by Deena Patel
The weight of three more knots brushed my breasts, belly, and the folds of my pussy lips.
“Spread your legs. I want the position of these knots to be perfect before I start my masterpiece.”
He repositioned the bottom knot against my clit, causing me to jump a little.
“Steady,” he murmured as he brought the rope ends to the sides of my labia, around my butt cheeks, and up to loop to the knot at the back of my neck. Each shift of the binding rubbed my pulsating nub in a torturous rhythm, providing enough stimuli to quicken my pussy, but not enough to send me over.
He continued threading the rope around the front of my body, weaving a pattern across my stomach and breasts, and finally ending beneath my rib cage.
By the time he tied the final knot, the stimulation of the rope against my labia caused a sheen of sweat to coat my skin and a pulsing deep in my core. I needed relief. If only I could rub my thighs together, I’d come. But the binding kept my thighs apart.
Besides, this wasn’t about me, it was about pleasing Thomas.
My Master.
Why did calling him that intensify the throbbing in my pussy? Was this what I wanted? A Master? Logic told me I’d always be a Domme, but something about Thomas called to a part of me that I was scared to release.
You can do it, Carmen. He’s yours. Let him give you the freedom you crave.
“Tilt your head up and open your mouth.”
I did as he commanded as a glass touched my lips and an icy liquid poured down my throat. I swallowed the water and let it cool my overheated body.
I opened for more, but he denied me by pulling the cup away.
“Not too much, mi amor.”
He set the water on the table, and the next thing I knew, cool gel slid down the crack of my bottom as Thomas spread my cheeks apart.
I clenched, knowing what was about to happen.
“Relax. I’m going to prepare you.”
“For what?”
“You know what. I told you what I planned the other night.” He pushed his pinkie in, working my hole until my tight muscles released.
A protest escaped my lips when he pulled out, but almost immediately a lubricated object pressed at my puckered entrance. “Relax and push out. It will help the plug go in.”
No one had ever fucked my ass. Even before our breakup, the closest I’d gotten was Thomas fingering me during sex.
Could I do this? I sighed inside. He was only preparing me.
I calmed my muscles, and the plastic slid in a fraction. The plug pushed past my tight bundle of nerves, lodging in until the wide base sat against my bottom. My ass burned from the invasion, and I felt full but not uncomfortable.
Thomas’s touch left my body, and all I could hear was running water.
Moments later, a swish of a cat-o’-nine-tails snapped in the air, and what felt like fingers glided up my thighs and stomach.
“Do you know what that is?”
A chill went up my spine. It was my instrument of choice. The one I’d used on Thomas that first night so long ago when neither of us was looking for anything more than a submissive to pass our time but instead found something that frightened and satisfied a deep part of us.
CRACK!
I flinched, seeing stars as pain shot across my thighs, slowly dulling to a sting.
“I asked you a question.”
“A cat,” I hissed, and my wetness slid down my legs, soaking the rope between my thighs. My craving for more negated my momentary pain.
“That’s right. Do you remember what you told me the first time we met?”
My skin prickled. “I asked you if you were strong enough to give me everything I desired, even if it went against what you thought you knew.”
Thomas trailed the wisps of the leather over my shoulders and across my breasts, sending goose bumps over my skin.
“I accepted your question as a challenge, and by the time our night was over, you pulled out a side of me that no other woman even knew existed.”
The image of Thomas bound, with manacles holding his arms above him and his feet clasped to the floor, popped into my mind. That night he’d shown me a man, stronger than anyone I’d met before, who could gift me with the pleasure I needed to calm the turmoil in my soul.
Deep down, even now, I knew he submitted as a gift to me, not because it came naturally to him. The least I could do was the same. But with me…a part of me needed to submit.
CRACK!
“Fuck,” I called as my body arched into the fire branding my breasts. I breathed through the discomfort and let the adrenaline course over me.
