She thought about what had happened the previous night and how upset she’d been. She thought about how much she cared about him and wished, just for a second, that she could see a future for them together. That she was one of the lucky people who could fall in love and know it would last. Then she went into the studio where she found the three brothers working on a large piece of glass together.
She waited until it had been set aside to cool before walking over to Ronan. He pulled off his protective goggles.
“Thank you for the flowers,” she said softly so his brothers couldn’t hear.
“You’re welcome.”
“Want me to come over tonight?”
Passion and relief flared in his eyes. “Yes.”
“Want me to spend the night?”
“Yes.”
“Want to cook?”
He grinned. “I’m not trusting you in the kitchen by yourself.”
“You’re judging me.”
“More than a little.”
She raised herself on tiptoe and kissed him. “I’ll see you around six.”
“I’ll be there.”
* * *
NATALIE DROVE UP the mountain, her zippy little car taking the steep grade with no problem. She felt more centered than she had since her argument with Ronan—happier. Yes, there had been loss, but she knew how to miss her mom and live her life.
When she pulled into the driveway, anticipation hummed through her body. She enjoyed spending time with Ronan. They never seemed to run out of things to say. There was the added anticipation of what they would do after dinner. Ronan was nothing if not thorough when it came to pleasing her.
She was still smiling as she got out of her car and pulled a small tote bag from the back seat. She’d packed a nightgown and a few skin-care items. She had her work clothes on a hanger. It would be easier to just get ready at his place and go directly into the office.
She’d barely reached for her clothes when she felt a strong hand settle on her waist. She turned and Ronan kissed her, his mouth warm and tender against her own.
“Hey,” he said, nibbling along her jaw, then dipping to her collarbone. “I’m thinking steaks and baked potato and wine, then maybe a brandy by the fire pit.”
“A man with a plan. What’s not to like?”
He kissed her again, lingering this time, before taking her clothes and tote and leading her into the house.
She paused in the foyer to enjoy the welcoming atmosphere. She loved everything about the house. The lines of it, the hidden studio, the light. He’d chosen well, she thought, following him to the master bedroom.
There was a surprise waiting in the walk-in closet. He’d cleared out several feet of hanging space.
“In case you want to leave stuff here,” he said, sounding both proud and bashful. “There are drawers, too.”
Because the massive closet had two built-in dressers. The left one was filled with briefs and socks and some brightly colored boxers, but the one on the right was empty.
There was more space for her in the big master bath. The his-and-her vanities were separated by the big shower. He used the vanity with less counter space, leaving the other one for her.
She didn’t know exactly what he was trying to tell her. They’d both agreed this wasn’t going to be permanent, that they were enjoying each other for the moment. Still, he’d gone out of his way to make her feel welcome and special, and she appreciated that.
“Next time I’ll bring more,” she said, setting her tote on the bathroom counter. “Thank you for this. I would have been happy with a single drawer.”
“Now you can be even happier.”
They went into the kitchen. Ronan had already pulled the steaks out of the refrigerator and made the salad. There was some kind of delicious-looking potato casserole ready to put in the oven and a bottle of red wine on the island.
“How is it working with Pallas?” he asked as he poured the wine. “She seems like she has it all together.”
“She does. She has different computer applications for the various parts of the wedding that all break down into the tiniest detail. You can pull up everything from wine selections to napkin colors. There’s a whole section on who can’t sit together at the reception. Then she has a master program that pulls it all together. She runs the whole thing on an interconnected computer-tablet magical mind meld I can’t begin to understand. It’s impressive and a little scary.”
“Maybe she can help you with your baby app,” he teased. “You don’t seem to be making much progress.”
“Uh-huh. Because you want me interviewing potential sperm donors.”
“I wouldn’t mind if I could be there and ask questions, as well.”
She grinned. “I can only imagine what you would ask. Besides, I’ve let that go for now. We’re having a good time and me getting pregnant would mess up everything.”
He looked at her for a second, then grinned. “Probably a good decision.”
The evening passed quickly. They finished dinner and sat outside by the roaring fire pit before heading upstairs. After they made love, Natalie lay in the dark, enjoying the tingles and zings that were a testament to the things the man could do to her body.
This was good, she thought, listening to his steady breathing. Being with Ronan. He was so kind and affectionate. He took care of her. She loved how talented he was and that he was reconnecting with his brothers. Everything was perfect. Everything except...
She wanted more. There, she’d thought it. She wanted what everyone else had—love and hope and a future. She wanted him to fall head over heels for her and she wanted to feel the same way. She wanted to believe it could be forever—that he would always be there. She wanted to know they could have a future. Only they couldn’t. He still thought he didn’t know who he was. He would never give over his heart as long as he truly believed he might one day wake up and be Ceallach and she could never trust him not to pull his heart back from her.
