He nodded. “I called her, and she’s freaking out, too. She’s afraid that if the baby is mine, she’ll lose the other man.”
“She’s in love with him?” Sophie had wondered about that all along.
Tommy nodded again. “She told me that his name is Dan, and she met him a few days after she was with me. She was on the rebound from her ex, and that’s why she hooked up with me. But she said it was different with Dan. That she developed a true closeness with him, an immediate bond.”
“It’s too bad that she didn’t meet Dan before she had that one-night stand with you.”
“That’s what she said. She hadn’t meant to be with two guys in the same week, but she liked Dan so much, she slept with him, too. She used protection with both of us. But obviously it failed with at least one of us.” Tommy squeezed his eyes shut for a second. “She and Dan started a relationship, but she didn’t tell him about me, not until she found out she was pregnant.”
Sophie contemplated Kara’s plight. At that point, she could have pretended the baby was Dan’s and left Tommy out of it. Of course, Sophie wouldn’t have done that, either. Not with something as important as the paternity of a child.
Tommy cleared his throat. “This nearly destroyed them the first time, waiting to see whose kid it was. And now they’re going through it again. But it’s worse this time, all these months later. Dan is having a breakdown over it. They both are.”
Sophie kept her arms around her stomach, holding on to her baby. “I can only imagine the toll it’s taking on their relationship.”
“Kara told me that it’s a boy. She had an ultrasound a little while ago. Dan was excited about having a son, and now it might not even be his.” Tommy rubbed his forehead, making the red spot redder. “I’m scared out of my mind, but I can’t just walk away if the kid is mine. I’d have to try to be his father, to be involved in his life, somehow.” He sat beside her. “And then there’s your baby. I think I should be a father to him or her, too.”
She flinched. At first he didn’t want any children and now he was willing to claim both of them? “I understand that you’re trying to do the right thing by taking responsibility for Kara’s son, but that doesn’t have anything to do with me.”
“You’re my closest friend, Soph. I should be the father to your baby, as much as I should be to hers.”
“No, you shouldn’t.” She didn’t want him to parent her child, not out of guilt or duty or obligation. If he loved her, then maybe it would be different. But he wasn’t talking love. He was talking friendship. “You’re the donor. That’s what we agreed on. That’s the contract we both signed.”
“I’d try to be a good dad. I promise I would.”
He sounded beautifully sincere. But that only made her feel worse. “That’s not how this is supposed to work.” She couldn’t let him change the rules, not at the expense of how painful it was for her. “We need to keep things as they are.” No, she thought, not as they are. Things needed to return to normal. “Actually, I should go home. I can’t keep staying here. I can’t keep doing this.” She already wanted to curl into a ball and cry.
He frowned. “Do you regret us being lovers?”
She regretted the holes that he’d poked into her heart, but she didn’t have the courage to say that. “It’s not going to help either of us to lament what we should or shouldn’t have done. We just need to move past it.”
“I’m going to miss you not living here.” He touched her arm briefly, cautiously. “I’ll miss you so much.”
She was tortured over leaving, too. But it couldn’t be helped. “Our affair was always supposed to end.”
“I know, but this seems like an awful way to let go.”
It was beyond awful, she thought, especially with her fears of loving him. “I’m going to start packing now.”
“I have to see my doctor. I promised Kara that I would have my blood drawn right away, so they can send it to the lab that finalizes the results. But I can help you move your stuff over later.”
“I’d prefer that someone from your staff did it. But thank you for the offer.” She studied his forlorn expression, wishing that she could make him feel better. But she couldn’t even do that for herself. “Did you tell Kara about us? That I’m pregnant and you’re the donor?”
He shook his head. “I would never do that without your consent. Telling her wouldn’t have changed anything, anyway. She would still be dealing with her own problems.”
Sophie felt bad for Kara and how she might lose the man she loved if the results didn’t go in his favor. But on the other hand, should it really matter? “Do you think Dan loves Kara as much as she loves him?”
Tommy shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess so.”
“Well, if he does, then he should accept her and the child. Even if the baby doesn’t turn out to be his, he can still stay with Kara and help her raise it. And you can still be its father, too.”
“I wish you’d reconsider my role in Peanut’s life.”
His nickname for the baby made her hurt even more. “Your role is the same as it’s always been.” She stood and moved away from the bed. “I’m sorry, but I really need to go home.”
He came to his feet, too. “When will I get to see you again?”
“You can call me or come by when you get the test results.” She owed him that much.
“It normally takes about a week, but they’re supposed to put a rush on it. Brandon said we could sue the lab for the duress this has caused, but I don’t want to create more havoc.”
“Try to relax until you hear something.” She didn’t know what else to say to him.
“You need to take care of yourself, too.”
“I’ll be okay.” She headed for the closet to get her suitcases.
When she glanced back at Tommy, she noticed that he was watching her, with a painful goodbye in his eyes.
