Dare to Love

by Alleigh Burrows

  Should he claim too much to drink? He scoffed. Surely not. That would be too lowering.

  He could get rough with her and scare her from the room. No. That sort of behavior was not allowed in Madam Amore’s. And frankly, the thought made him ill.

  Then it occurred to him. I need no excuse. I am Lord Landis. I don’t have to explain myself to this woman. With that, he rolled off the bed, threw down some banknotes and strode from the room without a word.

  As he burst through the door, he took a deep breath. What the hell is happening to me?

  Chapter 33

  Dare slowly raised his gaze to find Joseph standing over him, smiling.

  “You look like hell”

  “Thank you. You may go.”

  Naturally, Joseph sat down. The man’s gold waistcoat and green breeches were far too much color for his pounding head, and he groaned.

  Dare had come to White’s this afternoon to regain his equilibrium. He needed to be around normal things, manly things, to stop that infernal woman from burrowing into his thoughts. She was like a splinter that had slid under his skin, starting to fester and throb.

  Of course, most of the conversation at the club centered around horses, horse racing, and women. The horseracing reminded him of his fight with William, which pained him. All the rest reminded him of William’s blasted sister.

  What was she doing now? Scheming a plan to ensnare him into a “next time?” Or plotting revenge over his sudden departure, eagerly disclosing his secrets to any and all who would listen? Fully irritated, he had retired to a table, alone, to nurse a bottle of brandy.

  Or he had been alone, until now. Joseph leaned back in his chair, folded his hands on his stomach, and smirked. “Still upset about your fight with William?”

  “Sod off. The man’s an idiot. At some point he will realize that and apologize.”

  “You accuse his wife of cuckolding him and think he’s the one who will apologize? That’s rich.”

  “Women cannot be trusted. He should know that.”

  “Women must be watched closely, that is true. But once you find the right one, they are both trustworthy and wonderful.”

  “Even the right ones can’t be trusted,” Dare mumbled, disgusted by the thought. Then, realizing what he’d said, he stiffened. He must be drunker than he’d imagined. It wasn’t as though Nivea was the right one. God’s blood, if Joseph had heard him, no doubt he would misinterpret that slip of the tongue. Warily, he raised his eyes and groaned.

  Oh, no.

  Joseph was staring at him. He watched as the jacksnape inched forward in his chair with a slow, spine-chilling smile creeping up his face. Dare returned his attention to his drink, determined to ignore whatever rubbish was forthcoming. It didn’t take long.

  “The right one, eh?” Joseph drawled. “Well, well, that explains an awful lot.”

  “What explains an awful lot?” Dare sneered.

  “You, the infamous rake, Adair Landis, have met your match. You have fallen ass over teakettle for a woman.”

  Dare snapped his head up and glared at him. “What bloody nonsense are you spouting?”

  “You. Classic symptoms. Miserable, drunk, fighting with friends, condemning all of womankind, and losing all sense whatsoever. I heard you wagered your ring in a card game, almost losing to Barley of all people. Good God, man, you never lose, especially to that wastrel.”

  Dare waved his jewel-encrusted finger in front of Joseph’s nose. “That is true. And as you can see, I won both the hand and the pot.”

  “Yes, but it was apparent to all that your concentration was abysmal. I heard they were circling you like sharks. Graves tried to drag you out, but you insisted on remaining. In fact, he said you’ve been acting queer all week.”

  Dare shook his head, but Joseph was just warming up on the subject.

  “It’s so obvious now. You have lost your heart, and either can’t win the woman—highly unlikely, I know—” he added, airily, “or she has demanded more than you think you can give. You want to forget her, move on, prove that she’s wrong. But you can’t because there’s no hiding from the truth. You are in love.”

  Dare looked at him as though he’d lost his mind. Love? Preposterous! He was distracted, maybe. Unsettled. And oddly fixated on a woman he had no business thinking about. But love?

  Joseph was an idiot. Of course, that didn’t stop him from prattling on.

