by Ker Dukey
“Jens.” I turn to Drake calling my name, he has a stupid ass grin on his face and he’s bouncing up and down, waving me over like a kid being told they can have ice cream. I hand my guitar over to Jamie one of the roadies.
“What?”
“Wait until you see what I have for us.” He beams, his pupils huge and swallowing the deep green coloring of his usual soft gaze.
“What you on?” I ask him and gain a laugh.
“What am I not on brother, don’t worry I have some for you too.” He rummages around in his pocket and pulls a bag free then drops two blue pills into my palm.
“Take these, you’ll need them,” he grins. I throw the pills into my mouth and swallow.
We reach my dressing room and he gestures for me to go in. Three blonde women stare back at me and screech, “Oh my God.”
I trail my eyes down each one of them and look back to Drake open-mouthed. He’s shaking his head up and down to confirm I’m not tripping out. “Triplets?” I mutter.
“Not just triplets my friend, hot fucking triplets who like to engage in naughty behaviour.” He waggles his eyebrows.
****
Naked skin, pussy and tits everywhere, lines of white snow being snorted from ass cracks, cleavages and shafts. My head is spinning, everything feels too damn good. My cock is harder than it’s ever been which is a surprise, usually when I take cocaine my dick never wants to play, but the blue pills Drake gave me had me ready to fuck a hole in the wall if there wasn’t pussy everywhere.
Blonde bitch one was sitting, riding on Drake’s cock while blonde two was alternating between licking my balls and sucking my cock. Blonde bitch three kept morphing into two right in front of me. I was too high. She’s holding up a bottle of liquor and pouring it into my mouth and then hers. The lights were too bright, the noise in the room muffled and making my ears hum.
“Oh shit, you’re bleeding,” I hear her muffled voice tell me. The warm trail pours from my nose and covers my lips. I look down to the yelp coming from the bitch at my cock to see my blood dripping all over the blonde sucking me off. A bang pierces the air from the bottle dropping out the other girls hand and smashing. It triggers a memory and I’m transported into a nightmare.
Blood everywhere. Faye screaming, covered in blood, I look down and then see my own hands covered in blood and Hunter strapped to a table.
“Jenson, Jenson?”
What the fuck is happening? The walls are closing in. I can’t find the reality. I’m falling, confusing images, I can’t tell what’s real.
“You’re a cunt and I’m going to kill you.” Cade spits in my face.
No…No! I stumble backwards and realize its Dante strapped to a chair and laughing at me.
“Help me Jenson, please stop him.” I’m shaking. I can’t stop myself from shivering, I turn to Blue’s voice and Frank howling as he fucks her and she cries. “No… No!”
We killed him.
“Jenson, Jenson, what the fuck did you give him?” I can hear noise around me but it’s out of my reach. I’m drifting, my thoughts spinning in my head. I’m not tethered to actuality.
“Ket and cocaine.”
“Mixing two drugs that have dopaminergic properties, you cock sucker, this kind of combo increases the risk of a psychotic episode. Shit he’s going down, call an ambulance,” I hear Evan call out.
The walls are coming too close, they’re going to crush me.
Chapter Six
Too much
Blue
I’m not sure what I’m looking at, it’s a house, a huge house with plants and shutters and a picket fence and stuff.
“Erm, it’s pretty. Who lives here?” I ask meekly. Trey’s hand clasps mine and he turns to Greg who’s standing a few paces back.
“Can you wait here?”
Greg looks to me and I shrug my shoulders, allowing Trey to lead me down a pathway to the front door. He produces a key and unlocks the front door, gesturing for me to enter. He quickly enters numbers into the beeping security alarm that couldn’t do shit. If someone broke in and took someone from their sleeping bed, they would be out within ten minutes, the police wouldn’t even arrive for a further ten. Then again my own alarms were no use to me when I let the bastard in of my own freewill. Frank destroyed my trust. I only let Greg tail me because he had been with my Dad since he was fifteen years old.
“What do you think?” Trey asks with open arms.
