by P. W. Davies
Not to mention, Victor himself was still feeling out what exactly he wanted. He would admit to having some difficulty imagining Christian at his work Christmas party, much the same as he doubted he’d fit in with Christian’s typical crowd. But he could picture Christian in a suit or tux at his side at the symphony or sharing a weekend together out of town. What he knew for certain was that the time he was spending with Christian was exciting, invigorating, and gave him a taste of something he’d never had before. It wasn’t just that Christian was another man, it was everything that made him the man he was.
Evie had said weeks ago that she thought Victor was rebelling. He considered her accusation once again after he arrived home. Setting bags down to remove his coat, he opted for removing his suit jacket but simply putting an apron over the rest. Beverly had often teased him about the choice, but Victor often found himself cooking in his work clothes and knew of no better way to keep grease off his suits. Pots and pans found their way onto the stove, and even as he started cooking Victor found himself lost in thoughts of Christian.
Rebelling wasn’t quite the right word, he decided. It was more that he wanted to try something different, to see himself in someone’s eyes that wasn’t just looking at him with a list of hopes, dreams, and expectations to be negotiated, compromised, and settled on. He wanted that because if left to his own devices, it was exactly what would happen. Christian, though, defied all those temptations. Being with him meant Victor could simply take things one step at a time, that they could learn more about each other in their own time. They’d been together for nearly three weeks and Victor knew that there could easily be another three, or six, or twenty before he scratched the surface hidden beneath Christian’s roguish exterior.
As butter melted and steaks sizzled, Victor considered one other detail that made the reality of him and Christian possible. For as unconventional as a profession Christian had, the man wanted stability in his home life.
Victor just hoped that seeing it offered to him wouldn’t cause Christian to step backward again.
With that thought resounding between his ears, his phone chimed an alert. Wiping his hands on a dishrag, he glanced at the illuminated screen in time to see a text message flash up.
Your doorman takes his job very seriously. I believe he thinks I’m a delivery driver.
Followed by, Despite his efforts, I am on the elevator.
Victor smiled and picked up his phone as he walked toward the door. Door will be open when you get here. Putting a doorstop in place, he quickly returned to the kitchen to keep an eye on the food.
He was flipping the steaks as Christian peered inside. “These bloody doors all look alike.” When his eyes settled on Victor, his eyebrows rose. “You really do cook.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment,” Victor said, offering a smile. “Coat hooks are to your left. And you can close the door now. The neighbors aren’t usually nosy, but I’ve had one or two put a word in for food when they smell it.”
“I don’t blame them,” Christian said. The door shut, and his leather jacket found its way onto a hook. Victor spared a glance at it as it struck him that he hoped to see it there more often. Crossing the room, Christian carried a bottle of wine. “As requested,” he said, once Victor spotted it. “Though I do hope it’s decent. I went with one that I thought sounded familiar.”
“Red and drinkable should be what matters most,” Victor said. “Glasses are hanging beneath the cabinets and the opener should be in the second drawer from the refrigerator.”
“As the man wishes.” Christian moved through the kitchen to attend to the tasks Victor had given but paused next to him. “If you can spare a second...”
Victor glanced at him. Christian leaned forward and captured his lips with an easy kiss that sent warmth from his head to his toes. When he pulled away, Victor felt Christian’s hand slide down and squeeze his ass. He laughed, which made Christian grin.
“I appreciate you being willing to come here,” Victor said as Christian settled two glasses onto the counter. He opened the heated oven to place the pan holding the steaks inside as he heard the wine cork pop free. “After the week I’ve had, being in my own space is a bit of a refuge.”
Christian handed him a glass after Victor removed his oven mitt. Victor gave him a look of gratitude and drank down a healthy swallow. He said he wasn’t sure what to pick, but I’ll have to remember it for later. It’s quite good.
“You seem content out and about. I wouldn’t have guessed you could be a homebody,” Christian said, taking a sip of his own.
“Yes, well,” Victor gestured to the bar stools across the countertop, indicating that Christian could make himself comfortable while they talked as dinner finished cooking. “I have been more of a homebody of late. The past few months, to be specific. You’ve been giving me an excuse to be out more, which has been good for me. Otherwise I’d just be drowning in work.”
“Well I’m glad I can be a pleasant distraction,” Christian said as he sat down. Victor had the sense it was meant playfully rather than self-deprecating. “May I ask?”
Victor raised an eyebrow in response.
“You said the past few months,” Christian replied, setting his glass on the counter. “What changed?”
“My fiancée left me.”
Christian winced at the statement. Victor shook his head, and added, “It was good for both of us. I had been so focused on the future, the steps that came next, I wasn’t seeing how much we were out of sync with one another.” He smiled softly. “She moved on quickly. I’ve been… going about it in my own way.” Victor looked at Christian. “Not that you’re my first since she left.”
“But I am your first man,” he said, weighing something. “Was that why you asked me for drinks?”
