At Any Cost

by Mandy Baxter

  Nick’s brows drew together over his dark eyes. He let go of Livy and she slipped quickly away as she rushed to the dining room to answer the call. She swiped her finger across the screen as she snatched the phone from the table before it could go to voice mail. She brought it to her ear and cast a cautious glance toward the kitchen as she answered, “Hey, Mom. Everything okay?”

  “I know I’m not supposed to call.” The sound of her mom’s voice brought tears to Livy’s eyes. It seemed like forever since she’d heard it and she wanted to sob her relief before she spilled her guts about everything that had happened over the past couple of months, including the man who currently stood in her kitchen, presumably frying eggs. “But I got a strange phone call and I thought you should know about it.”

  Livy’s earlier fear intensified. Her lungs constricted and she fought for a deep breath. “What do you mean?”

  “The other day someone who said he was from USSA called. He said he was writing an article about past junior Olympians. A where-are-they-now sort of thing and wanted to talk to you.”

  Livy’s mouth went dry. “What did you tell him?”

  “That he had the wrong number and I had no idea who you were.”

  Of course she did. Livy’s mom had always had her back. “Thanks.”

  “It could have been legitimate,” her mom said. “But I didn’t want to take any chances. I just thought you should know about it.”

  Livy cast a furtive glance toward the kitchen where she presumed Nick was still working on breakfast, none the wiser to her conversation. Still, Livy didn’t want to give anything away or say too much. “I’m glad you called.”

  “Are you okay, honey?” Her mom didn’t say what Livy knew she wanted to say. That she should go to the police. Come out of hiding and do something—anything—to reclaim her life. They’d been over, and over, and over it. So many arguments that they’d both simply given up talking about it. Livy didn’t know if the choices she made were the right ones, but she was still alive and that had to count for something.

  “I’m fine, Mom. Really. Everything’s okay. I promise.” She didn’t bother telling her that she’d decided to move. Her mom didn’t know where she was anyway, so it didn’t matter. “I need to go, but I’ll call you on our scheduled day. I love you.”

  Her mom let out a slow sigh that seemed to reach through the phone. “I love you, too, sweetie.”

  “Bye.” Livy whispered the word as she ended the call. Unease swirled inside of her. The U.S. Ski and Snowboard Association certainly had her past contact info on file. Livy hadn’t been a member for a long time but it was possible they’d write a story about past athletes. Still, it didn’t sit right with her and only managed to solidify her determination to put McCall in her wake.

  Alone is better than dead.

  Oh, who in the hell was she kidding? Alone might as well be dead. Alone was the worst thing in the entire goddamned world.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Nick sat at his kitchen table and stared at his cell. His blissful morning with Livy yesterday had taken a nosedive after her phone call from her mom. She’d become nervous and withdrawn, and Nick felt as though they’d taken a hundred steps back from the intimacy they’d shared only the night before. Livy’s playfulness took a backseat to her worry and conversation had dwindled. They’d ended up eating in silence and spent the rest of the day on the couch watching movies until Livy made an excuse about having an early day and sent Nick away.

  Her dismissal had done nothing for his ego but that’s not what had stung. It was her continued lack of trust after everything they’d shared that stuck in Nick’s craw. He’d hoped that she’d finally open up to him. Allow him to protect her. To come clean about everything and not keep up the pretense. His anger had threatened to get the better of him and more than once Nick had considered going over to call her on her bullshit. But then he’d think of how good she felt in his arms. How willing and responsive she’d been. And how being with her filled his chest with an excess of emotions that damn near sucked the air from his lungs. Nick had kept his ass parked on the couch for the rest of the night and woke up there this morning.

  He’d fucked up. Big-time. And he didn’t think the damage would be repairable. He wanted to call her out on her bullshit? Who was going to call him out on his? Nick still wasn’t sure what he was the most upset about. He’d crossed a professional line and though he wasn’t opposed to bending a few rules in the name of making an arrest, last night bent the rules and then broke them over his knee before dousing them with gasoline and setting them on fire. Though he supposed if you asked his deputy chief, he’d say that Nick’s inability to follow orders or work with his peers was a clear sign that he was not the professional he gave himself credit for being. It wasn’t the job that caused his stomach to knot up. It was the way he’d deceived Livy that laid him low.

