I felt incredibly ill when I lay down on the scratchy comforter. I couldn’t bring myself to eat. My whole body hurt and I felt utterly lost and heartbroken without Cole. I allowed myself to dissolve into tears after having held it together all day. I didn’t have the energy to get up and change my bandages, though I knew I should. I simply curled up in a ball and fell asleep.
I woke up when I sensed someone else in the room.
“If you weren’t hurt, I’d take you over my knee and smack your ass,” Cole’s deep voice growled as I jolted awake and then winced as my side rebelled against the sudden movement. “For Christ’s sake do you have any self-preservation?” he demanded with a huff.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, my voice hoarse with sleep.
“What am I doing here?” he demanded. “You cannot be believed. Jesus Christ,” he bit out. “Stand up.”
“Huh?” I asked.
“Stand up,” he ordered, reaching for my hand.
I knew this mood and knew it best not to argue. I stood up, unable to hide my wince as he came to carefully begin unbuttoning the front of my dress. He smelled so good I had to resist the urge not to lean into him and breathe him in deep.
Despite making the choice to leave I’d never been more relieved to see him. I’d had to at least try. Leaving was the only thing I could think to do but it was also the last thing that I wanted. By showing up here, Cole was effectively taking that choice from me and if I was being honest in this particular instance, I would willingly hand him that.
“You didn’t change these bandages. Baby, what the fuck were you thinking?” he said, more to himself than to me.
“I was exhausted,” I defended myself quietly while meeting his heated gaze.
He looked up at me from his kneeling position on the floor as he reached the last button. I knew exactly what that look said, that I wouldn’t be exhausted if I had stayed put.
He gently undressed me and led me to the bathroom, turning on the water for a bath. He removed my bandages as though I were made of glass, his face a mask against the emotion I saw churning in his eyes. He hadn’t seen my bare skin until now, and I knew he was fighting hard not to lose it as the extent of my ordeal revealed itself.
“Get in,” he continued to order as he held out a hand and helped me into the water.
I groaned in appreciation when I slipped into the warm water. It felt amazing against my tired and sore body.
“How did you find me?” I asked quietly.
“Wasn’t hard, which means it wouldn’t have been hard for anyone else,” he replied tersely. He was seriously pissed at me.
“You’re seriously pissed,” I spoke my thoughts out loud.
“Doesn’t even cover it,” he replied without hesitation.
I nodded, accepting that fact. I deserved it and I was too exhausted to put up much of a fight anyway.
“We’ll talk, and trust me you are going to fucking hear me, but I’m too pissed right now,” he said not meeting my gaze as he blotted at my skin with a soapy washcloth.
I simply nodded again wincing slightly at his ministrations.
He watched my face carefully every time he touched me. I knew my face looked horrible and my body worse. I was surprised I didn’t feel more self-conscious under his gaze but there was no judgment in his eyes, only concern.
When he was satisfied that I was clean, he carefully dried me off and put clean bandages on. We didn’t speak, and despite his obvious anger at me, I appreciated every hair on his head.
“Bed,” he directed.
I turned and looked up at him, bracing myself against the emotion on his face. “I….” I didn’t know how to tell him everything I felt for him. I didn’t know how to explain why I left. His beautiful face, darkened with emotion regarded me for a few silent moments.
Something in my face must have conveyed some part of what I felt because his expression softened some. “Bed, baby,” he said, softer this time.
I nodded.
I climbed in, careful to avoid my left side and watched him as he undressed and climbed in beside me. He didn’t reach out for me, but instead he lay on his back with his arm thrown behind his head. He studied the ceiling and I tried to find sleep.
When I was just about to drift off, I had the sensation of falling. It had happened to me at the hospital as well. I cried out and jerked fully awake.
“Babe?” his deep voice asked through sleep beside me.
His quiet voice through the darkness was enough to send the tears spilling over as my body shook with the effort to keep them back. “I’m so sorry,” I choked out. “I just…I don’t want anything to happen to you,” I said hoarsely as I heard him sigh in resignation and pull me carefully to his body. “I’ve lost everything, Cole. I can do it again. What I can’t do is stand by and know I’m the cause for any harm that comes to you or to your family,” I whispered.
“Baby,” he said tenderly, his large hand stroking my back trying to soothe me while turning on the light with the other.
“We’ve known each other for like a minute,” I exclaimed. “And already look what kind of shit I’ve brought down on you and on Kat,” I demanded.
“Best minute of my life,” he said quietly.
“What?” I asked confused.
“Keep up, babe,” he said as he chuckled. Clearly his mood had lightened. “I’m saying it doesn’t matter how long we’ve known each other – doesn’t even factor. But however long it’s been, it has been the best of my life so far,” he told me, kissing my head. “But this was a fucking hair brained idea, and if you pull this shit again I’ll chain you to the bed and I won’t make it fun,” he threatened.
I huffed and pulled away slightly to glare at him.