“Are you paying attention, love? I want you to focus on my voice, not the ones in your mind.”
“Sorry,” I whispered as my skin heated from the tendons of the leather cat-o’-nine-tails and the tug of the rope. My pussy flooded with desire and screamed for more.
“Sorry, what?”
I turned my head in the direction of his voice. “Sorry, Master.”
“Today I ask you the same question. Will you give me everything, even if your mind tells you that you’re not a submissive?”
I’d come to him willing to give him what he wanted from me. But was it for him or me? Could I give him all of me?
Will I still be Carmen at the end of this?
“Carmen, does it scare you to admit that you enjoy submitting to my touch?”
I remained quiet. He knew I was scared. Why did he want my answer?
“What are you so afraid of losing if you let me in?”
I still didn’t respond. My bound body cried for me to admit what he wanted.
CRACK!
“Please,” I called out, squeezing the plug tighter and feeling the sting on my ass. My sensitive center contracted and quivered.
“Tell me what I want to hear. What you want to say.”
Carmen, he’s given you the proof of his love. He put you first. Now give him and yourself the words.
He struck, again and again, crisscrossing all over my thighs, stomach, and arms. I arched into every slap of the leather, rejoicing in the singe left by the talons. I couldn’t get enough. My nipples ached for attention as my pussy swelled and screamed for release. The more I thrashed against the ropes, the more the friction in my core intensified. But it couldn’t send me over.
“Thomas, let me come,” I begged, feeling the tears soaking the blindfold and dripping down my cheeks.
“Master,” he commanded.
“Master. Please.” My body was on fire. I wasn’t sure how long I could last without shattering.
“No, not until you admit why you’re so scared to let go. I know the answer. You know the answer. Now, say it.”
“Don’t do this,” I sobbed as my pussy wept and throbbed.
Thomas cupped my face with one hand as the other grazed my clitoral nub. “Say it, baby. I won’t let you fall.”
I panted out short breaths and then bit my lip. By coming here, I knew he’d want me to say it. I accepted it, but now actually uttering the words meant someone else held the reins to hurt me again.
Thomas tugged my blindfold off. My eyes adjusted to the light and I stared into his. What I saw crumbled any last resistance I had left.
“Depending on your means, you can hurt me again. By giving you everything, I am risking who I am.” Tears streamed out of my eyes, and his thumb wiped them to the side while the other strummed my clit, causing my body to bow. “Don’t you understand? I won’t ever be that weak girl who’d let everyone around her dictate her life. But with you no matter how hard I try, I…I can’t…”
“Can’t what?” His stubble grazed my wet cheeks.
“I can’t control anything with you. Why can’t I do it with you? Why do I need you to be in charge so much?”
“Because of who I am to you,” he crooned, not taking his gaze from mine and continuing to strum my clit. “I made mistakes with you, but I’m not your father. I’m not one of the bastards who turned their back on
you.”
“Then who are you?” I asked, my breath coming out in shallow pants.
He sucked my bottom lip it into his mouth, intensifying my body’s needs. “You tell me.”
My heart knew the answer. He knew the answer. I could trust him. I had to let go of the past.
Say it, Carmen.
“You’re my Master.”
His fingers plunged deep into my sopping pussy, and his thumb’s rhythm intensified.
My mind clouded as my orgasm grew inside me, but I kept my eyes locked with his.
“Who do you belong to?”
“You. I belong to you,” I gasped.
“Come now.”
Thomas scissored his digits, making my pulse pound in my ears and my back arch. Heat poured into every part of me, nearly driving me insane, and my pussy convulsed around his fingers.
“That’s it, mi cielito. Let go.”
I closed my eyes and rode the waves of pleasure detonating inside me. I threw my head back and thrashed against the hemp, letting the friction of the rope prolong my release.
I wasn’t aware of Thomas removing the plug until the crown of his lubricated cock nudged at the puckered entrance to my ass. He held me close at the waist and slipped a vibrator into my pussy as he pushed in a little further.