* * *
The following day, Sophie got morning sickness for real. At first it was just a bout of queasiness. So she nibbled on crackers. But that didn’t work. So she sniffed a lemon, which didn’t help, either. As the nausea progressed, she ran to the toilet, vomiting to the point of exhaustion.
Later, after her stomach settled, she brewed a cup of chamomile tea and called Barbara, letting her know that she wasn’t coming into the office today. Between being ill this morning and yesterday’s news, she was just too worn-out.
To keep from going hungry, she made some dry toast and ate it slowly. So far, so good. She wasn’t having afternoon sickness, too.
She went into the living room and sat on the couch. God help her, but she missed Tommy. She even wondered if she should agree to let him be the father to her child.
No, she thought. Her life was already too entwined with his. She couldn’t handle a deeper connection to him, not if it meant battling her heart for control. Besides, how long would it be before Tommy started hanging out with groupies again? Before he went back to his old lifestyle? She didn’t want to be witness to that.
So maybe she should quit working for him and move out of Nashville. She could relocate to Los Angeles. There were plenty of music-related jobs there.
Tommy could come to LA and visit now and then, she told herself. He could still be a friend.
A faraway friend. A man in the distance.
But wasn’t that better than staying here and fighting her feelings for him? He would still be the donor. Her son or daughter would still be told who he was. He just wouldn’t be living nearby. Then again, with the way he traveled, he wouldn’t be around Nashville much, anyway.
She glanced over at her dogs, where they were curled up near the fireplace. Hokey and Pokey seemed depressed now that they were home. They missed Tommy as much as she did, especially with the way he spoiled them. Unfortunately, she didn’t know how to cheer them up. She could barely cope with her own turmoi
l.
The doorbell rang, chiming noisily. The dogs barked and ran to the door, eager to discover who it was. Sophie assumed it was a ranch hand from Tommy’s stables bringing her horses back.
But she was wrong. It was Tommy himself. Except that the horses weren’t with him. There was no trailer attached to his truck.
“May I come in?” he asked, as he knelt to pet the pooches. They danced happily at his feet.
“Why don’t I come out there?” She didn’t want to be cooped up in the house with him. Now that he was here, she decided that she needed as much fresh air as she could get.
They sat side by side on the porch steps, and she hurriedly asked, “Did you get word from the lab already? I didn’t know it would be this soon.”
“There’s no news yet.”
“Are they going to call you when the results are in?”
“No. They’ll be sending them, like they did last time. That’s the standard procedure.” He angled his body a bit more toward hers. “But that isn’t the reason I stopped by.”
Her pulse skittered. “Then what is it?”
“I called Kara today and asked for Dan’s number. I wanted to talk to him about what you said.”
Sophie started. “About his feelings for Kara?”
“Not in so many words, but yeah. I just told him that no matter whose baby it is, he can still be part of its life if he wants to be with Kara. I also told him that I hope things work out for them.”
“How did he react to what you said?” she asked, trying to keep her voice from betraying her. She hadn’t expected him to take her views about the other couple so deeply.
“He seemed to appreciate it. But I don’t know if it helped. He really wants the kid to be his.” He leaned forward. “And do you know what I want?” He answered his own question. “For you to agree to let me be the father of your baby.”
“I just think it’s better if you remain the donor,” she said. “I’m probably going to be moving. I was thinking of going to LA.”
“What?” He looked as if he’d just stopped breathing.
“I need a change, to start over with the baby.”
“I knew something was wrong in Texas. Dammit, I knew I was going to lose you. That our friendship might be ending.” His voice went shaky. “I never meant for what I did with Kara to affect you, and I’m so sorry for the stress it caused. But why did you start pulling away from me when we were in Texas? What’s going on, Soph? It can’t just be this added problem with Kara. Not when I noticed it before.”
She couldn’t say it. She just couldn’t admit that she was afraid of loving him. Or how badly she wished that he would love her, too, in a fully committed way. Tommy had been loyal to her during their affair, but that didn’t mean he’d morphed into a one-woman kind of man. “We’ll still be friends and you can still visit me. Besides, you’ll be back on the road before you know it, living the life you love.”
“I can’t believe that you want to leave this area. Nashville is where you were raised. This is your home, the place where you’ve always belonged.”
“I can belong somewhere else.” She had to find a way to do that. Desperate to escape the confusion she saw on his face, she said, “I hope you don’t mind, but I want to go inside and rest. I got sick this morning, and I’m beat.”
He searched her gaze. “Can I do anything to help?”
He could love her, she thought. “No, there’s nothing. But you can still contact me when you get the paternity results.”
He helped her to her feet. “I don’t want you to move away.”
“I can’t talk about this right now.” She took her hand away from his. “I need to lie down.”
And try to keep herself from crying.
* * *
Tommy paced Brandon’s office, immersed in panic and fear. Two days had passed since he’d seen Sophie, and all he’d done was obsess about losing her. He couldn’t stand the thought of her going to LA and raising the baby there.