He sighed and pulled me back to him, not allowing space between us. “I get the sense that I can’t talk you out of feeling responsible. Not yet anyway. What I can try to get through your thick skull is that even if all this was your fault I’d still be right here, right now. You don’t get this, but it doesn’t matter. What matters is that any shit that may come up from your past pales in comparison to the gift of getting to be with you, baby,” he said softly. “I’d take it all a thousand times over and not bat an eye. Now clearly, it’s a different type of relationship, but I’ve known you a month and you’ve been making Kat’s life better for over eight years, so I’d imagine she feels the exact same way I do.”
I sucked in my breath at his beautiful and surprisingly tender words.
“Another thing to understand,” he said, his tone taking a harder edge, “you leave, I find you. You don’t get to run away Scarlet, not from me.”
We regarded each other in silence for a few beats. “Thick skull?” I asked with a raised brow.
“Out of everything I just said that’s what she picks up on,” he muttered to himself.
“I heard what you said,” I said quietly, meeting his brilliant blue eyes.
“Then that would mean you’ll promise me that you’re not going to pull this shit again. Not even when shit gets real with that mother fucker,” he bit out. “You don’t protect me, I protect you and I can’t do that properly if I’m chasing your ass across state lines,” he muttered.
“Gets real?” I asked with a gulp.
“You’re on a need to know basis with that,” he answered. “But you and I both know that this shit will not fucking stand.”
I nodded, resisting the urge to plead with him not to get hurt in the process. I knew he wouldn’t like that.
“Promise me,” he insisted.
I thought about it for a moment, taking in everything he’d said. “I promise,” I replied firmly.
“Well thank Christ for that favor,” he replied sarcastically, and I jabbed him in the ribs.
We were quiet for a few moments as I lay my head against his chest. “Kat was right,” I muttered begrudgingly.
“About what?”
“Said you’d find me by dinner,” I sighed in resignation.
He threw back his head and laughed out loud. “I like her, I really do.”
Then he turned serious. “Baby, what was the plan here anyway? You only have the clothes on your back.”
I lifted my head and met his gaze. “I have more than I had the last time,” I answered quietly. “And I made out okay then.”
His expression softened dramatically at my admission. “You did what almost nobody could. You made a life from nothing. But I’m in that life now and I’m not letting you slip through my fingers,” he said quietly.
“I don’t want you to,” I admitted.
He reached out for me and pulled me back down to his chest. “Sleep, babe.”
“Okay,” I murmured. “I didn’t want to leave you know,” I whispered.
He gave me a squeeze. “I know.”
Chapter Ten
Cole had us checked out and on the road before 9 am the next day. I’d never ridden in his truck before. I noticed somewhat absently that it was nice and well cared for. He was anxious to get back to “see to some shit” as he put it. I didn’t ask what that meant. His attitude toward me was the same as always and I assumed this meant that I was forgiven. Kat and I had talked briefly. She merely laughed when I’d told her somewhat meekly that I was on the way home. Clearly she hadn’t doubted Cole’s tracking abilities for a moment, or his ability to haul my ass back home.
“Can I ask you something?” he asked after we’d been on the road about an hour, coffees in hand. I had just scoffed down a giant muffin. I was starved from missing dinner the night before.
From his tone I felt immediately on guard. “Okay,” I answered somewhat wearily.
“When we were headed to the hospital, you seemed to know a lot about making up shit to tell the nurses. I was curious why that was,” he asked, his tone carefully neutral.
I sighed and looked out the window. The last thing Cole needed was more information to get him riled. Though I supposed he couldn’t really be any more pissed off.
“Babe,” he commanded when I took too long to answer.
“I’d rather just put that all behind me, Cole,” I answered him softly.
He glanced at me briefly before he reached over and flapped my visor down so I could see myself in its mirror. “That look like the past to you sweetheart?” he asked, his tone laced with restrained anger.
I sighed, resigned. “Victor and Jake didn’t like my attitude very much after my dad died,” I began, looking out the window as the dessert landscape shot past. “They needed me to get on board with their plan to take leadership, it would be smoother if I was behind them. The club wasn’t warming to the idea the way they’d hoped. But obviously I wasn’t on board, and I sure as hell wasn’t going to be bullied into it either,” I explained.
“So?” he prompted me to continue when I paused.
“So, they knocked me around a couple of times,” I said as I shrugged and sensed him stiffen in his seat. I ignored it and forged ahead. “Tried to scare me. Knocked around a few of the other girls, too but I took the brunt of it. I had a double target on my head since I wouldn’t support them and I didn’t want to be with Jake anymore. A bruised ego for a man like that is a dangerous thing.”
“Knocked you around how?” Cole asked his voice deceptively soft.
I turned to look at him, his jaw was set in a firm line but I couldn’t see his eyes since he was wearing sunglasses. “Why do you want to know about this?” I asked quietly. “You can’t change it. It’s done. And you’ve already got enough anger in you about this to last a couple of decades,” I tried to reason.
“Knocked you around how, Scarlet,” he repeated.
Nope, there would be no reasoning with him.
“Mostly it was just a lot of manhandling, pulling my hair, threatening me, shoving me around. But there were a few times when Jake or Victor were drunk and I got a split lip, broken finger, or bruised ribs out of those different instances. The last time, the worst time, was right before I split,” I told him.
