by Deb Kastner
Jess would wake up. She had to. And when she did, he would be there.
Chapter Sixteen
Jessica’s nose itched.
Without opening her eyes, she reached up to scratch it, but her hand felt unusually heavy, too weighty to lift. There was something lying across her cheekbones, plastic tubing of some kind, she thought drowsily.
How long had she been sleeping?
The air streaming from the tubing was what was making Jessica’s nose itch so bad, she realized. She now recognized it must be oxygen tubing draped around her ears, but she couldn’t immediately remember where she was or why she needed oxygen.
She tried her left hand and made contact with her nose, but the movement caused the back of her hand to prick with a sharp, needlelike sensation, and her whole body ached as if she had been on the losing end of a fistfight.
Groaning inwardly, she tried to open her eyes.
Where was she?
Light was streaming in through the half-open blinds on the window, and it took a moment for her eyesight to adjust to the brightness. She didn’t recognize the room at all, though she now realized the stinging sensation on her left hand was from an IV drip, and her right hand was tightly bandaged.
And she hurt, worse than she ever thought possible. It wasn’t localized pain, but more of a radiating muscle ache, everywhere at once.
Panic edged through her as her whereabouts finally struck home. It all came rushing back to her—the fire at the day care. The sting of the black, billowing smoke filling her lungs.
The children. Gracie.
She caught her breath, remembering Nate passing the baby through the window he had smashed out with his elbow, into the arms of the firefighters hovering on the other side.
Gracie was safe. Wasn’t she?
What had happened then? The last thing she remembered was hearing the beam above her head hiss and crack, just before it crashed down on her.
She was in a hospital.
She was in pain.
But, she recognized suddenly as her head drifted to the right, she wasn’t alone.
There was a reason she hadn’t been able to move her right arm up to her face, and it wasn’t just that her hand was bandaged.
Nate was here.
He was asleep, slumped in a very uncomfortable-looking chair which he had pulled by her bedside. His head rested at an awkward angle on one of his palms. His other hand gently covered her right shoulder.
Though her muscles ached with the effort, she drew herself carefully to her side. Nate didn’t budge. She didn’t know how long he’d been sleeping that way, but there was no way he could be comfortable. He must be truly exhausted to be sleeping so soundly in such an awkward position.
Easing her left hand over her body, she reached out and ran her fingers down Nate’s stubbly jaw. His chiseled features were boyish and relaxed in sleep, and his hair had grown out enough that it was adorably disheveled and sticking at various angles from his scalp like a ruffled porcupine.
She loved this man. So much so that her heart ached worse than her bruised body.
The thought came so quickly she couldn’t have quelled it if she tried—and she didn’t even want to try. There was no way to deny the way her heart sang when she was around Nate.
She hadn’t been looking for love, but Nate and Gracie had found her anyway. The moment the gruff marine had walked into the doorway of Morningway Lodge toting his sweet baby girl, her life had changed irrevocably.
And, she thought, smiling softly, definitely for the better.
She had been so paralyzed by her past that she couldn’t see the good gifts God had given her right under her nose. How could she ever have denied the feelings that were now so prominent in her heart?
Nate gave a cute little snort and jerked awake, his eyes wide as they focused down on her.
“You’re awake,” he breathed, his voice laced with relief and thankfulness. “Thank God. Jess, you had me so scared.”
Jessica tried to nod, but the small movement sent ripples of pain throbbing through her head and all the way down to her toes. Groaning from deep within her chest, she rolled onto her back.
“Don’t try to move, sweetheart. You’ve been through the ringer. How are you feeling?”
“Gracie?” she croaked through parched lips, ignoring Nate’s fervent question about her own health.
Nate smiled and gently brushed her hair off her forehead with his palm. “Gracie is fine, honey. Thanks to you.”
She breathed a sigh of relief. “And the rest of the children?”
“Also fine,” he confirmed. “Everyone got out of the building safely. In fact, no one else besides you and Gracie had to be hospitalized.”
“Hospitalized?” Jessica repeated, horror returning with reinforcements. “I thought you said Gracie was okay?”
Before Nate could answer her harried question, a nurse entered the room.
“I’m glad to see you’re awake,” the nurse said, hovering over Jessica and wrapping a blood pressure cuff around the upper part of her right arm. She tossed a sideways glance at Nate. “I’ll have to ask you to leave now while the doctor checks her out.”
“Yes, of course,” Nate answered, scooting out of his chair and kissing Jessica on the brow. “I’ll be back soon, sweetheart.”
“But—” Jessica started, and was interrupted by Nate shaking his head.
“You take it easy.” He exited the room with such swiftness that Jessica could not even finish her statement before he was gone.
“And how are we feeling this morning?” the nurse asked compassionately as she jotted the numbers from the blood pressure monitor onto a clipboard.
Jessica licked her dry lips before answering. Her throat was raw and burning.
“Sore,” she murmured, punctuated by a low groan as muscles she didn’t know she had clenched and released, spasming painfully.
The nurse smiled and patted her arm. “I know, dear. You must feel like you’ve been trampled by a herd of wild elephants.”
Jessica twisted her lips. “Uh-huh. Something like that.”
