“That’s just what she said, Daddy,” I told him. “You know me. I’m not trying to start any trouble.”
“No, no, no,” he said to me, standing up. “Don’t worry about your mama. I’ll take care of her.”
I didn’t smile, but I wanted to so bad. I loved it when Daddy took up for me. He was my protection; my knight in shining armor, coming to save the day… And my back from sleeping on that hard floor.
“I’ll help you pack, okay?” he said.
I nodded as he leaned over and kissed me on my forehead. I was going to miss him so much. My daddy was the business!
He walked over to the other side of my bed and began to fold a pile of T-shirts and put them in one of the suitcases. He stopped after two, just like I thought he would.
“Let’s pray, baby,” he said to me.
Kevin jumped up and ran over to us, grabbing us by the hands. “I want to, too.”
“You will,” Daddy told him. “We’re gonna pray for your sister, okay? She’s about to leave tomorrow and we won’t see her for a long time. We’re going to pray that the Lord keep her and protect her and bring her back home safely to us, and that while she’s away she’ll learn a lot of things and become an even better person. Okay?”
Kevin nodded and smiled at me, already having faith that God was going to do everything Daddy just said. I smiled to myself, grateful to My Heavenly Father above for allowing me to have two such special people in my life who loved me enough to pray for me. I am truly blessed.
three
KAREN
“Come on Karen, you’re gonna be late!” Daddy called from downstairs.
“I’m coming!” I yelled back.
I always waited until the last minute to pack. I should have just left everything in my bags when the school called and said there had been a mix up with the dorm rooms and that I didn’t have one anymore. The good news was that I would be staying in the school hotel free of charge until things could get straightened out. I saw it as an opportunity to spend more time with my family before I left, so I stayed a few more days. I took Kevin to the park and to a movie, and then Daddy and I went to dinner last night. I hadn’t realized how much I had taken out of my suitcases until this morning when I was trying to get everything back in them.
Kevin burst through the door and jumped on top of me.
“Kevin!” I rebuked him, but laughed anyway. “Not now little brother, I have to finish packing. Daddy’s gonna be mad at me.”
“He’s waiting on you at the bottom of the stairs. He says hurry up.”
I stuffed the last shirt inside of the suitcase and squeezed the zipper shut. Kevin stopped me.
“I don’t want to you go, Karen. Can’t you just stay one more day, please?”
Water began to tear in my eyes. “Come on now, Kevin, we’ve been through this. I have to go to school.” I moved him aside and dragged the last suitcase to the door.
“I hear them fighting,” he whispered.
I turned back to see him sitting on the bed with his head down. We always heard Mama and Daddy fighting, even though in front of us they pretended that everything was okay. It was beginning to take a toll on Kevin. He was too young to know anything about a dysfunctional home, but he did.
I walked over and gave him a hug. “It’ll be ok,” I told him. “I tell you what. Daddy has my new cell phone number. Anytime you want to call me, no matter how late it is, you can, okay?”
He nodded. It wasn’t what he wanted, but it was all I could do at the moment.
“Kevin!” Mama called from downstairs. “Come on baby, you gotta go to school!”
Kevin looked up at me, crying unashamed. “I don’t want you to go.”
I kissed him on the cheek. “I’ll be back before you know it.”
He sighed, then wiped his eyes. “I gotta go.”
I gave him another hug and wiped my own tears away. “You be good, okay,” I told him. “Don’t get into any trouble, and do as Mama and Daddy tell you.”
He nodded, and then got up to leave, his head still down. I felt my heart breaking.
“Kevin,” I called after him.
He turned around.
“I love you, little brother.”
He smiled as much as he could, then walked out of the room.
I got back up and dragged the suitcase down to the end of the hall. Mama was probably getting ready to come up next to say good-bye to me. I’d thought about how we would say good-bye to each other all night. Would I hug her? Would I kiss her? Somehow I had to find a way to tell her that I loved her, and that I appreciated everything that she ever did for me. I’d tell her I was sorry about all of the bad times and would vow to her not to ever bring any of it up again if she didn’t. We could both just pretend the bad stuff never happened. Maybe I would come back home one weekend before Christmas and the two of us would just hang out, just us two. Or maybe she could come up and give me a visit. I’ll find the best spa in Daytown and we could stay there all day getting massages and facials and pedicures—
SLAM!
Was that the front door?
I rushed down the stairs. No one was in the living room. Kevin was gone.
I checked the kitchen. Empty.
Then I heard the garage door opening.
No…she couldn’t be leaving! We didn’t get to say good-bye yet! I had to tell her about all of the plans I made and how I didn’t care about what happened before, she was still my mother and I loved her regardless.
I ran to the living room window and pulled the curtains back. Mama’s truck was backing out of the driveway onto the street. She stopped to turn her wheels and then drove off down the street.
My mouth gaped open. She didn’t even say good-bye. She didn’t want to.
I turned around to see Daddy standing in the doorway of the family room. He knew my heart was broken, and he knew why.
