her thighs.
She had given Gavin her body and her love for naught. Now that he had sated his lust, he wanted naught to do with her. How could she abide remaining here knowing he felt so? Nay, she would leave. Soon. Until then, she would avoid him as best she could. Perhaps that way she might save herself more heartache.
Wiping her tears away, Ailis picked up the water ewer and washed the telltale signs of her innocence from her body. She shook her gown out and redressed. Then she walked to the far corner of the chamber and pulled at the loose stone she had discovered when she had searched the room for a hiding place for the talisman. There, in a crevice in the thick chamber wall, she had secreted it for safe keeping shortly after she'd first arrived at Kirkholm.
When the stone came free, she shoved her hand into the empty space and retrieved the talisman from its hiding place. She hung it around her neck and tucked it inside her gown. From now on, she would keep it with her in readiness of her departure. Drawing a steadying breath, she placed the stone back in the wall, lifted the bar from the door and left the room.
#
Gavin searched the brewhouse for Ailis. Paddy was at the end of the large room shoveling dried barley and oat grains into a barrel, but Ailis was not there. Damn. He needed to speak to her. To try to right things between them.
"Paddy, have you seen Ailis? I had thought to find her here."
The old man looked up with a frown and wiped the sweat from his brow. "Aye. The fool wench tried to tell me I was nay doin' aught right. I sent her away. I need no yammerin' harridan tellin' me how to brew me ale."
"Where did she go?"
"I dinna ken or care. Away suits me well enough."
Gavin sighed. Ailis would be in a fine temper when he found her. If there was one thing he'd learned from Meggie, 'twas that a lass needed to work off her temper before she would speak of what troubled her. He'd best remind Paddy of his agreement to let Ailis help with the brewing before he brought her back.
"Paddy, you vowed to let her aid you. I expect you to hold to your word."
"Aye, Gavin, but the wench–"
"She still mourns the loss of her family," Gavin interrupted, "and the trip to Craigmuir was hard on her." As Paddy started to speak, Gavin held up his hand, forcing the man to silence. "Let her try her way of brewing till she has worked through her grief. A man of your skill can surely find a way to guide her without her knowing it."
Paddy's frown deepened. He tossed the shovel to the floor, crossed his arms over his chest and glared at Gavin.
Gavin glared back. "Your word, Paddy."
For a moment the old man stood in silent defiance, then he dropped his arms and nodded. "Och, aye. But dinna be complainin' to me when yer ale is nay fit to drink."
Gavin clapped him on the shoulder. "'Tis a bargain. Go pour yourself a pint and relax until I return with Ailis."
After questioning a few clansmen, Gavin found her in the storehouse, sifting through the items they'd brought back and mumbling to herself. He cleared his throat to gain her attention and then quickly held up his hands as if in surrender when she whirled around with the heavy pewter bowl in her hands.
"Lass, I've been looking for you. We need to speak."
Her eyes blazed as she stepped closer and waved the bowl at him. "Nay, 'tis naught to talk about. You are like Paddy and all the rest of the men. You think to force me to your will and have no thought of my own. Well, you can take your–"
Gavin closed the distance between them, grabbed the bowl and tossed it to the ground. Then he captured her hands in his. "Lass, I will not argue with you. I have spoken to Paddy. He vows to try your way of brewing." Gavin hesitated for a moment and then added, "As to what occurred between us, I did not force you. I–"
Ailis yanked her hands back and wrapped them around herself. "I do not wish to speak of it! And given it will never happen again, 'tis best we simply forget it." She stared at him coldly, as if she could barely stand the sight of him.
Gavin recoiled as if she'd struck him. A painful tightness gripped his chest. The feeling grew till it drove all compassion from him. God, he'd been a damn fool to lose his heart to her; to think all would be well if they spoke of it. He scowled at her, forcing himself not to show the pain her words had wrought. "Do not fash yourself. I'll not touch you again." His bitterness made him add, "There are many maids who long to share my bed. I will not be alone." He stepped away from her and pointed toward the entrance. "Come with me. I told Paddy I would bring you back to begin brewing."
