by Deena Patel
“Oh, please don’t hide them away upstairs. I want to spend time with Leo and Simon.”
I smiled at her and patted her hand. At least someone wanted us around. “I’ll bring them down as soon as we’re cleaned up.”
She nodded and led us through two hallways and up a flight of stairs. Isabella paused outside a pair of double doors. “This suite has enough space for all of you, and the nursery is next door with another bedroom for the nanny.”
“Are you sure, Tia?” Thomas asked. “We can take the one down the hall.”
She frowned at him. “This is your ranch and vineyard, no matter what Papi thinks. You will have the room that rightfully belongs to you and your family. Do I make myself clear?”
Thomas nodded and opened the door. We stepped in, and I gasped. “Wow. I feel like I stepped into the Victorian era.”
“It is. This was my parents’ room. My mom was an architect and restored the house.”
“It’s beautiful here.”
A knock sounded on the door, and Thomas went to answer it. He brought over the boys’ day bag and set it on the bed. “Tia Isa sent it up. She said Stacey put two bottles in there for them.”
“Okay. Here we go. Time for Bath Time for Twins 101.”
For the next thirty minutes, Thomas and I bathed, lotioned, and dressed the boys. I couldn’t help but laugh at the stress on his face at the constant movement of the twins.
“Are they always this active?”
“Yep. Well,” I thought aloud, “today they’re a bit extreme. They do this whenever we have a long flight. You should have seen Simon and Leo when we returned from Italy. Spazzy was an understatement.”
I pulled out the milk, and the boys started screaming within seconds of seeing their bottles.
I laid Simon on the bed. “Put Leo next to him. They settle down faster if they’re next to each other.”
Thomas complied, and I fed the babies their evening meal. I held a bottle in each hand while they kicked and played with my fingers.
“How do you do this all the time? They seem to want the same thing at the same time.”
I smiled and looked over at him. “I’m used to it. I wanted to give them what my mom gave Max and me when we were babies.” I glanced at the ring on my left hand. “I don’t have a single memory of her that doesn’t make me happy.”
“We’re lucky that we had loving mothers, even if it was for a short time.”
“Yes, we are. I used to wish every day for an extended family around. It was so lonely growing up. Somehow or other, Dad alienated us from everyone.”
I grew quiet, swallowing the lump forming in my throat. What would my life have been like if Dad had been the father he was before Mom’s accident? Would he have chosen the same path?
“I’m so sorry, Carm. For everything. I’m not going to let anything happen to you or our babies.” Thomas sat down behind me on the bed and rubbed my shoulders, while Leo and Simon continued to drink.
I closed my eyes and let the warmth of his hands sink in.
Before I lingered too long on the past, the boys finished their dinner, spitting out their bottles, burping simultaneously, and then turning to each other to play.
I smiled. “Such gentlemen.”
“I mean it.”
I glanced over my shoulder, surprised by his somber tone.
“If I’d been there for you from the beginning, you would have confided in me when all your issues with Christof started.”
The regret in his eyes tore at my heart. I couldn’t hold on to the hurt anymore. He’d stood up for me downstairs with an immeasurable cost to his relationship with the man who’d raised him.
I grabbed one of his hands from my shoulders and brought it around to thread his fingers with mine. “We’re both at fault in this. I shouldn’t have kept them from you. I was so hurt.” I shook my head. “I couldn’t see past it, and you were trying to do your family duty.”
“I want you to trust me again.” He kissed my neck and drew me back into his arms.
My skin prickled, and I whispered, “I want that, too.”
He deserved to understand my hesitation. “I’ve never been as vulnerable as I’ve been with you. You made me feel emotions I don’t even want to acknowledge. You still do, and it scares me.”
Then I remembered something one of the Dommes I trained with had told me. “A Domme can find strength in vulnerability with the right submissive. He will love her unconditionally, giving her the freedom to be herself without consequences.” She then laughed. “I can’t wait to see the man you commit to. Your submissive will have balls of steel.”
Except Thomas was no submissive. He was all Dom. I knew, without a doubt, he was the one topping me.
Shit, was I lying to myself about who I was?
“It’s the same for me. Until I met you, I’d never considered letting any woman do the things I’ve done with you. We fit, Carm. I believe it. Now you have to believe it. I meant what I said. I’m not going anywhere. I’m here for the long haul.”
At that moment, Simon decided to flip onto his stomach, nearly falling off the bed before Thomas’s fast reflexes caught him.
“Why don’t you get freshened up before we head down to dinner? In spite of Diego’s attitude, Tia Isa is excited you’re here and has made a welcome feast.”
I nodded, slipping off the bed and walking into the bathroom. I touched up my makeup and distracted myself enough feel strengthened against any more emotional upheaval.
Right now, an encounter with Christof might be easier than one with Diego.
That was a stupid thought. Christof was bat-shit crazy, and I doubted he thought of anything other than his end goal.
I’d deal with him sooner or later. I squared my shoulders and opened the bathroom door.
As I stepped into the room, Thomas scanned me from head to toe. “You’re not facing a firing squad.”