As for the other baby, he still didn’t know if it was his. The results were supposed to arrive by special delivery in tomorrow’s mail. But at the moment, that seemed like light-years away. Everything did.
“You need to chill out,” Brandon said.
Tommy scowled at him. Chill out? Was he kidding? “I talked to Matt yesterday and told him what was going on.”
“About Sophie wanting to move or about Kara’s baby?”
“About both. I thought he would be a good authority on women and children and all of that. But he sounded a little cautious when I mentioned Sophie.”
“Cautious how?”
“I don’t know, exactly. There was just something in his voice. But then I figured he was probably just uncomfortable about being dragged into it. The only advice he gave me was to be patient with Sophie.” But how could Tommy be patient if she left the area? He wouldn’t even be seeing her. “I’m not saying that this new problem with Kara isn’t an issue, but something was already going on with Sophie before that happened. And you know what makes it worse? That Dad was right. He kept saying that my baby arrangement with Sophie was going to create problems.”
“You didn’t tell Dad about what’s going on now, did you?”
“Hell, no. It was hard enough to tell you and Matt. I don’t want Dad rubbing my problems in my face.”
Brandon left his chair and came around to the other side of the desk. “I should have advised you the way Dad did. I should have told you to think twice before signing the donor contract. But honestly, I never expected you to change your mind and want to be a father. I never figured Sophie for wanting to skip town, either. With how tight your friendship has always been, it seemed like a solid arrangement to me. But either way, I’m proud of you, brother.”
Tommy blinked at him. “You are? Why?”
“For trying to do right by both babies. And for being respectful of Dan and Kara’s relationship.”
“I just wish Sophie wasn’t shutting me out. She started pulling away once she got pregnant, and she seemed even more preoccupied while we were in Texas. I mentioned it to her while we were there, but it didn’t make a difference. I understand that things went awry after we got back, and this situation with Kara is probably pushing her over the edge now.” He couldn’t deny his part in that. “I feel awful that something from my past is creating stress and anxiety for her. Just so damn awful.” Sophie was the last person in the world he ever wanted to hurt. “But I still think there’s more going on with her. Something she isn’t telling me. She says we’ll still be friends, but it doesn’t feel that way to me.”
Brandon leaned against his desk. “Maybe something happened in Texas that you’re not aware of, and that’s why Matt sounded so cautious. He might actually know what it is.”
Tommy’s pulse jumped. “I need to talk to him again.”
His brother went into lawyer mode. “We can call him, right now, both of us together. Better yet, let’s get him on Skype. I think he’ll be more likely to tell us what’s going on if we can see him face-to-face.”
“And you can grill him?” Tommy was willing to do anything at this point.
They arranged a video chat for an hour later. When Matt appeared on the computer screen, he looked dusty, as if he’d been out riding or working the ranch.
Brandon jumped right in and ambushed him, and soon Matt was squirming under fire. He even pulled his hat lower, shielding his eyes as if that might help.
“It’s not my place to talk about it,” Matt said.
“Talk about what?” the attorney pressed.
“About what Sophie told Libby. Hell, Libby probably shouldn’t have even repeated it to me.”
“I understand that you’re trying to protect Sophie’s privacy and not get into trouble with your own woman over it.” Brandon shoved Tommy toward the monitor. “But look at this guy. I
f you don’t tell him what’s going on, he’s going to lose his mind.”
Matt lifted the brim of his hat and stared at Tommy. After a beat of silence he said, “You need to ask Sophie what’s going on. She should be the one to tell you.”
Tommy replied, “I’ve been asking her what’s wrong, and all she does is pull further away from me. Please, just tell me what she told Libby.”
Matt made a pained expression. “Okay, but if this comes back to bite me in the ass, I’m holding you responsible.”
“Fine. I’ll take the heat.” He would take anything anyone threw his way.
His Texas half brother blew out a ragged breath. “All right. Here it is. She’s afraid of her feelings.”
“Her feelings about what?” Tommy was as confused as ever.
“About you.”
Tommy still wasn’t getting it. “About me being the donor or the dad or what?”
Matt shook his head. Clearly, he thought Tommy was being dense. Did Brandon think so, too? Sure enough, he was shaking his head, as well.
“What am I missing?” Tommy asked.
Finally Matt said, “She’s afraid of falling in love with you.” He gently added, “Is that plain enough? Does that explain it?”
Yes? No? God help him. Tommy dropped onto a chair. He shouldn’t have pursued this. He shouldn’t have asked Matt to tell him. Because now that he knew, he was afraid, too.
So damn scared of what it all meant.
Twelve
Tommy went home, changed into his swim trunks and dived into the pool. The winter air was cool, and the water was warm.
He couldn’t stop thinking about love and what it meant. He had no idea what being in love felt like. But he knew that it could be good or bad, blissful or painful. He’d seen it happen to enough people, where they either flourished from it or curled up and died. He’d been an observer, watching from the sidelines, and now he was drowning in Sophie’s fear of it, triggering fears of his own.
Nashville Rebel Page 14