Ailis walked stiffly beside him to the brewhouse. Her heart threatened to break with every anguished step. So, 'twas as she feared. Gavin's use for her had ended with the slaking of his lust. She should have remembered Jenny. No man was to be trusted.
She darted a glance around her. Her tear-filled eyes blurred the image of the MacPherson plaid she saw everywhere. God, she still was not sure. It looked so much like the one she briefly remembered. But it made no sense for Gavin and his clan to accept her, to make her feel welcome if they were responsible.
As she walked, she noticed dozens of tartan-clad men training in the list and working about the keep. They paid her no heed, as if they had naught to hide. 'Twould seem her thoughts had accused them unjustly. If she found naught to prove their guilt, she would leave. Aye, before the first snow made it impossible to go.
The blacksmith's hammer rang out across the bailey bringing her back to her senses. Silently she blinked back her tears. They served her naught. She must plan so she would be ready when the time came to act. And to leave.
Chapter Fourteen
Gavin stomped angrily through the great hall on his way to his chamber. Megan's voice drifted through the dark haze clouding his thoughts.
"Gavin, … brother, wait." She hurried over to him, a smile on her lips. "Cook has need of more flour to prepare for the feast. Three more barrels of grain must be taken to the mill." She looked at him questioningly. "Is aught aright? You look fierce enough to bite your blade in twain. Do you hunger still?" Her smile returned as she added, "Surely what Ailis gave you was enough."
Gavin froze. "What do you mean by that?"
"Nothing. I… I merely thought the basket of food would have been enough till the midday meal."
Her look of concern touched him and he let out a deep sigh. "Aye, Meggie, 'twas kind of you to send it. Aught is… well. I intend to ride out to check the herds and see how Logan fares. I will be gone for a fortnight or more but will be back in time for the feast." He reached out and touched her cheek. "Have Nelli and Cook tell Calum what is needed and he will see 'tis done."
"Is he not going with you?"
"No, I wish to go alone."
She touched his arm gently. "Be careful, Gavin. I could not bear for you to come to harm."
He ruffled her hair as he had when she was small. "Aye, Meggie Jean, I will. See that there is plenty to eat and drink when I return. I'll be looking forward to it."
It took longer than he had liked to gather up what he needed and leave the keep. Everywhere he turned, it seemed someone had a question for him or aught they wished him to see to. By the time he finally began to saddle Tairneanach, he wanted naught but to gallop out of the bailey and leave his frustration behind.
Calum walked up to him and handed him a linen s
ack. "Meggie fears ye'll starve before ye return. Are ye sure ye dinna wish me to go with ye? There are others who can run the keep whilst we're away."
"No, Calum. I need to think on things and will do it best alone."
"Well," Calum added with a grin, "see that ye avoid the bummies since ye willna have Ailis there to aid ye." He clapped him on the back and strolled out of the stable.
Gavin watched him walk away. "You are right, my friend. I won't have her." Cursing silently, he swung into the saddle and rode out of the bailey.
#
The sun was low in the sky as he neared the secluded valley where the MacPherson cattle grazed and grew fat, safeguarded from other clans. It had been a miserable ride. For three days it had rained, making travel difficult and leaving him feeling chilled and ill tempered. The sun's appearance on the fourth day had dried his clothes but done naught to sweeten his humor.
Gavin signaled to the scouts hidden in the rocks above. Though he could not see them, he knew the narrow pass was well guarded. It had been so since his father's death at the hands of murdering Campbells twelve years earlier when he was seventeen. Gavin clenched his reins tightly in his fist as he thought back on that accursed day.
His father and a few clansmen had gone out to inspect one of their herds near Kirkholm. After they looked over the cattle, they had stopped for a meal. 'Twas then a band of bloody Campbells had galloped onto the field, putting everyone to the sword.
