by Prairie Heat
Mattie didn’t need much in the way of physical care. The bleeding had stopped and there was no sign of internal troubles, but she was deeply depressed over the loss of their child and Jess held her for hours at a time, quietly reassuring her that he loved her, that there would be other babies.
“Who knows,” he teased gently. “You might get those six kids after all.”
Mattie smiled up at him, loving him the more for his care and concern, for the love she saw in his eyes.
His fever was gone by the fourth day, and she felt strong enough to travel. By noon, they had the horses saddled and were ready to go.
Jess led the horses to where Mattie stood but she turned away and walked toward the place where their son was buried. Kneeling on the ground, she placed her hand on the small mound of freshly turned earth. A boy, Jess had said, and she closed her eyes and imagined a handsome little lad with straight, black hair and his father’s deep-gray eyes.
“Mattie, honey.”
“I’m coming,” she answered quietly. “I just wanted to say goodbye.”
Jess nodded, his own throat tight with emotion as he bade their son a silent farewell.
Rising, Mattie climbed into the saddle and rode away without a backward glance.
Jess watched her carefully as they rode. Outwardly, she looked fine. She had braided her hair and tied it with a bit of cloth. Her blue dress, though badly wrinkled from being folded in one of the saddlebags, was clean and becoming. The color had returned to her cheeks. But her eyes were haunted and sad, and he quietly cursed Elias Kane for the pain he had caused her, renewing his vow to see the man dead.
Mattie rode beside Jess, hardly aware of her surroundings. She wanted to go home, back to Abilene. She would have gone back in time too, if such a thing were possible, back to the day before Kane arrived, though she didn’t know what she could have done differently. She wanted to forget everything that had happened in the past few days, but she knew she would never forget that tiny grave beneath a tall, windblown pine, or the tiny child she had left there.
Home. It called to her, beckoning her, offering her a haven of safety.
“How long until we reach Abilene?” she asked after a while.
“We’re not going to Abilene.”
“We’re not?”
Jess shook his head. “We’re going to Junction City.”
“Why?”
“Because I’ve got a hunch that’s where Kane will go.”
“I want to go home.”
“We will.”
“But I want to go now.”
“Not until he’s dead.”
“And what if he isn’t in Junction City?”
“Then I’ll put you on a train for Abilene.”
“No.”
Jess swore softly. They’d been through all this once before, he thought ruefully. Mattie had talked him out of going after Kane then, but not this time. If he had gone after Kane as he should have, Molly Coulter would still be alive, and so would his son.
No, Kane had gone too far this time. He had to be stopped once and for all.
Seeing the stubborn look on Jess’ face, Mattie lapsed into silence. She would wait, wait until his anger had cooled, before she brought up the subject again.
Junction City was an old cattle town, much like Dodge and Wichita and Ellsworth. Mattie spared the town hardly a glance as she followed Jess toward the hotel and slid from the back of her horse. She was tired, so tired. All she wanted was to wash her face and take a nap. She felt as if she could sleep for a week.
She stood beside Jess while he signed the hotel register, trailed him up the flight of stairs, her feet feeling like lead.
The only thing she saw when they entered their room was the bed and she sank down on the soft mattress, asleep before her head hit the pillow.
Jess gazed at her for a long moment, then unfastened the top few buttons of her bodice and covered her with the quilt folded across the foot of the bed.
For a moment, he contemplated stretching out beside her. His wounds were healing, but they still hurt like hell, reminding him of his vow to find Kane.
Settling his hat on his head, he left the room, quietly closing the door behind him. Mattie would most likely sleep for several hours, and that would give him enough time to check the town and see if Kane had arrived.
She was awake when he returned to their room two hours later. No one had seen Kane, but Jess wasn’t discouraged. He knew that Kane would come here sooner or later.
“Where’ve you been?” Mattie asked. “I was worried.”
“Just out looking around.”
“Did you find him?”
“No.”
“Jess, I want to go home. Now, please.”
