by Helen Lacey
“You know very well that I’ve never complained about you touching me,” she shot back. “That’s one thing we always seemed to get right.”
He chuckled. “I guess so. Chemistry, huh?”
“Sex,” she corrected, tugging her smock over her belly. “But I’m not going to lose my senses again, Mitch.”
He laughed softly. “Your senses? Is that what happened in Sioux Falls?”
“Yes,” she admitted. “I was caught up in memory and seeing you again brought it all back. At first, the good...and then...”
“The bad?” he finished for her. “That’s why you left as though your feet were on fire.”
“I didn’t think there was any point hanging around in case things got awkward. Silly, I suppose.” She shook her head. “We should have talked. Said goodbye. Something.”
The doctor returned before he could reply, but he was struck by the regret in her voice.
With the pictures of their son safely stored in separate envelopes, Tess took a few minutes to get dressed. After a brief consultation with the doctor about the next couple of months and what they should expect with the pregnancy, including booking in their next prenatal appointment, they headed back outside. It was cool out and he noticed that she shivered. He immediately shrugged out of his coat and draped it around her shoulders.
“You’ll catch pneumonia,” she said, and tried to brush off his intentions.
“No, I won’t,” he assured her as they walked toward the truck. “And I wouldn’t care if I did. You and the baby come first, understand?”
She stopped walking and stared up at him, her hand suddenly coming out to grasp his arm. She swallowed hard, her lovely face filled with emotion that had very little to do with him and everything to do with baby hormones and the fact they’d just witnessed their son resting peacefully within her womb.
“Tess?”
Her eyes glistened. “We’re having a baby,” she said, and shuddered. “We’re really having a baby. No one knows how much I want this more than you, Mitch. And I’m glad, after all the babies we lost, that we’ll get to share.”
“Me, too,” he said, and covered her hand with his.
“And I... I...”
There were tears on her cheeks and he wiped them with his thumb, suddenly filled with the idea that he wanted to kiss her and hold her and make everything right in the world for the only woman who had ever had his heart.
“You, what?”
She half smiled. “I’m hungry,” she said, and hiccuped.
Mitch laughed. “Okay.” He ushered her into the truck. “What would you like?”
“Hot dog,” she replied. “With mayonnaise and pickles.”
He screwed his face up. “Gross. But I’ll get you what you want.”
Once they were back on the road they found a diner, and bought hot dogs and sodas that they ate in the truck. He drove directly to Mustang Street and pulled up outside the house one door down from his brother’s home.
“This is nice,” she said as she got out.
“Yeah, Joss bought the place a couple of months ago. He’s got quite a portfolio,” he said and grinned. “My brother the real estate magnate.”
“You must be proud of the way all your siblings have turned out.”
“I am,” he replied. “They’re good people.”
“Because of you,” she added. “You’re the reason why. You kept your family together, when so many others would have given up and only considered themselves.”
“It was the right thing to do.”
She touched his arm. “I’ve always admired that about you.”
Mitch looked to where her hand lay and felt the warmth from her touch. “I don’t always get it right though.”
She smiled and removed her hand. “Does anyone?”
The small home was well maintained, with a generous garden and fenced all the way around. There was a porch and a swing and French-styled shutters along the front.
“Do you want to check it out?” he asked.
She nodded and walked up the path and through the gate. Mitch found the hidden key under a rock by the steps and opened the front door. The scent of cedar floor polish was unmistakable, and her heels clicked over the floorboards as she wandered down the hallway and into the front living room.
“It’s lovely,” she said, and turned to face him.
They were close, barely a foot apart, and it was impossible to ignore the intimacy that had been building all morning. Mitch reached out and touched her cheek, stroking her jawline, curling his hand around her nape and gently urging her forward. She took a step and looked up at him, smiling in a way that made his heart beat like a jackhammer in his chest.
“Do you think you could be happy here?” he asked softly.
She nodded. “I’m happy right now.”
His thundering heart raced faster. “Tess...about what I said earlier...about you finding someone. I don’t think... I don’t think I could bear it.”
Her hand came up and curled around his shoulder. “I know that.”
She moved closer and rested her head against his chest. Mitch wound his arms around her, pulling her close, feeling her lovely curves. With their baby between them, he had no words to articulate the jumble of emotions running through his head. The intimacy and closeness was profound and suddenly overwhelming, and he knew exactly what he wanted.
“Will you come back to me?” he breathed the words into her hair. “Please.”
She stiffened, but didn’t pull away. “I can’t.”
He knew she’d say it, and the words made him ache deep down. “You’re scared?”
She nodded. “Aren’t you?”
“Of needing you again? Of loving you again?” He sucked in a hard and shuddering breath. “Terrified. But I’m willing to risk it for the sake of our son.”
She pulled back, untangling herself from his arms. “You’re braver than me. But I’ll consider living in this house so your brother can watch over me from a distance.”
“Thank you,” he said and smiled. “Would you like to go shopping now?”
