by Radha
Arthur, please tell me now, when will you take me from here?
He kissed her forehead. As soon as Alex returns from the country
When? she interrupted.
A fortnight, not more, he said, stroking her cheek with his knuckle. Have you any idea how much I miss you? I think about you constantly. His gaze dropped to the blue diamond around her neck. Lifting it in his hand, he smiled. The moon last night was so bright, I could have sworn I was in Glenbaden again. But it couldnt beyou werent with me. There is no Glenbaden without you.
There was no earth, no heaven, no world without him. How could she make him understand how out of place she was here? With a weary sigh, she laid her forehead against his shoulder. Arthur, please, will you listen to me nowI doona belong here.
Its just a while longer.
I canna make you understand that I am not like Claudia. I am not like anyone in London. I doona belong in these clothes or this house. I should be home, in Glenbaden.
I miss Glenbaden, too, he said, missing her point. But I cant let you go back to Scotland
I doona ask to go back, she said wearily.
Then what are you asking, Kerry? Can you not endure it another fortnight? Is it truly so unbearable? You have every comfortwhat would you have me do instead?
The question silenced hershe had no idea what she asked. To be taken back to Mount Street? It was really no different than Kettering House, the sole exception being that Arthur was there. She loved him desperately, but even he couldnt shield her from this life every moment of every dayhe was as much a part of London as she was an outsider. So what, then, did she ask?
Dont look so despairing, will you? It wont be long now. He folded her in his arms and kissed her fully. Kerry could not help herself; she clung to him, wishing she could somehow crawl inside him and hide there. For a few blissful moments, she felt as if she had almost succeeded, felt the security and comfort in his arms. But when Claudia rejoined them, and Arthur moved away, he fell into an easy conversation about the supper party the following evening, the invited guests, the menu, and the seating arrangements, paying particular attention to protocol. He seemed to understand the many nuances, the intricate network of introductions. They were speaking another language altogether that Arthur understood and she didnt.
Kerrys anxiety grew to such monstrous proportions the night of the gathering that she feared she would be ill. The credentials and social standing of the dozen invited guests had been thoroughly explained to her, so that, presumably, she might understand how important they were to her. It did not help her understand, it made her feel faint. The list sounded like royalty, and as Brenda helped her dress in the elaborate costume, Kerry felt more than inadequate to the task. Although she had been taught some high-society etiquette in school, most of it was lost to her memory.
What will I do? she frantically asked the maid.
Brenda blinked. I dont know, muum. I suppose you should do as Lady Kettering does.
As if she could ever be so beautiful and cultured.
When Brenda finished with her, Kerry looked in the mirror. The gown of violet and green was very nice, but she moved woodenly, unaccustomed to the weight of the skirts and petticoats and slippers with heels. Brenda had done very well with her hair, too, she noticed, sweeping it up and fastening it to the back of her head. Soft wisps of curls trailed down her neck, one wrapping around one of the earrings Claudia had loaned her. The blue diamond sparkled like a star above the low-cut bodice of the gown. Perhaps if she didnt open her mouth all evening, no one would know that she was a fraud. Oh God, what a catastrophe!
A moment later, Claudia came sailing in, but pulled up short when she saw Kerry. Oh my. Oh my. You are beautiful, Kerry! How stunning! Oh Lord, Arthur shall strut about like a little peacock, wont he, especially since he is bringing that cousin of his, Lord Westfall. They are quite the pair, you know.
No, she didnt know. She didnt know he even had a cousin.
Julians sister Ann is absolutely beside herself in anticipation of meeting you, she continued as she walked around Kerry, assessing her from all sides. She is quite desperate to meet a true Scot.
Why? Kerry asked.
Claudia laughed. I suppose she thinks it rather exotic.
Exotic. Hardly certain what that meant, the vise of fear tightened a little more. W-what will I say? she asked, her voice growing fainter.
Say? Oh, something shall come to you. You mustnt worry about thatchances are you wont have much opportunity to speak at all, Claudia said blithely, and flashed a charming grin at Kerry. There are many of our guests who rather delight in hearing themselves talk. You shall merely have to nod and smile at the appropriate moment.