“You just relax, dear. I can give you something for the pain. You’re just lucky to be in one piece. Not a single broken bone, and no serious burns, despite being hit with that beam, except for your hand, but that should heal nicely.”
The nurse hovered over Jessica again, this time thrusting a thermometer under her tongue. “You’ve suffered from a bit of smoke inhalation, and probably a bad concussion, but the paramedics on the scene had you quickly stabilized. Now that you are awake and alert, I think you will mend up just fine.”
Jessica groaned again. She didn’t feel fine. Not without Nate at her side.
The nurse just smiled in encouragement. “I know you feel pretty banged up, but believe me, it could have been a lot worse. The way I hear it, that young man who just left saved your life.”
“Nate?” Jessica struggled to remember what had happened after the beam fell on her, but came up blank. The last thing she remembered was looking into Nate’s panicked eyes and thinking that was the last thing she was ever going to see.
She had reached for him, and then…
Nothing.
“Do you know what happened?” she asked, her heart fluttering with more than curiosity. Had Nate risked his own life for hers?
“Well, I don’t know all the details,” the nurse chatted conversationally, waving her arms as she spoke. “What I heard was that your young man ignored the direction of the firefighters and wouldn’t leave the building until you were safe. He pulled the beam off you single-handedly, I believe they said.”
“Oh, my,” Jessica breathed. “And he wasn’t hurt?”
The nurse shook her head. “Not so far as I know. A real hero, that one is.”
“Yes, he is,” Jessica agreed around the lump growing in her throat. It wasn’t smoke inhalation making her throat burn now.
The nurse continued to speak as she administered pain medication th
rough Jessica’s IV, but the medicine made her instantly groggy and she found it hard to follow the nurse’s random, yet comforting chatter. She was only half aware of the doctor checking her over, and cringed only slightly when he shined a penlight directly into her eyes.
“Your pupils are reacting normally,” the doctor briskly informed her.
She stared up at him, waiting for him to explain what that meant, and wondering when Nate would come back and see her again.
“That is very good news for you,” the doctor continued. “I think the worst of your injuries are the burn on your hand, some bumps and bruises, and minor smoke inhalation. Your condition is no longer critical, so we’ll be moving you down to the third floor. I’m going to keep you here one more night just to be certain, but if all goes well, we can release you tomorrow morning. I’ll write you a prescription for some painkillers to take along with you.”
Painkillers were the last thing on Jessica’s mind. Her head was foggy from this latest round of meds, and now more than ever she wanted to be thinking clearly, not be in a medicated daze.
How was she going to tell Nate what was in her heart if she couldn’t even form the words in her head?
She half dozed as the orderlies moved her from one room to another, but she was instantly alert when Nate came into the room.
“Are you up for some company?”
Jessica smiled until her face hurt when Nate entered the room carrying Gracie in his arms. When the baby saw Jessica, she giggled and flapped her arms.
“Take it easy, baby girl,” Nate said with a laugh. “Jess can’t hold you right now. She has enough bruises for one day, thank you very much.”
Jessica’s arms ached to hold Gracie and smell her sweet baby smell, but she knew Nate was right. She wasn’t strong enough right now to keep a wiggly baby safe in her arms, no matter how much her heart wanted Gracie near.
“She’s sure happy to see you,” Nate commented, chuckling again. “As well she should be, since you saved her life.”
Jessica knew her cheeks were stained with color from the wave of sudden shyness that overtook her. She didn’t know how to handle Nate’s compliments, and it unsettled her more than she cared to admit.
Nate moved to the edge of the bed and carefully propped himself on his hip, allowing Jessica to be near Gracie without having to strain herself to hold the baby.
“I admire you so much,” he said, his voice low and rough and his gold-flecked green eyes glowing. “You didn’t just save Gracie’s life, Jess. You saved all those other little kids, too. If it weren’t for you dashing head-first into that burning building, who knows how things would have turned out.”
His gaze narrowed on her. “Although, to be honest, at the moment, I wanted to throttle you for risking your own life that way.”
Jessica reached for Nate’s hand and squeezed it with all her remaining strength. “The way I hear it, you’re the hero.”
Nate immediately shook his head in denial, but Jessica pushed her point.
“Deny it all you want, Mr. Tough Guy Marine,” she said, and chuckled. “I’m still going to say it. Thank you for saving my life.”
He shook his head once again. “It was nothing. Really. I’m just glad you’re okay. What did the doctor say?” he continued in an obvious diversion tactic, meant to take the heat off him.
“The doctor says I’ll probably be able to go home tomorrow,” she informed him. “And I can’t wait to get back home. I hate hospitals.”
“Me, too,” Nate agreed. “But are you sure you’ll be ready to go back home by tomorrow? How are you going to take care of yourself?”
Jessica barked out a laugh at Nate’s obvious distress. “The way I always have. I’ve suffered more than a few bruises in my lifetime.”
Nate brushed her cheek with his palm and stared deep into her eyes.
“More than your share,” he whispered, his ragged voice frayed at the ends.
She shook her head, ignoring the throbbing pain. “I have no cause to complain.”
