I smile back. She keeps smiling. This is embarrassing.
I have to keep it going. “So what’s Joe done?”
“Only cartoons of all the teachers – look, they’re on that wall. And he doesn’t flatter any of them,” says Luce.
I don’t know who the teachers are, but I pretend to be interested. And I recognise the teacher who gave the speech about me. I’m glad Joe made him look stupid.
Say something. Make it a question. “So what do you guys do round here?”
Better. Mahsuda takes the lead again.
“I,” she says, “watch Joe. And Luce watches me. And Taz – Taz is just Taz. And Suki studies – don’t you, Suki? When she’s not looking after everyone. She’s going to be a doctor, aren’t you, Suki? And what – Mo – do you do round here?”
I can’t believe these people. Do they always talk like people in a reality show?
Mahsuda looks at me and laughs. “Sorry, you look so awkward. I couldn’t resist it.”
“You’re cruel, M,” says Luce, laughing.
“We’re not that bad, honest,” says Taz.
They all laugh. Even Taz.
They’re laughing at me.
I want to be sick. I thought I was doing so well. I can’t wait for the end of the day, and I get out as soon as I can.
Back home, there’s a message from Shadow. I decide to play cool, keep him guessing. Don’t answer for at least twenty minutes. I might make that a rule. Well, ten minutes. Then we start chatting.
And then it’s nine o’clock and Mum’s shouting at me about homework and all that. I suppose I’d better get on with it.
But he’s cool, Shadow. He’s funny, like I said. He’s not like the others.
Chapter Eight
Dad’s Fault
Thursday morning.
It’s cold, it’s wet. Outside it’s pouring down. It never rained like this in Bristol.
I get up too late for breakfast and Mum and Dad shout at me.
“In that car before I count to ten or you’re walking,” yells Dad. He’s been so stressed since we got here, it’s unbelievable.
But I know he means what he says.
I’m in the passenger seat in seconds. No way am I going to walk in this weather. But I haven’t brushed my teeth, and I haven’t got my homework.
“I haven’t got my homework,” I say.
“Tough,” he says. “You want a lift, you get up in time. I have to be at work. No use losing this job, after everything.”
“I’ll get into trouble,” I tell him.
“Tough,” he says again, settling into the driver’s seat and blasting me with cold air.
“I’ll tell them it’s your fault,” I say.
Dad whistles, in a really irritating way. I don’t know why he does that, he knows it winds everyone up. Specially me.
I say it louder. “I’ll tell them, it’s because you’re a bad father and you don’t give me time to get ready for school.”
He drives off, just missing a bus that pulls out. He blares the horn, as if it wasn’t his fault. It’s embarrassing. At school he drums his fingers on the steering wheel until I climb out and slam the door. Then he goes off without even saying goodbye.
It’s not a good start. And I’m late. That’s his fault too.
I don’t wait at the gate. Why would I, in this rain? I’m not stupid.
Anyway, I did it three times and it didn’t work. So that rule’s gone.
I’ve got the new one now. Listening. If only Dad listened. Or Mum. Anybody.
Mahsuda’s at the door, watching out.
“Hi Mahsuda, how’re you doing?”
“Hi Mo. Fine thanks. Seen Luce or Suki?”
“No, perhaps they’re late. Did you have a good night last night?” I ask. Two sentences, that’s good.
“Just telly and homework. You?” asks Mahsuda.
“Chatting to this guy I met on Facebook. He’s cool,” I say.
Her eyebrows go up. “You know him?” she asks.
“Well, no, not exactly. But he comes from Bristol too, and he’s in Derby.”
I’m going to tell her more, but Suki arrives with Luce, and the teacher too. He looks pleased to see me talking to them. He probably thinks it’s down to his little talk. It’s just as I thought.
I get into trouble about the homework. I tell them it’s Dad’s fault. But they don’t listen. Nobody listens.
I hate this place.
It’s half past eight at night. I’ve shouted at Dad, and Mum. I’ve told them I hate them.
I wouldn’t eat the pasta dish Mum got from the place where she works. It was past its sell-by date. She said it would be fine, and I said she was trying to poison me. She said there wasn’t anything else.
Jack ran off to his bedroom holding his ears. Then Mum sent me upstairs too. I’m hungry.
Shadow’s online. I tell him about it. The way Dad rushed me to school and made me forget my homework. The way people get at me. The way everyone makes out it’s my fault.
Mo But it’s not my fault!
Shadow No babe, it’s not your fault. Sounds like you need some time out.
Shadow How about coming to Derby on Saturday afternoon? We could go round the shops, have a coffee?
I wait for a bit. I’m not sure. I don’t really know him.
Mo Where would we meet?
Shadow How about coming in on the train and I’ll meet you at the station?
Mo I’m not sure.
Shadow Go on, take a risk. You might enjoy it.
Take a risk. Maybe that’s what I should do. I’ve tried being nice and listening to people and none of it works. I should take a risk.
Try three times. That’s the rule.
I don’t need a dumb website to tell me how to live. I’ll make up my own rules.
Mo Okay.