Kerry forced a smile.
Oh, I am so pleased! Claudia chirped, clapping her hands. This shall be the perfect evening, mark my words!
Aye, a perfectly disastrous one.
Many of the guests were already gathered in the gold salon when Kerry entered behind Claudia. The sight of so many people, so much finery, glistening jewels, crystalmuch to Kerrys horror, she realized that her hands were shaking as the earl of Kettering introduced each guest to her. It was hopelessher tongue tangled so badly that she might as well have been speaking Gaelic. She was curtseying wrong, ton, at first dipping to everyone, then fearing it was all wrong and dipping to no one, then again when Claudia whispered sharply in her ear, curtsey!
Arthur was, as usual, a rock of strength for her. He was the first to greet her and introduce her to his cousin, then was never again very far from her side. Honestly, he did not seem to notice how terribly awkward she was, and it was a blessed relief when he answered questions posed to hersuch as when Lord Farlaine asked how long she intended to visit London.
Aha, you must be asking in the event she might like to see your theatrical debut? Arthur quickly interceded. Lord Farlaine blushed. I suppose the thought did indeed cross my mind. And he proceeded to explain to her in detail how he had stumbled into a role in a play that would be playing on Drury Lane for a period of two weeks. He went on explaining, in spite of Arthurs increasing scowl, right down to reciting some of the lines he found particularly moving.
At supper, she was, thankfully, seated directly across from Arthur, but across from the watchful eye of Lady Pritchett. Arthur was, of course, very engaging. She admired the easy way he regaled the guests around them with meaningless chatterhe was a master at turning the conversation around so that whomever he had engaged was suddenly talking about themselves and not asking pointed questions of her. Throughout the meal, he laughed at the droll wit of his supper companions, complimented the host and hostess profusely, and charmed all of the ladies with his easy banter. Frequently, he caught her eye and smiled reassuringly. It was plain he was very much at home at such affairs as this.
And it was outlandishly clear that she was not. Kerry began the first course with the wrong spoon, fumbled with the serving utensil when the Scottish footman tried to serve her. He whispered harshly to her in Gaelic to put it downmuch to the considerable interest of Lady Pritchettand only then did Kerry realize she was to be served by him. And she was the only one who did not seem to understand the apparently very funny joke Lord Reynolds made that had the entire table laughing politely. Feeling clumsy and oafish, she found herself sinking farther into her seat as the supper wore on, praying no one would speak to her or God forbid, try and serve her anything, and catching the watchful eye of the Scottish footman more than once.
She foolishly believed the worst had passed when the dishes were cleared after the last course. Breathing a sigh of relief, she smiled at Arthur, answered Lady Billingslys questions about the weather in Scotland Aye, it is rather cold in the winterand even chuckled when Claudia made a face that only Kerry saw.
But then the footmen advanced like an army, laying small crystal goblets in front of the men. Before anything was poured, however, the men stood and the women came to their feet, filing out of the dining room in twos and threes. Kerry th
ought this practice was another indication of the great divide between her and them. In Glenbaden, the men went directly to bed after their evening meal so that they might begin anew with the sunrise.
Claudia caught up with Kerry as they filed out. Its wonderful, isnt it? she whispered excitedly, and slipped her arm through Kerrys. You are very much complimented.
That brought the first real laughter from Kerry and a roll of her eyes. Thats absurd! Ive not spoken but a word all night!
Claudia shrugged. What matters is that they think you did.
In the salon, they joined the other women in a cozy gathering of furniture in the center of the room. One of the women asked Claudia about her school for girls. Surprised, Kerry listened with rapt attention as Claudia described the school she had built for young girls of the factories. Fascinated with a side of the countess she had not seen, Kerry was humbled by the knowledge that Claudia was apparently the force behind many charitable endeavors.
And what of you, Mrs. McKinnon? Is there a particular charity you enjoy?
