“No, Ryan, she was fine. Don’t get upset with her.”
When she lifted her head, he couldn’t help but see the tears in her eyes. And his heart clenched at the sight. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what to do to make this better.”
She wiped at the tears with trembling hands. “It’s okay. It’s me. I’m the one making things so difficult.”
“No, you’re not.”
“Yeah, I am. This is just…” She closed her eyes and covered her face with her hands. “It’s just more real than I thought it was going to be.”
Instinct overcame reason. He reached out to her before he thought better of it, slid an arm around her shoulder, pulled her close to his side. Her body stiffened in defense, then relaxed when he didn’t let go. His body heated as she sank into him. Warm. Solid. So very real. And when her face turned into his chest, his heart squeezed even tighter.
How could he have forgotten what she felt like? Memories flashed in his mind, ones he’d pushed down over the years to keep from feeling that mind-numbing pain. Her lying in his arms in their bed, her skin sliding over his, her lips pressing against his neck, her mouth whispering what she planned to do to him.
With her body close to his like this, every minute of their life together flashed in front of his eyes. She felt so good, so right. He didn’t want to let go.
“Don’t cry,” he whispered. “Dammit, don’t cry. I never could take it. You’re supposed to be the tough one.”
She gulped in steadying breaths. Her breasts pressed against his side. As her hand moved across his chest, his skin tingled beneath the thin fabric of his shirt. The casual touch sent a jolt of electricity through his entire body, spurring all kinds of thoughts, a host of memories. He wanted her hands on his skin, her lips pressed against his, her body below, above, against his any way she wanted. As many times as she wanted.
She eased back enough to look up at him. And when she did, those deep green eyes tugged at something in his soul no one before or since had ever been able to touch. So soulful and expressive, those eyes had haunted his dreams since the day she’d disappeared.
Her hand lifted, and she paused, then reached out and slid the sunglasses off his face. Her gaze settled on his, and recognition sparked in her glittering eyes. Recognition, followed by stark fear.
She pulled away and sat up, dropped his sunglasses on his chest then rubbed her hands over her face as if wiping away what she’d seen.
Ryan’s skin chilled. He watched her reel in her emotions and wanted to ask why she was fleeing from a connection they both so obviously felt. But he couldn’t find the words. In that instant, he’d seen a glimpse of the woman she used to be, but she’d pushed it down so fast, he didn’t know how to respond.
He dropped his hands, slipped on his sunglasses again. Then he stood and tried like hell to keep his voice even when he said, “I guess we’re going to head home.”
Annie nodded, slipping on her own glasses.
He rested his hands on his hips, trying so hard for normal when this situation was anything but. “I need some time to talk to Julia. But I want to see Reed again, soon. I was thinking maybe we could meet somewhere, after work, mid-week. Maybe swap for a few hours again.”
“Okay. I can do that.”
Her voice was steadier, more sure. No longer filled with emotions he wanted to tear out of her.
He forced back the hurt. “I want them to get to know each other too. Maybe we can set up some kind of alternating weekend thing down the line, where you have both, then I have both. They need time together as well.”
She nodded again. “Yeah, that sounds okay.”
“Okay.” He looked over at her again. Part of him wanted to just grab her. Part of him wanted to run. “I’ll call you.”
“Ryan.” She stood.
He watched her face for any sort of indication she felt even a fraction of what he did. He couldn’t see it. He couldn’t see any of it.
“Thank you,” she said quietly.
“Yeah, sure.”
***
Laughter echoed from Mitch’s backyard when Kate and Reed walked up to his front door. The crack of a bat sent Reed’s eyes wide. As Kate rang the bell and waited, she heard feet moving across the floor and was surprised when Simone opened the door.
“Hey, come on in.” Simone moved aside and made room.
“I didn’t know you’d be here,” Kate said.
“Well, I was talking to Mitch this morning because Shannon and Julia are trying to arrange another playdate, and he said you were coming by. I have some news for you. I hope you don’t mind. He invited us for a barbecue, said Reed would be here.” She glanced down and grinned. “Hiya, Reed.”
Reed smiled, looked past her legs to see into the house.
“No, I don’t mind,” Kate said. “In fact, a little fun sounds fabulous right now.”
“Stressful day?”
“Stressful life.” As if her meeting with Ryan yesterday hadn’t been enough, today she had to call her parents.
Right. Like that was going to make things better.
At the sound of the bat cracking again, Reed let out a whoop and tore off through the house toward the back door.
“Come on.” Simone led her through the small house. “Shannon’s playing baseball with Mitch. They’ve struck up a little connection there.”
They stopped in the patio doorway. Kate watched Mitch pitch the ball to Shannon. She hit it, sending it sailing over his head. Reed ran around his feet, scrambling for the ball.
“They make quite a picture, don’t they?” Kate asked. She hadn’t even introduced her son to Mitch yet, and the two were automatically drawn to each other.
“Yeah, they do,” Simone said.
Kate looked toward her lawyer, who seemed to be staring only at Mitch. “You’ve got a pretty sappy look on your face there, Counselor.”