“It’s nice, big.” I reply with confusion. “Who lives here?”
“Well that’s the surprise. I want us to live here.”
I know I must look how I feel because he winces and studies me for a few silent beats. “I’m confused.” I breathe and he steps towards me taking my hands in his.
“I was thinking this could be a present from me to you.”
“A present?” Is he insane?
“A wedding present,” he adds with a smile. Yes, yes he was definitely insane. His arm wraps around my stiff body. “Come see the kitchen, women love a big kitchen right?” Did he even know me? Of course he didn’t, I didn’t even know me. There were days when I wanted to go to sleep and never wake up. I was so lost.
“We can get a cook if you want.” He grabs my hips. “Need to put some meat on your bones, it’s harder for someone to kidnap you if you’re heavier.” He winks and my legs feel weak beneath me.
“Why…why would you say that?” I stutter, trying to back away from him but he’s coming towards me. I smack at his hands “Don’t touch me, don’t touch me.”
“Calm down, It was a joke, I was just joking about Greg always following you like you’re going to be kidnapped at any moment is all. I don’t get why your Dad has you guarded at all Martha, it’s a little overprotective to be honest and when you’re mine you won’t have another man following you around.”
“You don’t have to know why and if you wanted to fuck me Trey, you only have to ask, you don’t need to put a ring on my finger!” I spit out.
His mouth drops open and he shakes his head in disappointment. “How can you say something like that to me? You know I’m not about that Martha, I love you and thought you felt the same way?”
I want to laugh but there is nothing funny about this. How can he love me? This me was boring, placid. We only ever kiss or he would grope my boob and then apologize. I would never choose what to do on our dates and follow his lead. That’s what he found so appealing, a good little wife to act obedient. I wasn’t that, he hadn’t even seen my inked body, neither would he like it. I was the type of woman men like him cheated on their wife’s with for a ride on the wild side, not a housewife with two point five children.
“Trey, you don’t want this, you are rushing because you haven’t let yourself explore your sexual nature and your mind is battling with your dick right now.”
His hand grips my wrist and squeezes too hard. “Stop talking like a little tramp Martha, you don’t know what you’re talking about, don’t tell me how I feel.” His other hand grips my chin. “I will fuck you, all of you, when you’re my wife.” He grabs me between the legs aggressively and completely out of character.
His body rushes from mine as Greg throws him away from my body and he lands with a thud against the kitchen counter.
I’m breathing heavy and there’s a slight tremor in my hands.
“I didn’t like waiting outside. You okay?” Greg asks and I quickly swipe the tear threatening to spill and nod my yes.
“You are so fired.” Trey barks at Greg making Greg laugh.
“You’re lucky to be breathing, don’t push it.”
“Martha come back here!” he shouts after me.
“Trey, we are done.” I shout back, slamming the door to the prison he wants to keep his wife in.
****
I give sex on my terms; Greg has been my only lover since the assault but that is all on my terms. I don’t know how I would cope with an aggressive partner sexually after everything and this worried me about Jenson. Damn
it, my thoughts always return to him. I wasn’t even fit to walk the pavement he steps on, let alone be his lover, woman… His wife.
God why was I even thinking about this stuff? He was so far from my reach. Investing in memories or what could have been is pointless and heart breaking. Beneath Innocence were bigger than ever. He would have his pick of groupies to fuck every night and his select of starlets wanting to be the prize on his arm. I could have never been a prize on his arm. Life liked to play with my soul because just as I’m planning on forcing myself to stop thinking about him one of their hits comes over the radio.
Darkness is all I am, all I see since she left me, she left me.
Twisted, damaged, broken, I’m all three,
a mangled mess of misery .
Hit me baby, shoot me dead.
I’m bleeding baby you’re in my head.
You misused me, baby.
Took my love and gave none of your own.
All I wanted was the same love I had shown.
You own me baby, you had me,
You threw me away to drown in your blue sea.
I wanted to give you everything, my love was free.
Come back baby come back to me.
I’m tethered to you, I’m bound baby.
