Erin sank limply onto the bed, lying on her side, her face in her hands, and tried not to cry, tried to keep breathing slowly. Sheridan rubbed her back in soothing circles.
"I didn’t realize you were seeing anyone. It’s not David Landry is it?"
"No."
"Well then, I can’t imagine what you have been up to, girl. If it’s that clear, this can’t have been very recent."
"Five weeks." Erin said, her voice subdued.
"Around the time of…homecoming?"
"Yes. It could have been that night." She hadn’t meant to say that.
"That night?" Sheridan shook her head, confused. "I don’t understand. You went with Sean. And you were with me…later that night. I don’t see how you could have been…busy in between. Did you ditch Sean? Go with someone else? No, that doesn’t make sense. You were with him at the hospital…OH MY GOD!"
Erin started to cry softly.
"Erin, this might sound stupid, but…are you sleeping with my brother?"
She didn’t answer. Sheridan picked up the phone and called Sean.
"Big brother, I’m at Erin’s house. You need to get here right now. She needs you."
"Is she all right?"
"No she’s not. Come now."
She hung up and lay down beside her friend, wrapping her arms around her. Erin’s fragile grip on partial composure exploded in a flood of guilt.
"I’m so sorry, Danny," she sobbed, "I swear if I had known, I wouldn’t have let you go with him. I can’t stand it. I should have stayed with you. I knew he was no good. It’s my fault."
"Don’t be stupid, Erin. It’s his fault. Not yours. Don’t waste another moment feeling guilty about it."
"I can’t help it. I was doing…that, having this wonderful time and all the while…"
"You didn’t know. I can’t believe it though. You and Sean. I knew you two belonged together, but I didn’t think you would move so fast. What about saving your virginity?"
"That was your deal, not mine. It wasn’t a big priority for me. Not when I was with Sean. I didn’t before because I didn’t care about anyone else, but I love him. Why do you say we belong together?"
"Just a feeling I have. I know you love him. You have for a while. That’s why I set you two up. I thought you would be good for him. I didn’t think he would be…like that though. Did he hurt you?"
"No, Danny. It’s really nice, when you’re with the right person and you want it so much. I hope some day you know that."
"That day is not close." Sheridan looked down, her lip quivering.
"Of course not." Erin returned her friend’s hug, giving and taking comfort from the same embrace.
They lapsed into silence. Erin’s tears were fading, her eyes were closed. Her breathing deepened. She seemed to be drifting to sleep, which was probably a good thing. Sheridan stepped out of the room to call her parents and let them know where she was.
About half an hour later, Sean was there. Erin had made him a key to the house, and she had one to his apartment.
He looked down at the sleeping girl with such a powerful expression on his face that he would have completely given himself away to his sister even if she hadn’t known already. It was a look of affection but also of possession.
Sheridan left the bed and beckoned him out of the room, softly shutting the door.
"What’s wrong with her?"
"She’s pregnant, Sean. You made my best friend pregnant."
"Oh shit. Really?"
"Yes, really. Why were you sleeping with her?" Sheridan asked harshly, her eyes filled with accusations against which there was no defense. "There are tons of women out there. Why Erin?"
"Hey, you were the one who set us up." His defensive answer could not conceal the wave of guilt that washed visibly over his face.
"Yes, but not so that you could seduce her. She was a virgin."
"I know. It’s not like I was just trying to score or anything. You know me better than that."
"But, Sean, don’t you realize how susceptible girls are when their parents don’t love them enough, and they’re getting divorced too. She’s so vulnerable. She would have done whatever you wanted. Did you really have to go all the way?"
"I didn’t take advantage, Danny. I swear. I tried to stop twice. She begged me."
Sheridan made a disbelieving face.
"I’m serious. She wanted it so bad, and she’s so pretty and sweet. There’s only so much a man can take. Besides, everyone gives it up sooner or later. The lucky ones get to do it with someone who cares about them."
Sheridan flinched.