  He stared down at his phone. It had been days since he’d heard from Morgan and he was sure the deputy marshal was working the leads, shaking bushes, and trying to find a way to connect Livy to Kari once and for all. While Livy had spoken with her mom yesterday, Nick had been listening from the kitchen. Livy was careful not to give any of their conversation away. Nick appreciated the way she’d learned to guard herself but it still burned. She’d kept her voice low and her responses short. The conversation ended not long after it began, which gave Nick very little insight into what was going on.

  “Fuck.” The word left his mouth in an angry bark as he snatched his phone up from the table. He unlocked the screen and dialed Morgan. With every ring, his stomach knotted tighter and his jaw clenched until he felt the enamel grind. On the fifth ring, Morgan answered and Nick bit back a snarky comment about how long it took him to answer. The only person Nick was pissed off with was himself. His foul mood had nothing to do with the other deputy.

  “I was just about to call you,” Morgan remarked.

  Sure. “What’s up?”

  “You were right about Hanson. She was using her mother’s maiden name before she went into hiding. It wasn’t an alias.”

  Nick was both sick and relieved at the information. He’d always known that Livy wasn’t the sort of woman who’d have a stack of assumed names and fake IDs ready to use at a moment’s notice. No matter what her connection to Meecum was, she wasn’t like him. “How did you find her?”

  “Through the junior ski-racing circuit like you suggested. We found a racer with the first name Kari who fit her age in the U.S. Ski and Snowboard Association’s database. Her given name is Kari Oliva Barnes. She must have changed her name to Hanson after she quit racing.”

  Nick had gotten the impression that Livy and her mom had been alone. No dad in the picture. Something must have happened to make her want to disassociate herself with his name. What? Would that small piece of her history fill in the blanks as to why she’d hooked up with Meecum in the first place?

  “Anything on the dad?”

  “We’re looking into it,” Morgan replied. “I called her mother yesterday. Carolyn Hanson. Told her I was from the ski association and was doing a piece on former racers for their Web site. She was excited at first and then got nervous. Told me I had the wrong number and she didn’t know anyone named Kari Barnes. She hung up after that.”

  That’s why Livy’s mom had called her yesterday. To warn her that someone was looking for her. Damn it. For all Livy had known it was Meecum who’d found her mother. No wonder she’d been so nervous.

  Nick’s thoughts screeched to a halt. He’d been thinking of Livy as a victim since the day he’d met her and it needed to stop. She was a suspect. A person of interest who might have been an accessory to some of Meecum’s crimes for all he knew. And you took her to bed and fucked her till the sun rose. Way to distance yourself, asshole.

  “Have you been able to find any connection to Meecum?” Nick wanted Morgan to come up empty-handed. He’d practically prayed for it every day for the past week.

  “Not yet.” His ches
t loosened a bit and Nick let out a slow breath. “But I’m still digging. It’s not like the Black Death have records of everyone they’ve ever associated with posted online or some shit. It’s going to take a little elbow grease, that’s all.”

  No, they didn’t keep those sorts of records, but it would sure as hell be nice.

  “We’ve confirmed that Olivia Gallagher is Kari Hanson. That’s a huge step forward,” Morgan said. “You’ve gotten closer to finding Meecum than anyone in the entire USMS has in years of hunting the bastard. It’s a good thing you’re tenacious, Brady. It’s probably going to get us the win.”

  Maybe. But what would Nick lose in the process? “Let me know if you find anything out.”

  “Will do. In the meantime, it’s probably not a good idea to confront Hanson yet. We don’t want her getting spooked and contacting Meecum or leaving town before we can get our hands on him. At this point, I’d say trying to get her to come clean and flipping her is a last resort. We’ll only try to use her if we hit a dead end.”

