“All right.” He brings the hand he’s holding up to his mouth and presses a soft kiss to my knuckles. “You’re so strong, Hartley. You’re right, they don’t hold any power of you. If telling me will help you, then by all means, continue.”
Dropping my gaze back to the water, I watch it splash against my legs, zeroing in on the thin, shiny strips on the inside of my thighs. The scars from the cuts I inflicted on myself when I was at my lowest point. Pointing to my legs, I indicate the tiny scars that are almost unnoticeable unless they’re highlighted. “These are scars from cutting myself. I hit a very low point in my life where I wanted to die. My mother had lost her job, my father only worked odd jobs here and there, so money was tight. My mother would do anything to get her next fix. Even resorting to selling herself in order to get that next hit. But then one day, her dealer came by the house and that was the day everything changed.” I squeeze my eyes shut and force the disgusting pig’s face back into the darkest part of my brain, locked away in a safe place so he can’t hurt me anymore. “He decided that my mother wasn’t good enough anymore. Instead of finding another way to buy her drugs, my mother gave me to him. She allowed her drug dealer to rape me all in the name of getting high. It happened twice before I said I couldn’t do it anymore. I stole a bottle of my mother’s sleeping pills and took them in the bathroom at school. The only reason I’m alive today is because a teacher found me and called 911. Had I been left in that bathroom stall any longer and I would be dead right now. After that I went into a special program to help me deal with my depression and the trauma I experienced. After I completed the program, I was able to go back to the Browns. They helped me get emancipated and helped me find my aunt. Which is how I’m here with you today,” I finish, feeling a weight lifted off my chest. The only other person I’ve ever opened up to like this is Jordan. I’ve wanted to tell Laikynn so many times, but I’m too afraid it’d change who she is with me. I can’t live with people looking at me like I’m this wounded person. Damaged and needing sympathy. I just want to live the normal life I’ve always dreamed of, where people look at me as nothing more than just who I am.
Look at me and see Hartley.
Not a victim.
Not someone who needs to be treated like she’s fragile. I want to be normal and explore the world, chase my dreams and be the girl I dreamt about being every night while living in that nightmare.
It’s not until I feel Milo release my hand and wrap his arm around my body, hugging me against his chest that I realize that I’m crying.
We climb out of the pool and dry off, with Milo giving me his sweater to wear again because he must sense it’s comforting for me. I slip it over my head and feel a sense of calm wash over me as the scent of him envelopes my body.
I don’t want to go back to the cabin yet, so after locking up the pool area Milo walks over to one of the picnic areas and starts a fire in one of the pits. We sit in front of the fire for a while just talking. He asks if there were any other scars anywhere on my body besides the ones on my thighs. Thankfully because I never cut too deep, and aunt August got me a really good skin care set for scars and stretch marks, they’re faded enough to not be noticeable, helping me live a normal life without odd stares and questions.
Pulling up my sleeves, I point out the few faded scars that reach from my wrist to the crease of my left elbow.
“I’m so sorry you had to go through that shit, Hartley,” he says with sadness lacing his voice. Wrapping his arm around me he once again pulls me in to him, affectionately stroking my damp hair. It surprises me how comfortable I feel with him. My body which usually goes on high alert around men, surprisingly feels relaxed, sitting here with him as he holds me in his arms.
I’m not used to men touching me, besides Jordan and our close group of friends. They all know my need for personal space and respect that. There’s just something about Milo, a connection we can’t deny. When I’m with him, I feel a sense of calm wash over me.
It has my head spinning and my heart racing.
There’s no doubt about it. I’m officially falling for this guy.
Chapter Five
I wake up the next morning to my aunt shaking me. I try to roll over and tell her that I want to sleep a little longer, but she tells me no and yanks me out of bed.
“What do you want?!” I ask her, trying not to flip out.
“Get up. Everyone is already up and ready to go,” she tells me, walking over to the dresser in between our beds, grabbing my beach bag and stuffing a bunch of shit into it.
“Go where?!” I ask, standing up from the floor.
