by Radha
But that was all forgotten with Arthurs blithe announcement over custard pudding that he and Kerry would be continuing on to London by the weeks end. It not only stunned her, it appalled her. What did he think, that they would simply traipse into London dressed in someone elses clothes and on a borrowed horse?
She lowered her spoon and looked around her as Arthur fit a spoonful of pudding into his mouth, apparently oblivious to the silence that had suddenly fallen around them. Lord Albright, she noticed, looked just as horrified as she felt.
He, too, lowered his spoon and glared at Arthur. To London? he asked, stealing a glimpse of Kerry. Are you quite certain?
Arthur shrugged nonchalantly. Of course. Ive been gone far too longthere are several matters that need my attention.
I should think you could easily dispose of those matters from Sutherland Hall.
Arthur frowned at Adrian as if that were a perfectly absurd suggestion. Sutherland Hall? Its as remote as Longbridge. My interests are in London.
Adrian looked at Kerry again with a pained expression, as if there was something he could not quite bring himself to say. Well Good God, she could say it, and would, the moment they were private. Had he lost his bloody mind? How did he think he would explain her? She could not go to London!
Then where, Kerry?
She could not stay here, she knew that. As much as she liked Longbridge, as much as she admired Lilliana, she was wearing another womans clothing, sitting in another womans orangery, admiring another womans children and furnishingsanother womans life. She was only a visitor, and an uninvited one at that. There was no choice but to follow Arthur for the time being, unless she wanted to return to Scotland to face what she had done.
The conflict made her suddenly queasy, and Kerry slowly shifted her gaze to Arthur. Sitting across from her, framed artfully between two candelabras, he smiled reassuringly. Youve never seen London, Kerry. I think you will like it very much.
His ability to divine what she was thinking was nothing short of unnatural. Kerrys gaze dipped to her pudding. There was no place for her to go. She didnt belong anywhere. Except Glenbaden.
Julian is in London, is he not? He was rather determined to stay through the autumn, Arthur easily continued.
He is, Adrian muttered, shoving his pudding away. Lilliana, darling, perhaps you and Kerry would allow a couple of old Rogues a port and cigar?
Certainly. She smiled at Kerry and came to her feet. Max, the blue drawing room? Her heart in her throat, Kerry came slowly to her feet and followed Lilliana. When she reached the door, she glanced over her shoulder at Arthur, her beautiful stranger, sitting there so regally. Oh God, what was to become of her?
She walked through the door, to where Lilliana was waiting. She looped her arm through Kerrys as they moved down the corridor. You mustnt fret, she said kindly. Well see to it that you have a proper wardrobe. Ive some slippers, too, that I think
Slippers and gowns! Lilliana! Kerry cried, pulling her to a halt in the corridor. Do you know who I am? Nodo you know who I am not?
Lillianas smile faded. Lets go to the drawing room. This corridor is rather drafty
Please stop, Kerry begged her. Please doona pretend I am someone I am not. This corridor is not drafty, it is far warmer than I could ever seem to heat my little house in Glenbaden!
Well, then, Lilliana responded coolly, her arm falling away from Kerrys, the blue drawing room is very small and should suit your sensibilities nicely.
That brought Kerry up short. She stared at the woman who had shown her nothing but kindness from the moment she had landed on her doorstep.
Yes, I know who you are not, Kerry. I know that your circumstance must be quite different from mine. But I also know that Arthur Christian loves you, and if I were you, I would not seek reason to reject it. Kerry blinked.
Lilliana sighed and grasped her hand. Oh honestly. Come on, then, she muttered, and began a solemn march to the blue drawing room. Once there, she asked that they be left alone and waited until the door shut behind the footman. Then Lilliana began pacing, her gold skirts rustling loudly with each sharp turn.
I will apologize Kerry started.
There is hardly any need for that, Lilliana interjected. Youve every right to be upset with your situation. Ive no idea, and shouldnt want to know, thank you, how you and Arthur came to be here together but it was plainly not a, ah, suitable situation.