  “Lord Landis in love. Remarkable really. I never would have believed it. Now, who could it be? Who could bring down a confirmed rake such as yourself?” He tapped his fingers to his lips. “Was it a delicate debutante who caught your eye? Most likely, no. Maybe a mature woman, a wealthy widow perhaps, who has no need of a husband. That would be quite rich. After years of shunning marriage, to be attracted to a woman who turns the tables on you.”

  As no answer was forthcoming, Joseph narrowed his eyes at his friend. “Come now, man, who is it?”

  “You’re ridiculous,” Dare growled.

  Joseph shrugged. “Come up with a better conclusion, then. What else would explain your behavior, you morose dragon.”

  “Morose drag—?” Dare banged his fist on the table. “Who do you think—?” Before he was able to sputter out a suitable retort, Lazby sauntered up to their table.

  “Good evening, gentlemen. We are getting up a game of vingt-et-un in the front room. Would you like to join us?”

  “Laz, that sounds like a fine idea.” Joseph rose languidly from his chair and flashed a mocking grin at Dare. “Will you join us, Landis?”

  Dare just gave him a sneer.

  Joseph laughed, “Well then, I’ll let you stew awhile. When you are ready to admit the truth, come to me. Perhaps I can help. We men must stick together. Women are baffling…but they are definitely worth the effort.” He strutted off with a wave.

  Idiot.

  Pompous fool.

  Overdressed jacksnape.

  Each time Dare thought about Joseph’s proclamation, he devised another insult.

  He wasn’t out of sorts because of a woman. The idea was laughable.

  He was simply irritated by life. His life.

  No, that couldn’t be right. He loved his life—the parties, the women, his horses, his freedom. He had no obligations other than the ones he wanted to have. It was just as he liked it.

  Although, he couldn’t explain the unexpected sensation of dissatisfaction he’d been feeling since he’d returned to London. Or even during the Horsham’s visit. The only time he’d truly enjoyed himself was…with Nivea.

  No. That could not be.

  The ride to Vincent Hall had been pleasant, but not because of her. His rendezvous with Elizabeth Wilshire had been…no, actually, he found that rather unsettling. The boat ride on the lake had been relaxing, when he and Nivea… No, stop that. How about the day he went riding in the woods with… Damn, it had all involved that infernal woman.

  He contemplated long and hard about the time he’d spent with her.

  She was a surprisingly passionate woman, and he enjoyed that aspect. But there was more to it. There was more to her. He felt comfortable around her. Safe and normal and comfortable. And now, for some inexplicable reason, uncomfortable everywhere else.

  What did that mean?

  Certainly not love. After all, the damned woman had ripped open long-healed wounds and shoved unwanted memories back into his consciousness. He just wanted to forget them. And forget her.

  Love was a silly fairy tale. Joseph was just a damned fool who fancied himself in love and imagined everyone else was too.

  Gulping down the last of his brandy, Dare banged his glass on the table and stormed out of the club in disgust.

  Chapter 34

  Nivea did her best to entertain herself in the country, shopping with friends, taking long walks, and improving her riding skills. All the while hoping Dare would reappear. Day after day, she would watch the horizon, praying he would race up the road, spot her in the doorway, and sweep h
er into his arms.

  He did not.

  She kept replaying that final night in her head, watching him from across the dance floor, flitting from woman to woman, all the while avoiding her. He must have been terrified. Never before had he opened himself up to anyone. He’d confessed his secrets to her and even let her touch his scars.

  He had started to trust her, which must have been highly unsettling. It was unsurprising that, in light of such unusual feelings, he would run. No doubt he expected her to betray him as well. She could forgive him for his lack of faith. How could he feel otherwise with his family’s history? Still, she assumed after he spent some time away, he would acknowledge his mistake and, realizing they were meant to be together, come back to her.

  Perhaps he was so embarrassed by the things he’d said to her, he couldn’t bring himself to return. He had been quite horrid. But as deep as her love was for him, Nivea would forgive him without question. If only he’d come back.