The thread is thinning on me,
And I’m holding on so delicately.
Don’t leave me, don’t leave baby
Don’t go baby, just hold on.
I’m too weak and the love too strong.
I’m suffering, with you I feel every ache
You left me drowning baby, gasping in your wake.
You misused me, baby.
Took my love and gave none of your own.
All I wanted was the same love I had shown.
You own me baby, you had me.
You threw me away in your suffering.
I wanted to give you everything, my love was free
Come back baby come back to me.
Darkness is all I am, all I see since she left me, she left me.
Twisted, damaged, broken, I’m all three,
a mangled mess of misery.
Hit me baby, shoot me dead
I’m bleeding baby, you’re in my head.
“Oh shit, did he hurt you before I got there?” Greg’s voice cancels out Jenson’s deep penetrating crooning. It’s only then that I feel the moist licks dripping down my face. I was crying for the first time in a long time.
“Killing them was not the end. Sometimes there are no solutions and goodbye is the only way.” I croak and he pulls over.
“What the hell does that mean?”
“I want to go home, it’s been a weird day.”
“Are you sure? I thought we could go back to mine?” He grins. He’s cute, the mousy brown hair is messy all over his head, he has a few scars on his face from fighting over the years but they gave him character. He had full lips and a nice smile. “I just want to go to sleep.”
“Okay.”
Chapter seven
Fracture
Blue
I can’t force myself to get up. It’s been a week since Trey showed his intentions and Dad’s whore bitched me out when she learned I broke it of with him. Like I needed her opinion on anything let alone my love life or lack thereof.
Something heavy lands on my bed, awakening me from a dreamless sleep which was rare, so my mood is straight to pissed. Throwing the covers back I glare at Greg standing at the base of my bed. “I’m sleeping.”
“You look awake to me.” He grins.
“I bought you something’s to make you feel better.” He points to the bag he had thrown on the bed.
“Bringing me gifts now? Next you’ll want to cuddle.” I chide him. He looks a little embarrassed and tries to laugh but it’s humorless.
I reach for the bag and look inside; pain pills, chocolate, ice cream and celebrity magazines.
What the hell?
He shrugs his shoulders. “My little sister used to struggle with her periods, this was always on her list of cheer her up.”
Wow, that’s beyond sweet that he used to look after his little sister when she had a period but why bring me this shit? Apparently able to read my confusion he snatches the bag. “I just assumed it was your time of the month or something, I don’t like seeing you down, it’s no big deal.”
He has been around me too long, he was going to lose man points with the other men if they got wind of this. Poor Greg left to babysit Daddy’s broken daughter.
I snatch the bag back from his hand, spilling some of the contents to the floor. My heart stills in my chest and my eyes instantly blur with tears. My heart comes back to life, its beat roaring in my ears and the ache is almost deadly.
FRONT MAN OF BENEATH INNOCENCE, WHOSE SINGLE ‘BLUE’ STAYED AT NUMBER ONE FOR AN INCREDIBLE FIFTEEN WEEKS, SPILLS THE NEWS OF HIS ENGAGMENT TO A BLONDE BOMBSHELL NOW KNOWN TO BE KIMBERLY YOUNG FROM A SMALLER KNOWN BAND, LIVING IT. JENSON AND FIANCE WERE SNAPPED SHOPPING FOR WHAT IS BELIEVED TO BE ENGAGMENT RINGS. JENSON GUSHED, “WE’RE IN LOVE AND GETTING MARRIED.”
JENSON APPEARED VERY PROTECTIVE OF HIS BRIDE TO BE, USHING HER FROM A STORE SAFELY TUCKED UNDER HIS PROTECTIVE ARM.
INSIDERS FROM THE BENEATH INNOCENCE CAMP TELL US THEY ARE HAPPY TO SEE JENSON FINALLY MOVING ON AFTER BEING LEFT HEART BROKEN A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO BY A LOVE INTEREST TO WHICH THINGS DIDN’T WORK OUT. THE JENSON CAMP WHERE TIGHT LIPPED WHEN WE ASKED WHO THE FORMER LOVER WAS. WE WISH THE HAPPY COUPLE LUCK AND HOPE TO BRING YOU MORE ON THIS DEVELOPING STORY.