“God, you’re so tight.”
He slowly worked his cock through the resistant ring of nerves, letting me adjust to the burn and bite of his girth and length. He stilled once he was fully seated.
I breathed through the discomfort as a gentle tingle reignited inside my core. I threw my head back against his shoulder.
“I have to move, baby,” Thomas gritted out.
I nodded, and before I knew it, Thomas was fucking my ass. He clicked on the vibrator and worked it in the same rhythm as his cock.
My mind whirled from all the stimuli. I couldn’t focus on anything but the ecstasy flowing throughout my body. The force of his thrusts pushed us against the wall. Thomas released the vibrator and looped his hand around the chain holding my wrists.
He continued his assault on my senses and my ass until another firestorm erupted inside me. My heart pummeled out of control, and all I knew was that in Thomas’s arms I could fly.
A few seconds later, he pulled out and yelled his release, coating me with his cum.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
A few last tremors shook my body as my orgasm waned and my breath calmed. Nothing I’d ever experienced or done had prepared me for how I felt at this moment. Thomas unlatched my arms and carried me to the sofa. He massaged me from my shoulders down to my elbows and ended with my hands. Once he finished making sure I’d regained circulation, he left me on the sofa to clean up.
I relaxed into the couch and closed my eyes. A sense of relief and uncertainty panged my stomach. Was I a submissive pretending to be a Domme? No. I wasn’t like Arya or Milla. How would this work?
I shifted, and a whimper escaped my lips at the pleasure from the bite of discomfort in my ass.
“Easy,” Thomas murmured, coming to crouch in front of me.
He slowly untied each of the knots on the front of my body. He kissed and caressed the skin the rope had covered. “Here, let me sit you up.” He gently lifted me and pulled the remaining hemp from under me.
He picked up a warm wet towel from a bowl on the side table and cleaned me from front to back, making sure to remove any remnants of our scene from my body.
Thomas ministered to me, not saying a word. When he finished, he set the cloth back in the bowl, sat behind me, and gathered me into his arms, holding me close while running circles with his fingers over my arms and thighs.
I knew we had a lot to discuss, but I couldn’t decide where to start. The loss of control had given me the most intense orgasm of my life. What did that say about me? Would Thomas expect me to submit every time we were together? I wasn’t sure I could do it. Deep down I knew I still needed to dominate, even if Thomas took over in the end. Fuck, I was making no sense. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
Until I met Thomas, I accepted my desires as an ingrained part of me. Now I hadn’t a clue what I wanted.
I moved to get up, but Thomas’s grip on me tightened. “Where are you going?”
“I…I have to go. I need to check on the boys.” I struggled to get up.
“They’re fine with Tia Isa and Stacey. I’m not letting you run away. We need to discuss why you’re so upset.”
I couldn’t talk about it. I bit my lip trying to hold in tears. What did it say about me as a person if I wanted him to submit but freaked out when I gave myself over to him for the same thing?
Oh God. This isn’t me.
“Please, Thomas. Let me go. I…” I shook my head. “I just can’t. Let me go.”
I shoved out of his hold and stood. I rushed toward my clothes and haphazardly put them on. I had to get out of here. I tugged on my jeans and tried to zip and button them, but my fingers shook too much.
“Carmen.”
I froze in place as Thomas’s Dom voice washed over me.
Dammit, he shouldn’t affect me the way he does.
“Look at me.”
I kept my gaze on my hands, not trusting myself to see the disappointment on Thomas’s face. My vision clouded and tears fell in fat drops down my cheeks.
“Baby, it’s going to be okay.”
Thomas’s hands gently gripped my shoulders, making me flinch, not because he hurt me, but because I needed his touch so much.
“This isn’t me. I don’t think I can do this. I’m a Domme. I’m the one who has control.” My fists came up as he turned me to face him, and I hit his bare chest. “Why did you make me feel this? I don’t know who I am anymore.”