“Oh, Jess,” he murmured, leaning closer. “I don’t know how I would have handled it if you had been seriously injured.”
Her heart hammered in her head, replacing the throbbing headache with a new sensation. She tried to swallow, but her throat was too dry and scratchy. She hesitated with the question poised on the tip of her tongue, but at length she could stand it no longer.
“Why?” she inquired softly, half afraid to hear the answer but needing to know just the same.
Nate’s gaze swept away from her and focused somewhere out the window, which was telling in itself. There was nothing to view except the stark windows and brick exterior of another wing of Our Lady of Mercy Hospital. He bit his bottom lip reflectively.
Jessica immediately regretted asking the question, and would have wished it away if she could have. She had obviously embarrassed him by putting him on the spot. She should have known he didn’t necessarily reciprocate the depth of what she felt for him. She certainly shouldn’t have pushed him. She had no right.
Nate was enough of a gentleman not to want to hurt her when she was down, and he clearly didn’t know how to answer her abrupt question. How had she not realized what she was doing to him? The medicine must have addled her brain more than she had realized.
Heat flooded to her face as she searched for something to say that would effectively take Nate off the grandstand she’d placed him on. She would say anything if it would return the smile to his face.
After a long moment of silence, Nate’s gaze returned to hers. His eyes appeared shiny and glassy, and he shrugged as if apologizing for taking his time.
She shook her head, trying to figure out a way to apologize for putting him on the spot.
“I don’t know if now is the right time,” he began, then cleared his throat over his rough voice. “But I have to speak.”
Jessica held her breath, waiting for him to continue, expecting he would try to let her down easy, given the circumstances.
“I cannot imagine where Gracie and I would be without you,” he said, his voice still filled with gravel. “If you hadn’t shown up in our lives when you did, who knows whether or not I could have coped with becoming a new father.”
“You would have done fine,” she assured him, her throat so dry she could barely speak. Tears pricked at the backs of her eyes. “You love Gracie. You would have found a way.”
“I’m not so sure about that,” he replied, shaking his head. “Either way, though, it would have been a lot rougher a ride for me without your encouragement.”
“I’m glad I could help,” she said, and she knew it was true. Whatever Nate was trying to get at, and even if her heart was about to be broken once again, she could never regret the time she had spent with Nate and Gracie. She would treasure those memories forever.
His gaze captured hers. “I guess you already know I’m in love with you.”
Her sudden intake of breath was audible to both of them, and her hands were trembling.
“I’m sorry,” he apologized immediately. “I knew I should have waited until later to say something, until you’ve had more time to recuperate. I’m an insensitive oaf.”
“You,” Jessica argued softly, “are the kindest, most patient, most wonderful man in the whole world.”
Hope flamed from his eyes as he reached for her hand and held it gently. He didn’t speak for a moment as he stared down at their interlocked fingers.
“When you ran into the blaze to save the children, I thought my world might end. I didn’t know what I would do if I lost you.”
“But you didn’t.”
“No. And to my great surprise, I was never alone, not even when I didn’t know if you and Gracie were going to be okay.”
His gaze beamed even brighter. What was he trying to tell her?
“God was there,” he said simply.
She squeezed his hand, joy flooding through her at his admission. “I’m glad.”
“Me, t
oo,” he agreed. “More than you know.”
He paused, pursing his lips as he considered his next words.
“Jess?” he asked softly.
“Yes?” Her heart was roaring in her ears so loudly that she wasn’t certain she’d be able to hear him when he spoke.
“I know you’ve been through a lot, both in your past, and now with the fire. You’ve suffered pain and loss that I’ve only had a glimpse of, but somehow I think that is part of what makes you the strong, vibrant woman I see before me now.”
“Oh, Nate,” she breathed.
“You’re the kind of woman I never even dared to dream about,” he continued. “I never expected to find the love of my life, especially not coming home to Morningway Lodge, which always held bad memories for me.
“But I did. I found you. I love you. And I want to make you happy.”
“You do,” she assured him.
He leaned in closer, so that his face was only inches from hers. Baby Gracie was still cuddled into his chest, but she didn’t add distance between them; rather, she seemed to complete the little circle of their love. “Will you be my wife?”
She couldn’t speak, and stared at him wide-eyed and trembling.
“I know that’s asking a lot from you. I come with strings attached. Marrying me means becoming Gracie’s mother. But I know Gracie loves you as much as I do. Please say you’ll make our family complete. Can you see us as part of your future?”
Jessica brushed her palm across Nate’s cheek. Even with her commitment phobia, she could not deny the love in his eyes, nor the answering beat of her own heart.
“You and Gracie are my future,” she whispered raggedly. “And I can’t imagine anything that would give me greater joy than to be your wife and Gracie’s mama.”
“Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma,” Gracie squealed, patting Jessica and Nate on the head simultaneously.
They both laughed. Ignoring her body aches, the IV drip and her bandaged hand, she wrapped her arms around Nate and the baby and tipped her chin up to receive Nate’s gentle, bargain-sealing kiss.
God was good, all the time. He had known the desire of Jessica’s heart before she even knew herself, and had blessed her with a hope and a future that she never would have imagined.