“What? No I don’t.” Simone frowned, turned back into the house and sat at the kitchen table. “And before you ask, there’s nothing going on between me and Mitch. I’m only interacting with him because of Shannon and Julia.”
One corner of Kate’s lips curled. Her lawyer had a major case of denial.
“So,” Simone said, pulling a file from her briefcase on the table, “while they’re all occupied outside, I thought we’d go over a few things.”
“Okay.”
“No one seems to know where your Houston doctor is. The man’s simply vanished into thin air.” She slid a paper across to Kate. “This is his last known address. He put in a request for leave from the hospital and said he was taking a ‘mental health’ vacation. That was three weeks ago. I have a PI trying to track him down, but so far nothing.”
Kate’s brow wrinkled.
“I also can’t find anyone by the name of Walter Alexander who fits the description you gave me,” Simone added. “It’s like he never existed.”
“That’s not right.”
“It’s a common name, but the man you’ve told me about doesn’t live in Houston, never did, for that matter. Did you ever hear Jake refer to him by a different name?”
Kate rubbed her throbbing head. “I don’t know. They didn’t exactly get along. Jake avoided him whenever he could.”
“Did he ever say why?”
“No. His relationship with his father was off limits. We never talked about it.”
“Well, see if anything comes back to you. At this point, I want to find Dr. Reynolds first. His disappearance right now is really fishy.”
No kidding. “What about the nursing home?”
Simone let out a breath. “I do have a connection there. Visiting hours run until eight p.m. How do you feel about a little moonlighting tomorrow night?”
“Just tell me when. I need in there.”
“I didn’t think you’d argue. Monday nights seem to be the slowest. Only two security guards on duty and a nursing shift-change around seven thirty. Janitors come on around six. I think that’s our best bet.”
They both glanced up when the front door opened. Julia and Ryan walked through the archway and into the kitchen. Kate’s stomach tightened.
Julia scowled when her eyes landed on Kate. “Great,” she muttered under her breath.
Ryan squeezed her shoulder. “Be nice,” he mumbled.
Julia headed out to the backyard, letting the patio door slam behind her. It was all Kate could do not to close her eyes and draw in a calming breath.
“Hi, Simone.” Ryan’s forced smile screamed of frustration. “I didn’t know you’d be here.”
“Mitch invited me. I hope that’s not a problem.”
“No, it’s great to see you.” He glanced out the window. “As long as you don’t mind fireworks.”
Simone smiled. “I have a nine-year-old myself. I know the ropes.”
Ryan glanced over at Kate, raised his brows in acknowledgement of her presence, and moved into the kitchen.
Simone cast a quick glance between Kate and Ryan, obviously sensing the tension. She stood and gathered her papers. “Well. I guess that’s it. We can talk more later.” She headed for the refrigerator. “I told Mitch I’d get him a beer.”
The screen door slapped behind her as she left. In the silence that followed, Ryan popped the top off a beer, leaned back against the counter, and took a long pull from the bottle. “I didn’t mean to run her off.”
Nervous tension ran through Kate. Just being in the same room with him reminded her of the insane emotions she’d felt yesterday when she’d looked into his eyes on that stupid park bench. She really didn’t need to be feeling anything for him, especially not those crazy tugs she couldn’t define or understand. And definitely not that low pulse of arousal she had to tamp down whenever he got close.
“We were basically done. I didn’t know you’d be here today.”
“Mitch asked me to come.”
“I see.” Mitch, the peacemaker.
“I can go if you want me to.”
“You don’t need to go on my account.”
His wary gaze rolled over her. It only unnerved her more. She ran a hand over her hair and straightened her back.
He moved to the refrigerator, took out another beer, popped the top, then walked to the table and handed it to her. She looked up in surprise. As her fingers closed around the cool bottle, he sat in the chair Simone had vacated.
She lifted the beer to her lips, took a sip. The amber liquid tasted like heaven. Silence stretched across the table, only heightening her nerves.
“You don’t look so good,” he finally said.
Kate stifled a pitiful laugh. “So nice of you to notice.” She leaned back and closed her eyes. “Rough life.”
“You wanna talk about it?”
She opened one eye. “With you?” Was he serious? They couldn’t even be in the same room without getting into an argument.
“Might help me understand where you’re coming from.” His gaze dropped to her left hand and the ring she still wore.
Frustration bubbled through her. He had no right to make her feel guilty over her life with Jake. If they didn’t get it out in the open, it was just going to keep on festering. “That really bothers you, doesn’t it?”
The muscles in his jaw flexed. “You’re damn right it does.”
“I don’t wear it to irritate you. I don’t even realize I’m wearing it most of the time.”
“And the rest of the time?”
“The rest of the time, I’m trying to figure out how this could have happened. I have a very hard time believing Jake did any of this on purpose.”
Ryan took a long drink. Tension caused fine lines to deepen around his eyes. “Maybe you didn’t know him so well.”
“Maybe I didn’t. It’s a little unnerving to think I could have been so wrong about someone.”
“Did he hurt you?”
His tone was cold, but there was a tender look in his eyes that eased the frustration inside her. “No. I know you may not want to hear it, but he was very decent. We argued some. Things weren’t always great, but he never physically hurt me. And he doted on Reed. I never once questioned his devotion.”