If only it could be different. If they were different. She wanted so much with him. She touched her belly and wished there was no baby app, just the promise of a family in a few years. Not that she had to worry about that now. Ronan always used a condom and she was—
Natalie sat up in the dark. Ronan stirred but didn’t wake, thank goodness, because there was no way for her to act normal. Not now, maybe not ever. She wasn’t on anything. No birth control. No pill, no IUD, no whatever else there was. She was on nothing.
She hadn’t been with anyone since her broken engagement—there hadn’t been much of a reason. And since she and Ronan had started hanging out, she hadn’t once thought, Birth control. Although she should have.
She got out of bed and walked into the kitchen, where she pulled out her phone and pushed the button to bring up her calendar. When had she last had her period? Four weeks ago? Five? S-six?
Fear gripped her. Fear and terror and dread and a sinking sensation that made her a little sick to her stomach. She was late. Maybe by as much as two weeks. She was never late. Never, never, never. She clutched her phone, closed her eyes and repeated words women had been praying since the dawn of time.
“Please, God, don’t let me be pregnant.”
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
NATALIE WAS RULED by fear for three days. She knew that she could put herself out of her misery by simply taking a pregnancy test, but she didn’t want to. Seeing the answer, if it was positive, would change everything. She would rather be scared and not know than have the truth confirmed. Because if she was pregnant...
“Don’t go there,” she murmured to herself as she finished logging in several new art pieces for the gallery.
She glanced at the clock and saw it was close to noon, then grabbed her phone and texted Silver.
You around? Can I talk to you?
Silver texted ba
ck almost immediately. Sure. I’m at home. Want to come by?
Natalie replied that she would be there in five minutes, then grabbed her bag and headed for the door.
“Hi.” Silver let her in. “You okay?”
“No. We have to talk. Can we go upstairs?”
“Sure.”
Silver locked the front door and led the way up to the second-floor loft apartment. They sat at the table and chairs by the window. Silver looked more curious than concerned.
“Do you want something to drink? Water? Tea? Vodka?”
Natalie tried to smile but failed. She’d been pretty much holding it together until right this second. Suddenly she desperately missed her mother and wanted to break into tears.
“No, thanks,” she murmured as she struggled for control. “I’m sorry to barge in like this but I didn’t know what else to do. I’m a mess.”
“I can see that. What’s wrong?”
“Remember when I went up the mountain to Ronan’s house and got stuck for those several days?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Ronan and I really got to know each other. He’s great, you know. He’s a bit of a brooding artist, but less than you’d think. And he cooks. He can pull a meal together better than I can. It’s kind of—”
“Natalie, honey, get to the point. And if that point is to tell me that you and Ronan are seeing each other, the whole town already knows.”
Natalie swallowed. “It’s not that.”
“Then what is it?”
“We’ve been sleeping together and I have that stupid baby app and he knows about it and he used a condom, but I’m not on anything because there hasn’t been a guy in like forever and I didn’t think I was anywhere close to breaking my losing streak but now we are and I didn’t even think about birth control until a few nights ago and I’m afraid it might be too late because my period is late and I’m terrified I’m pregnant and that will ruin everything.”
She had more she wanted to say, but she’d run out of air and had to stop to suck in a breath.
Silver’s expression was more kind than anything else. “That’s a lot.”
“I know, right?”
“The baby app is a complication but I doubt Ronan will think you got pregnant on purpose. Finding out you’re pregnant can be a life changer. That I know for sure.” Her gaze sharpened. “Wait—your period is late, but you don’t know if you’re pregnant or not?”
“I haven’t taken the test.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t want to know.”
Silver smiled. “That’s mature. You do realize that your pregnancy exists or doesn’t exist, regardless of the results. Finding out for sure won’t change the biology of it all.”
“I know, but once I have the information, I have to deal with it. I’m not ready for that. I enjoy living in blissful ignorance.”
“I’m going to lovingly disagree. If you enjoyed it you wouldn’t be over here, freaking out.”
Natalie wanted to say she wasn’t even close to freaking out but got her friend’s point. “I’m scared. I really like Ronan and being pregnant with his baby will ruin everything. I don’t know that he’ll assume I trapped him, but he won’t be happy. How can I not be on birth control?”
“How could he not ask if you were?”
Natalie brightened. “You’re right. He should have asked. So that’s something I can throw in his face, but still. At the end of the day, I’m the one having the baby, not him.”
“How long do you plan to ignore the problem?”
“I don’t know. A few more days.” She brightened. “If I don’t get my period before Saturday, I’ll take a pregnancy test then.”
“It’s only Tuesday. That’s a long time to live in uncertainty. I’d want to know right away.”
There was something in the way she made the statement. Had Silver gone through something similar?
No, she told herself. Silver was strong and self-actualized. She would never make that kind of mistake. Silver had her own business and controlled her destiny. Natalie was the only idiot in the room.
