Sweet Satisfaction

by Paige, Violet

“I think we would work better together again if we were friends, Jake. I don’t like the animosity. It’s wearing me down. It’s got to be getting to you too .”

  He picked at the chicken salad. “Where is this going? I know you don’t care about my personal life .”

  “Do you care about mine? Not because of work, but because you used to be my friend ?”

  He rubbed his smooth jaw. “I’m always going to care .”

  It wasn’t the warm and fuzzies I was going for, but it was all I had. Jake would only let me push him so far .

  “I need to tell you something as a friend. Not as my manager, but as my friend, Jake. The guy who knew me back when. The man who thought he could make me a star. The one who rented a car with me and drove me from gig to gig because I didn’t have any money to buy anything on my own. That’s the guy I want to talk to right now .”

  “What is this ?”

  I put my hand over his. “I’m with Luke Canton. I’ve invited him to walk the red carpet at the CYAs with me and he said yes .”

  I waited for the detonation to take its effect .

  The icy glaze covered his eyes and he huffed. “Why, babe? Why would you do this ?”

  “Because I’m in love with him, Jake. I deserve to be happy and Luke makes me happy. I want you to be ok with this. I want you to see what I see. I want you to be happy for me .”

  He laughed so loudly a nearby bird ruffled his wings and flew over the pool. “Happy for you? You are talking career suicide and you want me to be happy ?”

  I shook my head. “The CYAs are only two days away. I promise you it’s going to be great. Luke is going to look amazing and the press is going to love him. He’ll do as much or as little as you want.” I leaned toward him. “Give him a chance, Jake. I swear you’re going to see a different side of him and the fans are going to love this .”

  He pushed back from the table. “I warned you, Lex. I told you if you continued down this path I would reveal the truth .”

  I looked at him with utter disbelief. “You won’t do that. It would destroy your career too. Stop bluffing and let’s talk through this like professionals. Luke Canton is my boyfriend and as my manager you have to work him into my career .”

  I stood facing him with a new confidence. I felt as if I were suddenly channeling some part of Luke. This is exactly what he would want me to say. I had to stand up for myself. For him. For us .

  “Prepare yourself. I am going to unleash all the secrets you have, babe,” he hissed at me .

  “You wouldn’t. Stop with the idle threats .”

  He pointed his finger at me. “It’s not idle. I have several top reporters on speed dial. There’s plenty of time between your big country house to my penthouse in the city to make those calls .”

  “Then I’ll tell them about you,” I threatened. I was flush with anger. Raging mad. Desperate to stop him .

  He spun on his expensive shoes. “You have no proof .”

  “I need proof to tell everyone you’re gay?” I huffed .

  “Yeah, you do. And it’s just going to be the ramblings of a ruined girl, trying to save her ass versus a well-established manager. No one is going to believe you, Lex .”

  “It will ruin you. You can’t be gay in Nashville,” I sputtered. “No one will work with you .”

  He began to walk through the house, but I was on his heels. “No proof. As a matter of fact, I’m offended you’re even saying this to me .”

  “I know you’re gay. You told me. We’ve talked about it. I cried with you in your rundown apartment. You were afraid to come out to your parents. You couldn’t tell your friends. You couldn’t even tell the man you were in love with .”

  His face seized in agony. “Shut up, Lex. You don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m going to take my chances .”

  “And risk the judgment? If there’s one thing I know about you, it’s that all you care about are appearances. You’ll die if I tell .”

  He was at the front door. “And if there is something I know about you, it’s that you’re too weak to do what has to be done. You would never sell me out like that. Because as sad as it is, you still care about those memories. They mean something to you. Somewhere in that pretty little head of yours you think I’m still that guy from seven years ago. The one who met you because he had to take a girl to a country music event. You think a sliver of that guy exists. And you know what? He doesn’t. He’s gone, babe .

  And what’s left is your soft heart. Your box of memories. And a girl who doesn’t have the guts to save herself .”

  He closed the door. I closed my eyes. Everything he said was true .

  Thirty-Two

  Luke

  M y phone started ringing as I drove home from practice. Bye weeks usually gave me extra time in the film room. I had spent the past four hours watching the Wranglers. I was tired. My eyes burned. My shoulders ached. I was ready to get home and drink a cold beer .

  I pressed the button on the steering well .

  “What’s going on, Linc ?”

  “Have you heard the news? Where are you ?”

  “What news? I was in the film room all day. I can barely see straight .”

  I heard him sigh. “Listen, I’m with Charlie. I think I should put her on .”

  “Charlie? What the fuck are you doing with her ?”

  I groaned. If my brother was fucking the hot PR specialist, I was going to kick his ass. That was the last thing we needed. I should have seen it coming. It was written all over his face every time he saw her .

  I heard her smooth voice on the phone before I could snap at my brother again. “Hi, Luke. It’s Charlie .”

  “Yeah. Linc says there is something you need to talk to me about .”

  I gripped the steering wheel thinking of all the ways I was going to lay into my big brother. What the hell was he thinking getting involved with her? Yeah, she had a nice little ass, and she was pretty. But she was trouble. And she’d done nothing but bust my balls since the minute we met. I didn’t like she was in McCade’s pocket. This was fucked up .