  Nick had no intention of confronting Livy. Not when his own guilt weighed so heavily on him. “I’ll keep an eye on her,” he replied. Like you’ve been keeping an eye on her? Nick let out a sigh.

  If Morgan picked up on it, he didn’t let on. “I’ll be in touch.”

  “Sounds good.”

  Nick ended the call. He knew that following a lead didn’t always produce instant results. It was a long, sometimes frustrating process that tested the patience of even the calmest investigator. There was a time when Nick wanted to bring Joel Meecum in so badly that it made his muscles twitch. Now, he wasn’t so sure that he needed to be the one who cuffed him and hauled him in.

  Not if it meant losing Livy.

  Lose her? Did he even really have her?

  She’d occupied his thoughts more often than not over the past week. And after their night together, Nick was convinced that Livy occupied a part of his heart. It wasn’t just the sex. They could have lain under the blankets fully clothed and he would have felt the exact same way today. He was sick and fucking tired of the lies and deception that erected a wall between them. Nick wanted to know everything about Livy and not just how she’d wound up tied to one of the most notorious motorcycle gangs in the country.

  When she found out why he was really there, she’d turn her back on him. He got the impression that Livy wasn’t the sort of woman who forgave easily. If she had been, Joel Meecum wouldn’t have put the word out to associates that he was looking for her. At one point, Nick had assumed that Livy was setting up for Joel to meet her. That she’d been out scouting places for them to lie low until the heat died down. Now, though, Nick knew that Joel had done something horrible to Livy. She wasn’t running. She was hiding.

  And when Nick discovered why, he’d make sure that Meecum paid for everything he’d done to her.

  * * *

  Guilt ate away at Livy. It churned in her gut and burned in her chest. It clawed away at her brain until the dull thud in her skull escalated to near-migraine pain. There weren’t enough Excedrin or Tums in the world to banish the pain and discomfort that wreaked havoc on her body, though. The only thing that would fix her was absolution and she wouldn’t get that if she didn’t open up and trust someone.

  Nick?

  No matter what he thought to the contrary, Livy knew that he was a good man. Honorable and trustworthy. But that was part of the problem, wasn’t it? Livy wasn’t without guilt. If she came clean to him, told him what she knew, showed him what she had and how she got it, would he try to arrest her? Or maybe find someone who could? Would she blame him if he did? She deserved to be held accountable for her actions just like Joel did.

  Damn it, Livy was sick and tired of feeling afraid. She didn’t want to run anymore. Wasn’t interested in hiding. She wanted to live her life how and where she wanted it. She wanted . . . Nick. God, she wanted him so badly that she ached. The nights they’d spent together had been beyond amazing. Livy hadn’t known that she could feel so deeply. Want so intensely. When he knew the truth, though, Livy was certain he’d be disgusted with her. Wouldn’t want anything to do with her. He was a good man and he’d do what good men were supposed to do. He’d hold her accountable for her actions and she wouldn’t blame him a bit for it.

  Nick’s hatred would surely kill her faster than any punishment Joel would bring down on her. With every passing day, Livy lost another little piece of herself to Nick. It wouldn’t be long before he owned her completely. Heart, body, and soul.

  She gazed down at the worn leather ledger on the bed beside her. She never should have taken it. At the time, she’d thought that taking it was the only thing that would keep her alive. Now, she realized that it had done nothing more than secure her death warrant. Nothing could protect her from Joel’s wrath. Nowhere was safe. He was the criminal but she was the fugitive. She could continue to run but she couldn’t hide. Joel would find her. And when he did, he’d kill her.

  Livy opened the book with shaking fingers and flipped through the pages. How many times had she looked through Joel’s ledger over the past four years? She’d memorized every business transaction, the names of each and every one of Joel’s associates. She could burn the fucking thing right now and still be able to recite every page word for word, number for number. Joel surely realized that. Livy was the biggest threat to not only his safety, but also his livelihood. He’d killed people for less. She knew; she’d been witness to one of his brutal murders.