“I can wait.”
“Then you have your answer.” Silver studied her. “You’re going to keep the baby, aren’t you?”
“If I’m pregnant? Of course. I wouldn’t give it up. I’m capable of being a single parent.”
She wasn’t exactly sure how but she had the memories of how great her mother had been with her. Surely she could learn from that excellent example. Plus, she had friends. Pallas was pregnant. They could go through it together. Only Pallas was sick all the time. Natalie really hoped that didn’t happen to her.
“Is Ronan capable of being a father?” Silver asked. “Like you said, he’s a bit of a brooding artist. Honestly, I don’t get the appeal. Give me a normal guy who enjoys sports and I’m all in.”
“You’re so lying. You don’t get serious about anyone.”
Silver chuckled. “You’re right—I don’t. So what about Ronan? You said getting pregnant would ruin everything.”
“It would. I don’t even know how I would tell him. He’s convinced he’s like a bad seed or something because of who he is.”
“Or who he’s not,” Silver added. “I know the story. His dad is a total dick. Remember how he was at the giraffe fundraiser last year? He wanted all the attention on himself. With a father like that, any guy would be concerned that he wasn’t—” She made a strangled noise in her throat. “Now you have me doing it.”
“Doing what?”
“Talking about a future that doesn’t exist.” She pointed at Natalie. “We don’t know that you’re pregnant. You might be reacting to stress, or sex. You used condoms, so it’s not like there was nothing protecting you. Chances are, you’re fine.”
“You’re so rational. It’s upsetting.”
“Would you prefer I panicked?”
“A little. I’d feel like you were more like me.”
“Fine. Let’s assume you are pregnant. If you are, what do you really want?”
Natalie didn’t have to consider the question. The answer came to her without warning. Ronan. The image was so vivid, so real, she nearly gasped. No, not him, she told herself. Wanting him in her future would mean she’d fallen for him.
She searched frantically for something else to say only to have Silver roll her eyes.
“You obviously thought of something that made you go pale. What is it?”
“Nothing. I, ah, miss my mom.”
“Really? I’m sure you do miss her, but you are so lying. It’s Ronan, isn’t it? You were wishing that it was real.”
Natalie opened her mouth, then closed it. “No. Maybe. I guess. Yes, but could it be? I’m, um...” She searched for a plausible lie because the truth was too humiliating. “Oh, I’m unlucky in love!” There—that should work.
“That’s a total crock.”
So much for it working. “It’s not. My fiancé broke up with me less than a week before the wedding and left me to tell everyone and pay for it all. It was horrible.”
“Yes, it was, and I’m sorry you had to go through that, but it doesn’t mean—”
“There’s more. My mother was a wonderful woman. Beautiful and talented and so loving. My dad died before I was born and my grandfather disappeared when my mom was still a kid.”
“So you come from a long line of women who chose badly or have had bad luck. Believe me, I totally get that. I have a bit of it in my past, but that doesn’t mean you won’t eventually fall madly in love and live happily ever after.”
“You don’t know that.”
Silver sighed. “This isn’t the movie Practical Magic. There is no curse.”
“I loved that movie. Their hair.”
“Aidan Quinn, which is not the point. You’re hiding, emotionally. From finding
someone great in general, and specifically this second from knowing if you’re pregnant. You might want to think about why that’s happening and what you’re going to do to fix it.”
Natalie knew that of all her friends, Silver was the most blunt and brutally honest. She must have wanted to hear the truth or she would have texted someone with a more gentle personality.
“I’m scared,” she admitted. “About everything.”
“I know you are. Whatever happens, you have a lot of people who care about you. You might not have biological family around but you have made your own family of the heart. Pregnant or not, we’ll be here. In a time like this, support is important.” Silver hesitated. “It just is.”
“Thank you.”
“Now go take the damn test.”
“Saturday for sure. I swear.”
“Do I look convinced?” Silver asked, sounding more than a little skeptical.
“No, but if I’m lying, you can slap me.”
“I’ll be counting the minutes. Now come on. I’ll buy you lunch. I’ll even order French fries so you can eat off my plate and pretend you didn’t have any.”
“You’re the best friend ever.”
“Tell me about it.”
* * *
RONAN WATCHED NICK pace the length of their studio. His brother had been restless all morning. Mathias hadn’t bothered to come in, so it was just the two of them. Nick had tried to work at least a half dozen times, then had given up and started walking back and forth.
“You’re making it hard to concentrate,” Ronan said mildly, turning his chair so he could watch his brother. It wasn’t as if he was all that interested in finalizing his production schedule for the commission. He was on track and that was about all he had to know.
“Sorry.” Nick kept walking. “I have a lot on my mind.”
“Pallas?”
Nick nodded. He headed for his desk, grabbed his chair and pulled it over to Ronan’s desk.
Why Not Tonight Page 17