She considered it and shook her head. “Not today. Next time, okay?”
“Sure,” he replied, thinking he’d had a small win by her agreement to live in Joss’s house. But it wasn’t enough. It would never be enough. He wanted her back. In his house. In his bed. But he couldn’t push her. Couldn’t demand. Couldn’t fall to her feet and beg her to reconsider. That would be too humiliating.
It was after two when they arrived back at the McCall ranch. He spotted his cousin’s silver Mercedes SUV in the driveway. David was the most urban rancher he knew. In fact, he wasn’t much of rancher at all and all the cattle on the place belonged to Mitch, but he was happy to lease the grazing land. David was happier behind a desk, although he was handy on a horse. They’d been best friends as well as cousins for all of their lives and he knew the other man wouldn’t mind Tess staying at the ranch for as long as she needed. But Tess was independent and wanted to do things her own way.
“Your cousin’s home early,” she remarked as they pulled up.
As she spoke they saw David striding down the steps, dressed in a corporate suit and tie, his cell phone to his ear, a satchel over his shoulder, glasses perched on the edge of his nose. He waved when he saw them and then veered their way as he ended his call.
Mitch got out of the truck just as his cousin reached the vehicle. “Are you ditching work early today?” he asked as they shook hands.
David shook his head. “I left some paperwork at home this morning,” he explained, and shook the satchel. “Hi, Tess.”
She was out of the truck before Mitch had a chance to open the passenger side. “Hi, David. Is Annie around?”
“Inside with Scarlett.”
Scarlett was David’s daughter. Even
though he was second cousin to David’s kids, they called him uncle, and he suspected his own son would do the same.
“I’ll talk to you soon,” she said to Mitch, and walked toward the house.
Once she was out of sight, he turned toward his cousin. “When did life get so complicated?”
David laughed. “You’re asking me that?”
Mitch sighed. If anyone would understand about loss and regret and trying to make a new life, it was the other man. Jayne, his late wife, had been a well-respected local aviator, and his mother, Sandra, had become like a second mom to Mitch and the rest of his siblings when their own mother died. She had been a pillar of support when Billie-Jack bailed. For a while, after losing Joss’s wife, Lara, a couple of years earlier to cancer, combined with all the heartbreak he and Tess had endured, it had been as though the Culhane family were plagued by tragedy. But they’d rallied, pulling together, becoming a tight unit, relying on each other for support.
“I still care about her,” he admitted with a heavy sigh.
His best friend nodded. “I know.”
“How do I make the most out of half a life?”
David slapped him on the shoulder affectionately. “Smoke and mirrors, my friend.”
Mitch laughed humorlessly. “It’s that easy?”
“Not at all,” his cousin replied. “But the alternative is to give up, right? If you care, hanging in is about all you can do.”
Yeah, he thought as he headed back to the ranch. He just had to learn how to live with the fact that he still loved her.
And knowing she didn’t love him in return.
Chapter Seven
Despite her reservations, and due mostly to Ellie’s insistence, Tess finally agreed to a date for the baby shower.
On Friday they had talked for ages about the theme and the guest list, and she knew Ellie would have the entire event planned down to every detail. Tess still wasn’t sure it was a sensible idea, but since it was over a month away, she put on a brave face and acted as though she looked forward to the event. The truth was, she was unsure how her return to Cedar River would be received. Mitch was well respected and well liked, and she was still the person who’d done the leaving and divorcing. She could certainly handle a little gossip, but didn’t like the idea of dealing with confrontation about her reappearance in town. She couldn’t live in a bubble either. She needed to get a job, form relationships, become a contributor to society for the sake of her son.
Her son...
Finding out the sex of the baby had cemented her belief that everything would be fine. That, combined with the support Mitch had displayed during the ultrasound, had given her a strong sense of peace about the baby. Everything would work out...she was sure of it.
She drove herself to the Triple C on Saturday for Clare’s birthday party, declining David’s offer to take her. She left the McCall ranch about twenty minutes after David and Annie, and when she arrived at the Triple C the party was well underway. The garden near the small orchard had been transformed into a fairy garden, with a white tent, lights and an assortment of activities to keep the twenty or so kids occupied for the afternoon.
She saw Mitch briefly when she arrived and he escorted her beneath the tent, finding her a seat beside her sister. Tess was glad that Annie was close at hand, but didn’t want to burden her sister by having an emotional outburst. Not that she was likely to. Of course, she put all of her feelings down to baby hormones. She didn’t want to think it had anything to do with her burgeoning feelings for her ex-husband. But she’d only been back a week and was more confused than ever. On one hand, he was being civil and supportive of her wishes, giving her time, without pressure, to think about the house Joss had offered. Plus, he’d taken her refusal to come back to him—again—with no resistance. Yes, he was perfectly polite and agreeable, and she should have been happy. But she wasn’t...not really. Which made no sense. And which only amplified her confusion. She liked it much better when Mitch was being a disagreeable horse’s ass and kept trying to get what he wanted. The easygoing version of her ex-husband, the one who didn’t seem to have an agenda—kept her on edge. Which meant she hadn’t rested properly for a couple of days, and was tired and irritable and wanted to sleep like a bear.
