“Eric, I can't. Logan already has a car waiting. He went to all the trouble, I can't just leave him.”
Darkness shrouded Eric's eyes, and his jaw and grip on my hand tightened at the same time. “You can't leave him?” Acid seeped through his words. “But you can leave me, your boyfriend, when I took the time to do all this and surprise you.”
“Stop. Just stop.”
Logan walked up, but stayed quiet. That was a smart move on his part; I wouldn't have refrained from going off on him if he'd said something.
“I'm going back with Logan because it's what I want to do. I told you that I needed a break, and this was the break I needed. This has nothing to do with you being my boyfriend or Logan being my friend. This is about me and what I need. Right now, I need you to go back alone, while I go back with Logan. I will meet you at Gumbo City in an hour.”
Eric huffed. “Fine. But I hope you know what you’re doing.”
Eric squared his shoulders before speaking to Logan. “You are to drop her off at the curb of her place then leave. I’ll be there waiting. She's mine, has been mine, and will continue to be mine.”
I punched Eric in the shoulder. “Drop the caveman act. I don’t belong to anyone. Not you, not Logan. No one. If you think you can dictate where I’ll be and who I’ll be with, you’re mistaken.”
He tilted his chin and spoke so softly I had to strain to hear him. “I love you.”
“Not going to work. Saying those words in replacement of an apology is the shit way out, Eric. Go home. We'll talk later.”
“You’re right. Do you mind if I meet you at your apartment instead? I really have missed you and want to hear about the concert.”
“Eric. You drive me crazy, you know that? No, you can’t meet me at my house. I told you, I’ll see you at Gumbo City.”
I pulled Logan toward our driver. More than likely, Eric wouldn’t listen to me, and he’d be at my house when we got there. Eric's possessiveness was over the top and not something I intended to put up with.
We made it home quickly; somehow or another the driver managed to avoid almost all traffic. When we reached my place Eric stood in front of the hall entrance, just as I expected.
“Thank you again. For everything. I had so much fun.” I said, planting a kiss on Logan’s cheek before getting out of the car. The driver had my bag on the sidewalk, ready for me to take.
I moved to Eric, stopping a few inches from where he'd affixed himself against the wall. Putting my hand on his chest, I felt his pulse quicken. In a movement too fast for me to react, Eric secured my hand in his then wrapped me up in his arms. He squeezed hard enough to make me squeak, and his chest vibrated with laughter. He sat me down on the step.
“I told you to meet me at Gumbo City.” I held his stare so he'd know I wasn't happy with the display of ownership. Keeping control of the situation took precedence over being nice.
“And I told you I would be here. Now are you going to stay there or come upstairs with me so we can put your stuff away?” Eric took my bags and moved toward the entrance.
“Neither.”
He stumbled then turned to me. “What do you mean ‘neither’?”
“I mean neither. I'm not staying here, and I'm not going upstairs with you. You are going to go and meet me in an hour like I said—twice. I'm going to take my own bags up and unpack. See you in a little while,” I said over my shoulder as I shuffled past him.
“Why won't you...You know what? You're right. I'll see you in an hour.”
Eric gently lifted my bags over the steps and backed away. His quick retreat scared me, and I hoped the sincerity I heard in his voice wasn't a mask. If it wasn't, I couldn't dwell on it. I had to set boundaries, and his protective shit needed to stop. I refused to live like that again. He wasn’t supposed to be my bodyguard, but he was damn sure acting like it.
* * * *
Eric's musky woodsy scent invigorated me. We sat in the booth next to each other without talking for what seemed like forever, staring at the menu, waiting for the server to take our order. Eric kept stealing glances my way, his eyes pensive. We both knew there were things unsaid before I left. For the moment, I was content to just be with him, enjoy his company, not yet approaching the awkwardness of the conversation we needed to have.
As soon as the server left with our drink orders, Eric broke the silence. “So, how did you like California?”
“Not bad. We didn't do anything other than go to the concert.”