The question, from Lady Darlington, startled Kerry. She sat up, looked around at the faces turned toward her. Ah charity, she said. Lady Darlington nodded. Ladies Filmore and Barstone leaned forward as if they were afraid they might miss her answer. Umm there are no charities in Glenbaden.
Why, Mrs. McKinnon! You must give yourself credit where credit is due. You told me how you helped the people of the McKinnon clan.
Confused, Kerry looked at Claudia. Claudia eyed her hopefully, trying very hard to help her, but she could not, for the life of her, take credit for her clan. The McKinnon clan, she said uncertainly. Claudia nodded eagerly. I, ah well. I really canna take credit there, for we all helped one another. We shared responsibility for the land and worked it together.
The room was so silent one could hear Lady Barstones stomach disagree with her supper.
You worked? asked one woman.
Kerry realized her great mistake. She tried to laugh it off. Oh, I doona suppose Id be so bold as to call it work, really, what but a bit of cooking now and then
Mrs. McKinnon enjoys cooking as a hobby, Claudia quickly interjected.
Aye, that I do. At least she had the presence of mind to agree with Claudia, in spite of it being an enormous lie. She detested cooking.
Lady Phillipot wiggled her enormous body forward and eagerly thrust her hands onto her knees to steady herself. This is quite fascinating, Mrs. McKinnon! What other hobbies do you enjoy?
Milking cows? asked someone, and all the women tittered.
Kerry felt her blood begin to race through her, heating her skin, uncertain if she was mortified or angry. Did these women think milk magically appeared on their table? Actually, I have milked a cow, she said softly.
Ooooh, how wonderful! Lady Phillipot crowed. Do tell us more, Mrs. McKinnon!
She was about to tell Lady Phillipot that they did not have an army of splendidly attired footmen to feed them, but Claudia said sharply, Honestly, Olympia, one would think you had never seen a cow milked before! Come then, would you be so kind as to share your lovely voice with us in song? I am sure Lady Boxworth can be persuaded to accompany you on the pianoforte.
I should be delighted, Lady Boxworth said and was at once on her feet.
Very well, if you insist, Lady Phillipot said, and somehow managed to hoist herself from her seat. As the two women made their way to the far end of the room, Kerry smiled thinly at Claudia. I should like a wee bit of air, she said, and stood, walking away from the group before anyone could call her back and expose her further.
She slipped out one door at the opposite end of the room and found herself in yet another, darkened room.
Using her fingers to feel along the wall, she slowly moved along the perimeter of the large room until she found another door, and opened it, thankful to see a thin ray of light at the end of what looked like a corridor. God in heaven, would she now be lost? It was rather fitting, she supposed, as she made her way toward the light. She had been wandering around without direction or purpose since the morning Charles Moncrieffe had laid his dirty hands on her.
As her sight adjusted to the darkness, she realized that the light was coming from a door ajar at the end of the corridor. When she reached the door, she pushed it open wider, and walked inside.
She heard the click of boots on the plain wood floor before she saw anyone and whirled about, her palm pressed to her thundering heart. It was the Scottish footman; he stood before her holding two bottles of wine. They stared at one another for a long moment before he finally spoke. Are ye lost, then, lassie?
She heard Thomas McKinnons voice in that burr and closed her eyes. The tears stung the back of her throat, and for a moment, a brief fleeting moment, she was transported home.
Mrs. McKinnon.
Her eyes fluttered open; she looked at the young footman. I, ah, seem to have lost my way to the salon.
He did not move at first, just kept looking at her as if he wanted to speak. Kerry lifted a hand to her flushed neck; the movement seemed to spur him; he suddenly moved past her. Follow me.
She followed him into the darkened corridor and immediately through a door that led into the main corridor awash with light. When they reached the main door of the salon, he reached for it, but his hand paused on the brass handle. With a furtive glance about, he whispered quickly, If yer in need of help, lass, ye ask for Brian. Do ye understand me now? Brian.
