by Sarah Morgan
‘You can’t protect him from everything.’
‘No, but I can try.’ And by allowing Dino into her life she was risking not just her own happiness, but Jamie’s. When Dino decided that he’d had enough of her, it wouldn’t just be her that suffered, would it?
Her mother measured out flour and added it to a bowl. ‘I know what you’re thinking, and you’re wrong. Sometimes, Meg, you need to take big strides through life, even if that means falling over. You fell, hard. And now you need to get up again. You need to be brave.’
Meg was affronted. ‘I am brave.’
‘Yes, when you’re walking through a blizzard, or hanging off the end of a rope. But then you’ve never been scared of the physical stuff. If it doesn’t frighten you then it isn’t brave. And what frightens you is the emotional stuff.’ Catherine added eggs to the flour and whisked. ‘I’m glad he stayed the night.’
‘I didn’t plan that. But you gave him a key so he barged his way in.’
‘Good. You can thank me any time you like. I’m not sorry about that. I am sorry we caught you unawares. I should have thought of that and phoned first.’
‘Nothing happened, Mum.’ Horribly uncomfortable, Meg pushed her hair out of her eyes. ‘He slept in Jamie’s room.’
‘Meg, I may be old but I’m not stupid. And neither are you. If you let that man sleep in Jamie’s room then you are even more of a desperate case than I think you are.’ Her mother gave a tiny smile. ‘Really, you don’t have to lie to me. I know I’m your mother, but frankly I’m delighted that you’ve finally had sex. Looking at Dino, I have every confidence that it was excellent sex. I’m thrilled to see you finally letting your guard down. Can you pass me some milk from the fridge?’
Meg dragged open the fridge door and stood for a moment, hoping that the cool air would reduce the heat of her face. ‘I don’t want him to come and get the Christmas tree with us.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because it’s a family trip. Our routine.’ She closed the fridge door and handed her mother the milk. It was impossible to contain her fears. ’And because he’s just being polite. I’m sure the last thing he wants is to spend the day with us.’
‘You don’t know that. He doesn’t strike me as a man who has a problem with decision-making. If he didn’t want to come, he would have told you. I think you’re spending too long second-guessing him. Sometimes you just have to take people at face value.’
‘I did that once before, remember?’
‘Yes, I remember.’ Catherine poured milk slowly into the batter mixture, whisking all the time. ‘But you can’t let that one episode of bad judgement affect all your life choices.’
Meg frowned. ‘You think Hayden was bad judgement?’
‘Appalling judgement. It was completely obvious that he was shallow, selfish and totally focused on himself.’
‘It was obvious?’
‘Right from the first day.’
Meg scowled. ‘But you didn’t think to mention it?’
‘You were nineteen. Would you have listened if I’d mentioned it?’
‘Probably not.’ Meg put her coffee down on the table in a huff. ‘But given I’m so much older and wiser now, perhaps you’d better tell me now what you think about Dino.’
‘I think he’s clever, good looking, responsible, strong…’ Her mother whisked skilfully. ‘Sexy, of course, but I’m sure even you can see that bit without me pointing it out.’
‘So he’s Mr Perfect.’ But her mother was impervious to Meg’s sarcasm.
‘No. There are shadows there. Scars.’ Her mother frowned. ‘He’s led a real life. A life with ups and downs and traumas. A life like any other. But he’s man enough to face those things head on and deal with them. Learn from them. He’s not the sort to run from anything awkward or difficult.’
Meg gaped at her. ‘How long have you spent with him?’
‘I don’t need long. It’s one of the advantages of getting on in years. You have plenty of past data to draw on. Can you rinse some blueberries? Dino didn’t look too excited at the combination of maple syrup and chocolate. The least we can do is feed him something he enjoys.’
‘Mum, I don’t have any blueberries! I don’t have anything in my fridge except the basics, you know that. I know how to cook food a seven-year-old likes. Spaghetti. Meatballs. Chicken in breadcrumbs.’ Meg’s mood dropped even further. Good sex wasn’t enough to sustain a relationship, was it? ‘If the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, I’m doomed.’
