by Mona Kasten
Contents
About the Book
About the Author
Title
Copyright
Dedication
trust again playlist
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Chapter 37
Chapter 38
Epilogue
About the Book
The moment she meets Spencer Cosgrove, Dawn knows she’s in trouble. Spencer is sexy. Funny. Charming. Just her type. Or what used to be her type, before she vowed to steer clear of relationships.
Everyone gets hurt in the end, Dawn believes.
Things only get worse when Spencer starts flirting with her, luring her in with his tenderness. But she turns him away. Because Dawn feels damaged. She knows what it’s like to trust someone with her heart, only to have them shatter it into a million pieces. Never again. The wounds are still too deep. But Spencer persists. And when Dawn finds out that Spencer is hiding his own heartbreaking secret, she realizes she can’t deny her feelings any more. Maybe, just maybe it really is possible for a broken heart to mend …
About the Author
Mona Kasten was born in Germany in 1992. Before devoting herself to writing, she studied Library and Information Science. She lives with her husband, cats, and countless books in northern Germany. She loves all forms of caffeine and taking long walks in the woods. Her favorite days are the ones when she can block out the world and just write. Mona loves to interact with her readers on Twitter @MonaKasten. Her website (in German) is www.monakasten.de
MONA KASTEN
trust again
Translated from the German by
Toby Axelrod
»be« by BASTEI ENTERTAINMENT
Digital original edition
»be« by Bastei Entertainment is an imprint of Bastei Lübbe AG
This title was acquired through the literary agency Langenbuch & Weiß GbR, Rellinger Straße 15, 20 257 Hamburg, Germany
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. This book was translated into American English.
Copyright © 2018 by Bastei Lübbe AG, Schanzenstraße 6–20, 51 063 Köln, Germany
Written by Mona Kasten
Translated from the German by Toby Axelrod
Edited by Lori Herber-Griffin, Amanda Wright
Project management: Lori Herber-Griffin, Kathrin Kummer
Cover design: ZERO Werbeagentur GmbH
Cover photos: FinePic®, München
E-book production: Greiner & Reichel, Köln
ISBN 9-783-7325-6176-6
www.be-ebooks.com
Twitter: @be_ebooks_com
For my escalation-girls:
Bianca, Caro, Kim, Laura, Nadine, Rebecca and Yvo
trust again playlist
Weaker Girl – Banks
War Of Hearts – Ruelle
Lay It All On Me – Rudimental (feat. Ed Sheeran)
Into You – Ariana Grande
Let Me Love You – Ariana Grande
What A Feeling – One Direction
Never Enough – One Direction
Bloodsport – Raleigh Ritchie
No Pressure – Justin Bieber (feat. Big Sean)
Only Love – Ben Howard
Rivers In Your Mouth – Ben Howard
Remnants – Jack Garratt
In The Shadow Of A Dream – James Morrison
To The Wonder – Aqualung (ft. Kina Grannis)
Everything Is Lost – Maggie Eckford
dRuNk – ZAYN
Show Me Love – Robin Schulz & J.U.D.G.E.
Close – Nick Jonas (feat. Tove Lo)
We Don’t Talk Anymore – Charlie Puth (feat. Selena Gomez)
Where’s My Love – SYML
Chapter 1
Such a stupid idea. As if I’d actually get any writing done in a coffee shop.
Nope.
I glance up to see a guy standing in front of me, staring with raised eyebrows, as if he was expecting an answer. What—was I some sort of lip reader? There’s no way I could’ve heard him, and that should’ve been obvious. My headphones are as big as doughnuts and weigh about ten pounds: they were expensive, and they block out all kinds of noise. Great for concentrating on my work. Even better for avoiding unwanted conversation.
He was cute, no question about that. He had reddish hair and warm, brown eyes. Wearing jeans and a tight shirt that hugged his shoulders—not bad, not bad. So why was I feeling queasy?
Slowly, I lifted the headphone cup from my right ear.
“Did you say something?”
The guy quirked a smile. “Yeah. I said you’re here on Fridays a lot. I’ve noticed you.”
True. Even though it wasn’t exactly by choice. I’d rather spend Friday afternoons in my dorm at Woodshill University. But that wasn’t possible, since I shared a room with a nymphomaniac.
“Yeah. The coffee’s good here,” I mumbled.
He tilted his head and smiled again. “You don’t even drink coffee. You usually get hot chocolate. But it’s getting warmer out. Wonder what you’ll pick in the spring.”
Wow, stalker? My palms were turning clammy, and I swallowed hard. This guy was getting scary. How long had he been watching me? Oh God, could he have seen what I was working on?
“Inquiring minds want to know,” he said, dropping his voice an octave.
Seriously? He was being playful, trying to pick me up, with his deep voice and bedroom eyes. With any other girl it might have worked. But not me. I’d been avoiding men like the plague for more than a year now.