  It was difficult to wait at Vincent Hall with so many memories taunting her at every turn. Joining friends for a picnic near the lake brought a blush to her cheeks, as she pictured their first liaison in the hunter’s cabin. Just the thought of him touching her made her flush with desire.

  Spotting forget-me-nots in the garden reminded of the little bouquet he’d given her, now pressed inside a book of poems.

  Riding in the woods was the most difficult. That was where he had confessed that he couldn’t keep away from her. Adair Landis found her irresistible. Or so he had said. Now she wasn’t so sure.

  When she couldn’t bear his absence any longer, she would go into his room, lie on his bed and remember—his touch, his lips, his scent. The way he looked when he confessed to intervening on behalf of the Dugan boys and providing them the protection he never had. That was the moment when he transformed from an arrogant rake to the kind, caring man she knew he could be.

  But she had gotten too close.

  He opened up to her, and it was scary and difficult and he ran.

  At least she hoped that was the problem. The alternative was far too painful.

  What if he had simply used her for his own pleasure, grown bored, and returned to his rakish lifestyle? After all, she was just…Nivea. And he was the irresistible, untamable Lord Landis. Maybe, he had just moved on.

  When those thoughts would emerge, she would lay her head on the pillow where they had spent that final, magical night together, and let the tears flow.

  By the end of the third week, the last of the wedding guests headed home and she returned to London with her father and stepmother.

  She now realized just how big a fool she’d been. For years, her entire existence had revolved around trying to attract the attention of a man who was miles out of her reach. That had been painful enough. But it didn’t begin to equal the heartbreak of experiencing his love, and then losing him. That was a hundred times worse.

  As the days passed, sadness had given way to anger, directed more at herself than at him. She knew exactly what he was, how he was. She was just a passing phase, no better than all his other women.

  Why did she think she would be any different? Just because she had spent her entire adult life loving him, did not mean he would love her back. No doubt, every woman he met felt she was special. That was part of his charm.

  The question was, could she give up on him? Was she ready to accept reality? She wanted a husband, and now she had to accept that Dare would never be that person.

  Yet she missed him. Desperately.

  She had to see him, one last time, to convince herself it was over. That was the only way she could move on.

  Determined not to embarrass herself, she had come up with a plan. When she next saw him, she would not risk her pride by groveling. She would not appear sad, but rather filled with joie de vivre. Let him see what a wonderful, charming woman he had let slip away. And if he didn’t fall at her feet and beg her forgiveness, she would move on.

  With that in mind, she accepted every invitation in town. She rode through Hyde Park, went to the theatre, and attended every musicale.

  Yet there was no sign of Dare.

  He never called, never attended the same events, and never apologized. All the while, she waited in vain for him to appear.

  Then, one day, he did.

  Chapter 35

  Rifling through his invitations, Dare drew a weary hand through his hair. Motram’s Ball—full of debutants and watery lemonade? No.

  Glouster’s musicale? Certainly not.

  Lazby’s country house? While the company might be entertaining, the pup was undisciplined and irritating, so no.

  No.

  No.

  And no.

  Ever since talking to Joseph, he had been unable to shake the uncomfortable feeling that something was wrong. Determined to prove he was fine, he’d thrown himself into his regular routine with a vengeance, seeking out his most salacious friends and immersing himself in the most hedonistic pursuits.

  All to no avail.

  He was bored. And lonely.

  He missed the Horshams. Since his abrupt departure from Vincent Hall, he had not seen nor talked to William. Although the man could be dreadfully dull at times, they had been best friends for over a decade. And the Horshams had been the closest thing to a family that Dare had. But now it was over. He had ruined it.

  The worst part was there was no one he could talk to about it. Joseph would mock him and call him a fool. The only other person he’d ever talked to about his feelings was Nivea, and now she was part of the problem.

  That was why he found himself sitting in his study, alone and miserable.

  Throwing down the invitations in disgust, he stormed toward the front hall. “George! Bring me my coat,” he roared. “And have Spartacus saddled up. I’m going to White’s.”