‘Well, let’s hope Dino likes chicken in breadcrumbs. Just remember to throw out mouldy cheese. There are blueberries in the basket by the door. I brought them with me. And a Christmas cake that I iced for you.’
‘Thanks.’ Her mind in turmoil, Meg smiled absently. ‘Jamie will love that.’
There was a pause while her mother put the bowl to one side. ‘Why didn’t you go to the ball?’
Meg dug through her mother’s basket and retrieved the fruit and the cake. ‘I don’t want to talk about that.’
‘I was very surprised to see Dino at my door.’
Guilt squirmed in her stomach. ‘I’ll pay for the tickets.’
‘I don’t think he was worrying about the money.’ Her mother rinsed the blueberries and tipped them into a bowl. ‘He was worried about you. He likes you, Meg.’
Meg thought about the night before—about the passion they’d shared. ‘Maybe.’
And she liked him. Which made the whole thing all the more terrifying.
‘Why not let the relationship take its course?’
‘Because when it crashes to the ground, I don’t want Jamie caught in the rubble.’ Meg broke off as Jamie bounded back into the room, Rambo at his heels.
‘Dino didn’t actually need any help, so I let him shower on his own.’ He climbed onto a chair and helped himself to a handful of blueberries. ‘He’s going to go with us to buy a tree. Isn’t that cool?’
Was it cool? Meg wasn’t sure what she thought about it except that the whole situation was an explosion waiting to happen.
She felt as though she was free-climbing, clinging to a vertical rock face without the support of a rope.
How far was she going to fall?
‘This is your house? Wow.’ Jamie slid out of the car and stood staring.
Meg stared too. Looks and money, she thought. Recipe for disaster.
Her brain was in a total spin. She’d expected him to slink out before dawn and here he was, smiling at her child. Coming with them to pick a Christmas tree. Playing happy families. Playing puppets, with her heart at the end of the strings.
Only if this went wrong it wasn’t going to be one heart that was broken, she thought. It would be two.
‘It’s just a house, Meg.’ Apparently reading her mind, Dino urged her forward. ‘I have a friend who is an architect. I persuaded him to sell it to me. He throws himself into a project but once it’s completed he’s immediately bored and he’s ready to start on something else. At the moment he’s building something incredible on the coast somewhere with sea views. Come inside.’
The house was built on three floors, one of them below ground level.
‘Gym and cinema,’ Dino said, intercepting her glance.
‘Cinema?’ Jamie looked as if he were about to explode with excitement. ‘You have a cinema in your own home? How?’
‘I live on my own. I can use the space any way I choose. Come and see.’ He led them downstairs and opened a door.
‘Mum, look!’ Without waiting to be invited, Jamie shot inside and aimed straight for the wall that was lined from end to end with DVDs. ‘This is so cool. Where are the cartoons? Do you have Ice Age? Can I watch in 3D?’
Dino gave him an apologetic look. ‘Mi dispiace, I’m sorry, Jamie.’ He cleared his throat. ‘I haven’t built up my collection of cartoons yet, but I’m planning to do that soon. Perhaps you could give me a list of your favourites.’
Jamie’s face fell as he scanned the
spines of the DVDs. ‘So you only have films with real people?’
‘Yes.’ Dino smiled at the description. ‘Real people.’
Meg stood still, taking in leather and luxury. So he had money. That didn’t have to make a difference, did it? The fact that she was talking herself round shocked her and made her realise she was in deeper than she’d ever intended.
She wanted this to work.
Scared, she took a step backwards, as if by leaving the room she could also leave behind the thought. The beat of her pulse quickened.
Jamie didn’t share her discomfort. ‘It’s a shame you don’t have any good films.’
‘Jamie, this is Dino’s house,’ Meg forced herself back to the present. ‘He’s an adult. Why would he have animated films?’
‘You love Ice Age and you’re an adult.’ Jamie lifted his chin and looked at Dino. ‘Have you ever seen it?’
‘No.’
‘Then how do you know you won’t like it?’
‘I’m sure I will like it and next time you come, I’ll have a section of cartoons, I promise.’