“My God, do you forget everything?” she asks, laughing. “We told you yesterday that were going to the beach today.”
“Oh yeah,” I say, chuckling to myself.
I walk over to where she’s standing and open up one of the drawers, grabbing a pair of shorts and baggy Simple Plan t-shirt that I took from Jordan when I stayed at his house one night, and head to the bathroom to get changed.
It takes about twenty minutes to get to the ocean, but drive was worth it. There’s hardly anyone on the beach, and the water is crystal clear. The Browns sit in beach chairs under an enormous beach umbrella, while me and my aunt swim. We only stay in the water for a half hour until I run out screaming, because it felt like something was burning my whole body. My aunt follows behind me as I jump up and down in the sand, trying to figure out what’s wrong. About thirty seconds later, I find a slimy sting type thing wrapped around my arm and after ripping it off and chucking it, Mr. Brown tells me that I must have been swimming through jellyfish. So after that incident we went home. I cried the whole way back, the stings hurt so bad, but luckily when we got to the cabin, Mrs. Brown found a small bottle of pure lavender and told me to rub it wherever it hurt. About two minutes after letting it sit on my skin, I felt better.
I tell my aunt and the Browns that I was never going in the ocean ever again. That I would only ever swim in pools, lakes and ponds from now on. They laugh at me and tell me I was being overdramatic, but I don’t care. By the end of the day, the stings stop hurting and I decide to go to the pool. Tonight was bingo at the rec center again, and my aunt wants to go with the Browns. I don’t feel like sitting by myself. Milo’s in the pool once again when I get there, though this time he sees me coming, so I can’t attack him again. Judging by the solid blue board shorts he’s wearing, and a girl I don’t recognize sitting in the lifeguard chair, I think it’s a safe bet to say that Milo finally has a day off.
I can’t help but feel giddy at the idea of him hanging around the pool on his day off just on the off chance I’d come by.
My cheeks hurt from the smile that spreads across my face as I walk up to greet him. “Hey!” I yell over the sound of kids playing in the pool, giving him a small wave, before getting to work stripping down to my bathing suit and jumping into the cool water.
“Hey, stranger. Where did you go today? I thought for sure I’d find you here soaking up the sun and floating around the pool, seeing as it’s almost a hundred degrees out.”
“The Browns took me and my aunt to see the ocean earlier today, but we didn’t stay for long because I got stung by jellyfish,” I tell him, swimming a little deeper into the water toward him.
“Ow.” He chuckles.
“It is not funny. It really hurt.” I pop my bottom lip out, pouting a little.
“It is kinda funny. I can’t believe the Browns didn’t tell you it was jellyfish season,” he says, trying to keep a straight face.
“Seriously?! I can’t believe this. I’m so done,” I huff under my breath. I flash him a smile, letting him know I’m not really mad at him. Instead, I’m enjoying our light banter. Deciding to give up on the whole jellyfish conversation, I start to swim the rest of the way across the pool.
Milo follows me over to where I’m swimming, and we just float in complete silence. It isn’t an awkward silence and it feels comfortable until Milo brings his feet down to touch
the bottom of the pool floor. I do the same and tilt my head up a little to look at him. I want to kiss him so bad, but I don’t know if he feels the same as I do, and if he doesn’t, I don’t want to ruin the friendship we have. Then again, he keeps finding ways to touch me and I always catch him looking at me.
I only have a few more days left before I go home. I don’t want to leave here with any regrets or wondering what-if. I’ve played it safe with boys I liked my entire life. I’m done spending every moment overthinking everything. For once I’m going to simply live in the moment.
Before I can chicken out and decide to go back to being the shy Hartley I’ve been all my life, sitting around, waiting for the guy to finally make the first move. Reaching up, I wrap my arms around his neck, and stand up on my tiptoes to reach his mouth. He towers over me by a good four or five inches, as I inch my mouth closer to his, I can feel my legs begin to shake beneath me. My heart is fluttering faster than a humming bird’s wings in my chest.
I can’t believe I’m really doing this!
Pushing through the fear, I lean up further onto my toes and crash my lips against his.