“Daddy!” the little girl in me cried out. I ran to him, wrapped my arms around him, and buried my face into his neck. Water and snot ran out of my face and onto his clothes, but neither one of us cared.
“Why does she hate me so much?” I wanted to know. I could hardly breathe.
I couldn’t understand how the woman he was married to could possibly pose as my mother. She was too cold and too uncaring to be called a mother of anything. She treated her plants better than she treated me.
“Ssshh,” he tried to soothe me.
I just cried harder. Each memory of her cruelness to me sent shockwaves through my entire world. Daddy held me in his arms and rocked me back and forth, patting my hair as I unleashed the past two years of pain onto his shirt.
“It’s gonna be alright, baby,” he told me.
I sniffled and cried some more before I finally stopped and wiped my face.
“You okay?” Daddy asked.
I nodded, my eyes burning from the mascara. “Yeah, just let me go wash my face.”
I went into my room and retrieved my make-up pouch from my purse and went into the bathroom. I gasped at my reflection in the mirror. I was so prepped and neat when I left this room thirty minutes ago. All it took was one mean act to send my appearance to total disarray.
Daddy tapped on the door. “You’re not gonna be in there for another hour are you?” he asked.
I giggled. “No, Daddy. I should only be a few.”
He opened the door and walked inside. “Can I come in?”
Relieved that I wasn’t on the toilet, I gestured for him to have a seat. He obliged.
“Karen,” he started. “I know it may not seem like it, but your mother really does love you.”
I felt the sting of more tears coming to my eyes. Just when I thought I was all cried out, more spilled onto my cheeks.
“She’s just been having a hard time lately, baby, that’s all,” he tried to explain.
“Lately?” I asked. “Since when is two years lately, Daddy?”
He looked at the floor. “I’m not trying to bring up your past, Karen…�
��
“It’s okay, Daddy. Go on ahead and say what you have to say.”
“When you came to your mother and told her that you were pregnant, she didn’t know how to handle it.”
I winced, remembering her harsh words, but held my head up as he continued to talk.
“She was devastated. Her baby girl that she raised the best way that she knew how turned her back on her.”
“Daddy, that was a long time ago. Why can’t she forgive me?”
He sighed. “I don’t know, baby. I’m just telling you that it takes time to heal broken hearts. But she’ll come around. Just don’t give up on her. Keep loving her, keep praying for her. She’ll come back.”
He stood up and kissed my forehead. “Hurry up. You got a bus to catch, and I don’t want you blaming me for getting to school late.”
I nodded as he walked out of the room. It was funny. Even through all of the drama that woman has put me through, I would still rather be home and suffer through her madness if it meant being with my Daddy.
**********
When we backed out of the driveway and on to the street, neither one of us said a word. I watched the house through the passenger side window until I could no longer stretch my neck in its direction. I was going to miss that house. For the past five years it was what I had called home.
I remember when we first moved in. For years Daddy and Mama had been saving up to buy it. One day my parents got tired of being in debt, so they sold the house they were previously mortgaging and rented a home until they had enough to buy a new home cash. I heard so many silly rumors. People said Daddy did everything from selling drugs to being a pimp, all because they saw him prospering and didn’t understand how God was blessing him and not them. If they kept their mouths off of him, they probably would have been blessed in that way, too. So many people would ask us for money, thinking that we were rich, and when we couldn’t give it to them they would get mad and call us stuck up. But nobody knows about the nights when we sat at the dinner table eating peanut butter and jelly for breakfast, lunch, and dinner because it was all we had left to eat. I know that some have their opinions about me too, but I refuse to let anyone make me feel bad because my Daddy likes to keep me looking nice.
“You can start crying, now. It’s okay.” Daddy said once we were on the highway headed for the bus stop.
I smacked my lips. “Stop it, Daddy. I’m not going to cry.”
Truthfully, I did want to cry. I was beginning to realize that my life was about to change. I didn’t know all of the changes that I was about to go through, but I knew that things would never be the same. I was going to be on my own for the first time in my life. It was scary, but it was my time and I had to go.
The car was slowing down. I looked over at Daddy to see what was wrong. His eyes were red. I saw a tear coming down his cheek and another one about to fall.
“Oh, Daddy,” I said, and put my face in my hands. He was crying for me, and I began to cry for him. Just seeing him emotional was enough to send my emotions cascading all over again.
“I’m going to miss you baby,” he told me, his voice cracking before he finally cleared his throat.
“I’m gonna miss you too,” I managed to express to him. My throat and my chest were tight. “I don’t have to go if you don’t want me to.”
He paused. “You gotta go, baby.”
I knew I did. But I wanted to take Daddy with me. Kevin needed him, though. And Mama, I guess.
We rode in more silence until he began to talk again.
“I remember when your mama found out she was pregnant with you,” he told me. “She was so happy.”
I’d heard this story before, but was glad to hear it again.
“You know, they told your mama she wouldn’t be able to have any children. But we prayed and God gave us you and Kevin. Y’all are our babies. You acted like you didn’t want to come out. You were three weeks overdue. But you finally came out, big as you wanted to be. Nine pounds, good Lawdy!”