“Not until he’s dead.”
“Or you are.”
He had no answer for that. It was a risk he was willing to take.
“I’m going home,” Mattie said abruptly. “With or without you.”
“Mattie, listen—”
“No! I’ve had enough, Jess. I can’t take any more.”
“Do you want me to let him go, after what he did? Dammit, Mattie, he’s killed five people that I know of, including our son. I can’t let him go, not this time.”
Defeat lay heavy on her shoulders, weighing her down. “I don’t care what happens to Kane,” she said wearily. “I just want to go home.” Why couldn’t he understand how she felt? She had come West expecting to marry Josiah and live happily ever after. Instead, she’d been involved in an Indian attack, been taken to live briefly with the Apache, nursed McCord on several occasions, been held a prisoner for releasing Kane… Oh how she regretted letting him go!
But it didn’t matter now. She didn’t care what happened to Elias Kane; she didn’t want Jess to risk his life pursuing him. She wanted only to go home, to take care of her house and her husband, to live in peace and hopefully, someday, have a child to fill her empty arms and ease the lonely ache in her heart.
She wanted to go home.
But when she looked at Jess, she knew he wasn’t going to change his mind. He was going after Kane no matter how she felt about it, no matter what she said.
“Mattie, please try to understand.”
“I understand,” she said bitterly. “Killing Kane means more to you than I do.”
“That’s not true!”
“Then take me home.”
“Dammit, Mattie, if it wasn’t for Kane, you’d still be carrying our child. I’d think you’d want to see him dead as much as I do.”
“Of course I want to see him dead!” she screamed, all the emotions she’d been holding back spewing forth in a useless tide of anger. “He killed Molly, he killed our baby. But what if he kills you, Jess? What then?” Tears flooded her eyes and streamed down her cheeks. “I need you alive,” she finished quietly. “Your life means more to me than Kane’s death.”
There was nothing more to say. He understood how Mattie felt, but he couldn’t turn back. Too many lives had been snuffed out, too much blood had been shed. It was time Kane paid for his crimes.
“You won’t change your mind?” Mattie asked. “Not even for me?”
“I can’t.”
“Then I’m going home.”
“I’ll buy you a ticket first thing in the morning.”
Mattie nodded. There was nothing more to say.
That night, they slept apart for the first time since they’d been married.
Mattie lay on her side of the bed, too unhappy for tears. She’d lost her baby and now she was losing Jess too, because killing Elias Kane was more important to him than she was. But she couldn’t stay here, waiting for Kane to arrive, waiting to see who would win the final showdown. She’d had enough of bloodshed and violence to last a lifetime.
She stared up at the ceiling, wondering if Jess was still awake, wishing she had the nerve to reach for him, to try once more to make him change his mind. Almost, she reached out to him. But the gulf between them seemed wider th
an the Pacific Ocean and she hadn’t the courage to cross it.
Jess lay on his side of the bed, his arms folded behind his head as he stared at the far wall. He had tried to understand how Mattie felt, but he couldn’t, not this time. Kane had been responsible for too many deaths, too much misery. He thought of Kathleen dying in his arms, of the little girl Kane had trampled to death in his haste to leave Lordsburg. He had heard about the girl Kane had killed in Silver City. And then there was Molly Coulter. He recalled the awful sadness in Stella Coulter’s eyes when he’d told her Molly was dead. He’d held Stella while she cried, her frail shoulders shaking with grief. He knew now how she’d felt.
A muscle worked in his jaw as he thought of Mattie’s pain and unhappiness, of the hell Kane had put her through. He couldn’t let Kane go, not this time. Not even for Mattie.
If only he could make her understand how he felt. Almost, he reached out to her, needing to feel her in his arms, wanting to tell her how much he loved her, wishing he could make her understand that he was going after Kane simply because he did love her, because he would never be able to rest until he knew she was safe from Kane once and for all.