Kerry cringed with shame and sank into an overstuffed armchair.
I really dont care how, Lilliana hastily assured her. All I know is that you have endured more hardship than a woman has a right to know, I think, and survived it. It is so terribly plain to see how Arthur adores you. I know how the desire to help someone you love can burn in your soul, especially when that someone feels pain. I know how desperately Arthur must want to take your burdens for his own.
But I canna allow that, Kerry muttered miserably.
Do you remember what I told you in the orangery about the Rogues? Lilliana asked, sinking onto an ottoman directly in front of Kerry. Arthur has always been the one among them that could adapt to any circumstance. He stood by Phillip during the worst of times, he helped Julian through a horrid scandal, he has been a rock of support to Adrian through the years. If there is anyone who can help you now, it is Arthur. He loves you, Kerry. He wants to help you, and you may trust me, with the Sutherland name to help you, you could not possibly ask for more. And frankly, I dont see what choice you have.
Kerry sank back into the cushions of the chair, trying to conjure up even one reason that Lilliana could be wrong. Nothing came to mind. Lilliana was right, of courseshe truly had no other choice. Her choices had been taken from her the day Fraser died. There was nowhere for her to turn, nowhere she could go.
Except Scotland.
Arthur did not fare as well as Kerry in the course of his interview. Adrian was up immediately once the ladies left the room, pacing like a wild animal as he apparently tried to gather his thoughts. Arthur waited patiently for the barrage he knew would come, quietly finishing a most excellent custard pudding.
Just as he pushed the dish away, Adrian turned from a rigid stance at the windows overlooking the lake and pointed a long finger at him. Youve lost your bloody mind, you know that, he said flatly.
Arthur shrugged, signaled the footman for port.
You cannot be serious, Christian! Have you any idea atall as to the sort of scandalous rumors that will circulate about London? Did Ketterings troubles teach you nothing? Arriving in London with this woman from Scotland? The ton will label her a whore! She will be ruined, you must know that!
Arthur was well aware, probably more so than Adrian, that Julians forced marriage and sisters elopement had been the greatest scandal the ton had seen in some time. But this was different. He accepted the port from the footman and sipped before turning to look at Adrian. Would you sit? You are disturbing my digestion with all that bellowing.
I should like to do more than bellow, my friend, Adrian growled.
Yes, yes, I know you would. Come, sit, and at least consider the dilemma from my point of view, will you? Here I have had the bloody misfortune to grow quite attached to the woman and she cannot go back to Scotland, not now, at least. I am therefore left with the option of hiding her away at Sutherland Hall, or taking her to London and letting the world know that I, for one, cherish her. If I leave her at Sutherland Hall, I am quite certain it will extinguish the light in her.
That light, Adrian spat, will quickly be snuffed in London! Arthur, think! What in Gods name do you intend to do with her? When Arthur did not answer and sipped again at his port, Adrian stalked angrily to his seat and fell into it, ignoring the port the footman placed in front of him. You are a sentimental fool! Look here, I know you are overly fond of her, but you must admit the facts! You cannot keep her at Mount Street without ruining her! You cannot marry her, for Gods sake. Youve no choice but to find a suitable situation for her, something that puts her out of harms w
ay and the sooner the better. But I would kindly suggest that whatever situation you may choose, it is not in London and not associated with your good name! Think of your family, man!
What, do you think my brother will not accept her? Do you think my mother afraid of a bit of scandal? Good God, Adrian, Hannah urged Alex to break his engagement to Marlaine Reese in favor of Lauren Hill, and she was hardly solvent! Alex has spent the last ten years building on reforms designed to help people just like Kerry. How could he possibly find fault with me for loving a poor woman?
It is not Kerrys poverty that offends, Arthur. It is her birthshe is of common Scottish stock.
Adrian said it with such disdain that Arthur inwardly shuddered. Is that what he was? Did he, too, judge people on the basis of their birth? Are you offended? he asked quietly.
No! Of course not! But I have known my share of hardship and the ton God, Arthur, they would sooner cut you as accept her into their circle.