“Oh. So, do you think you might want to go back there some time for an actual vacation? Like summer break or something?”
“Yeah, maybe. I dunno.” I took another sip of my drink. “I have to admit it would have been better if we’d all went. The four of us are a group now, I missed that.”
“Next time. The concert was good? Worth the trip?”
“It was good. The band knew how to work a crowd that was for sure. Do you really want to talk about all of that?” I didn’t want small talk. When I left for San Francisco Eric and I hadn’t been on perfect terms, but I’d really hoped some time away would help.
Eric took my hand in his and intertwined our fingers. “Truly, I don’t care what we talk about. I missed seeing you every day. Missed hearing your voice. I sound like a needy, little girl, but damn if it isn’t true. Whatever you want to talk about. Whatever we need to revisit from before you left, bring it on. Let’s hash it out and quick, because I really want to get you back in my arms without this uneasiness between us.”
“Good.” I took a deep breath and made a list in my head of everything we needed to air out. “First, I don’t do possessive, Eric. I didn’t appreciate they way you talked to Logan at the airport or the way you laid claim to me. You had no right.”
He lifted our hands in the air and kissed each of my knuckles.
“I’m serious, damn it.”
“I know. I’m sorry. That whole thing at the airport wasn’t planned. But when you walked from the terminal, you and Logan looked so happy together. He had his arm draped over you like you were together. That pissed me off.”
For the love of green grass. What was it with these guys? First Logan interrogated me about Eric and our intentions like a real father would. Then Eric goes all “You Jane, Me Tarzan” because Logan put his arm around me. How was I supposed to do this?
“Would it help if I told you that Logan and I talked about us while we were gone?”
“Depends on what you talked about.” The smile accompanying his response gave me the courage to keep going.
“Nothing that he should have been asking about. Trust me, I told him as much, too. But my point is, we came to the understanding that our relationship will never develop further than what we have now. I don’t want Logan like that. I want you. Regardless, or despite, your dad and my parents. Looking beyond the circumstances of how we got here, we found each other.”
He shifted closer to me, flush against my side, we touched each other from my shoulder to leg, our hands still locked together. Eric leaned down and took the tip of my earlobe between his teeth,. The twinge of pain acted like an electrical charge. I shrugged in an attempt to push him off, not because I didn’t want Eric to continue, but if he didn’t stop I’d never get out what I needed to say.
“I couldn’t agree more. I meant it when I said you were my princess. Most fantasies end with the prince waking the princess, but you awakened me.”
“There’s something else. But you have to stop.”
Eric groaned as he pulled away. He wrapped his free hand around my thigh. “Go ahead.”
“I love you, Eric. That’s why it doesn’t matter what Logan does—he will never have my heart. This scares the shit out of me though. I mean, love is supposed to take forever to find. We haven’t dated for that long, and so far it’s been a pretty rocky start.”
When he lowered his lips to mine, I didn’t stop him. There was no point; it was what I wanted. Our mouths melted into one, our tongues danced a slow, s
ensuous dance. Amazingly, we kept our hands under control. The urge to touch him, to lift his shirt and feel the smooth skin of his taut stomach built, but I hadn’t lost sense enough to forget we were in public.
It was Eric who ended our embrace. He released my hand then grasped my cheeks. “Everyone’s different, princess. Too soon, too late, there’s no timeline that dictates that label. It’s you and me. Slow, fast, day-to-day, you lead. I’ll follow. But only if you promise to give me a chance to apologize when I fuck up. Because we both know I will.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
A week after getting home from California, Alec sat on my couch eating while we waited for Logan to come over. Eric was missing, but he was busy. To help offset the costs of school he’d started teaching hip-hop classes at the local youth center.
“You seem content. I take it Eric has been on his best behavior,” Alec asked around bites of pizza.
“We're working on it. It shocked me when he showed up at the airport. He's trying. That much I have to give him.” I adjusted on the couch, pulling my legs up under me.