“Thanks, but no thanks,” I began, shoving my bangs to the side.
“Come on,” he answered, grabbing a chair from another table and setting it next to mine. Straddling the seat, he rested his arms on the back. “I’m a good listener.”
What on Earth made him think I wanted to talk? My eyes flicked toward my laptop. The font size was extra small and the brightness set low, so no one but me could read it. Still, I was itching to shut the screen. What I’d written was not for anyone to read—at least, not yet.
And it was definitely not for the eyes of this unnerving stranger.
“What are you working on?” the guy asked, nodding his head at my laptop.
Trying to look casual, I closed the screen, picked up my bag from the floor and slid Watson inside. That was the name
I’d given this clunker of a laptop: It had a huge screen and weighed a ton. It was practically vintage.
The guy touched my arm gently. “Hey, I didn’t mean to scare you off. I’m outta here,” he stood up, now sounding almost shy. “You just looked so alone over here. And I thought I’d…” He gave an awkward shrug.
Okay, he was starting to seem a little less stalker and a little more cute. But still. I couldn’t.
“You seem nice—” Flustered, I wondered if he’d already told me his name.
“Cooper,” he said, as if reading my mind.
“Cooper,” I repeated with a smile. “You seem cool, but I have to go. I can’t concentrate right now.”
“We could try another time, when you don’t have so much to do,” Cooper ventured.
I suppressed a sigh and stood. “I’m not interested. Sorry.”
Cooper’s eyes widened a bit. “Oh! I get it.” He nodded. “Not into guys, huh?”
I blinked at him. “What?”
“Nothing to be ashamed of.”
My cheeks felt hot. “Not that my sexual orientation should matter, but just because I don’t want to hang out with you doesn’t mean I’m gay,” I hissed and pushed past him. Faster than I thought possible with this heavy bag, I fled outside.
Brisk February air filled my lungs. It was still pretty cold; I exhaled a little cloud of steam. Wrapping my scarf around my neck, I considered my options.
I couldn’t go back to the dorm. My roommate, Sawyer, was entertaining yet another guy, and I’d seen enough of her sexual conquests already. She was one of the reasons I’d invested in such expensive headphones.
Now the Patriot Coffee Shop was off-limits. As long as that creep was still hanging out here, wild horses couldn’t drag me back.
The school library was an option. But not for this project. Too many people passing by who might glance at the screen.
Digging into my pockets, I touched something cold and metallic. Yes! The cloud hanging over me began to disappear.
About two months ago, my best friend, Allie, moved into her new apartment, and she’d given me her spare key. Partly because I was the official surrogate mother to her cat, Spidey, and partly because Allie was well aware of Sawyer’s active social life. She’d said I could come by any time I was locked out of my place. So far I hadn’t taken advantage of her hospitality, but today I was out of other options.
She didn’t answer my call, so I sent her a quick text about my plan to come over.
Allie lived with her boyfriend, Kaden, in a charming part of town near a little park. It was only about 15 minutes from campus. They had a great view of Mount Wilson and the surrounding valley.
A year ago I’d have sworn that Portland was the best place on Earth to live. But now the place was bound up with memories that I’d give anything to forget.
I opened the door to Allie’s building and climbed the stairs to the second story. By now I knew the tricks and quirks of her place like the back of my hand. You always had to lift the door handle up a bit and then push the front door open. No sooner did I set foot in her hall, than Spidey trotted over to greet me.
“Hello?” I called out.
Silence, except for Spidey’s gentle purr as he brushed past my legs. Gently, I bent down to run my hand over his tiger-striped fur and smiled. Lifting my bag back onto my shoulder, I headed for the living room sofa, ready to get to work.
But what happened next was worse than any worst-case scenario on my radar for today.
Penis.
It was the first thing that met the eye.
A large penis, obviously ready for duty. Tearing my eyes away, I looked up at Kaden, who returned my gaze with an open mouth. The seconds ticked away, and I swear I didn’t want to look—but come on, he was naked. And my eyes just did what they wanted. Too late, I shut them tightly.
If only I could disappear.
“Kaden?” my best friend’s voice called out from the bedroom.
That was probably my cue.
I spun on my heels, stumbling over Spidey of course, because my eyes were still squeezed shut, and ran out of the apartment. Kaden called after me. My steps echoed again in the stairwell; the heels of my ankle boots clattering against the polished granite. I reached the landing, then turned to go down the next flight of stairs, when boom! I slammed full force into someone.
The shock took me aback. A sharp pain shot through my face. My hand fluttered up to my nose. I staggered backward, flailing for support. There! I grabbed onto the guy with my other hand. But instead of catching me, he yelled out and stumbled just as much as I had. He twisted us as we fell, managing to ensure he wouldn’t fall on me.