  What if Joel or one of his guys had called her mom the other day posing as a USSA employee? What if he’d put the pieces together of who she really was and went after her mom to get to her? At the time, she’d been convinced that her mom would be safe but now she wasn’t so sure. Would Nick protect her mom if Livy asked him to? If he knew the truth, would he help her or would he turn his back on her completely?

  She closed the book with a snap and hid it under the floorboards beneath her bed. She wasn’t ready to lose Nick. Wasn’t ready to feel the sting of his disgust. They only had a couple of weeks left before his vacation was over and he’d be heading back to Washington. Was it so bad that she wanted to wait it out? She didn’t have to make a decision now, did she? Livy could be selfish for two more weeks. Enjoy the life she’d constructed for herself with a man she couldn’t get enough of. Then, she’d face the music and come clean.

  A weight lifted from Livy’s chest. She hadn’t realized until now how deeply the burden of her deception affected her. Telling the truth would finally free her from years of worry and fear. It was time. Whether or not Nick would hate her for her admission, she had him to thank for the relief she’d feel when it was all over.

  She’d planned to take a shower but instead of hanging a right at the bottom of the stairs, Livy headed for the tiny alcove at the front door. Without even thinking about what she did, she pulled on her boots and slipped her coat on. The door seemed to open on its own and for the first time in four years, Livy didn’t grab her keys or triple-check the lock. Instead, she let the door close behind her without locking it as she hustled across the lane that separated her house from Nick’s.

  Today was her only day off this week. She’d be damned if she spent another minute of it alone. Livy brought her fist up to Nick’s door and paused. If she was smart, she’d keep her distance from Nick until she decided to tell him the truth and turn Joel’s ledger over to him. Obviously, Livy hadn’t been making decisions with her rational brain for quite some time. Her feelings for Nick ran deeper than even she wanted to admit. In two short weeks, he’d wormed his way not only into her life, but also her heart. In two more, he might be the one hauling her off to jail. Was it wrong to allow their relationship to carry on when she knew it would only end in disaster?

  Probably.

  Definitely.

  Oh, what the hell.

  Livy knocked on the door. Her stomach retreated into her throat as she waited for Nick to answer and despite the chill of the air, she broke out
into a sweat. An hour passed in the few seconds she stood on the damned porch and a nervous tremor vibrated through her limbs that left her weak and damned near out of breath.

  “Fuck.”

  The word left her mouth at the exact moment Nick opened the door. Heat rose to Livy’s cheeks as their gazes met. His lips curled into a wide, seductive smile that should have melted her bones. That she still stood upright seemed like a feat in Nick’s presence. His dark eyes roamed over her, a slow perusal that made her feel as though she had a hell of a lot less clothing on.

  “God yes,” he answered in a husky tone. Livy smiled, her teeth chattering from the cold as she tried to keep from throwing herself at him. “Get in here and get naked.” He grabbed her by the arm and hauled her against him. A mischievous light sparked in his gaze and he cocked a brow. “On second thought, leave the boots on.”

  Livy laughed and before she could protest, he put his mouth to hers. The kiss was the sort of thing you’d expect after being apart from someone for months or even years. He crushed her to him, slanted his mouth over hers, thrust his tongue in her mouth, and wound his fist through the length of her hair. His kisses robbed her of her breath, dizzied her, and stole any shred of logical thought. The world melted away and Livy’s senses were awash with Nick. The clean masculine spice of his scent, the firm press of his lips against hers, and the security of his arms wrapped tightly around her.

  Nick hadn’t simply wormed his way into her heart in the two short weeks since she’d known him. He’d become her entire world. Livy had learned at a very young age that there were very few people she could truly count on. The rest just let you down. Would Nick end up being like all of the other disappointments in her life or would he stand out from the crowd and be the pillar that held her up and kept her world from crumbling around her?

  Nick broke the kiss but didn’t pull away. His forehead rested against hers and the only sound in the room was that of their mingled breath and the wind outside. Livy didn’t open her eyes. She simply focused on how good it felt to be held in his arms. “Are you trying to heat the entire outside?” she asked a little too breathy. “I think it’s going to take more than your baseboard heaters to melt all of McCall’s snow.”