"Oh God, Danny. I’m sorry. I didn’t think." He hugged his sister in apology. "Anyway, that doesn’t count. Some day, you’ll meet someone wonderful who will love you, and it will be just as good for you as it is for us." He was making excuses. How stupid. As though he were a naughty child caught with a cookie in each hand and chocolate smeared over his face. It wasn’t like that, and he needed to stop being defensive and tell the truth, one he’d known for a while, but had only admitted to himself. "As for this situation, she’s not alone. I know how special she is. I want to keep her forever." He took a deep breath. "I love her."
"Does she know that?" Sheridan was still eyeing him suspiciously.
"She wasn’t ready to hear it. I’m working on it." And that was the only reason he hadn’t said anything. He did not want to make his declaration, knowing she would argue with him, reject his words, not because she didn’t want them, but because she had no confidence in herself.
"Well you need to work faster, Sean. She’s really going to need you now."
Sheridan was right. Erin’s security was more important than his pride. "I’m not going anywhere." He told his sister. That was one thing he was certain about. He would be there for Erin. He wouldn’t abandon her.
"Good. You had better go and tell her that."
He nodded and went back into the bedroom. Kneeling beside the bed, he stroked Erin’s cheek until she opened her eyes. She smiled sadly, her eyes wistful. He kissed her forehead.
"I’m sorry." His regret bled into his soft tone.
"Me too." She sat up slowly, as thought her body ached. He supposed it was the shock of the situation.
"I’m here, no matter what," he assured her.
"I know."
He drew her into his arms. She laid her cheek on his shoulder.
"I love you, Erin."
"Why?" Such disbelief. It stung him, just as he had known it would.
"Because you’re Erin. That’s reason enough."
She waited a moment, and he felt the tension drain out of her until she was limp in his arms. He stroked her back.
"What are we going to do?"
"I don’t know, baby, but we’ll work it out together." He kissed her sweetly, tenderly, wanting to show her how much she was loved.
***Chapter 8***
A couple of days later, the Friday of the week before Thanksgiving, Erin’s mom called to her as she entered the house after school. Erin hadn’t said a word about being pregnant to her mother. She wasn’t ready to deal with it yet. She walked into the living room. Valerie was seated on the brown leather sofa, her blond highlighted hair pulled back into a clip, plucking her eyebrows.
"What did you need, Mom?"
"I needed to tell you that we’re moving. As part of the divorce settlement, the house is going to be sold and your dad and I will split the money."
"Where are we going to live? I know of some apartments downtown." Sean lived there. That would be nice.
"No. Bill lives in Motley. We’re moving in with him," she told her daughter off-handedly, her focus on the mirror.
Erin stared at her mother in disbelief. This couldn’t be happening. "Motley? That’s hours away. I can’t live in Motley."
"Why not? I know it’s not ideal, moving your senior year, but what difference does it make? You would be leaving to go to college in the fall anyway. Your time here is so short."
"Mom, that’s a really small town. Do they even have symphonic band there? All-State tryouts are coming up. I can’t miss that."
"Erin, you’ve already made state twice." Valerie pulled out a snippet of hair, winced, and rubbed her orbital bone.
"That doesn’t matter. Besides, I have to be here for Danny. She’s having a really hard time right now."
"No, she has a family. She doesn’t need you." Erin’s mother tossed out the most painful, cruel thing she could have ever said to her daughter flippantly, as though it didn’t matter in the slightest. Erin blanched.
"She does. I need her too. My life is here. My boyfriend is here. All my opportunities are here. I don’t even know Bill. Why would I want to live with him? Can’t you just wait to sell the house until I graduate, please?"
"Erin, settle down." At last Valerie set her toiletries aside and looked at her daughter. "No, the sale can’t wait. We’re moving over Thanksgiving break."
"I won’t go with you," Erin insisted stubbornly, "I’m eighteen. I don’t need to live with my mother anymore."
"How will you support yourself, Erin? You don’t earn much playing in the symphony." Her calm, reasonable tone annoyed her daughter further.