She also wanted to enjoy the party and was pleased with her inclusion in the day’s activities. Despite her earlier thoughts about gossip and innuendo, no one seemed the least bit surprised by her return or the fact she was at a Culhane family function or the fact she was carrying Mitch’s child. Destiny, one old acquaintance had called it. And Tess hadn’t disagreed. Instead, she smiled and nodded and got drawn into a conversation about the ranch and local events, almost as though she’d never left.
There were two buffet tables, one laden with an assortment of treats for the kids, the other offering more substantial fare for the adults. And there were plenty of party games to keep everyone entertained.
Tess found a quiet spot on a bench seat by an apple tree and smiled when Shanook came up and sat at her feet. The orchard was one of her favorite places on the ranch and she enjoyed the moment. Plus, hanging out with Mitch’s nieces was nice. And since her baby would be their cousin, Tess was eager to cultivate a relationship with the two girls.
“Having fun?”
She turned her head, halfway between spooning a second helping of cake into her mouth, and saw Mitch standing a few feet away.
Tess nodded. “Absolutely.”
“I see you once again have my dog wrapped around your little finger,” he remarked, and glanced toward the hound at her feet before he moved around the bench and sat beside her.
“He always liked me,” she said as she touched the dog’s head.
“Smart dog.”
She saw his grin and it made her laugh. After spending time with him on Thursday, Tess realized she’d made a huge miscalculation. Hanging out with Mitch—laughing and talking and sharing moments about their baby that were so excruciatingly intimate—made one thing abundantly clear: she was not immune. In fact, she was as at risk as she ever was of being completely and utterly in love with him again, despite the resentment and the anger and the hurt she’d experienced when they broke up. Which meant she had a couple of choices—steer clear and make their relationship only about their child. Or rush back in. Both options terrified her. But there was something about the day—something that had everything to do with family and acceptance and being a part of the legacy that was the Culhanes’ that kept her where she was. Despite their divorce, they were undeniably part of each other’s lives again. Denying it was pointless.
“So, what have you decided about the house?” he asked.
Tess rested the plate on her belly. “I’m going to take it.”
“Good, I’ll tell Joss to arrange a lease agreement. And before you say anything, I fully intend paying for the house.”
She tensed. “That’s not necessary. I have savings, and I will return to work once the baby is—”
“Tess,” he said quietly, “I will be supporting my son, and you haven’t a chance in hell of changing my mind on this.”
She knew some battles weren’t winnable. “Sure, whatever you want.”
He laughed softly. “That was an easy cease-fire. When would you like to move in?”
“The sooner the better,” she replied. “I think I’ve imposed on my sister and your cousin for long enough. As soon as Joss says it’s okay, I’ll move, but I’ll need to buy some new furniture and drapes and baby things.”
“We can do that together.”
Confusing idea. But she didn’t say it. There was a niceness about the moment she didn’t want to change. And, truthfully, she liked being alone with him, while listening to the delighted laughter of kids in the background and the animated chatter of the adults and the soft sound of music playing.
“How’s the birthday cake?”
he asked.
Tess passed him her plate and he finished it off in a couple of bites.
“Still like sweets, huh?” she asked.
He grinned. “I guess. So, have you told your mom and stepdad about the baby?”
“Yesterday. They are delighted about the idea of becoming grandparents. They’re coming for Thanksgiving, and they’ll also come and visit once he’s born.”
“How did your mom take the news about my...involvement?” he asked.
Tess sighed. “Mom always liked you. I think she’s pleased the baby will be living in Cedar River.”
He nodded. “Would you like to stay for a while after the party? We could do some online shopping for the baby.”
It sounded cozy and domestic and very much like dangerous ground. Still, there were things she needed to share with him if they had any hope of having a reasonable and effective co-parenting arrangement. Plus, she figured if she met him halfway on some things, he might forget any idea he had about going for a formal shared-custody arrangement. And it wasn’t as though he was bad company. In fact, there had been a time when he was all the company she had needed. Long ago, of course, but the memories lingered. And Tess was still susceptible to his broad shoulders and glittering green eyes and the deep sound of his voice.
“Sure, sounds like a good idea.”
So, several hours later, after she’d mumbled something to her sister about staying behind to help clean up, ignoring the heat smacking her cheeks because she knew Annie could see right through her story, Tess found herself in the front living room with Mitch, sitting side by side on the sofa, surfing the net for baby things. Ellie had discreetly left them alone and returned to her cottage, and Tess suspected the younger woman thought she was playing cupid.
“We should just order two of everything,” he said, and started making a list, clearly enjoying himself. “And I was thinking I need to buy a new car, since the truck isn’t suitable for a car seat.”