Thomas pulled me against him, imprisoning my arms between us. I struggled against him, but he wouldn’t release me.
Exhausted from fighting to free myself, I leaned my head against his heart and sobbed. I screamed and demanded to know why he made me love him so much. I blamed him for not protecting me from Christof and bringing me to the ranch. I said so many things that made no sense. All I knew was that I had to get it out.
Thomas held me until I spent the last of my tears. I raised my head to look at him and realized I wasn’t standing anymore. I was curled against his naked body as he sat on the floor.
He cupped my face in his palm, giving me a knowing stare. “I know exactly what’s going through your mind, and I’m not going to let you run. I won’t let you make the same mistake I made. I’m not going to let you give up because it’s easier.”
A part of me was ready to do exactly that, run back to New York and pretend this had never happened. The knowledge he would fight for me gave me comfort. Maybe there was a small glimmer of hope we could make this work. But how? I couldn’t think about that right now.
“I won’t,” I whispered, knowing my words contradicted my instincts, and then hiccupped.
“Mi amor, trust in us. Trust in our love.”
From the first night we were together, he’d seen deep to the secret part of me and had given me the submission and the domination I needed.
“Thomas, I trust in you more than any man before.” I looked up into his face. “Thank you.”
“A few moments ago, you were panicking, so what are you thanking me for?”
“For understanding my needs better than I do. You allowed me to top you and gave me your submission when you’d never allowed anyone else to do it to you.”
He lifted a brow and gave me a wicked grin. “I don’t recall any of it being a burden.”
I shook my head, but before I could say anything, he placed a finger on my lips. “Carm, what we share is unique and special. Submitting didn’t mean I gave up an essential part of who I am. I did it because I enjoyed it and wanted to. I gave you the level of control you needed while maintaining mine.”
I replayed all the different scenes we’d engaged in over the past two years, and the one common thread was that Thomas knew what I neede
d even before I did. Every time he submitted to me, there was an aura of power that I’d ignored. There was no doubt he enjoyed what we’d done, but it wasn’t who he was. His core persona was to dominate, and if I was honest with myself, he dominated even when I thought I was in charge. He allowed me to set and dictate the scene, even when everything inside him said he should be in total control.
A sharp grip clenched my heart. He submitted knowing how raw it made a person, even when it wasn’t his nature. He did it for me.
What more proof do you want, Carm? The man loves you. No Dom plays a submissive for any other reason.
I bit the tip of his finger and spoke. “You’ve got it all figured out, don’t you?”
“Mi cielito, you’re easier to love than figure out.”
“Back at you.” The turmoil that churned inside me only moments earlier eased.
He kissed the top of my head and then sighed as he glanced at his watch. “We need to get back. Both of us have conferences in less than twenty minutes.”
I nodded, wiping my face against the sleeve of my shirt.
We dressed and rode back to the stables in silence. It was as if we both had to sort through all the thoughts running through our minds.
I shifted in the saddle, trying to relieve the tenderness in my nether regions as my mind continued to reel from the scene Thomas and I shared.
Could I be a Domme and a submissive? It made no sense. Maybe I was what Elonso said. A switch.
Thomas brought forth a part of me I’d never wanted to acknowledge. The part that I thought made me too vulnerable.
Logic told me submission wasn’t a sign of weakness. It was a position of power, where a person was strong enough to hand over their control to another. But my emotions warred with the logic.
Could I be a Domme in the world and still be Thomas’s submissive?
I glanced at Thomas, who rode alongside me. His face looked calm. However, the hard press of his full lips said he was in deep thought. His six-five frame maneuvered the stallion with relaxed grace. He was the most versatile man I knew, security specialist, nightclub owner, and rancher/winemaker.
I rubbed the ring on my left hand with my thumb. I wanted the engagement to be real. I loved him so much. He and the boys were my happiness. Now I had to find a time to tell him what was in my heart.