“Very funny.” I glared at him as I grabbed a few items for the boys to keep them calm until Stacey took them to bed. “I’m an unwanted interloper in the lion’s den. It’s better to appear cold and heartless.”
“You aren’t cold or heartless. You use your demeanor like an iron shield. Even downstairs with Sophia. The instant something hurt you, your walls go up, and you revert to the perfect, emotionless Domme.”
“It’s safer to be perceived like that than weak and vulnerable.” I pinched the bridge of my nose, inhaling deep. “I’ve never been allowed to believe otherwise.”
Natalie taught me to never let anyone see my weaknesses. I’d become an easy target for others’ anger toward Dad. If I wasn’t easy prey, then all the predators would find other targets.
He moved behind me and rubbed his hands down my arms, sending a calming warmth into my body. “Let me be your safe place. You can trust me. You can trust us.”
I placed my hands over his. “I’m scared, but I promise I’m trying.”
He kissed the back of my head. “That’s all I ask.”
* * *
“I bet you got into so much trouble doing that as a kid,” I said as Thomas slid Simon down the staircase railing.
He gave me a heart-stopping, wicked grin. “I’ll admit, Tia Isa smacked me with a wooden spoon a time or two.”
I laughed as I envisioned a rambunctious boy who looked like an older version of mine, causing chaos in this house.
Our happy mood vanished as we reached the living room and heard a loud argument in Spanish between Isabella and Diego.
“She doesn’t deserve his wrath because of me.” I moved to enter the room, but Thomas put a hand on my lower back.
“Don’t worry. It doesn’t matter what he thinks.”
We walked toward the threshold of the room, not announcing our entrance.
“Papi, look with both your eyes, they look exactly like Thomas. This hate you have for the Danes is making you blind.”
“If you want to live in this house, you better understand one thing, I make the decision
s. I put up with it when Leonardo brought that woman here, and look where that got me. My son is dead. I won’t do it again.”
“But…”
“No, I have made my decision. They leave today, and if you don’t like it, go with them. This is my home.”
“You have it wrong, Lito. The house belongs to me, not you. My mother’s money bought this land and the vineyards surrounding it. If it wasn’t for her, the ranch would be half its size.” Thomas strolled into the room, surprising Diego by stepping between him and Isabella. “You will never threaten Tia Isa again. She’s only telling you the truth.”
“This has nothing…” He trailed off when he caught sight of Simon in Thomas’s arms. “Dios mío, he looks like Leonardo.” Diego stumbled back and sat on the couch. His eyes clouded and he glanced toward me and Leo. “They’re ours?” He couldn’t hide the wonder and surprise in his voice.
Thomas came to me, taking Leo from my arms and brought both boys to Diego. “These are your bisnietos.”
Diego took one hand from each baby and ran his thumbs over their fingers.
“Do you still need a paternity test? Do you accept them?” Thomas asked, but Diego remained silent. “Lito, I…”
Diego cut him off. “I still want a test. I won’t pass down any of this.” He gestured to the room around him. “If I’m not positive they belong to us.”
Hurt flashed across Thomas’s face, then it turned to anger. “I have no need for anything more, Lito. The house and the land already belong to me. The vineyards, which you say you work for the future, my mother bought. The woman who you never accepted into this home. The reason Papa was able to make such a great fortune out of what you and he started was because of Mama.”
He stood up with the boys and walked over to me. I took Leo and Simon from him, remaining quiet, and thankfully so did the boys. They seemed fascinated by the animated discussion happening around them.
“Are you saying I am not welcome here?” Diego demanded.
Thomas sighed and shook his head, walking back over to him. “No, I never said anything like that. This is your home for as long as you wish. But understand this. I don’t need your inheritance. Papa gave me more than any man can spend in a lifetime. Something Leo and Simon will inherit after me. My family will always come first.”
Thomas glanced at me. “Let’s go. I don’t think there’s anything more to say.”
I nodded and waited for him to approach me.
“You are just like him. A disgusting Dane,” Diego shouted. “You steal everything that doesn’t belong to you.”
I bit my tongue, trying to hold back a retort to put him in his place. He was hurting, and I was the best target for his pain. I’d take it for Thomas.
“You and your kind are the reason this family has suffered so much. You’ve perverted his mind to your ways. Instead of standing up like a man should, he hides behind your skirt.”
His words were a direct hit to my heart. Was I using my will to push him into submitting when he didn’t want to? No, what we did was freely given, even if we were still trying to figure out the dynamics of our relationship.
Thomas opened his mouth to respond, but I shook my head.
“Diego, this is my family now. You can hate me all you want, but don’t hurt them because of me. Please don’t miss the chance to know your great-grandsons.”
With those last words, I walked out of the room.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
The next morning I rose early and headed to the stables. I strolled down the pathway, letting the crisp air soothe my senses and ease the tension from the day before.
After the argument with Diego, I’d lost all desire to eat and went upstairs to tuck the boys in for the night, and then to my room. I hated to miss the grand dinner Isabella had prepared, but I couldn’t sit through a long meal where I’d be the target of Diego’s fury.
I’d felt like I was reliving the isolation of my childhood. I was an outsider here as much as I was with the Boston elite, all because of the crimes of my father.