Ow! My nose must be broken. And my knee. And maybe a couple of ribs, too.
“I’ve been wanting you to fall into my arms for a while now, but I didn’t mean it literally,” his voice came from under me, and I caught my breath. With one arm I brushed my tangled red hair from my face.
Radiant, dark blue eyes met my gaze.
Their amused, mischievous sparkle was more than familiar. Likewise the velvety voice, the upturned corners of the mouth, and the unruly black hair, which mostly did what it wanted.
Spencer.
I’d landed on my best-worst nightmare. This was the only guy who’d made me question my self-imposed celibacy since my breakup.
“I think my nose is broken,” I moaned.
His hand moved from my hip to my face and gently touched the aforementioned body part.
“Nothing’s broken.”
His certainty made me wonder. “How do you know?”
He brought his hand back to my hip as if it simply belonged there. Familiar. Confident. I didn’t move.
“I’ve broken my nose before,” Spencer explained, turning his head so I could see his face in profile. “See?”
Lo and behold! There it was: a slight bump on the upper bridge. My gaze now traveled the strong line of his chin to his mouth, and back up again. Something stirred in my chest, and I finally broke out of my stupor.
“Sorry.” Gingerly, I pressed against the floor and pushed myself up. “I didn’t mean to knock you down.”
He stood up, too, still wearing that half-smile. “It was an honor, Dawn.” He looked down at me.
Spencer was tall—much taller than me, which wasn’t saying much, given my lowly five two.
“If you ever need your own private wall to run into again, just call. You have my number.” Now he was really flashing one of his brilliant, toothy grins.
Again something shifted inside me; this time it was a dangerous flutter in the tummy.
That damn Spencer Cosgrove.
The first time we’d met, I’d mistaken Spencer with Kaden, who hadn’t been treating Allie very well back then. I wanted to stand up for Allie and let Kaden know he was being an asshole. Problem was, I’d gone off on Spencer instead. A crooked grin had spread over his face before I realized the mix-up. Shit.
Allie cleared up the misunderstanding immediately. Actually, I would’ve liked to have stayed mad at Spencer a bit longer. It was a great excuse to avoid the obvious: Spencer was hot.
Too hot for his own good. Not that I wanted to think about him that way. But even my jaded self couldn’t deny, let alone ignore it. Hard as I tried.
“Dawn?” Spencer suddenly turned serious, bringing me back to the moment. “Everything okay? You didn’t crack your head too hard against my steely chest, did you?”
Of course he was kidding, as usual. Spencer wasn’t particularly broad-shouldered. But that didn’t make him any less attractive. Quite the opposite. He had a perfect build, with the slim, sinewy frame of a runner. Not chunky, not skinny. Just in between. Just… mmmm.
“I’m glad it was your strong body I ran into and not the wall,” I answered a bit too breathlessly, and looked around for my b
ag.
“Were you just at Allie’s?” Spencer asked. He’d picked up Watson and was brushing some dirt off the bag before handing them over to me.
Oh yeah: I’d nearly forgotten. My eyes widened in panic.
“Don’t go up there!”
Spencer frowned again. “Kaden and I were supposed to work on something.”
“Kaden was naked when I barged in. I think the two of them are busy right now.”
Spencer threw back his head and laughed loudly—a rough and resonant laugh. It filled the whole stairwell and sent a pleasant shiver down my spine.
Why’d he have to go and do that?
Frustrated, I sighed and set the heavy bag on the floor. “Today’s not my day.”
“What do you mean?” Spencer asked, after his laughter had faded.
“I have to get some work done, but I have no idea where to go,” I replied.
“Why not just go back to the dorm?”
“Sawyer is… busy.” I looked away. “So I went to a coffee shop, but I couldn’t concentrate there because this weird guy kept talking to me, so I came over here thinking Allie and Kaden weren’t home.”
Spencer chuckled. “Don’t tell me you also walked in on Sawyer in the middle of…”
“No!” I replied quickly, lifting my gaze to meet his. “Well, not today, at least.”
“You could come to my place.”
I was about to protest, but paused: I’d never been to Spencer’s place. We had a lot of friends in common and spent a lot of time together, but never on his turf. Actually, I was a little curious as to why he’d never invited us over.
But still, now wasn’t the time. Something in me knew it wasn’t a good idea to be alone with him.
“I don’t know.”
He leaned in close. “Why not?” he asked, his eyes traveling thoughtfully over my face.
My pulse began to pick up. Damned misbehaving heart!
If I wanted to prevent the heat in my belly from rising up to my cheeks, I needed distance.
As if reading my thoughts, Spencer picked up my bag and turned.
“Hey!” I called out, throwing on my jacket. By the time I’d turned to follow him, Spencer had already descended one flight of stairs.