Victor wasn’t certain what Christian was asking, but he answered as best he knew how. “I asked you for drinks because I was attracted to you, and it seemed as though you didn’t mind the attention. I told you I hadn’t ever been with a man before because I didn’t want my inexperience to get in the way of our night together.” He paused. “And I felt, somehow, that it was safe to tell you, that you would understand and not turn me away.”
Christian was silent as a timer chimed to say it was time to retrieve the steaks. They sizzled pleasantly as Victor placed them on a cutting plate and left them to seal for a few minutes.
“You are making me long for a proper fry up,” Christian said, not hiding the fact that the food was distracting him. Victor couldn’t bring himself to mind, taking it as a resoundingly positive compliment. “I never did ask you why me. There are dozens of other men who you could have tried your first time with. Some that would have tripped over themselves for the opportunity to convert you.”
Victor chuckled at the joke. “I think I chose wisely, all considered.” He started plating their side dishes while waiting to cut the steaks. Glancing up at Christian between tasks, he said, “You were intriguing. Are intriguing. And after a few weeks of knowing you, I can also say that you are quick-witted, sharp-tongued, and brazen. All of which I find myself liking quite a bit.”
“Compliments like that should only be answered one way,” Christian said. “With kissing. And rending of clothes. Pinning against a wall. Maybe even seeing how you’d like being blindfolded by that tie.”
His skin heated at the image. Victor kept his eyes down as he cut their steaks, not wanting to detour the evening into the bedroom so quickly. Let me get to know you, he asked silently. I won’t complain about how good the sex is, but there is more here than that. I know it. And I think you do, too, considering you seem intent on deflecting away from it with those sorts of distractions.
“After we eat, I will be a willing participant,” Victor said once he was certain his voice wouldn’t give away his desire.
“Delayed gratification. Two can play that game,” Christian countered as Victor set his plate in front of him. He watched as Christian speared a piece of steak o
n his fork and popped it into his mouth.
When his eyes fluttered shut, Christian’s expression beatific, Victor smirked. “Different sort of gratification first,” he corrected.
Christian groaned. The sound threatened to put them soundly back into Christian’s suggested course of action as Victor had to count to five to resist leaning over the counter and kissing him right then and there.
Which was the precise moment his cell phone chimed again. Taking a quick bite of food, Victor lifted the device and thumbed open the lock. He frowned at what he saw in an email sent to him by Evie.
Victor stopped himself from reading it all the way through and instead sent Evie a quick response saying he would get to it in the morning. Whether or not that timeline was acceptable, Victor hadn’t given up on setting work aside for the evening.
When he looked up at Christian, a third of his steak was already consumed and he was studying Victor intently.
“I’m sorry about that. Work has been invading every waking moment.” He ate a bite of food off his plate, wondering if the apology had sounded less than sincere.
“It’s important to you,” Christian observed, and shrugged. “No harm in a man taking pride in his work just so long as he remembers to have fun now and again.”
Victor set his fork down in favor of slicing a chunk of bread. He offered one to Christian first. “I tend to get very focused on the cases in front of me. Our larger one has been setting a few of us on edge with atypical problems.”
“Bechtel Systems?” Christian asked, dipping his bread into the steak juices on his plate.
Victor was surprised for a moment, then gave Christian a rueful look. “I was going to say I didn’t expect you to remember that, but considering you’re looking into one of my co-workers I guess it’s not so surprising.” He pushed his food with his fork before claiming another piece of steak. He popped it into his mouth after asking, “Do you ever get surprised by what you find?”
Christian’s expression was skeptical. “You don’t want me to answer that.” They both chewed mouthfuls of food while evaluating what they might say next.
“I know I told you I didn’t want to be used for your investigation,” Victor said before taking a drink of his wine. “But I’m not blind to the fact there’s something odd going on.”
“I have no idea what odd looks like to you,” Christian said. He looked curious, but also suspicious. Not necessarily of Victor, but perhaps of his intentions.
Victor didn’t blame him. “Anyway, that’s enough about work. Suffice to say, two of my coworkers have been behaving oddly which is what prompted –” He gestured at his phone. “– The email I just received. We’ve been trying to find the origins of some odd activities. I’m just glad we have all weekend to determine what we should do next.”
Christian weighed what to say next. “It seems as though everyone has secrets,” he said. “Not all of them were meant to see the light of day. Some are better off buried.” He half seemed to be saying it to himself, but it made Victor frown. There was a heaviness to his words as he shrugged, glancing away before looking back at Victor. “I’ve discovered a few things at work as well. Secrets I’d rather not know.”
“I’m trying to imagine a secret you shouldn’t be privy to in your line of work,” Victor said, pushing aside his mostly-emptied plate.
“It has larger consequences than I think I should share.”
When silence fell between them, with Victor staring at Christian and Christian seeming to weigh his next words, a series of indistinguishable emotions passed across Christian’s face. All of them subtle, but none escaping Victor’s notice. “Work revealed to me this whole mess is coming a bit too close to home,” Christian finally said.
“What do you mean by that?”