‘I could just bring my favourites over here and watch them,’ Jamie said helpfully, and Meg gasped.
‘Jamie! You can’t just—’
‘That’s an excellent idea.’ Dino took the little boy’s hand and pulled him across the room. ‘There’s the projector so you sit on one of those sofas and watch it there—try it for size.’
Jamie sprawled full-length on the sofa. ‘It’s massive. There’s room for me and five friends. Will there be popcorn?’
Dino didn’t hesitate. ‘Definitely popcorn.’
‘This is amazing, isn’t it, Mum?’
It was certainly amazingly expensive. Which, try as she may to convince herself otherwise, simply gave him another reason why he wouldn’t want to be with a scruff like her for long.
Meg turned away, but not before she’d caught his eye.
‘Now what?’ His voice was soft. ‘If you’re looking for more excuses why it won’t work, you’re wasting your time.’
Suddenly she wanted to ask him why he wanted her. She was complicated, wasn’t she? Not just because her head was completely messed up after Hayden, but because she had Jamie. She came as a pair.
A tour of the rest of the house did nothing to calm her fears. The place was sleek, sophisticated and not at all child friendly. Constructed in wood and designed to blend into the forest around it, there were balconies outside the bedrooms, and the huge walls of glass created a feeling of light and space. It was a place to chill out with fine wine and good music. And not a plastic superhero in sight.
‘It’s a perfect bachelor pad,’ Meg said tonelessly, and Dino gave a faint smile.
‘It would also make a perfect family home.’ His face was inscrutable. ‘It’s a very adaptable living space. Take a look around. I’m just going to change and then we can buy that Christmas tree.’ He disappeared through a set of doors, leaving them alone in the beautiful living area.
‘It’s like living inside the forest,’ Jamie breathed, incredibly impressed as he nosed around the house. ‘Wow, this place is enormous. Mum, I could use my skateboard inside this room—the floor would be brilliant.’
‘Jamie, don’t touch anything,’ Meg said quickly, grabbing his hand before he could touch a delicate bowl. ‘Just—just stand still with your hands by your sides.’
Jamie stood rigidly. ‘Why? Why can’t I move? Mum, Dino has a swimming pool. He can swim every day. Isn’t that awesome?’
‘It’s awesome.’
Meg moved away, staring out over the forest and the peaks beyond. Her mind, exhausted from worrying and analysing, drifted. Suddenly she saw herself curled up on the deep, comfortable sofa, enjoying the warmth of the fire after a long day in the mountains, gazing at that view. She imagined making love with Dino on the rug, or in the enormous bed she’d spied through one of the open doors. She imagined eating lunch on the balcony on a sunny day, and Jamie playing a game of superheroes in the forest…
‘It must be a wonderful house for entertaining. Just think of the parties you could have here.’ Catherine Miller looked ecstatic and Meg’s own vision of the place suddenly twisted and morphed into something different.
Parties. Her mother was right; this would be a perfect place for entertaining.
It was contemporary, sleek and stylish—like the man. And Dino would entertain, wouldn’t he? He was a senior consultant with an extended network of friends and colleagues.
She put out a hand to touch one of the tall, exotic plants and saw her own nails which Ellie had painted quickly the night before. Yes, they were shiny, but they were still short, neat and practical.
The wrong sort of nails. Just as she was the wrong sort of woman.
Furious with herself for tearing everything up before it had even started, Meg whirled round and paced to the other side of the room. Thick rugs covered wooden floorboards in a pale maple and the walls were lined with books. Somehow, the house managed to be cosy and spacious at the same time. Why couldn’t she live here? Why couldn’t it work? She had to stop doing that thing—what did psychologists call it?—catastrophising or something. Believing that the worst was going to happen.
‘I’m having a party here next week.’ Dino walked in, a sweater in his hand. ‘I’d like you to come. And before you start thinking of excuses, it’s just a few friends. People from the hospital. Mountain Rescue Team. Very informal.’
‘I’ll babysit,’ Meg’s mother said immediately, but Dino shook his head.