Within seconds, one hand is wrapping around my body pulling me against his chest, while the other cups the back of my head pressing my lips closer into his. My body begins to float on the water as my legs rise to the surface and wrap around his waist. We stay in that exact position for what feels like forever just kissing, completely zoning out the entire world around us.
“Wow” is all Milo says when we finally stop kissing and decide to come up for air.
“What? Was the kiss bad? I’m sorry for jumping on you like that. It’s not something I would usually do. But I kinda like you and I thought you liked….”
Milo stops me mid-sentence with his lips. He lets out a low growl as he stands still for a moment with just our lips pressed together and our sharp, quick, breaths filling the space between us. When he pulls away and locks his beautiful green eyes onto mine, he shifts slightly.
His tone serious, he says, “Trust me, the kiss was amazing. I’m glad you did it, because I’ve wanted to kiss you ever since the first night I saw you walk through that gate. I just didn’t have the balls to do it.” He’s sheepish after this admission and runs his hand through his hair.
I give him a shy smile. “What are we going to do?” I ask him. At his confused look, I add, “About this whole situation.” I emphasize motioning my hands between us.
“Well, I suppose we’ll have to go on a couple dates….” he starts to say, but I cut him off.
“No, not about that. I mean, I’m only going to be here for two more days and you’re one of the first boys I’ve ever liked or kissed. I don’t think I can just kiss you and leave two days later never to see you again,” I confess, grabbing the side of the pool wall, and climbing out of the chilly water.
Milo climbs up next to me and drapes an arm over my shoulder. “We’ll just have to make the best out of those two days, Hartley, and if it’s meant to be I’m sure we will find a way to be together,” he tells me confidently, before grabbing my hand and standing up.
After drying off, Milo walks me back to the cabin so I can get dry clothes. I ask him to wait on the porch while I run inside and throw on clothes. When I leave my room, I find him sitting at the kitchen table talking to my aunt August. Milo sees me exiting my room and gives me a quick smile before finishing what he was saying to my aunt.
My aunt looks at me once I enter the kitchen. “Hey Hartley! Milo here was just telling me about how you guys met when we first got here.”
“Yeah, I met him the first night I went to the pool,” I say, giving her a small smile before walking over to stand next to Milo.
“That explains why you always want to be at the pool,” she teases, laughing.
Milo chuckles with her before speaking. “Well you see, Mrs. August, I wanted to ask you if it would be okay for me to take Hartley out on a date tomorrow?”
“As long as you guys stay safe, I don’t see why not,” she replies, giving him a slight nod.
Milo grabs my hand from where it’s resting on the table next to him and gives it a small squeeze. I look at him and smile. I can’t believe my aunt is letting me go out with a boy she hardly knows. I mean, I know it doesn’t sound like a big deal but she is very overprotective when it comes to these things.
Chapter six
It’s five by the time I start getting ready for my date with Milo. He didn’t tell me where we were going or what we were doing. All he said was that we were going into town.
By six I’m dressed in a purple and black floral dress and my black and white converse, sitting on the porch, waiting for Milo to pick me up. As soon as I hear a vehicle coming up the road, I rush out of my seat and open the porch door and run down the steps. I can see Milo smiling at me from his truck. Parking, he hops out of the truck and walks over to me, wrapping an arm around my waist and pecks me on the lips. I jump at his touch. I’m still trying to get used to people touching me without me knowing that it’s going to happen, but I understand I need to get used to it. I can’t go my whole life avoiding people or allowing myself to accept affection.
“You look stunning,” he says, backing up so he can get a better look at me.
I can feel myself blushing. “You don’t look too bad yourself,” I answer, giving him a wink and walking toward his truck.
Milo runs ahead and opens the truck door for me. After I jump in, he closes the door and walks over to the driver’s side and climbs in. He looks my way and flashes me a quick smile before starting the truck.
We park at a small market in town and decide to walk. Milo takes my hand as we head up the main stretch. We stop at a stand and both order a chocolate milkshake with whipped cream and chocolate chips sprinkles, drizzled with chocolate syrup.
