by J. J. Green
“What’s a Nai Nai?” Ferne asked. “Was it your pet?”
Carina laughed. It was the first laugh she’d had for a long time. “No, Nai Nai means your father’s mother.”
“Oh,” Darius said. “Is she nice? I never met my father’s mother.”
“She was very nice,” Carina replied, “but she died. My Nai Nai taught me to Cast long distances by using Transport and Locate. You take something and Transport it—”
“I get it,” Parthenia exclaimed. “Then you Locate it, and see if it went where you sent it.”
“Exactly,” said Carina. “You can find out how far off target you are and adjust your aim accordingly the next time.”
Ferne said, “Yes! I want to practice. I know I can do it now.”
Carina had brought along some squares of cloth. The children would only have to hold them a moment to make the necessary connection, then Transport them to a set of coordinates. After the piece of cloth arrived, they would then be able to seek it out using Locate and match the coordinates with its actual position.
The session was informative. They discovered that Darius was Casting roughly twice as far as he should have been, and that Parthenia had only been missing the coordinates by a short distance. If the tanks had been as big as the ones they would be aiming for at the Dirksen shipyard, she would have hit them without any problems. Oriana and Ferne were erratic in the distance and direction by which their casts missed, but by the end of the session their accuracy had improved enormously.
Throughout the two hours that she taught her sisters and brothers, Carina felt herself growing closer to them. She’d begun to acquire the same ability to forget about the guards aiming rifles at them while they practiced as her siblings had. In turn, the girls and boys seemed to feel a closer bond to her as their Casting ability improved and the mood of the session lifted. There was a sense of shared achievement. It made Carina reflect on what her life might have been like if Stefan hadn’t taken her mother and father from her. She would have had fun being a big sister to the children who came after her.
There was still a chance she could have that, she reminded herself. She could put right the wrong Stefan had committed, and give the girls and boys the life they should have had, free of coercion and the constant threat of violence.
By the time Carina ended the session, Castiel had finally stumped off to another room, Nahla trotting in his wake, and slammed the door, probably sick of the constant attention on the other children. She was satisfied that the mage children would be able to send Fire accurately at the final practice before they arrived at the shipyard and the battle started.
The guards collected the unused elixir and beakers and left. For the first time, Carina was alone with her mage siblings without Castiel to spy on them. Dared she mention something of her plans to them? If they knew what was happening, it could make things a lot easier.
“You all did really well today,” she said. “You worked hard and you never gave up. I’m proud of all of you.”
“Thanks, Carina,” Darius exclaimed, his eyes shining.
“Thanks,” said Ferne. “You taught us well too. It’s easy to understand when you teach us.”
Carina guessed his subtext: better than when Mother taught us. But of course the boy had little idea of the reason behind the difference. “When we reach the target, I’m sure you’ll be able to blow it up.”
“I hope so,” Parthenia said.
Carina checked that the door to the room where Castiel and Nahla had gone was completely closed. She leaned closer to the circle of children. “What do you think will happen after the battle?”
“The Sherrerrs will win the war and then we’ll control the whole galaxy,” Darius said, and threw his arms in the air.
“Maybe not the whole galaxy,” Carina said. “What I mean is, what do you think will happen to us?”
“I thought we would go back to our estate,” said Parthenia. “Aren’t we going home after this?” She looked confused and troubled.
“Yes,” said Oriana. “Aren’t we going home?”
“Is that where you want to go?” Carina asked.
Parthenia replied, “I do. I miss my tarsul. I don’t think the servants are looking after him very well.”
“How about if you went someplace else?” Carina asked. “How would you feel about that?” It was as much as she dared to say. If word of the conversation got back to Stefan, it could easily be passed off as idle speculation and not introducing the children to the idea of escape to a new life.
“I’d love to go somewhere else,” Ferne said. “It’s so boring living on the estate. We hardly ever go anywhere or do anything. I want to live in a city and do exciting things. I want to have my own friends and not have to play with my brothers and sisters all the time.”
“Hey!” Oriana objected.
“I love you, sis,” said Ferne, “but I’m tired of playing girls’ games. I want to play with boys my own age, like I see other kids do in the vids. I want to go to school.”
“I don’t think Father would like to hear you say that,” Parthenia said gravely.
Not for the first time, Carina had a weird sense about the girl. She didn’t know how to take her. She seemed to always hide her true opinions.
Then again, Carina thought wryly to herself, so do I.
“You are coming back home with us, aren’t you?” Darius asked. “Then when Mother gets better, you can sit with her and watch us play in the garden.”
A shadow fell across Carina’s heart, and the other children also looked sad and downcast. The little boy didn’t know that their mother was barely clinging to life. For the second time, Carina wondered if it was her responsibility to tell him. If she didn’t, who would? To Stefan, Darius was only an instrument.
Parthenia was watching her. Then she turned to her brother and said, “Mother is very sick. She might not get better.”
“Don’t be silly,” said Darius. “Of course she’d going to get better. That’s right, isn’t it Carina?”
She couldn’t answer him.