Chapter Nine
Thank God It’s…
Friday.
I walk into school. My bag’s heavy, but it’s better this way than going with Dad. I turn a corner and bump into Suki. It turns out she lives on the next road to mine.
We’re chatting. Really chatting.
“What’re you doing tomorrow?” she asks.
“I’m – I’m meeting this guy – in Derby.”
“Who is he?” she asks.
“His name’s Shadow. I met him on Facebook. He used to live in Bristol like me. He’s really kind and thoughtful. He’s listened to me going on about how bad my life is, and he’s – he’s just there, you know?”
“Do your parents know you’re meeting him?” asks Suki
“No way, I’m not telling them,” I say. “They’d find a way of spoiling it. They do that with everything.”
“Is it really bad, your life?” she asks me.
I feel awkward, opening up to her like this. I mean, I don’t know her or anything. She could just blab it all to everyone and they’ll laugh at me even more.
But today I’m taking risks. It’s my own rule. So I tell her. She listens. We’re at school before I’ve finished, and we’re swept up in everything.
I feel a bit better though.
Till break, when I go to the art room, and nobody’s there. I imagine them all laughing while Suki tells them every word I’ve said. I think of Luce and Taz sniggering. Mahsuda making some kind of sarcastic comment. And them never speaking to me again.
Suki comes up to me at lunch time.
“When you meeting this guy then?” she says.
“Tomorrow. I’ll get the 1.15 train.”
She looks a bit strange, then Luce comes up and they go off together.
They don’t invite me to go with them. I feel so stupid. I can’t wait to see Shadow tomorrow.
I walk round the playing field for a while, then I go in the library. Just for somewhere to go. I get through the afternoon, and the evening.
Shadow isn’t on Facebook tonight. I wonder if he’ll turn up. I wonder what he’s like. I wonder if I should go. But it’s the r
ule. Take a risk. What else is there to do?
Chapter Ten
The Meeting
Saturday. Two whole days off school.
Dad is doing DIY in the shed. Or that’s what he says he’s doing. He never did DIY before. We never had a shed before. But it’s not a big shed.
Mum is in serious mother mode. She’s in the kitchen. It’s tiny. This whole house is like a doll’s house. It’s new, on three floors. You’re always going up and downstairs. All the rooms are too small.
Dad says it’s just till we find our feet. I know where my feet are. I don’t know where he thinks his are. I imagine his feet going off without him. Maybe he’s making new ones in the shed.
“What are your plans for today?” Mum asks me. “I’ve got the day off work, I thought we could go shopping or something. Check out Derby.”
I can’t go to Derby with my mum! I can’t!
“No, I can’t,” I say.
“But I’ve got today off, and you’ve looked so down since you’ve been here,” she says. “I thought I’d give you a treat. We could find somewhere for lunch, look at the clothes.”
“I’m meeting some of the girls from school later,” I say. “We might go over to Derby on the train, I don’t know.”
It’s a lie, of course. Another one.
“Oh, that’s good news,” says Mum, trying to look happy for me. “You’re making friends then?”
“Yeah – there’s Mahsuda, and Luce, and Suki. And Taz. We’re all meeting up.”
Call them friends? I don’t trust any of them. How do I know what they’re saying behind my back?
“Oh.” She looks disappointed. “Well, your dad’s in the shed, doing who knows what. Jack’s out playing football. I suppose I’ll do the housework.”
I want, so much, to give her a hug and say I’ll go to Derby with her, we’ll have a good time, like we did in Bristol. I almost do. But I’ve got a risk to take.
I check out the internet. Shadow’s online.
Shadow You coming then?
Mo Yeah, sure. How will I know you?
Shadow I’ll find you. I’ve seen your photo. On the forecourt, 1.45.
I get ready. I don’t want to look too keen, so I just put on some make-up, do my hair and put jeans and a sweatshirt on. It’s a good look. Not too keen. Keen enough.
I will do it, I will. But I’m scared.
Think positive.
Mum’s in the kitchen, loading up the washing machine. I don’t know if I want kids when I’m grown up. Too much hard work.
“Bye,” I say to her back.
“Bye,” she mumbles to the washing. “What time will you be home?”
I shrug my shoulders. “Dunno,” I say, leaving before she can argue.
She’s not happy, that’s clear. But I’ve got to get a life, somehow.
I walk down to the station. It’s one o’clock when I get there, and I buy my ticket and sit on a bench. There’s loads of people waiting. Looks like there’s a football match on.
The train comes and I have to stand all the way. I’m glad I didn’t put my heels on. I’d be in total agony. But what if he wants to take me to a posh restaurant? What if he’s really cool, and he’s dressed up?
It’s only one stop, so I can’t get off. The time goes by really quick. I want it to last longer.
There’s a fit guy standing next to me, but he’s talking football to his friend all the way. I think I’ve gone invisible while I wasn’t looking.
I get off the train in Derby and head for the ticket barrier. It is so crowded. There’s no way anyone will find me here.
And the fans are all singing. The police are there too. It doesn’t feel safe.
I hope Shadow turns up and rescues me soon.