Once we’re walking again, I ask him, “So, can you tell me what we’re doing now?”
“All I can tell you is that it might hurt a little, but I already told your aunt and she’s fine with it,” he tells me, squeezing my hand slightly.
“What do you mean it might hur—” I’m cut off when I notice we’ve stopped walking and are standing in front of a tattoo shop.
I look up at the sign flashing neon colors above my head and read the name After Dusk Tattoo Shop.
“You want me to get a tattoo on our first date?!” I ask him. My eyes open so wide, they’re probably the size of the moon.
“You don’t have to get a tattoo, but I figured it would be a good stepping stone into your new life. Kinda showing that you’re trying to let go of your past,” he responds, pulling me toward the door.
“But I don’t even know what kind of tattoo I want,” I tell him.
“It’s fine. The guy that owns the shop is a friend of mine. I called him earlier and he has some ideas picked out for you to look at, if you can’t think of anything you want,” he reassures me.
I don’t argue about it anymore, because this is actually a really cool idea. Getting a tattoo could help move my life in a better direction. We talk to the owner whose name is Cyber, who is pretty muscular and has tattoos on him from head to toe, with a couple piercings on his face. Overall he seems like a pretty nice guy. We speak for a little bit about the pain of tattoos, and then we look at some photos of tattoos that he thought I’d like from what Milo has told him about me. I end up picking a black and white arrow tattoo, with a semi-colon within a lotus flower in the center of it. I picked the tattoo because the arrow is a way of showing that I’m moving in a new direction and not looking back. The semi-colon represents the fact that my story’s not over yet. I decided to add in the lotus flower because I once read that it grows in muddy water and rises above the surface to bloom with remarkable beauty. At night, the flower closes and sinks underwater and at dawn, it rises and opens again. Untouched by the mud’s impurity, the lotus symbolizes the pureness of heart and mind, and signifies long life, health, honor, and good luck. I can’t help but see myself in a way
as the beautiful lotus flower. Even though it’s coming from a place dark and not pretty…it grows, and blossoms into something strong and beautiful.
Cyber and Milo both think the tattoo I chose is great, so Cyber brought me over to his station and told me to sit down in the black chair. I decide to get the tattoo done on my inner forearm where my scars are.
After wiping down my arm and setting his tools out, he starts the tattoo. It didn’t hurt that much, other than around my wrist, but after twenty minutes my arm goes numb and I can hardly feel it. The whole tattoo took about an hour and a half to finish. It was definitely worth everything in the end, because it turned out absolutely amazing. Milo ended up paying two hundred dollars for the tattoo. I told him I wanted to pay for it myself, but he insisted that he pay for it, because getting the tattoo was his idea. I ended up tipping Cyber a hundred dollars, so I wouldn’t feel as bad for letting Milo pay for my tattoo.
After leaving the tattoo place, we stop at a small Italian restaurant and share a homemade cheese pizza before heading back to the resort.
Chapter Seven
Today’s my last full day at the resort and, to be honest, it’s pretty depressing because I don’t want to leave. Not just because of Milo, but I’m really going to miss the Browns. It feels like I just got to the resort yesterday. Don’t get me wrong, I want to go home because of my friends, my job, and my pets, but I feel like I need to stay here and give mine and Milo’s relationship a better chance.
I don’t know what to do. I mean summer break is only a month away, so I could probably come and stay with them for the summer. But I don’t want to leave my aunt alone, and I would have to figure something out about my job. Also, I wouldn’t be able to hang out with my friends, unless I go back home and visit, or if I invite them down. I guess I’ll just have to talk to my aunt about it later.
I spend the whole day with Milo, walking around the resort, swimming, and hanging out at his house. I meet his pets, who are all very cute—and yes, I did pick up on the My Chemical Romance reference he made with the names. I ended up staying at his place for dinner and most of the night, before he walked me home.
The Art of Letting Go: A Happy Endings Resort Series Novella (Happy Endings Resort #15) (The Happy Endings Resort) Page 5