  “It sounds like you might be driving.” Her voice was crisp as usual .

  “On my way back from practice and film day .”

  “Maybe you should call us back when you’re at your house .”

  This was total bullshit. Now she was calling them an “us .”

  “I can talk now .”

  “All right. There is a story that just broke. I thought I should ask you if Alexa talked to you about it beforehand, because I would have appreciated a heads up .”

  “What are you talking about, Charlie? I’ve told you everything Alexa and I have planned for the red carpet. I’m not keeping shit from you .”

  I was tired of her riding my ass. I’d been transparent with her since the DC fuckup. Alexa and I had brought her in on everything so that she could use the awards show as a launching point for our relationship story .

  The only thing I hadn’t brought up was the possible pregnancy, but that wasn’t any of her damn business. Alexa was stressed out about it enough. Her schedule wasn’t regular. She didn’t keep track of it and her birth control was all over the place. The only way we were going to know was when she took that test together .

  “Then you don’t know about Mandy Brown ?”

  “Who the hell is Mandy Brown ?”

  Charlie exhaled. “We have a problem, Luke .”

  “Spit it out.” I was on the verge of calling her the same names I used on the field for some of the guys. I was close .

  “Mandy Brown is Lexi Wilde. Before she was a country star apparently she was an escort in Nashville .”

  I almost missed the turn for the ranch. I thought I heard what Charlie said, but it didn’t register .

  “Luke?”

  “Yeah. What did you say ?”

  “Lexi used to work for an escort service as Mandy Brown. I don’t have all the details, but I’m going to have to advise you right now that we hav
e no choice but to call off the red carpet appearance. You can’t be seen with a former hooker .”

  “Hooker? Escort?” She wasn’t talking about my Alexa. “Some loser is probably trying to extort money from her. This has happened to me .”

  I was angry enough to split the steering wheel in half. The rage pumped through me in jolts of adrenaline. Someone was going to pay for this. Ruining my reputation was one thing. Someone trying to take Alexa down was something else .

  I pulled into the garage. I needed to get Alexa on the phone .

  Charlie kept rambling. She was in def-con five mode. “I’m not prepared to reorganize our plan until I see how the optics fall out. It would help if I could talk to Alexa. For now, please don’t leave Austin, Luke .”

  I ignored her. There was no way she could keep me here if Alexa needed me in Nashville .

  “I’ve got to go, Charlie. Tell Linc I’ll call him later.” I hung up before she had a chance to shove another recommendation down my throat .

  I dialed Alexa’s number .

  “Baby, you ok ?”

  She choked out a sob. “Luke .”

  “Hey, what the hell is going on? Are you ok? Talk to me .”

  We were all in on this thing. She knew she could trust me with her life. I always had her back. I’d do whatever it took to take care of her, especially with fucking vultures coming after her like this .

  Her life had been anything but easy. She had gone through hell with her parents. She had survived so much on her won. They weren’t here for her now, but I could be. I could be that man in her life. I was strong enough for both of us if she needed me to be. I’d fight like hell for this woman. Nothing could stop me. My emotions ran deep and wide .

  And it hit me like a fucking brick to the back of the head. I loved her .

  I loved Alexa Wilde. It was fierce and overpowering. The kind of love that was brutal. I had held her closer and tighter than any woman. I had memorized every delicious morsel of her body. I missed her when she wasn’t near me. I listened to her damn music in my truck. I knew the words to her songs. I knew the songs she hadn’t recorded yet. I wore the damn sunglasses she had shipped to me. I kept pictures of her on my phone. I was fucking in love with her. Damn it .

  I heard her suck in a breath. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know if you’d call. I didn’t think you’d want to talk to me .”

  “I can handle this. Shit, Alexa. I’ve been accused of worse.” If she hadn’t met me at a charity event I wondered if she would have taken the chance she did. Did that one sliver of good she saw in me lead us here? This was my territory. I knew how to roll with the punches of bad press. I could get her through this fuckup .

  “It’s mostly true .”

  It was as if someone had jammed a blade between my ribs. What did she say? No. It wasn’t true. No fucking way was it true .

  “It’s true?” I sat in the cab of my truck, dumbfounded. Shocked. Broken .

  I didn’t know how quickly my emotions could be strangled with one confession .

  She sniffed. “Jake said he was going to release the information, but I didn’t believe him. I never thought he’d actually go through with it. He’s been saying it for years.” She cried so hard, none of her words made any sense .

  “You used to be Mandy Brown?” I didn’t even know who the fuck that was .

  “Yes, but let me explain — ”

  I cut her off .

  “Stop it. It’s a fucking lie.” I couldn’t let her destroy me. The longer I hung around to hear excuses, the longer my heart was still in it. The more I bled. The more I physically reacted to the words in my ear .

  “Luke, I wanted to tell you all of this before, but there was never a right time to tell you .”

  My stomach clenched in repulsion .

  I didn’t need an explanation. I had been played. I was no different than the fans. The millions of people who fell in love with an image .