“Before the trip I asked you what had happened between the two of you. You said you didn’t want to talk about it then. But you wear your emotions on your face. Even though I didn’t have details, I knew you needed a break whatever was bothering you, that’s why I didn’t discourage Logan when he told me about his plans. If you’re ready to talk, I’m ready to listen.”
While I ate a piece of the veggie pizza Alec brought with him, I worried about how quickly things were moving with Eric. Since I still didn’t know who told the truth, Mom or Eric, I had doubts. My boyfriend had a better track record than my mom when it came to not having secrets, but I couldn’t let go the possibility that Mom wasn’t telling a complete lie.
“Thank you for not pushing before. It was my mom. She made some accusations that I asked Eric about. Said they’d paid him to be my bodyguard.”
My best friend sucked in a breath of air and held it. I wondered for a second if he was going to breathe again.
“Please tell me it was all a lie.”
“That’s the problem. Alec, I want things to work with him. Is that wrong? Some days I panic that I’m going to find out Mom was telling the truth when she told me about the guy they hired. Like this is all a dream between Eric and I, and I’ll wake up to learn he’s actually my bodyguard. Then other days I am confident my mom was lying.”
We sat in silence for a while. Alec wasn't known for impulsive answers. He may have had a love 'em and leave 'em reputation with his boyfriends, but when it came to advice, he took his time. Let his thoughts simmer and responses formulate. So the silence didn't bother me—too much.
I relied on his advice. Alec seemed to know exactly what to say and how to say it so I stayed on the right track. Of course, for his suggestions to really work I had to listen to him—which I didn't always do—but when I did heed his recommendations, things generally turned out all right.
“Baby girl, I'm not sure this is something I can help with. Your mom put ideas in your mind that made you question Eric. Made you question the trust you placed in him. You're the only one who knows when things will be okay between the two of you. Your heart will give you an answer, but I have no idea how long that will take or what has to happen.
“What I can say is this: you love him. That much is evident. Take that love and figure out what else you need. Whatever happens, know that your heart won't lead you astray. Your head will get in the way and make you question everything. That's okay. I wish I had a better answer for you, baby girl.”
“You did help. My heart says I'm doing the right thing. It's my doubt and past holding me back.”
“Of course it is. It's supposed to. That's how we keep from repeating history and making the same mistake twice.”
Alec to the rescue. He hadn't provided a direct answer that I could follow step by step, but he gave me a boost of confidence.
“I'll be back. If Logan gets here, let him in please. Oh, and Annabelle will probably come home early.” I gave him a hard look. Alec didn't like Annabelle all that much. Every time they were near each other I had to remind him to be nice. “Don't make me send you home when she gets here.”
I left him on the couch with the remote and pizza, knowing when I came back he'd either have an MMA extreme fight on or some kind of do-it-yourself show. Alec was an enigma to most. I loved him for that.
Back in my room with the door shut, I sat on the corner of my bed. My foot thumped loudly against the hardwood floor, waiting for Eric to answer.
“Hey,” he said as soon as the line connected.
“Hey.”
“Everything all right?”
“Yeah, why wouldn't it be?”
He hesitated, the only thing coming through his end of the call was his unsteady breathing. My anxiety went up a couple of notches. Why did my calling cause him to react like this?
“I didn’t expect to hear from you tonight, just a little surprised. That’s all.”
Yeah, but I wanted him there. Needed him.
“Any chance your schedule has changed?” Eric needed the money, and wouldn’t take me up on my offer to help out, so I didn’t want to ask him to come over if he had to work.
“Actually, it’s been canceled. I was getting some studying done.”
“Great! I know you said you wanted to catch up on a couple of classes.”
“Carissa, what do you want to ask me that you’re avoiding?”
Ugh. There were occasions that it sucked to have people who knew me so well. “I don’t want to mess up your night.”
“Fine. How about this? Give me twenty minutes to wrap up what I’ve been working on and I’ll come over.”
“Thank you, Eric.”
“I'd do anything for you.”