He was still awake when the first faint blush of dawn brightened the sky. Rising, he went to the window and watched the sun come up, thinking that the sunrise, as beautiful as it was, seemed pale and ordinary when compared to the beauty of the woman sleeping peacefully across the room.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Elias Kane let out a long sigh of satisfaction when he rode into Junction City. Only a few more minutes and he’d be lodged in a nice clean hotel room. He’d take a bath, find out when the next train east was due, and then get some sleep.
Sleep. He rubbed a hand over his jaw as he contemplated getting a good night’s rest in a real bed. Feeling the coarse stubble on his face, he added a trip to the barber to his list of things to do. But first he’d see about selling his horse. He could use a little extra cash.
After dismounting outside the livery barn, he walked into the stable, his nostrils filling with the scent of horses and hay, of leather and Neatsfoot oil and manure.
“Hey!” he called. “Anybody home?”
“Coming,” answered a voice from the back of the barn. “What can I do for you?”
“I wanna sell my horse,” Kane replied. “What’ll you give me for him?”
The livery man followed Kane outside. His expression was thoughtful as he walked around Kane’s gelding. “This animal looks about done in.”
“Yeah, well, I rode him pretty hard the last couple days, but he’s a good horse. Sound as a dollar.”
Abel Grant nodded, his sharp brown eyes taking in every detail of the horse and the man who was trying to sell it. “You’ve been hurt,” he remarked, gesturing at Kane’s bandaged shoulder.
“Yeah. How much for the horse?”
“Saddle too?”
Kane nodded.
Abel Grant grunted softly, then, squatting on his heels, he ran his hands over the horse’s legs and checked its feet, noting as he did so that the mare was missing a shoe on the off-side.
Muttering impatiently, Kane glanced into the barn. It was then that he saw the big, bald-faced buckskin, and in the stall next to it, the piebald mare Matilda had been riding.
“Forget it,” he told Grant, and taking up the reins to his horse, he swung into the saddle and rode out of town, heading east.
Chapter Forty
Mattie stood on the platform, a ticket to Abilene clutched in her left hand. It was two o’clock, time to go. She glanced at Jess then looked away. There were so many things she wanted to say, things she needed to say, but the words wouldn’t come.
She heard the conductor call, “All aboard!” and felt Jess take her arm.
“Goodbye, Mattie. Have a safe journey.”
Ask me to stay, she thought. I don’t want to leave you.
“Have you got everything?” he asked, and then grinned, because all she had were the clothes on her back.
Mattie gazed up at Jess, wondering if she’d ever see him again.
“Jess…”
“All aboard!”
The train was warming up, getting ready to leave. She heard the whistle blow, and then Jess was helping her board the train and there was no more time for talk.
Jess swore softly as the train began to move. He couldn’t let her go, not like this, he thought desperately. Jumping into the car, he pulled Mattie into his arms and kissed her, quick and hard.
“I love you, Mattie,” he said gruffly, and giving her shoulders a squeeze, he turned and jumped from the train before it was too late, before soft lips and pleading blue eyes weakened his resolve to kill Elias Kane.
He stood beside the tracks, watching the train until it was out of sight.
*
Mattie stared out the window, watching the scenery pass by. Mile after mile of flat grassland, with only an occasional hill or stand of timber to break the monotony. Women had gone insane out here, haunted by the endless sea of grass and the wail of the lonely wind.
A baby’s cry drew her attention and she looked across the aisle to where a young mother sat cuddling a baby wrapped in a blue blanket.
Blue, Mattie thought, blue for boys. Her own arms felt suddenly empty. She watched with envy as the mother kissed the baby’s forehead, then lightly stroked its cheeks with her finger, smiling all the while.
The baby cooed, its tiny dimpled hand reaching up to touch its mother’s face, and Mattie turned away, unable to watch anymore. It was too painful to see the love in the mother’s eyes, the pride in the father’s.