“Trusting.” The sarcasm tightened her spine. “The woman I knew would never have blindly gone along with just anything. It didn’t strike you as odd at all? You just accepted everything he told you?”
“He was a doctor. He said he was my husband. Everyone around me supported that. I never questioned it because I never had a reason to.” Her anger kicked up. “You don’t know what it’s like to wake up with no memory, with no idea of who you are. Until you do, don’t pass judgment on me.”
Silence stretched over the room. Her words hung in the air between them. Every time they talked, things just seemed to get worse. Kate drank her beer and counted the seconds that ticked by on Ryan’s watch. The low din was like a cannon going off in the room.
“Were you in love with him?”
His quiet voice brought Kate’s eyes up. He didn’t meet her gaze, instead kept looking out the window. But she didn’t miss the way his whole body tensed as if in preparation for the answer.
She didn’t want to lie. But she wasn’t overly elated about the truth, either. For the first time, she felt torn.
“Yes,” she said more hesitantly than she intended. “I thought so. Now…”
His intense sapphire eyes turned to her.
She lifted a shoulder and let it drop. “Now I don’t really know. I don’t know much of anything.”
“Shit.” Ryan’s jaw tightened. He pushed from the chair and went back into the kitchen to get another beer.
Kate took a deep breath and tamped down the frustration and guilt burning in her chest that she shouldn’t even be feeling. “Do you think there will ever be a day when we can have a conversation without you swearing at me for one reason or another?”
“No.” His tone was cold and impassive, his eyes fixed out the window toward their kids.
She stood. “Well, we must have had one hell of a marriage if this is any indication. What on God’s green earth ever convinced me to marry you in the first place?”
“I hate to bust your bubble, babe, but we’re still married.”
“You don’t have to remind me.” She was well aware of that fact now more than ever, and the reality of it was the only thing that made her rein in her emotions. “Look, Ryan, I know this is hard for you. I understand what you’re going through, even if I can’t relate. I’ve tried to put myself in your shoes a hundred times, and I can’t. But it doesn’t mean I don’t care.”
She wished he’d look at her, but he just kept staring out that damn window. “I’m not going to lie to you. There’s something about you that…intrigues me. Although what it is, I have no clue. You’re obnoxious, obtuse, rude and cold. And every time I’m around you, I’m reminded of those facts. You’re living up to your heartless reputation, Mr. Harrison.”
The look he sent her could have turned flesh to stone. She knew from his reaction what she’d said had hit its mark, so she softened her tone when she added, “And even with all that, I’m still at a loss, because even though I may not have memories, I can still feel things. Yesterday at the park, it was like an odd sense of déjà vu. I recognized something about being close to you. And I felt something I haven’t felt before. But I don’t know what it means. I don’t know if it’s just recognition of something we once shared, or if it’s something pushing me toward you. And frankly, at this moment, I can’t even think about it. I don’t even want to.”
She ran a hand over her hair. “I’m overwhelmed. I have to think about Reed and what’s best for him. And how to get Julia not to hate my guts. And what the hell I’m supposed to tell my parents when they show up.” She massaged her throbbing scar. “It’s more than I can handle. And I can’t even begin to focus on you until I get some of those things worked out first. I don’t want to hurt you any more than I already have, but I can’t lie to
you and tell you that I didn’t have feelings for Jake or pretend like the last year and a half with him didn’t happen, because it did. Neither of us can change that. All we can do is try to make things easier for the kids from here on out.”
He was so quiet and still, she half expected him to explode at any second.
“I can accept that,” he finally said. “The kids are a priority for me too.”
He set his beer on the counter and stalked toward her. “But you accept this. I’m not that patient. I’ve been through five years of hell while you’ve been off having a life. I’m not going to just sit back and let you figure everything else out first and put me on the back burner until you’re ready to deal with me.”
He moved closer, and she stepped back until her feet hit the wall. His face was only inches from hers, his breath warming her skin, causing a trickle of awareness to course through her. She smelled the soap from his shower, felt the heat radiating from his body. And had a sudden, wicked, insane urge to wrap her hand around his neck and pull his mouth down to hers.
Which was off the charts insane.
“You’re just gonna have to deal with me now,” he said in husky voice. “Right along with everything else.”
Those sapphire gems were full of rolling emotions. Emotions and heat and need and challenge. A challenge something deep inside told her she’d faced before.
Instead of grabbing his face and taking a taste of that mouth as her body suddenly wanted her to do, she poked his chest with one hard index finger. “And you’re just going to have to grow up, Harrison. This isn’t all about you. I’m doing the best I can. I’m trying to be sensitive to your needs and Julia’s feelings. Nothing’s easy. For any of us.”
Frustration and anger and loss and fear welled up and overtook her. She curled her fingers into the front of his shirt, moved in until she was close enough to take that taste, but now didn’t want it so much. She was too damned pissed. He wasn’t the only one who could be a jerk when they were hurting.
“And remember this,” she added. “I’m here because I want to be here. I didn’t have to come looking for you. And there’s nothing making me stay except me. So suck it up and deal with it, just like I’m dealing with you.”
Wait for Me Page 13