I look in Smiths, buy a bottle of water and take a swig. My heart is racing. I don’t look at anyone. It is so odd not knowing what he looks like. Why didn’t I think of that before?
The noise begins to fade. It’s almost two o’clock. The people go – to the match, I suppose.
Now there’s nobody in the shop but me. I begin to feel embarrassed, waiting there.
I go out of the shop and look at the coffees in the drinks stall. I’ve got my back to everything. I wish I’d never come.
I’m sure he won’t turn up. Why should he, anyway? I’m just some sad girl he met on Facebook. I bet he’s going to the match with his mates. Bet he’s laughing about it with them. Bet he’s seeing somebody else.
I turn round, just to have a look. Quickly.
There’s someone by the leaflets. A bloke.
He must be about thirty, at least. He’s got saggy jeans on, and a grey tee shirt. He doesn’t look good.
That can’t be him. It can’t be.
He’s reading a leaflet. It’s obvious he’s just waiting. He looks at his watch.
I don’t know what to do.
He turns towards me. He’s walking up to me.
I don’t know what to do.
Now it’s too risky. He’s not who I thought he was – he’s not who he said he was. He lied to me. Like I lied. But not to him. I never lied to him. I told him everything that was happening. And he listened. But he’s old enough to be my dad!
I wish my dad was here.
The guy’s coming closer. It must be him. “Mo – is it Mo?” he says.
I don’t know what to say. He’s a stranger. He isn’t who I thought, or what I wanted.
I just wanted a friend. Someone to meet up with. Someone to talk to.
And I was following the rules. Taking a risk.
But not this risk. Not this man.
I can’t breathe. I can’t move. He’s still there. He’s come up close. I can see his skin, greasy, and his hair’s not clean. Why did I take so much trouble?
“It’s Mo?” he says again.
“Yes, I mean, no,” I say.
He smiles. “Which is it?”
I can’t speak.
He takes my arm. “Let’s get out of here, shall we?”
I can’t move. I don’t want to move. I want to get out of here, but not with him.
Then I see her. Mahsuda. She’s peering round the wall from the car park.
Then there’s Luce, on the other side. And Suki, coming from the ticket office. And Taz, wandering over.
Shadow’s looking round. He drops my arm.
“Hi, Mo, really good to see you.” It’s Mahsuda, taking the lead as usual.
I am so glad to see her.
“Who’s this creep?” says Luce, edging in front of Shadow.
“Hey – ” starts Shadow, but he doesn’t have a chance.
The girls link arms with me and we walk through the arch into the car park. I get some words out at last.
“What are you doing here?”
“Let’s get out of here first, then we’ll tell,” says Luce.
We walk out into the sunshine. I can breathe again. They’re laughing, and I join in.
“How did you know – how did you get here?” I ask.
“You told us – you didn’t tell any of us all of it, but we put everything together… ” Mahsuda begins.
“… and we thought, this doesn’t sound good,” adds Suki.
I feel a bit offended that they were talking about me, but I’m so glad to get out that I don’t mind. At least they were listening.
“We thought we’d come over on the earlier train – then we could make sure we could see you without giving it all away,” Mahsuda goes on.
“We can’t let a friend down, can we? We couldn’t let you get into trouble,” says Luce.
A friend. She called me a friend.
“I’d have been alright,” I begin, then stop. “No, I’m glad you came. I mean – taking risks is one thing, but that was going too far.”
“Taking risks?” Suki asks.
I tell them about the rules. They listen. They don’t laugh. They seem to understand.
“I was new, when I came here from Birmingham,” says Luce. �
�I hated it. And these guys didn’t make it any easier – until they came round. They do in the end.”
“It’s just our way,” says Mahsuda. “It’s embarrassing, living in Brinckley. I can’t wait to get out. And Bristol – it sounds fantastic – was it good to live there?”
And they listen to my stories about Bristol, and we go shopping, and we have a coffee and by the time we get on the train back everything looks different, everything’s changed.
And I’ve dumped the rules. For now, anyway.
Chapter Eleven
New Start
Sunday.
We had a great day yesterday, me and the others. We went to a movie in the evening, and it was fun. I haven’t forgotten how to talk to people after all.
The rules – I suppose they were okay. Only I chose the wrong person to trust, to listen to.
If I’d gone with him, I don’t know what would have happened. I’ve heard all those stories, would it have been like that? Drugs, prostitution, all of it?
Or was he just a lonely sad bloke looking for a friend? That makes me feel a bit bad about getting away from him.
But he told me lies. Everything he said about himself, about college, his age, all lies, every bit of it. Why would anyone do that?
Then I remember my lies, to Jemma, to Mum.
I go down to the kitchen. Mum’s reading the paper.
“D’you want to go shopping today?” I ask. “I went to Derby yesterday, I know all the good shops. I’ll show you around. And there’s loads of places to eat, for lunch.”
A frown crosses her face, then she puts the paper down.
“Yeah – Dad can do something with Jack, and you and me, we’ll have some serious girl time, shall we?”
I go over and give her a hug. “D’you know, Mum?” I say.
Breaking the Rules Page 2