"I’ll figure something out. Don’t worry about me. You never have anyway. I’ll take care of it myself."
"Don’t be like that, dear. Please just consider it." She rose and laid her hand on Erin’s arm.
"I won’t. My God you’re selfish. I’m not going anywhere."
Erin jerked away from her mother and left the house. She didn’t slam the door, although the part of her that really was still a teenager wanted to.
Getting into her car, she drove over to Sheridan’s. She needed her friend desperately. She couldn’t leave. But the biggest reason was the one she hadn’t told her mother. She needed to stay because of Sean, and his baby that she was carrying.
It was time to face the facts. She was pregnant. She was also a senior in high school. The embarrassment would be acute, but at least she would be able to graduate before... before the baby was born. Baby. She pictured in her mind a little boy with dark hair and Sean’s beautiful blue eyes. And he would be hers to keep forever. She didn’t know what all the ramifications would be, but she was suddenly certain that she would never regret having Sean’s baby. She placed her hand on her flat belly and let the slow joy spread over her. It couldn’t be changed. So there was nothing left to do but celebrate it.
Erin rang the doorbell on the Murphy’s home and waited anxiously on the step. Today, agitated as she was about the prospect of moving away, the perfectly symmetrical windows of the second floor glared down at her menacingly and the four fluted white columns on the porch seemed like bars on a jail cell, closing her in. It was a long time before the door opened. Mr. Murphy, his expression grumpy, looked down at her. He was so tall, much taller than Erin’s father, with his salt and pepper hair and rugged, sun-browned face. His forehead was heavy and his eyebrows dark, so that when he glowered, he looked nothing short of dangerous.
She drew back a little. She had always gotten along well with the Murphy parents, and she wondered what she had done wrong. Then he recognized her and his expression lightened.
"Erin. Come in. Sorry to keep you waiting. Someone has been playing with the doorbell, ringing and running away. I didn’t know if anyone was here."
"Oh, okay. Sorry. Is Danny here?"
"Yes, she’s in her room. Come on in."
Erin climbed the stairs, her legs unsteady. She really hoped Sheridan could help her think through this mess so she could find a way to stay. Moving to stupid Motley just wasn’t an option.
Sheridan had a pile of homework spread all over the floor. She was struggling through a page of balancing chemical equations, but her history book and a copy of A Midsummer Night’s Dream were stacked nearby. This was going to be a long evening for her. Of course, she might just be reading the Shakespeare for fun, too.
"Danny?"
"Hi, Erin. I didn’t know you were coming over. How are you feeling?"
"I’m feeling fine. I can see that you’re busy, but I need some advice."
"Erin, I’m never too busy for you, sweetie. What’s up?"
"Mom’s moving."
"Where?"
"To Motley, to live with Bill. She wants me to come with her."
"When?"
"Next week."
Sheridan stared. "You can’t move now! What about….everything?"
"I know. I don’t want to go, but what am I going to do? I can’t afford an apartment on my salary from the symphony, and I don’t want to get a better paying job. I don’t have time to ring up groceries or wait tables. I have so much practicing and homework to do."
"And you’re pregnant," Sheridan added softly, "So the last thing you need is this kind of stress."
"Right. Can you help me think? I’m all in a panic."
"Actually, the solution is easy. Come with me."
Sheridan led Erin back through the house to the family room, where her parents were sitting on a set of matching tan faux suede recliners, watching the news together on a large screen television set in a built-in entertainment center Roger Murphy had constructed. It had rows of shelves and two huge doors to cover the device when it was not in use.
"Mom, Dad?"
"Yes, darling? Mrs. Murphy said, pressing the mute button on the remote.
"I need to ask a favor of you. Erin’s mom is moving and wants to take her away. I can’t have that. I need Erin too much, and besides, she has a ton of stuff going on here that she has to do in order to get ready for college. She can’t afford to live alone, so I thought, can she just live with us until the fall? With Sean and Jason both moved out, there’s plenty of room, and it would be really nice to have her around all the time."