“What happened the worst time?” he demanded.
“I don’t want to talk about this, Cole,” I whispered firmly, my voice growing hoarse.
He surprised me by directing the truck off the highway and turning the engine off. After a few minutes of silence he tilted his body to look at me. I looked at him with wide eyes, tears threatening to fall. It had taken me five years to finally tell Kat this story. Now Cole was demanding it after only weeks. It was a difficult prospect to consider.
He reached out his hand, cupping the back of my neck and took his sunglasses off. “Nothing you tell me would change the way I feel about you. You know that right?” he asked quietly.
Did I know that? I thought about that for a moment. We’d known each other such a short time and already so many of my past skeletons had risen up to haunt us. Cole had met each and every one with such fierce determination and not a hint of judgment. There was still part of me that believed that he was too good to be true. Perhaps it was time to finally dispel that notion.
I nodded.
“I need you to let me in, baby. And I know some of that will take more time. But I need to know what happened. You can’t keep that shit bottled up.”
I took in a shaky breath. I felt so raw and vulnerable with him staring so intently at me – waiting for me to divulge what only Kat knew. But I trusted him with those emotions, trusted him with everything.
I took in a shaky breath and forged ahead. “When knocking me around wasn’t proving to be successful, they tried to force me…” I choked out, hating to relieve the hideous ordeal. I saw Cole’s jaw clench in response as he tried to keep himself under control.
Talking about it made me feel the oppressiveness of the room at the club they’d dragged me into all over again. It had smelled like stale beer and I would never forget that Black Sabbath’s “paranoid” was playing on the stereo. I’d never be able to hear that band again without reliving that horrible day.
Cole’s grip on my shoulder got nearly painful before he forced his hand back to his lap for fear he’d hurt me by accident.
I took a deep fortifying breath and closed my eyes. For some reason that was the only way I could continue. “They kept laughing…” I whispered hoarsely. “Like my screaming and fighting was hilarious. But they were both high and drunk. That’s probably what made it possible for me to escape with only some ripped clothes and bruises,” I finished, opening my eyes but staring straight ahead. I wasn’t able to look at him just yet.
“You must have put up a damn good fight,” he replied quietly.
I nodded and looked down in my lap.
“Be back,” he said tersely and exited the truck with alarming speed. I took in a shaky breath in the overwhelming silence of the cab and allowed him his time to cool off. I could hear my breath whipping in and out through my mouth before it began to slow, and I felt my accelerated heart rate return to a more normal speed.
It didn’t take as long as I would have guessed before he was opening my door, his handsome face staring down into mine. He looked at me with such raw emotion that it nearly took my breath away as his calloused fingers stroked my face. My cheek was black and blue with some swelling, but I could tell in that moment he wasn’t seeing that. He was just seeing me. Having told him my ugliest truth and having him look at me with what could only be described as adoration, I’d never felt more free.
“Thank you for telling me,” his deep voice finally said, and I knew what effort it cost him to hold it together.
“Do I have enough baggage for you yet?” I asked shakily as I laughed, wanting desperately to lighten the heavy atmosphere. Clearly Cole was in no mood for light.
He regarded me seriously and put his forehead to mine. “You have battle scars. There’s a difference,” he said quietly.
I wanted so badly to tell him that I loved him, but I didn’t want the moment tainted by what I’d just told him. So I held it in and kissed his beautiful mouth instead, then I reached
my arms around his neck, pulling him close.
“Thank you,” I whispered quietly in his ear.
He simply squeezed me back as a reply. We stayed that way for many long moments before he pulled away to restart our journey home.
“Where are we going?” I asked in confusion when he didn’t take my exit once we’d arrived back in town.
“My place,” he answered as though it were obvious.
“But I need to go home,” I protested. “I need to do laundry and I don’t have anything with me.”
“You’re not going home until this shit is sorted,” he replied tersely.
“What?” I demanded.
“You’re at my place until further notice,” he added.
“Cole,” I said, my tone bordering on hysteria. “I get that our relationship is far from ordinary, intensity-wise especially.”
He chuckled.
“But I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to essentially move in after a few weeks of dating,” I argued.
“Is that what this is? Dating?” he asked, the humor gone from his tone.
“What else would you call it?” I asked defensively.
“You’re just gonna have to suck it up darlin’,” he said without answering my question. “Your options are the clubhouse or my house. Which will it be?” he asked.
I blew out a sigh. “Your place I guess,” I muttered.
“I’ll try not to make it too painful for you,” he said dryly, and I realized with a shock that I might have hurt his feelings.
“It’s not that I don’t want to be with you, honey,” I said quietly. “I’m just used to being alone – I’ve done nothing but build walls up for eight years. It feels really foreign to have them all coming down around me,” I explained.
That seemed to make him feel better.
“Get used to it,” he replied with a wry smile.
Right. That was easier said than done.
“I’ll have one of the boys bring your things later on,” he said as we pulled up to the curb.
Cole (The Ride Series) Page 11