Chapter Forty-Six
The doctor bent down and pressed a cold metal pressure syringe to Faye’s neck. A brief sensation of uncomfortable tightness was replaced by a pleasant numbing sensation as her blood carried the medication around her body, alleviating its aches and pains. Her breathing grew easier and her head began to clear. Her vision also sharpened, bringing the doctor’s concerned expression into focus.
Faye wetted her dry lips with her tongue. “How long?” Her low, cracked, whispery voice sounded unfamiliar to her ears.
“I think another twelve to twenty-four hours. Your organs have begun to shut down, which is what’s causing your discomfort. I’m giving you as much pain relief as I can without knocking you out, as you said you didn’t want that. What’s your pain level like? If you’ve changed your mind, I can ease the path for you, reduce the wait if you see what I mean.”
“No,” Faye replied. “I want to hang on as long as I can.”
“Then the treatment I’m giving you will help. I’m sorry there’s nothing else I can do to prolong the time you have left. If we’d been able to get you to a medical facility, it might have been a different story. But at times of war such things aren’t always possible, even with the best intentions.”
Faye could almost hear Stefan’s voice as the doctor parroted his words. Explaining, justifying, and rationalizing his abhorrent, disgusting behavior to others. What tales was her husband spinning to the officers and members of the Sherrerr clan aboard the ship? Yet despite his facade, she was sure they all knew what he was like. They knew what he’d done to her and was doing to his own offspring, yet they chose to do nothing. As long as it didn’t affect them and they profited from his actions, they would let him do whatever he wanted. She wondered who was worse—psychopathic Stefan or the people around him who winked at what he did.
“Is there anything else I can do for you?” the doctor asked. “For instance, w
ould you like me to explain to your children what’s happening? I don’t relish the task, but I believe that sometimes it helps to hear the news from someone outside the family. And it is a large burden to place on, say, Carina’s shoulders.”
“I think most of them already understand, except maybe Darius. I’ll tell him myself. I’d prefer it that way I think.”
“Whatever you say.” The doctor paused. “I’m sorry, but I have to ask you this. What would you like to happen after?”
It took Faye a moment to understand the doctor’s subtle meaning. “After I die? I haven’t thought about it, oddly enough. I’ll let you know.”
“The usual thing when someone dies aboard a starship is to hold the funeral ceremony and then eject the body into space. But I’m sure, given your standing as Stefan’s wife, that the ship’s company would make every effort to fulfill your wishes, whatever they may be.”
Faye was sure the Sherrerrs would happily shower with every pomp and ceremony the woman they’d refused to help while she was alive. “I’ll give it some thought.”
“Right. Well, if you’re feeling more comfortable now, I’d better go. I have lots to do. I have to prepare the sick bay for the upcoming battle.”
“Are you anticipating lots of casualties?” Faye asked.
“On a ship this size, no. We’re all pretty well protected behind the shielding. If the Dirksens manage to penetrate that, a few casualties will be the last of our problems. I doubt they’ll show any mercy after what happened on Cestrarth. They’ll probably do their best to destroy the ship.” She smiled sadly. “You never know, you may even outlive me.”
“You seem very calm about the idea of your life being in danger.”
The doctor shrugged. “Life is strange. On the one hand, it seems so vital and indestructible. On the other, it can be snuffed out by the simplest thing. An awkward fall, a weak artery suddenly bursting, an overindulgence in the drug of one’s choice.” She snapped her fingers. “Gone. And there’s nothing I can do about it. Seeing such things happen time and time again has given me a fatalistic outlook, perhaps. Everyone dies in the end. Perhaps it’s insensitive of me to say so, but you have been given time to make your peace and say goodbye. Not everyone gets that.”
“It isn’t insensitive. I appreciate what you’ve done for me.” Though the doctor was loyal to the Sherrerrs, Faye had found her compassionate and diligent.
“I wish I could have done more, but it wasn’t to be.” The doctor stood up. “If you need any additional medication, just let me know. At this stage, there’s no point in worrying about long term effects.”
After the doctor left, Faye thought over her words. She’d long accepted that her life was coming to a end, but she’d only thought about what to do with the time she had left. She hadn’t considered what should happen to her body afterward.
Mages had certain funeral rites. The details were hazy, but she could remember the central idea. The five Elements were supposed to be used to send off the body. It was believed then that the mage’s soul would immediately join the universe and blend with the souls of all the other mages who had ever lived. Ejecting her body into space wouldn’t fulfill the requirements. She needed wood, metal, water, earth, and fire to ensure her spirit would find Kris’ out in the deepness of space. She had had to beg Stefan to allow her to perform the necessary rites for her dead husband. If the Sherrerrs ejected her from the ship, her body would float frozen among the stars forever, never degrading. Her spirit would never escape and she would never see Kris again. She couldn’t bear the thought.
Yet how could she arrange the correct funeral? Asking Stefan would be pointless. He had already almost forgotten she ever existed. The only person she could ask was Carina, but her daughter had enough on her plate.
The minute Faye thought of Carina, the door opened a crack and her daughter peeked in. “The doctor said it would be okay to come and sit with you for a while.”
“Yes. It’s fine. Come in. She’s given me something potent and I’m feeling much better.”
Carina stepped into the room, closing the door behind her. She sat at the end of the bed.