He did not wait for her answer. He swung the door open, bowed lightly as he stepped aside so that she might pass. The men had rejoined the ladies; the din from the room was high and voices and music seemed to rush at her. Grasping her skirt tightly in her hand, Kerry lifted her chin. Aye, I do, she said, and walked into the room, looking for Arthur.
It was the early hours of the morning when Arthur finally arrived at his empty house on Mount Street. He climbed the stairs slowly, unraveling his black neckcloth as he went, a smile playing on the corners of his lips as he recalled the evening. Claudia had been right, of course. A supper party had been just the thing to introduce Kerry to influential members of their circle. And oh Lord, she had been magnificent this evening. An ethereal vision in that violet gown, the soft lilt in her voice intoxicating every male in the room. Granted, she had been rather subdued this eveninghe had felt her nerves. But her mien had seemed one of quiet sophistication, of observation and polite refrain. She had easily been the most alluring, the most intriguing woman present.
She had fit so perfectly in that all-important setting that Arthur had finally found the answer for which he had been searching since they had arrived in London. He would marry her.
It was the answer that had been playing on the fringes of his mind for days now, the only course of action. That, and the only answer his heart would accept. Why, then, had he not come to the conclusion sooner? Because, he told himself as he entered his suite of rooms, of who Kerry was. Having seen her tonight, he was now loath to admit to himself that his reluctance had stemmed from the simple fact that she was a poor Scots widow. It was unthinkable for a man of his stature to marry a woman like her. But it was also unthinkableat least to himto allow something like the circumstance of her birth guide what could very well be the most important decision of his life.
Tonight, however, he had seen their situation through a different lens. He had seen that she could fit into a world to which she had not been born, could move among those who had been born to it. He had seen that she not only fit, but that she could, with some training, become one of the most sought-after women among the ton.
Still smiling, Arthur sent his sleepy valet away and stripped down to nothing. He sprawled nude onto the massive four-poster bed and slung an arm over his eyes. His last conscious thought was of Kerry, gliding toward him in that lovely violet gown, smiling at him as if he was the only man in the world.
He dreamed of a ball that night; dazzling women dressed in shimmering golds and greens twirled in the arms of men dressed in formal bl
ack tails. In the center of the crowded ballroom stood Kerry, dressed in a white velvet gown, her hair curled and piled atop her head with slim gold chains. A Greek goddess. As he walked toward her, the dancers parted, and she held out her hands to him. He took her in his arms, swept her into a waltz beneath a thousand candles, and asked her, Are you happy, my love?
Kerry laughed, her dark red lips sliding over perfect white teeth.
Are you happy? he asked her again, but Kerry did not answer, was distracted by something to her left. Arthurs gaze followed hers, and the dancers seemed to melt away as an impeccably dressed Phillip, save the hole in his chest, strolled onto the dance floor.
Are you happy? he asked again, but when he turned to look at Kerry, she was gone. And Phillip was laughing.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Kerry dreamed that night, toounpleasant dreams of a supper where she was the object of ridicule. She awoke before dawn and lay on her back, staring up at the embroidered canopy above her as she silently begged God for help.
After luncheon, she left Claudia with some excuse of napping, pulled on a new pair of glovesdelivered just that morning along with a half-dozen pairs of slippers and walked into the foyer. She asked the footman there for a carriage, full expecting to be denied on the grounds of improper protocol or something equally obscure. But he merely nodded and went off to fetch her a carriage.
In the drive, a coachman helped her into the carriage, then stuck his head in and inquired as to her direction.
To the Christian House on Mount Street, she said, and again waited to be told no. But once again, the coachman merely nodded, and the next thing she knew, the carriage was rocking forward.
Kerry leaned back against the plush velvet squabs and smiled to herself as the carriage rolled onto St. James Square. Perhaps God had heard her pleas after all.
At Mount Street, Barnaby greeted her at the door. He did not seem surprised to see her, nor did he so much as flinch when she asked if she might speak with Arthur. He gave a quick glance over her head to the street, then stepped aside, bowing low and sweeping his hand to indicate she should enter. Kerry stepped into the two-story foyer, let a footman divest her of her wrap, and then followed Barnaby to the study.