‘I’d like you to come. And Jamie. Ellie and Ben are bringing their kids, and Sean and Ally. They can all go downstairs to the den and watch a film. Jamie can choose his favourite.’
‘Wow, thanks.’ Jamie was buzzing with excitement. ‘We can come, can’t we, Mum? A Christmas party. Will Santa be here?’
Dino didn’t miss a beat. ‘He’ll be here.’
Meg hesitated. A party with the mountain rescue team and children present wouldn’t be formal, would it? No more long dresses and wearing things that she just didn’t feel comfortable in. ‘I’d like that. Thanks.’
‘Good.’ He looked at her for a long moment and then smiled. ‘So, don’t we have a Christmas tree to buy?’
‘This one?’ Dino winced as another fir tree tried to lacerate his skin. They’d been in the forest for an hour and still they hadn’t found a tree that satisfied Meg.
He knew, because he was watching her face all the time. He couldn’t stop looking at her. Somehow, after the passion of the night, her hair had curled again and it bounced around her face in golden curls. Her mouth was curved in a permanent smile as she laughed with her child. She looked slightly ruffled, natural, as if she’d just climbed out of bed.
Which she had.
Lust thudded through him. If it hadn’t been for the child, he would have tumbled her down onto the floor of the forest and had her gasping his name within seconds.
‘Not the right shape. Try that one.’ She pointed and Dino lowered the tree he was holding to the ground and picked up the other one, unable to see the difference. They all looked the same to him. A tree was a tree, wasn’t it?
‘I like that one, Mum. Can we have it?’ Jamie jumped on the spot and Dino watched him, envying the child’s ability to live in the moment. For a child, it was all about now. Yesterday was gone and tomorrow was too far away to merit a single thought.
He thought about Hayden, and wondered how any man could be stupid enough not to want to be a part of his child’s life. People could be selfish, he knew that from his own family experience. And then the child suffered. Except that no one could think Jamie was suffering. Not with Meg as a mother.
‘Turn it around—I want to see the back.’ Blowing on her hands, she peered at the tree from every angle and eventually pronounced it perfect.
‘Are you going to buy a tree, Dino? You’re going to need a really big one for your house. Or maybe two trees.’ Jamie was glued to his side and Dino was a
bout to answer when he saw the expression on Meg’s face.
She was watching Jamie and her heart was in her eyes.
She was so afraid he was going to hurt her child.
‘I’m not planning on buying a tree, Jamie.’ He focused his attention on the boy. ‘I’ll be on my own on Christmas Day, so it isn’t worth it.’
Jamie looked puzzled. ‘How can you be on your own? Where’s your family?’
Doing their own thing, as they always had.
‘My parents spend Christmas in the States. My sister goes to stay with her husband’s family.’
‘And they don’t invite you?’
Dino wondered how best to deal with the questions without shattering the child’s illusions about the world. ‘I’m a grown-up, and grown-ups don’t always get together with family at Christmas.’
‘Yes, they do.’ Jamie frowned. ‘Grandma is grown up. And she always spends Christmas with us. We all have Christmas together. I think it’s mean that they didn’t invite you. You can’t be on your own. It isn’t right, is it, Mummy? You can come to us. Grandma always cooks a turkey and it’s massive. We eat it for weeks. You could help.’
Unbelievably touched, it took Dino a moment to answer. ‘That’s kind of you, Jamie—’
‘So you’ll come? Great. That’s great, isn’t it, Mum? Dino is going to spend Christmas Day with us.’
Meg’s face was pink. ‘Jamie, he may not want to—our house is really small, and—’
‘I’d love to.’ Dino watched her face, trying to read her mind. They hadn’t had a chance to talk about what had happened since she’d bolted from the bed that morning. About where this was going. But he knew where he wanted it to go.
All the way.
But he saw the fear in her eyes and knew he had to take it slowly. ‘So, Jamie, do you think I need my own tree?’
‘Of course. Otherwise where do you put your presents?’
Charmed by the innocence of the conversation, Dino struggled to find the right answer. ‘When you reach my age, you don’t tend to have too many presents.’
‘Why not?’ Jamie looked shocked. ‘What about your mum and dad and your sister?’