  I thought she was someone different. The woman who had brought something deep and powerful from my soul. She could move me with her voice. Rock me with her body. Love me with her heart. And the entire time she was a whore. A whore .

  My eyes narrowed. My heart hardened .

  “Luke, please talk to me .”

  “There’s nothing to talk about .”

  What could she say? What could undo the lies and deceit? What would erase the images flashing through my head of other men having her the way they wanted? Of her reaching for the bedside for piles of cash after she had been fucked. God. I cringed. I beat the steering wheel .

  “You have to know I was trying to make it on my own, and the real story isn’t the one you — ”

  The rage consumed me. The pain tore through my veins. I hung up and hurled the phone in the back of the truck. I didn’t want to be near it if she called or texted .

  I walked inside and went straight for the bottle of bourbon .

  I didn’t bother to find a glass. I popped the top and touched the bottle to my lips. It had been a long time since I had spent the night drunk, but I was about to change that .

  Thirty-Three

  Alexa

  “H oney, please stop checking your phone.” Helena’s voice was sympathetic .

  “He hasn’t called or returned any of my texts.” I turned the screen facedown. “If he were coming tonight, he would have called, wouldn’t he ?”

  Her eyes met mine in the mirror. “I’m sorry. But you’ve got to focus on this night. Look how gorgeous you look. And this dress is to-die-for .”

  I didn’t care about the dress or my hair. Without Luke, it didn’t matter .

  “I think I should skip the red carpet .”

  “I realize Jake isn’t your manager any more, but I have to step in on this one. You’re doing the red carpet .”

  I sighed. “So I can be humiliated, publicly ?”

  “No, so you can show people you are not ashamed of who you are. Tell people the truth, Lex .”

  I shook my head. “They’ve already made up their minds. They think I was a prostitute .”

  “And you’re ok with that? You’re ok with Jake smearing your name to everyone ?”

  I glared. “Why didn’t he just leave on his own? Why did he have to throw me under the bus and claim breach of contract on my part? I would have let him out if he had asked .”

  “Because he’s a fucking snake .”

  I was done wasting my energy on Jake. I was free from him. And he had been right. I wasn’t going to run his name through the mud. It would make me just as ugly and nasty as he was if I outed him. I’d always told him I’d stand by him if he decided to live his life publicly. I’d feel like a hypocrite if suddenly I used it against him as if I didn’t support gay relationships. I had to let that go. It wasn’t going to happen .

  “I wonder how long he had been courting Nicki Niles ?”

  She shrugged, tucking a few curls behind my ears and pinning them with crystals. It gave my hair a little bit of extra sparkle .

  “Long enough to devise a diabolical plan. He signed with her yesterday. He could have at least waited until after the CYAs .”

  “It doesn’t matter. He’s in pop now. And I’m staying in country. Hopefully, we’ll never see each other again .”

  I had a lump in my throat. I hoped I was still in country. I wanted to be. This was my musical place. The instruments I played. The lyrics I loved. My friends, who had been noticeably absent, were in this industry .

  But Jake’s plan to destroy me out of pure driven spite had already been successful. The calls had stopped. The congratulations had slowed. No one invited me to any of the after parties tonight. And the one person who mattered most—Luke—was gone .

  * * *

  I pulled my shoulders back and pressed my lips together, refreshing my lip gloss before the limo door opened. I had to walk the red carpet alone. I plastered a smile on my face. I missed Luke. So badly it hurt .

  But this was on me. I should have talked to him
. I should have told him the night I opened up about my family. There was so much more to the story than what I shared. But the fear that he would hate me kept me from telling him I was desperate when I first moved to Nashville .

  My parents were gone. I had no college fund. I had a pocketful of waitress tips and that was it. When I saw the ad for the dating agency I answered it. It wasn’t supposed to last long. And I wasn’t a whore .

  “Ready?” the driver asked .

  I nodded. “They can open the door .”

  He signaled to the group outside and the door opened. The flashes and screams started. I stepped onto the red carpet, hearing my name mixed with boos and cheers. Reporters screamed my name .

  The representative appeared from the side. “Right this way, Miss Wilde. We’ll just keep you moving here. Yep. Just keep walking .”

  I smiled and looked up at him. He guided me through a line. Instead of stopping and posing for pictures or answering questions he ushered me on the other side of the paparazzi row .

  “Don’t I need to — ”

  “We’ll just keep moving. I don’t want you to deal with anything uncomfortable tonight.” He pulled the earpiece on his head. “Ok, looks like I can take you straight to your seat .”

  “But, I wanted to say hi to some people.” I looked over my shoulder. I was the only one being whisked inside as if I were late .

  “Inside works. And it’s cooler,” he offered .

  I refrained from stomping my pointy heel into his toes. He was only doing what he had been told to do, but I felt it. The judgment. The pity. The problem I caused for the awards. They would much rather I tucked my tail and stayed home to watch the awards in my PJs and with a big bucket of cookies and cream ice cream .

  Instead Lexi Wilde was here to collect all her CYAs in person and remind the world that country fans had fallen for a girl that underneath it all was paid to be liked .

  This was when I needed a manager—someone who could navigate this mine field for me. Show me where it was clear to step. Who I should avoid. The path to safety .