My insides were disintegrating. I had let my assault shackle me to a life of misery. I gave up the chance to be with him to see if he wanted me for more than just sex and company on the lonely road. This was my doing, I didn’t know the meaning of love. I can’t give him what he deserves but she can and he looks so happy.
I quickly place my hand at my mouth to stop the sob escaping and making this all real. “What’s wrong? You’re pale as fuck.”
“Fuck me Greg, fuck me hard,” I command, throwing the magazine to the floor and pulling my nightdress over my head, leaving myself bare to him. His eyes widen at seeing me completely naked, I always leave a shirt on so he can’t see my scars but I need to let him fuck me now, steal me from reality so nothing is real and Jenson isn’t really taken and getting married. Damn I can’t breathe,
“Wow, your ink is stunning.” He walks over to me and his fingers trace the tree coating my ribs, the tiny birds fleeing up my chest covering scars left from cigarette burns Frank decorated me with.
His body covers mine and he kisses me gentle on the lips. I lean up and bite down on his bottom lip until I feel the skin pop under the pressure. He winces and pulls away. “I said fuck me Greg. This is all this is.”
“Fine!” He growls lifting my leg over his shoulder and thrusting into me. I hadn’t even noticed him lose his clothes, my minds elsewhere.
It burns and memories fight me for headspace but I keep them at bay and focus on Greg to stop myself crying. His grunts of pleasure and eyes focused solely on my tits jiggling in front of him make me feel ill. I was a meat sack for men to fuck. I had no love for myself and gave myself away freely and then wonder why I was treated like nothing more than a body to abuse.
I hate this, every movement; every thrust into me, his weight on top of me, the smell of his sweat. I want to die. I feel his cock pulse and release his mess inside me making me retch. He rolls off my body and grins. I climb from the bed and run to the bathroom emptying my stomach into the toilet.
“You okay in there?”
“Yes, you can go now, I’m going to shower.” I choke out.
“I can shower with you?”
“Fuck off Greg!” I bellow and hear him cursing and throwing something across the room.
Turning the shower on as hot as possible to burn the stench from my dirty skin, I grab my razor and step into the stream. Steam blankets me in its cloak to hide my need to bleed out the hate inside me. The slice opens up my
skin as easy as peeling an apple. Crimson water flows down my body from the cut and I can breathe a little as the pressure and hatred start to leak from me. I lift my face to the spray of the water and fight the scalding, but it’s too much and I turn away from the heat blast prickling my skin.
I slice again and wince from the ache and burn. I deserved this pain; I didn’t even thank him for killing for me. No one would ever know how selfless he was for me. He was a rock star and risked everything to avenge me and I fled, I abandoned his courage like a weak selfish bitch.
A hiss leaves me involuntarily I look down to the third cut and whimper, I went too deep, there’s too much blood…
“There’s too much blood.” Frank’s words will always haunt me and spin me into the nightmare of that time.
“Hey Blue, Jenson sent me,” Frank’s voice buzzed through my intercom.
“Come in.” I disarmed my system and let him enter; I welcomed him with a kiss on the cheek and an offer of coffee.
“I’m not here for that.”
“What are you here for?” I laughed and his frame came closer, there was no sign of humor on his face.
“You’ve always intrigued me Blue, do you even give a shit about Jenson or is it just a rush to fuck a rock star?” His tone alerted me to a different man we had all came to know and like.
“That’s really not your business,” I snapped. His hand came out so fast to grip my hair and tug me into his hard body.
“Do you taste so sweet they can’t resist you on their tongues? Because to me you’re just another slut spreading her legs for punks to dunk their junk in.” His grin was so menacing my bladder nearly emptied with the fear creeping into my flesh. “I’m going to fuck you in every orifice and make you so tore up no one will want you.”