  He should be able to find someone at White’s whose company was worth keeping. Play a game of cards perhaps, or just sit in a quiet corner and drink.

  Caroline had returned from her honeymoon and Nivea was eager to show off her new skills as a horsewoman. She’d suggested they go for a ride in the park.

  Amelia had been so excited her stepdaughter was now riding, she’d insisted on purchasing several outfits. Today, Nivea donned her favorite habit, green with silver buttons, and white lace at her bodice and cuffs. Her jacket was fitted just under her bodice, emphasizing a waistline she hadn’t had in years. And to top it off, she had a matching hat with a peacock feather tucked into the brim.

  The combination of exercise and lovesick depression had definitely impacted her figure for the better, and Caroline was quite surprised at the transformation. “Nivvy, you look wonderful!”

  “Thank you. You look wonderful, too. I take it marriage agrees with you?”

  “Oh yes. Nicholas is such a dear. He took me to see his family’s home in Coelburn. It is a quaint town, surrounded by beautiful rolling hills and the most amazing waterfall nearby. I almost hated to leave.”

  “Well, I’m glad you’re back. We all missed you.”

  “I missed you too. I’m looking forward to spending time with the family again.”

  “We may have a chance to see Betsy today. She brings Anthony to the lake most mornings. She said he likes the ducks.”

  Caroline laughed. “He’s still a baby, isn’t he? Does he even know what ducks are?”

  “I admit it sounds a bit funny to me, too. Why don’t we race over and see. I’ll lead the way.” Nivea tapped her horse’s flank to spur her into a trot.

  Caroline let out a cry and urged her horse to catch up. “I can’t believe how comfortable you are on a horse. It’s marvelous to see. Who would have thought—my sister trotting through the park!”

  They were giggling to each other when Nivea felt her heart catch. A tall figure was heading toward them. Judging by his elegant posture, astride an equally elegant horse, there could be no doubt who it was.

  Dare.

  Nivea scrambled to control he
r emotions. This meeting was so unexpected, she couldn’t remember how she had decided to behave. While she’d hoped to be calm and collected, her heart was pounding so hard, she could scarcely breathe. What a disaster. He was so unbearably handsome, and she was all windblown and disheveled.

  It didn’t take long before Caroline spotted him too and groaned. “Ugh, there’s Lord Landis. Arrogant sot. I have no interest in being pleasant to him. You don’t mind if we just nod and go on our way, do you Niv?”

  Gathering her self control, Nivea smiled. “That would be fine. I think my infatuation with him has finally run its course.”

  “I’m glad. You were always too good for him, you know.”

  Nivea laughed at her sister’s ridiculous favoritism, but it didn’t stop her stomach from doing somersaults.

  Dare had spotted Nivea bouncing along on her horse with her sister by her side. The women’s faces were wreathed in smiles as they chattered away.

  He took in her attractive riding habit and the soft glow of her cheeks. My God, she looks…beautiful. The sudden tightening in his chest was unexpected. He hadn’t realized just how much he had missed her. It was like seeing the sun peek through the clouds after a long, dreary winter.

  When he heard her laugh, it sent a shiver of desire straight to his groin. He shifted uncomfortably in his saddle. Was it possible that this is what had been missing from his life? No. That was preposterous.

  And yet…

  The women approached.

  “Good day, Lord Landis.” Caroline was the first to acknowledge him in a clipped tone.

  He nodded his head in her direction. Hearing no greeting from her companion, he turned his attention to Nivea. The happy countenance he had witnessed moments ago had vanished.

  “Good afternoon, Lord Landis,” she murmured. He was dismayed to see a flash of pain in her soft blue eyes before she lowered her lashes, her gaze centered on her hands.

  It was then that he remembered their last meeting. He’d charged into the house and called her…my God, he’d called her a whore! He had forgotten until just this minute just how cruel he had been. He’d taken her virtue, accused her of betrayal, and then left. My God, what a bastard he was.