“Mother, I wanted to tell you something. I know you don’t have long, and I wanted to let you know what’s going to happen. I hope it will make you feel happier.”
“Okay. I’m listening.”
“I wanted to tell you my escape plan.”
Her daughter went on to explain how she planned to take advantage of the turmoil after the upcoming battle to steal a shuttle and get away.
When she’d finished, Faye said, “Oh, Carina.”
“What’s wrong?”
“I’m just so worried about you all. I don’t have long left. It would be wonderful to see you all free, but I find it hard to believe it could ever happen. What will Stefan do if you fail?”
“What could be worse than living like this?”
At Carina’s words, Faye saw herself through her daughter’s eyes. She’d gotten used to seeing herself, empty of everything except despair, but to her daughter she must look shocking. She realized that when Carina saw her, she was seeing herself after a similar period of time with Stefan, and that she would rather die that turn into the shadow of a person that her mother had become.
“But the children,” Faye protested. “Little Darius...”
“Mother, I understand that it’ll be dangerous, but I’m doing my best to protect them. Can’t you see that?”
“I don’t know, Carina. I don’t know.” They seemed to be steering toward another falling out. She didn’t want to start an argument, especially not now she had so little time left. Was this how it would have been if she and Kris hadn’t fallen into Stefan’s trap? If they’d remained a family, and Carina had grown up with them would the two of them have been at loggerheads? In the years that she’d so deeply missed her first-born, she’d imagined an entirely different scenario. A too-romantic one, perhaps.
“Why are you smiling?” Carina asked. “You don’t think this is funny, do you? Are you feeling okay?”
“Don’t worry. I’m not suffering the effects of my medication. I was only thinking that life rarely turns out as you expect it. If that’s what you want to do, that’s what you must do. I understand. It’s just that the thought of my children being hurt is unbearable to me.”
“There’s more than one way of hurting people,” Carina said, “and your husband knows it only too well. Maybe I can do it—I mean, maybe I can take the risk—because they aren’t my children. I didn’t give birth to them. Maybe it’s easier for me. But I have a question to ask you. What about Castiel and Nahla? Should I take them too? Do you think they’ll want to come?”
“Nahla will want to go wherever Castiel goes. As for him, I don’t know. Maybe you should ask him when the time comes.”
“I don’t know that I’ll be able to. I might not have time, or...”
“Or?”
“Ma, I’m worried that he’ll betray us. He might alert the guards, or even try to stop us himself.”
“I don’t think he’ll do that. I don’t think he would hurt his sisters and brothers. I know how he acts, but I think he feels a connection to them, deep down.”
Carina looked doubtful, but she dropped the subject.
Faye said, “Carina, I have to talk to you about something. I only have hours left, according to the doctor. I need to talk to you about what I want to happen when I’m gone.”
Chapter Forty-Seven
Although Nightfall was hours from its destination, the ship was at battle stations. At any moment, Dirksen surveillance probes could detect their approach, along with the approach of most of the Sherrerr fleet that was accompanying them. As soon as the Dirksens saw what was coming, it was inevitable that they wouldn’t waste time in parley. The number of ships the Sherrerrs were committing to the battle made clear their intent. The only rational response the Dirksens could offer was an immediate, aggressive defense.
The mages were on round
-the-clock lockdown. No one was allowed out of the living quarters for any reason whatsoever. Someone—probably Stefan—was taking no chances that they wouldn’t be exactly where they were needed at the crucial moment. Even the doctor had had to argue with the guards for admittance. Carina heard the raised voices outside the main door. When the guards finally allowed the doctor inside around half an hour later, she appeared harassed and angry.
I only have two minutes, she’d said to Carina as she pushed pre-prepared syringes into her hands. These are for your mother, to ease her symptoms. I’m not allowed in to see her until after the battle, so you’ll have to give her the shots. She hastily explained the procedure to Carina, continuing in spite of the guard poking his head around the door and telling her that her time was up.
Take care, Carina, the doctor had said as the guard pulled her out of the entranceway by her arm.
Now, all Carina and the children had to do was wait. The minutes dragged into hours as the moment of their deployment edged nearer. The children played simple games like hide-and-go-seek for a while. Then they began to tease each other and fight until Carina, mindful of their sick mother in the next room, told them to play nicely and quietly or not at all.
The tension was getting to them, she knew, as if their feelings about losing their mother weren’t enough. But arguing with each other only made the situation worse. The children then lay morosely on their beds or the sofa, reading, drawing, or staring vacantly at nothing.
Carina hadn’t seen Bryce or Mandeville since the last time she’d been to Stefan’s office. She’d begun to have her doubts that they would provide her with elixir as they’d promised. Looking back on their most recent conversation, Bryce’s confidence and optimism seemed ill-founded. She didn’t even know if he or Mandeville were still aboard the ship. Troops might be moving between vessels as the fleet approached the Dirksens’ shipyard.
After her initial reluctance, Carina had warmed to the idea that they would be around to help. Allies were a new phenomenon to her, but she’d been prepared to make an exception. Had she been too sanguine in her expectations? Perhaps things were the same as they’d been for a long time—her alone against the universe.