Arthur supposed that was true for Adrian. But Adrian was not a Sutherland, and Adrian didnt know Kerry. He didnt understand how a man might move mountains to see her smile, or plow a field to hear her laughter, or sit in one place for hours hoping that she might dance. He had hoped Adrian would understand, but perhaps it was asking too much.
As it had been since the day he had first encountered Kerry, everything was uncertain, unreal, unbelievable. What he thought he knew, he no longer understood. In the last weeks of his life, he had not been able to do more than greet each day and hope for the best. But he was certain his family and friends would learn to accept her, class be damned.
He smiled at Adrian.
Adrian groaned, rolled his eyes.
You really dont understand, Albright. Please allow me to explain again
They argued well into the night, long after Lilliana and Kerry had retired, consuming more whiskey than they ought to have done. Somewhere in the early hours of the morning the debate changed from what was best for Kerry to a hodgepodge of faulty memories and events that had made up their lives. It amused Arthur greatly to learn that Adrian had somehow gotten it into his brain that Phillip had once thought to join the ranks of naval officers.
He howled, clumsily wiping tears of laughter from his eyes. You cannot be serious, Albright! Rothembow abhorred the sea! Do you not recall when we escaped to France in 20 that we feared he might be permanently affixed over the railing? The lad puked himself into a fevered delirium!
No! Adrian loudly disagreed. That was most certainly Julian! Kettering couldnt stomach a boat across the Thames!
What, have you lost what was is left of your feeble mind? Julian was a frequent visitor to Southwark across the Thames. Think hard, old chap, and you will recall the bit of trouble he got us into there.
Adrian frowned with concentration, and slowly, the light of his memory dawned on his face. Ah yes Kettering, he said as a slow smile spread his lips. The imbecile almost had us killed that night.
Yes, Arthur laughed. That was Kettering. And you will recall that Rothembow was a bit green around the gills for the entire event.
Adrian sobered a bit, looked into his empty whiskey glass. It seems another lifetime, does it not? I scarcely remember what Phillip looked like.
I remember. I still see him so often in my dreams. That brought Adrians head up. Do you? he asked quietly. I can say that, thankfully, I have not dreamed of him since my son was born. I know it sounds rather strange, but I have often thought that Richards birth somehow freed him or me.
Arthur said nothing, drained his whiskey. He would give anything to have his dreams free of Phillip, but he had a macabre suspicion that he would never be entirely free of him.
So there is nothing I can say that might change your mind?
I beg your pardon?
This foolish notion you have of going to London. Youll not change your mind?
With a heavy sigh, Arthur put his glass down. Tell me truly, Adrian, what choice do I have? My home my life is in London. I made my choice the moment I took her from Scotland. I will now face the consequence of having done so. I just need time to think what to do, thats all.
God grant you the time then, Adrian said on a sigh. But it may already be too late.
Chapter Twenty
London, England
Arthurs Aunt Paddy gave Kerry a thorough once-over as they stood in the cheerful morning room of his house on Mount Street. The bundle of tight ringlets over Paddys ears bounced like a childs toy as she nodded her approval of the last gown the modiste was fitting to Kerry.
Absolutely perfect, she chirped.
Absolutely, agreed Lady Paddingtons constant companion, Mrs. Clark.
Lady Paddington clasped her pudgy hands together and cocked her head to one side, squinting at Kerry. After a moment, she shook her head. The hair, my dear. Im afraid it simply wont do.
That her hair was unsatisfactory hardly surprised Kerryit was, after all, the only thing remaining that was truly her. Everything else had been hastily created in the last several days. A half-dozen new gowns from the finest dressmakers in London, drawers and chemises made of silk, slippers so delicate that she was afraid to walk in themthese new things replaced her sensible woolens, her sturdy shoes, her cotton undergarments.
These things had replaced Kerry McKinnonshe hardly knew who she was anymore.
Please turn, madam, the modiste said.
Yes, do turn! Lets have a look from behind! Mrs. Clark said.