"Hmmm." Mrs. Murphy hummed, considering it. "I don’t mind having Erin here. That would be fine. But dear, would your mother agree?"
"I’m eighteen. It’s not her decision."
"I see. There’s some tension between you, isn’t there?"
"Not tension exactly," Erin said, not wanting to sound disrespectful, "I just don’t think much of her choices these days."
"I hate to say this, but I agree with you. Roger, what do you think about Erin moving in with us?"
"I don’t see it as a problem. Would you like that, Erin? Sheridan has done most of the talking."
"I would. You’re both so kind." Erin struggled not to break down. She hoped that they would still be welcoming when they found out she was pregnant, and by their own son no less. It wasn’t a secret that could be kept for long.
"All right then, why don’t you pack up and move in this weekend?"
Erin smiled a little. "Wonderful. I’ll do that. Bless you both."
As the girls walked away, Sheridan grinned hugely. She had the best smile of anyone Erin knew, but it was so rare to see it these days.
"I’m so excited. I can’t wait for you to get here. Where do you want to sleep? I bet Sean’s old room would be appealing."
"You have no idea. I don’t know if I would dare. Isn’t there a guest room?"
"It’s too small for more than a few nights. Besides, I think he would like knowing you’re there."
What a sweet thought. "You might be right. Okay, I’m going back to…the house and start packing up. Finish your homework. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?"
"Sure sweetie. I’m so glad you’re not leaving. I don’t know what I would do without you."
******
It only took Erin a short time to box up all her possessions. She informed her mother of her decision, coldly, not listening to any arguments. Valerie did try to argue, a little, but gave up far too easily. And then she left, driving to Sean’s apartment.
"Guess what, Sean?" she said, cuddling up against him on the second hand pull out couch he had rescued from the curb. It was gray and a little threadbare, but it had been free.
"What, baby?"
"I’
m moving in with your parents."
"With my parents? Why?"
"My mom’s leaving. I can’t move away now."
"Of course not. You could move in with me, you know." He kissed her forehead.
"Don’t you think that might look kind of bad?"
"Erin, at this point looking bad is the least of our concerns."
"You’re right. But still."
"Have you thought about what you want to do?"
She thought for a long silent moment. "I haven’t come to any conclusions. I think on Monday, after school, I’ll stop by the local university, and, you know, check out their music program."
"Lakes? You never wanted to go there."
"I know, but everything is different now. If I have a baby this summer I can’t very well take off to Texas or even to State in the fall. I have to stay here."
"I hate this," Sean said, his face mournful. "My carelessness is having such a terrible impact on your dreams."
"I was just as careless as you were. Dreams can be modified Sean. Besides, staying close to you doesn’t sound that bad to me."
"We’ll need to get married you know. I’m Catholic. I can’t let you have my baby when we’re not married."
"I know. Does that bother you?"
"Only to the extent that it limits your options. Marriage is what I wanted from you, but not like this. I meant someday, when you were ready." Sean sighed. "Poor Erin. Being with me hasn’t been that good for you has it?"
"Are you kidding? I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. I love you, Sean."
"I love you too. And I hate that you look so stressed. You know something? You look like a girl who needs to be made love to."
"Yes please."
Sean kissed his girlfriend deeply and led her to the bedroom where he proceeded to erase the memory of every stressful event she had endured in the last several weeks.
***Chapter 9***
In the end, the move was quick and rather painless, and by Saturday afternoon, Erin was ensconced in Sean’s old room. First she set up her music stand and a small chair in the corner between the bed and the window. Mrs. Murphy had asked her if she wanted some of Sheridan’s bedding, but the green and blue geometric comforter suited her much better than the satin and lace monstrosity she had seen in the linen closet. Besides, Sean had slept under those covers, and that was appealing. She carefully lifted her pictures from the box, setting them next to his on the dresser. She liked how that looked, like the two of them lived there together, like they were a family. At last, she placed her clothes in the empty dresser, before heading downstairs to seek out Mrs. Murphy.
When the Music Ends (The Winter Rose Chronicles) Page 5