I pinched Daddy on his arm. “Don’t make fun of me!”
He laughed. “But you were so beautiful. And you loved to get into my shoes. You couldn’t even walk yet, but you would crawl in the closet and manage to put your little feet into my shoes.”
A grin came across my face, remembering that story, too.
“I’m so proud of you, baby,” he told me.
“Thank you, Daddy.”
“Now when you get up there to this school, there’s gonna be a lot of stuff going on that you’re not going to be used to. People are going to be running around committing all kinds of sin. But you stay focused, okay?”
I nodded.
“You’re gonna meet some guys, and they’re gonna be slick,” he warned me. “Don’t let them deceive you out of your virtue with their good looks and their charm. You better stay in prayer, because you will be tempted to go against what you believe in. These are going to be men, not those scrawny little high school boys that you used to be crazy about.”
I laughed, then straightened my face, trying to be serious. “Yes sir, Daddy.”
We pulled up to the bus station. From the car we could see the bus driver loading the last of the luggage into the storage compartment at the bottom.
“We gotta hurry,” Daddy said. He snatched the keys from the ignition and ran out of the car to stop the bus driver. I laughed as I watched him scurry over, begging the driver to wait for his daughter to get on.
I hopped out of the car and got my suitcases from the back seat. Daddy came over and got them from me and walked me over to the bus. This was the last time I was going to see him for a long time.
“Alright, Baby Girl,” Daddy said to me, handing me my carry-on bag. I packed it earlier with my bible, CD player and CDs to keep me busy during the long drive. More tears were forming in his eyes.
I reached up and gave him a long hug. People on the bus were watching, but I didn’t care.
“I can stay home and take care of you, Daddy,” I whispered in his ear. “I don’t have to go.”
He chuckled. “Nawh, baby. You got to go. Go on ahead and get your education. Go make something of yourself.” He sighed deeply. “I want you to know that I’m proud of you. And I love you.”
We stood there hugging until the bus driver interrupted us.
“Okay, Dad, let her go,” he said. “I need to keep my job.”
Daddy let go of me and I got on the bus, still crying. I found my way to the back and watched him as he stood there. I knew he was going to stand there and watch the bus until he couldn’t see it in the distance anymore.
“Bye, Daddy,” I mouthed and waved to him.
“You’ll be alright,” the bus driver called out to me from the front. “Everybody has got to leave the nest some time.”
I watched Daddy as the driver started the bus again and waved to him as we pulled out of the station. More tears fell from my face, and I knew they wouldn’t be my last.
four
ANAYA
Damn, Anaya. You gon’ hurt somebody.
I stood in front of my closet door and stared at my reflection in the attached full-length mirror. I looked good. And everybody at that party will agree with me when I walk in there dressed like this. My hair came out perfect, as if I went to a professional and got it done. Make-up… perfect. Now all I needed were accessories.
I retrieved the pair of heels that I purchased two days ago to match this outfit. I slid them onto my feet and also put on my matching necklace, earrings, bracelet, and ankle bracelet. After giving myself one final review in the mirror, I came to one conclusion: I was sexy, and anybody who tried to deny it was out of their mind. With my full breasts, flat stomach, curvy hips, and round behind, I had all the essentials to catch any man that I wanted. And tonight I was going to do just that.
I grabbed my purse from my desk and made sure I had my ATM card, tube of lip gloss, student ID card, cell phone, powder— just in case my face got oily while I was dancin
g, and my car keys tucked inside. Everything was ready for me to have fun doing me.
I went around the room and straightened the little bit of disorder that I made as I was getting ready. My roommate and I really didn’t have much to say to each other, and I didn’t want to give her a reason to open her mouth by leaving the room in disarray.
After I finished straightening up the room, I left and drove across town to the party. There were cars parked up and down the blocks leading up to the house where the party was held. I managed to squeeze into a small spot three blocks away. I wanted to find somewhere closer, but I was lucky to be able to get in where I did. I made a mental note to myself to be sure to leave around the same time that a large group of people did to lower the chances of someone snatching me.
I walked into the house and immediately felt all eyes land on me. With the confidence of a movie star, I surveyed my audience, seizing the opportunity to captivate the spotlight for as long as I could. Every girl in the room wanted to find her man and hide him from me. If she was smart she would. Tonight it was all about me, and I could care less about any type of relationship that anyone may have been involved in. It was so obvious that so many wanted me. Like paparazzi to the latest tabloid fiasco, their lenses were on me, their photographic memories working in overdrive to capture every curve of my body. They were all wondering who I was. “Where did this little beauty come from?” I was sure they were asking. “Who is she with? Would she take the time out to get to know a dude like me? I wonder if I can get her phone number.”
With my head held high I walked past my fan club and into what looked to be the living room. Mostly everyone was dancing and grooving on the hardwood floor. Just about every person had a drink in their hand, no doubt filled with alcohol of some sort. There was a staircase on each side of the room that led to the third floor. People were dancing on these floors as well, giving the DJ much respect for keeping the party going.
Casting Down Imaginations Page 3