Her arms held perpendicular from her body, Kerry dutifully turned and let the women examine her for any detects as the modiste marked the hem.
Perhaps a lovely plum for a walking gown, do you think, Paddy? A lovely plum would so compliment her pale complexion, I should think.
Its true there isnt as much sunshine in Scotland, Lady Paddington quickly agreed, and Kerry looked heavenward for strength. She was beginning to despise her circumstance. It wasnt that she wasnt extremely grateful and humbled by Arthurs generosity; the magnitude of his largesse shocked her, as did his wealth. The moment they had arrived in Londononly a few days past, she reminded herselfhe had immediately sent his butler, Barnaby, on a mission to bring modistes and milliners and purveyors of all things feminine to his magnificent home. And at first, she had been pleased; wearing Lillianas clothes made her feel like a poor relation. The finery was enticingwhat fool wouldnt have enjoyed the opportunity to wear such wonderful things?
But as the number of gowns and shoes and hats and gloves began to mount, the more disturbed she became. The fine clothing, the furnishings, the people to do her slightest bidding were terribly alluring on a base level, but she was acutely aware that she had begun to resemble a woman she did not know. This, she thought miserably as she glanced down at the green-and-blue gown, was not Kerry McKinnon.
This was a woman Arthur Christian could love, a woman who should be used to the best the world had to offer, worthy of such splendid attire. Oh, Arthur.
It was so plainly obvious how very proud he was to give her such beautiful things. He beamed with joy each time he saw her in a new gown, all of them commissioned at a premium so that he might have them in days instead of weeks. And truthfully, it made her feel beautifulevery time he looked at her, she felt desirable, sensual, worthy of his affectionall the things she had never felt with Fraser.
Yet no matter how much she enjoyed his attentions and the clothing and a world that glittered with crystal and gold and beeswax candles, she could not ignore the little voice inside her with the Scottish accent. The voice that reminded her she was a fraud, a woman more comfortable in coarse wool than silk.
Even Arthur was different now. A perfect coif had replaced his thick, wavy long hair. Gone were the linen shirts and buckskins, replaced by silk waistcoats and neckcloths and fine woolen coats. His ruggedness was fast fading into the softness of the aristocracy.
If you would turn again, madam, the modiste said.
Ooh, how very
Fetching! Mrs. Clark interrupted.
&nbs
p; Fetching! Lady Paddington agreed.
There you are, madam. Does it meet with your approval?
Kerry dropped her arms and looked down. Of course it met with her approval. Aware that the women were waiting for her response, Kerry tried to find her voice, but to her horror, the bitter taste of tears welled in the back of her throat, and she could not speak for fear of suddenly weeping.
Lady Paddington and Mrs. Clark exchanged a look; Lady Paddington looked at her again, her cheerful countenance soured. I should hope you do indeed approve of the gown, Mrs. McKinnon, as I assure you, my Arthur paid quite handsomely for it!
That is China silk! Mrs. Clark added, folding her arms across her chest.
The modiste peered up at her as if she might be ill. Madam? Is there something not to your liking?
No. I mean aye. I mean, I adore it, I do! Kerry quickly assured them. I didna mean to seem ungrateful, I suppose Im a wee bit overwhelmed.
Lady Paddingtons expression softened. Well of course you are, dear! And having come such a long way in a short amount of time, too! Mrs. Clark and I journeyed to Alnwick one summerwhich, although in England, is really just the same as travelling to Scotland
Well not really the same, Mrs. Clark interrupted Lady Paddington. But very close by
Extremely close by! Lady Paddington echoed, and it took us one fortnight and four days plus!
Aye, Kerry said wearily, accepting the modistes hand to step down from the fitting stool. She allowed the modiste to undress her as Lady Paddington and Mrs. Clark prattled on at length about what sounded like an afternoon outing gone awry. As she let the modiste settle a blue-and-white-striped day gown over her head, Kerry wondered what it must be like to have so little to occupy ones time that an afternoon trip could turn into a fortnight. How did these women move through their lives with nothing more than chatter?