What did I have to do to prove I was worthy?
I wiped a stray tear from my cheek with the back of my hand and checked around me to see if anyone was awake. The only people I saw were a few ranch hands and kitchen staff who waved to me as I passed.
Thomas was still asleep with the boys, who’d decided they had had enough of Stacey around midnight and wanted their parents, crashing the minute their heads hit our pillows.
I took in the fresh air surrounding the vineyard. Thomas was so proud of his home and all his family had accomplished. If only I could make this tension with Diego easier.
When Thomas joined me in our room a little before eleven, I was exhausted and falling asleep. He didn’t say anything, stripping out of his clothes and climbing into bed. I’d kept my back to him, hoping he didn’t notice I was still awake. There was no point in adding my emotional turmoil to the drama he’d most likely dealt with at dinner. But instead of allowing me to pretend I was asleep, he’d pulled me against him, tucked my head under his chin, and said, “Don’t even think about freezing me out.”
We didn’t discuss what happened with Diego but held each other, talking about safe things such as wine, horses, and the various aspects of the ranch he managed.
His love and pride for his family’s legacy were easy to hear in his words. I learned about the program he developed with Arya that tracked all aspects of the ranch, from the age and health of the grapes in the vineyard, to the projections of stallion and mare birth rates and the price cycles for stock auctions. The number of hats Thomas wore amazed me. The cool confidence he handled them with spoke to a deeper part of me, telling me he was truly the dependable and dedicated man I’d believed he was when we first got together.
Right before I dozed off, he told me to go riding in the morning, and he would help Stacey take care of the boys.
He’d somehow figured out that I needed to regain my bearings in a place where I didn’t quite fit in.
He understands more about you than you do, Carmen.
I pushed the thought to the back of my mind and selected a beautiful black-and-gold colt. As I laid a blanket over the horse’s back, Elonso, Thomas’s cousin, appeared.
“Good morning, Mistress.”
I jumped, not expecting anyone to be around, and then checked behind me, making sure no one heard. “Don’t call me that here. I don’t want my lifestyle discussed.”
“My apologies, Mistress.” He smiled a sheepish grin. “It’s a term of respect on the ranch. No one will think anything of it.”
“You’re so not funny.” I couldn’t help but smile back. “When did you get here?” I asked as I selected my saddle.
“Last night. Whenever we have an auction planned, the family comes into town to help prepare the stock.” He attempted to take the saddle from me. “Mistress, why are you doing that? If you’d let any of the hands know, we’d have prepared one for you.”
I nudged him out of my way. “Elonso, I grew up around horses. I know what I’m doing.”
“No, I insist,” he said as he plucked the saddle from my arms.
His stocky six-foot-five frame was too strong for me to win a tug-of-war, so I shrugged my shoulders and relented, allowing him to take over.
“It figures you’d pick this one out of the entire herd.” He laughed.
I cocked a hand on my hip. “And why is that?”
“Because Misu is Thomas’s favorite colt, and since you and the horse belong to him, it makes sense that you’re drawn to each other. Thomas is Master to you both.”
The thought of belonging to Thomas sent a shiver down my spine.
I shook my head at the craziness of his logic. I’d picked the horse because it reminded me of my favorite Arabian in New York.
Laughing, I tried pretending that his words didn’t worry me. “I think you’ve got a few screws loose. I have no Master.”
He grinned at me. “If you say so. Make sure Thomas doesn’
t hear you say that. No man wants to think that his woman doesn’t believe he’s Master. Especially a Dom like him.”
“Why do you submit, then?”
Elonso looked up from fastening the belt under the horse’s flank. “Mistress, there are very few who know what I enjoy in the clubs or the dungeons of my Mistresses.”
I nodded, understanding what he was saying. “It’s no different for me. Those outside our lifestyles would never understand the desire to submit or dominate.”
“Or switch,” he stated with a gleam in his eyes.
“It isn’t like that,” I insisted, too afraid to accept that what was happening between Thomas and me had a name.
Was I a switch?
When I looked back on our relationship, I couldn’t deny the truth. Thomas had topped me from the bottom all along. He allowed me the level of control I needed without forcing me to be something I wasn’t.
Do you keep telling yourself this, hoping the answer might change?
Elonso walked the horse over to me and lifted his hand to help me climb onto the colt’s back.
“May I please give you a piece of advice, Mistress?” Elonso looked up at me as I settled into the saddle.
I sighed and inclined my head.
“There’s nothing wrong with what you and Thomas share. The world doesn’t need to know you submit to him. Only he does. If you love him, don’t hold back or deny a part of you exists out of fear. He needs your trust as much as you need his.”
I stared at him for a few seconds. Elonso knew only a limited amount of information about my relationship with Thomas, but he had better insight into it than I did.
I inhaled deep. It was time to accept I wasn’t the Domme I had made myself out to be. With the right man, with Thomas, I could hand over my control and accept my desires.
Until that horrible day when he’d ended our relationship, he’d never made me feel any less for my sexual cravings. In fact, he pushed me to explore them. Now all I had to do was to stop fighting against my fears and let Thomas know I accepted the unusual dynamics of our relationship.