The herdsmen and his father had been taken by surprise and were unable to mount their horses to better defend themselves. They had been cut down where they stood. Then, with no one to stop them, the Campbells had stolen the herd and disappeared into the forest. A few badly wounded MacPherson clansmen had managed to make it back to the keep with his father and tell the tale, but all had died within a fortnight.
His father had lingered for over a sennight, racked with fever and pain. Gavin's mother had never left his father's side. After he died, she had bid Gavin move the rest of the herds to the secluded valley where their men and cattle could be safeguarded. She had also insisted when cattle were sold that they be taken to a market far from Kirkholm so none would know where to find them.
Gavin had done so, then tracked down the band of Campbells responsible and exacted revenge. But avenging the deed had given him no peace. It had not brought back his father and dead clansmen nor keep his mother from wasting away from grief. Two months after he became laird, he had buried his mother alongside his father.
'Twas then he vowed never to marry, never to let his heart so control him as his mother had done. He would enjoy the company of a lass from time to time, but hold his heart distant. Logan and Megan would marry and continue the MacPherson line.
Gavin cursed silently. His vow never to marry had not served him. He had lost his heart to Ailis, but she had turned from him before he could ask her to wed. A poor lot of good it had done him to make such a vow. He remained unwed, but possessed a broken heart nonetheless.
The sound of bellowing of cattle pulled Gavin from his thoughts. He looked ahead at the narrow pass. Years earlier, his clansmen had rolled large boulders down the hillside and pulled them into position by oxen, thus restricting the pass. MacPherson men armed with arrows and swords, stood across the only way in and out of the valley. He rode up to them slowly, giving them time to recognize him and move aside so he could enter.
He nodded to them and continued into camp. Reaching the cluster of herdsmen's huts, he dismounted and looked about. All looked well. A quick glance across the valley told him the herd had increased and the cattle looked strong and healthy.
"Och, Gavin, 'tis good to see ye," a man called out from the doorway of one of the huts. He looked around and added, "Did ye come alone? 'Tis a dangerous ride wi' nary a mon to guard yer back."
Gavin strode over and clasped the chief herder's forearm in greeting. "Aye, Seamus, I came alone, but will take Logan with me when I leave so 'tis no need for concern." He glanced across the area and said, "Has my brother learned aught about managing the cattle?"
"Aye, he has," the man grinned. "He now kens which end o' the cow to feed and which end to avoid."
Gavin snorted. "I would hope he knew that before he arrived here. Where is he? I wish to speak with him."
"He's workin' wi' the herd on the far side o' the valley but should be returnin' shortly. 'Twill be too dark soon to do aught else but eat and rest afore work on the morrow."
"In that case," Gavin said, "I will await him here. 'Twill be good to sit on aught that does not move. My arse has had enough travel for the day."
"Aye," Seamus grinned. "I ken the feelin'."
"How have the herds fared since I was here last? They look healthy. Has there been enough fodder for them?"
"Aye, wi' movin' the cattle from field to field in the valley, 'tis grass aplenty and nay problem feedin' the herds. We've had three new calves o'er the last fortnight, all strong and healthy. Saints be praised."
"Aye. 'Tis good news." Gavin led his horse to a stall in a crudely built stable. "What do you have on the fire? I can add a bit of salted meat I brought with me."
"We have a kettle o' hotch-potch and some barley bannocks. We'll be pleased to add yer meat to the lot."
Gavin retrieved the food from his saddle bag and walked with Seamus over to the cook fire. He sat on a bench and stretched his hands out to the warmth. Within minutes, he had a mug of ale to quench his thirst as he watched a small group of men approaching. Logan's hearty laugh rang out among the group. From the sound of his brother's laughter, it seemed he was over his anger. It would be good to see him.
"So how fares my little brother?" Gavin called out as the men neared the cook fire.
Logan strode over and gave Gavin a manly hug and slap on the back. "Ha. Younger brother, I am. But little, I'm not." He sat down beside Gavin and nodded his thanks for a mug of ale one of the men handed him.