She’d be home soon. Home. She held the idea close, mentally walking through each room, seeing again the small sunlit kitchen, the whitewashed parlor, the bedroom she had shared with Jess, the nursery…
She shut her eyes against the tears, silently rebuking herself for her lack of control. She couldn’t grieve forever, and yet it hadn’t been forever. Only eight days. But it seemed like forever.
She would paint the nursery when she got home, rearrange the furniture, maybe turn it into a sewing room. She would plant a garden, attend church, see if she could help at the school. If she put her mind to it, she could find a hundred things to do to keep her mind and hands occupied until Jess came home.
*
McCord checked all the saloons, the restaurant, the hotels, but no one had seen Kane. Walking toward the livery barn to check on his horse, he wondered if he’d been wrong. Perhaps Kane wouldn’t come to Junction City after all. Perhaps he’d head east on horseback, but that didn’t make sense. The man had been wounded. Surely he’d head for the nearest town, get some rest and catch the train. The next one going east was due to leave in the morning.
Jess smiled at Abel Grant as he entered the barn. “How’s my horse gettin’ along?”
Grant nodded affably. “Fine, Mr. McCord, just fine. All’s he needed was some rest. The mare too.”
Jess nodded. “Say, Grant, you haven’t seen anyone new in town, have you?”
“No, can’t say as I have,” Grant scratched his head, then snapped his fingers. “You know, there was a fella in here early this morning. Wanted me to buy his horse. I was looking the animal over when all of a sudden the fella changed his mind and lit out of here like a house afire.”
“Did you catch his name?”
Grant shook his head. “Don’t believe he mentioned it.”
“Was he a tall man, good-looking, with dark blond hair and green eyes?”
“Yeah,” Grant drawled. “That sounds like him, sure enough.”
“Saddle my horse,” Jess called over his shoulder as he headed out the door toward the hotel to settle his bill. “I’ll be back in ten minutes.”
*
Abel Grant thought Kane had headed east, and Jess urged his horse in that direction. Kane had lit out before the train arrived in Junction City, but he could catch it in St. Joseph if he was lucky. And Kane had always been lucky.
Jess swo
re under his breath, remembering how Mattie had freed Kane from the Indian camp, but he couldn’t blame her, not really. She hadn’t known what he was like then.
He rode hard until dark, then took shelter in a shallow draw out of the rising wind. Hobbling the buckskin, he hunkered down on his heels and chewed a strip of jerky, his thoughts on Kane. The man had a seven-hour head start on him, but it didn’t matter. He’d catch him. Sooner or later, he’d catch him.
His thoughts turned from Kane to Mattie. She should be home by now, and he pictured her curled up on the sofa, a bit of mending in her lap, the firelight dancing in her hair.
Jess gazed up at the sky and wondered if the man in the moon was as lonely as he was. For a moment, he thought of going home. After all, Mattie was right, in a way. Nothing he did to Kane would bring Kathleen back, or the little Thomas girl, or Molly Coulter. Or the child Mattie had lost.
His vow to put an end to Kane’s cold-blooded killing took on new resolve as he thought of the baby. He had only to close his eyes to see the naked pain in Mattie’s face, to see the tiny pink infant he had held in the palm of his hand.
Slowly, he shook his head. If he didn’t go after Kane, who would? How many more innocent people would die if he turned his back on what had to be done?
Resting his head on his saddle, Jess closed his eyes and let his thoughts drift toward Mattie again. Always Mattie.
He frowned into the darkness, wondering if she would ever forgive him for leaving her to go after Kane. It was a sobering thought. But then he smiled. He would woo her until he won her forgiveness. She was too soft-hearted, too sweet-natured, to stay mad for long.
He was up before dawn, eager to be on the trail, eager to put an end to his business with Kane and return to Abilene, and Mattie.
Chapter Forty-One
Mattie sat at the kitchen table, a cup of cold coffee cradled in her hands. It was almost noon and she was still in her robe and slippers. Every day it was harder to get out of bed, harder to shake the lethargy that engulfed her.