“I mean – I wish I would’ve known you’d be a part of this. I might have refused the job and kept you.”
Victor furrowed his brow, lips wanting to surrender to a smile. As Christian’s gaze met his again, Christian walked to close the distance between them, reaching out and silently asking for Victor’s hand. Victor gave it to him. “Forgive me,” Christian said. “I suppose I’m feeling oddly sentimental.”
“I’m supposed to forgive you for that?” Victor finally allowed the curl in his lips to manifest. “Your work doesn’t have to be a conflict of interest. I think we’re deliberately avoiding that.”
“It’s gotten more complicated. And I regret that it might take a turn from this point forward.” Christian shook his head. While he mirrored some of Victor’s grin, it made Christian look boyish. Almost exposed. “Something I found in a warehouse yesterday isn’t going to be taken well when I report it to my employer.”
“Something you found? Should I ask you how?”
“Probably not,” Christian said. He brushed his thumb over Victor’s hand, looking mildly chagrined. “I’ve said too much, haven’t I?”
“Perhaps.” Victor tried to read the other man’s expression, looking for guile or for some explanation as to why he felt inclined to share that information. This was tricky territory, considering Victor was certain not all of Christian’s investigation methods were entirely legal. In that moment, though, he realized the blatant honesty demanded a response. Letting his expression smooth over, Victor allowed Christian to see a hint of vulnerability from him as well. “You’re going to have me worried now about your well-being.”
“That’s sweet. But you really shouldn’t.”
“At this point, I wouldn’t be able to help myself.”
Victor could tell that Christian heard the subtext because the curtain that was usually over his eyes lifted. There was desire. Openess. A little fear. Standing and moving closer, Victor kissed Christian. It wasn’t just passion in this kiss, it was something more. Something Victor was still figuring out. But he knew that it was real. When he pulled away, Christian looked dazed. It made him smile. “Do me a favor?” Victor asked.
“Only if you promise to kiss me like that again,” Christian said, half mumbling.
“You have my word.” Victor searched Christian’s eyes. “Take out your wallet.”
Confusion replaced the daze. Victor kissed him again, light and quick.
“Your wallet please,” he repeated.
Christian released his hold on Victor’s hand and looked skeptical, but withdrew his wallet as asked.
“Open it,” Victor said.
Thoroughly confused but clearly along for the ride, Christian opened the leather flap.
Victor held out his hand. “One bill please. Any one you don’t mind parting with.”
Amused now, Christian flipped through his wallet while his eyes stayed on Victor. “For services rendered?”
“Something like that. Now, if you will,” Victor flexed his hand, indicating he wanted the money.
Christian withdrew two bills and obediently handed them to Victor. As Victor’s hand closed around them, Christian used it to pull Victor forward toward him. A heady kiss followed, and Victor almost didn’t notice that Christian had, in fact, let go.
When he was able to catch his breath, he nodded at Christian and tucked the money into his own wallet. “Now I’m your attorney. So long as you don’t tell me anything about how you conduct your work, I can know the things I know.”
Although he didn’t understand why, something about that statement clearly stunned Christian. Wondering what exactly he might have said, Victor couldn’t come up with any sound explanation in the short time that he had.
Christian clearly had ideas that didn’t involve any more talking. He came into Victor’s space, their chests touching, and kissed Victor with heat, need, and that thing that had been growing between the two of them clear and present. Victor wrapped one arm around Christian’s waist and spun them around. Christian’s back collided with the wall, and Victor experienced a moment of wondering if the other man would object to being man-handled.
Christian’s groan answered that question for him. Desire r
ushed through him all over again and Victor claimed the last of Christian’s breath in a feverish kiss. He pressed their bodies together, pinning Christian in place as he ground his hips against Christian’s.
The other man made a sound that Victor would have sworn was a whimper.
Compelled, his hands slid up beneath Christian’s shirt, claiming purchase on hot skin. Victor’s fingertips dug in harshly, chancing bruises, but it held Christian in place while his tongue delved into his partner’s mouth.
Partner. Boyfriend? Victor shoved the thought from his mind because he wanted to be focused on the here and now. The only thing he was aware of, the one thought that he knew would stay with him even after they were finished, was that whatever Christian was, it deserved a better word than ‘fling’ or ‘affair’.
Lover.
The idea demanded to be consummated. In the bedroom. Ripping his lips away from Christian’s was painful. Victor was tempted to try and figure out how two men could fuck each other while standing in the hallway. Practicality won out, but barely. He grabbed Christian’s hands and dragged him toward the bedroom.
There would be no more talking until he had satisfied the need to see Christian naked in his bed, hearing him call out his name.
Seventeen
Waking the next morning had felt like a dream. While Christian tried to convince himself that he’d spent the night in Victor’s condo and woke to a wonderfully cooked breakfast, what startled him more was how pained he had been when they needed to part company again. He had work he needed to do; something Victor said he understood, which dealt another blow against Christian’s heart. Victor still thought Christian was a private investigator.