Gavin looked at Logan. 'Twas difficult not to think of him still as the young boy who used to follow him about mimicking his every move, saying, "Look, brother, I am just like you." From the size of him, it seemed he was not far behind. Gavin reached out and rubbed Logan's slightly stubbled jaw. "What is this? Has your dirk lost its edge?"
For a moment, Gavin thought he saw anger in Logan's eyes, but when his brother laughed, he decided his thought had been amiss.
"I've heard," Logan said, "that many lasses prefer a man with a beard so I've decided to grow one and learn the truth of it, myself." Logan took a deep drink and wiped his mouth on his sleeve. "What brings you here? Are you thinking to take up the job of herdsman?" He grinned and added, "I vow, I can teach you all you need to know."
He pointed to a large bull across the field. "Do you see that grand beast over there? Well, you want to stay away from the pointed bits on the front and take care where you walk to the back of it. Somewhere betwixt the ends, you feed it." He grinned. "'Tis all you need to know."
Gavin grinned in return. "I am glad you have mastered such a wealth of knowledge in such a short time. Perhaps you should stay here and help Seamus teach the other men."
"Ah, brother, 'tis a tempting offer, but as there are no comely lassies in camp, I must decline. If I dinna return to Kirkholm soon the maidens will fill the keep with their tears and float away aught inside."
"Well," Gavin said, "I would not want to run the risk of that. You had best return with me when I leave. For now, 'tis time to eat and take our rest. On the morrow I will inspect our herds and you can show me what you have learned in truth. And it had best be more than you just told me or I will rethink taking you with me when I leave."
"In that case," Logan drawled, "be prepared to be impressed. As much as I appreciate what my time here has taught me, I much prefer to be at Kirkholm with the lovely lassies and Meggie." He took another drink and added with a cocky grin, "Oh, and you too, brother."
Gavin and Logan joined the herdsmen for the evening meal and ate their fill then spread their plaids on the f
loor of one of the huts. The packed earth floor was hard but dry, which was an improvement over the last three nights sleep Gavin had endured. Within minutes, he fell asleep to the sounds of Logan snoring softly.
#
The chill morning air reminded Gavin that winter would be upon them soon. As he finished his bowl of hot porridge, he decided to begin his journey back to Kirkholm on the morrow. He'd already been in the valley for three days as Logan and the herdsmen showed him aught he wished to know. 'Twould seem Logan had indeed learned everything that he could.
Gavin stood up and motioned to his brother. "Walk with me. There is something we need to discuss."
Logan nodded silently and walked away from the men still breaking their fast. "What is it? Do not tell me you are displeased with my labor here. Even you have to admit I have done as you asked."
"Aye, you've done well, Logan. I am pleased. 'Tis not that." Gavin looked over his shoulder to make sure their conversation would not be overheard, then told Logan of the murder of Ailis' family and the incident at the alehouse in Craigmuir.
"God's blood, Gavin! I bought ale from a traveling merchant and a wench when I went hunting with Domhnull and Fearghus several fortnights ago. But 'twas just one wench there. Do you think they were Ailis' family?" He raked his hand through his hair. "My God, we may have been the last ones to see them alive!"
"Where did you buy the ale? Did you see anyone else in the area?"
"We were in the forest below Ben Dearg. Domhnull fought the old man over the price of his ale. I stopped him, paid for the ale and we left. We rode a fair distance away before we stopped and made camp, but I saw no one else."
"Did Murdoch and Fearghus stay at camp all night?"
"Aye. The three of us drank till the jug was empty and then fell asleep. When we woke the next morn, we continued further away from the ale merchant's camp."
Gavin kicked a rock out of his way. "'Twould seem you saw Ailis' family in truth. There are nay many ale merchants that come this way." He scowled at Logan. "We will discuss you leaving Kirkholm and your sister unguarded in a moment. For now, know that for his actions in Craigmuir, Murdoch is no longer welcome at Kirkholm or anywhere on our lands. If you see him, remind him of it. For if I see him, he will not live to regret it."
The Talisman (Heart of the Highlander Series Book 2) Page 22