I breathed a sigh of relief, and the constriction in the center of my chest eased a little more. Things would be okay if I let them and went with my gut, rather than my head. Satisfied and hungry, I rejoined Alec in the living room and helped myself to another piece of pizza.
With half of dinner gone and three sodas finished, Alec and I spread out on the couch, ready to burst. Our legs tangled together in the middle. When a knock on the door sounded, I hollered for them to come on in. Eric shut the door behind him then stared at us.
“Well, don't you look comfortable?”
“We are. But I'd be more comfortable if I had your lap to lie down on. The arm of this couch is too hard, and it hurts my neck. Alec is whiney tonight and won't let me lay on his lap.”
Alec stuck his tongue out at me, and I did the same to him. Eric shook his head at our antics. But he came to my side of the couch, sat down, and then pulled my shoulders down to rest on his thighs. More sure of our relationship, it felt good to touch Eric, to be close to him, and have him with the group. I loved Eric. Just thinking those words sent my heart soaring.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Alec stretched his arms over his head and yawned. It was late, and Logan still hadn't arrived. Since he was supposed to bring a friend to meet all of us, no one wanted to leave. But we had class in the morning.
“I can't hold out much longer. Whoever this person is can't be a student here.”
“Probably not, but I'm still curious.” Eric ran his fingers through my hair. His touch was soft, and my eyes were growing heavy with sleep.
Nosy, gossipy boys. Unlike Alec, Eric would never actually admit to being either, but I knew he liked to hear what was going on just as much as my best friend. My head rolled forward until my face was buried in Eric's leg. I groaned when he moved his fingers from my hair to my back and drew squiggles up and down my spine. To keep from burning up the couch we had to separate.
Fortunately, a knock on the door was excuse enough for me to move. I swung it all the way open so Logan’s friend filled Eric and Alec’s line of sight.
“You're late.” The yawn I couldn't stop lessened the frustration I tried to push through my words.
<
br /> “Sorry, dinner took longer than we expected.”
I reached around Logan to introduce myself. “I'm Carissa. Our friend, Logan, forgot his manners, come on in.”
“Nice to meet you. I'm Marisa, but everyone calls me Mari.” She reached out and shook my hand.
Logan followed us inside. Alec and Eric remained seated on opposite ends of the orange couch, leaving the yellow one, open. Annabelle and I purchased two couches rather than a couch and chair to provide more sitting room for guests. Logan and Mari took the open seats.
“So, Mari, how did you meet Logan?” I asked. Might as well get to what I knew the other two were dying to ask. It was late, and I wanted to go to bed. Only way that was happening was to get Alec out of my place. It wouldn't hurt my feelings if Eric stayed. I pulled my runaway thoughts back to the conversation.
“My brother is in Logan's band.”
Logan entwined his fingers with hers. I cocked my chin in his direction and raised an eyebrow. A week ago we were in San Francisco together, and now he was holding hands with some chick he'd just met. I worried about Logan. If he did something rash, he'd get hurt, and that was the last thing I wanted for him.
“What's his name?” Eric asked.
“My brother? Oh, his name is Montego. This is his second year here. I came to watch him and his band at their upcoming show.”
“You said he's a student?”
“Yeah, he's a sophomore.”
Logan spoke up when he caught on that we were clueless who Montego was. “Her brother is Monty.”
Ahh. The troublemaker starting rumors about mystery phone calls.
“So you met the infamous Logan, lead singer of Quickstart, at practice?”
“Ha!” She guffawed. “I got lost in his building the other night, and he helped me find my way out. Crazy and desperate, I said yes when he offered to take me out to dinner tonight.”
I joined Mari in her laughter. Logan, the gentleman. Yeah, I didn't see that one coming. But good for him and fantastic for me. The five of us chatted for a little while before Alec’s head bobbed against his chest and the back of the couch a few times. After the fourth time, I punched him in the side for snoring, he got the hint and prepared to go home.
Love and Lies Page 13
