So I went.
When I got to his room the door was open and music was coming from within. I poked my head inside and saw him leaning against his desk. He was talking to two girls and one of his friends. There were boxes all over the place, some taped shut and others left open.
When he saw me standing there he stopped what he was doing. Everyone followed his gaze one by one until all of their eyes landed on me. I stood there speechless, not knowing what to say.
“Baby,” he uttered out sheepishly, almost cooing. He made his way over to me and embraced me with a hug.
Was it true? Was the man who I was so afraid of the last time I saw him now covering me with love? I didn’t know what I was expecting, but I wasn’t expecting this. He rocked me back and forth, squeezing me tighter, and kissed me on my cheek.
I closed my eyes, enjoying our reunion. One of the girls in the room smacked her lips in disgust. I could recognize the sound of jealousy from anywhere. She was hating, but I didn’t care. I was finally back with my man. Even though he hadn’t said it yet, I knew he wanted to be with me.
He stood back so he could get a good look at me. The favor in his eyes made me feel like I had been created by Picasso. And I was just for him. He hugged me again and rocked me back and forth. I finally hugged him back, happy to be next to him.
“I missed you so much, girl,” he told me.
One of the girls cleared her throat. “Well, since y’all having y’all little Kodak moment and everything, I’m about to be out.”
We both ignored her and kept right on hugging. I hope she didn’t think that little weak comment was going to mess up what we had going on. She must not have known ‘bout me. She muttered something under her breath and then walked out.
“Where you been, girl?” he asked, finally pulling away.
I just looked at him, not sure of how to explain my leave of absence, and shrugged.
“Don’t give me that,” he said, kissing me on my forehead. “I know you ain’t mad about what happened, are you?”
I thought about the night he hit me so hard that my face remained swollen for four days and he left a cut on the inside of my mouth. I could still see the cuts that I put into his face, too, his countenance scarred from the slashes that my fingernails brought.
I shook my head no, wanting to forget it ever happened. I could have jumped up and down, I was so happy. I never wanted to be alone like I had been the past few weeks again.
Someone cleared their throat. I looked up, surprised by the girl still standing there. I’d forgotten two other people were still in the room.
“I’m Tiffany,” she said to me, as if I should know.
I could have cared less who she was. She had better watch out. In a minute I was about to ask her what she was doing in my man’s room.
“Anaya,” I introduced myself.
Reese’s male friend just nodded his head, not saying a word. Most of Reese’s friends did that. It was as if they were scared of him or something. But why would anyone be scared of their friend? Reese might get mad sometimes, but that was only when you made him. Besides, he was my man.
“I been missing you so much, baby,” he told me.
I smiled, enjoying the attention.
He nodded. “You know I gotta take you out tonight, right? I been missing you, so crazy.”
I kept smiling, liking the idea.
“We got a session tonight,” his friend reminded him.
Reese winced. “Shoot,” he pouted. “That joint is already paid for too, ain’t it?”
The boy nodded. “Non-refundable.”
“What about tomorrow night?” he asked, turning to me. “There’s this new restaurant that just opened up downtown. You wanna go?”
I let my eyes roll to the top of my head, pretending to be deep in thought. I wanted him to beg.
“I heard it’s pretty nice. You gon’ have to wear your best outfit for this one,” he continued.
I decided to go ahead and nod before he realized I was in my sleep clothes.
He hugged me again and gave me another kiss. “You want to sit down?”
I shook my head. “No, I gotta be getting back to my room. I got another class.”
He nodded. We both knew I could have stayed.
“Well, just so you know, I’m moving.”
I looked around at the boxes all over his room. I had forgotten they were there, too. All of my focus was on Reese.
“Where you going?” I asked. I had just gotten him back. He couldn’t be leaving me already.
“I got an apartment,” he said. “Finally saved up enough to pay for a place. You know I’m too old to be staying in the dorms.”
I smiled, remembering he was two years older than me.
“Where?”
“Heights Park,” he informed. “I already got the keys. After we go out tomorrow I’ll take you over and show you around.”
Something inside of me twisted. I knew what that meant. He wanted to hurry up and pick up where we left off physically. I didn’t know what to say. Sure, my body missed him while we were apart, but I hadn’t really thought about…
Adam’s taunting came back to me. I wasn’t the little girl that he claimed I was. I was a woman. And I loved Reese. If I had to prove it to him this way, then…
I nodded, scared out of my mind at the thought of being with him.
“I’d like that.”
He smiled as I turned around to leave.
“I’ll pick you up at seven,” he called after me.
“Don’t forget to make the reservations.”
“I won’t.”
I flashed one more smile in his direction before walking out of the door. Ready or not, my virginity was about to become history.
ten
KAREN
I was still laughing when I hung up the phone. Terrance was so funny. We’d just spent the last three hours reminiscing on our old high school days together. Over the past few weeks I’d really started to relearn how great his sense of humor was. There was just something about him that made my insides buzz. He definitely matured since high school. I found myself daydreaming about him through the day, wondering what he was doing and who he was with. I hated to admit it, especially since all the two of us did was talk, but I was starting to think about our future together. Maybe Terrance really was the one for me. Falling in love with him again would be the sweetest thing. It would be the perfect ending to a high school love story. We broke up before, but true love always found its way back home.
I plugged my cell phone into its charger and retreated to the couch to take a nap. I’d stayed up late the night before studying, and now that Terrance was about to start his new night shift, I could finally get some rest.
I lay on the couch with my eyes closed, head propped against the cushioned arm of the furniture. That Terrance sure was funny. He had me cracking up on the phone, wanting to know every little detail he missed while he was away, including what was up with Anaya and me. He couldn’t believe that we both were at DU, but he didn’t like that the two of us weren’t friends anymore. I didn’t like it either. That fight we had was a long time ago and we were grown women now. We should be able to put all of that behind us and at least be cordial to one another. We’ve known each other our whole lives. I needed to go pay her a visit, and there was no time like the present.
**********
Anaya emerged from behind her room door after I knocked on it twice. College was doing her some good. She was beautiful, dressed in a pair of black slacks and a matching cropped blazer that fluttered at the waist with puffy short sleeves. She wore gold earrings with a matching necklace and a cute pair of open toed pumps. Her hair was gathered into a ponytail at the bottom of her neck and it hung over her right shoulder in a heap of slick curls. She looked like a million bucks. And I wasn’t mad at her for it, either.
“Hi, Anaya,” I said, smiling.
She just stared, surprised to see me. “Hi.” It was taking all she
had inside not to be rude and ask what I wanted.
“I just came to see how you were doing,” I said, continuing to smile. “Can I come in?”
She looked hesitant at first, but then moved aside and allowed me to enter.
“So this is what the dorm rooms look like?” I asked, taking a look
around.
She stayed at the door, letting it close slowly behind me. “You’ve
never been in the dorms?” she asked.
Dang. It had been a long time since we talked. It was good to see my old best friend again.
“Nawh. I live in the student hotel. It’s a long story. I’ll tell you about it some other time.”
She rolled her eyes, frustrated already. I pretended not to see it.
“So,” I began, searching for small talk. “How you been?”
She walked over to her sink and began applying makeup to her face. “Fine. How about you?”
I was surprised. “Good. I been doing good.”
“How are your classes?”
“Good.” This conversation was going nowhere fast. “I’m making all Bs. You?”
“Two As, two Bs.”
I was impressed, but then again, Anaya always did make better grades than me.
“That’s good. So, you liking it here?”
She frowned. “Not really. I mean, it’s okay I guess. Just school.”
“Really? I love it here.”
“That’s because you don’t have to live in the dorms.”
“You not liking the roommate thing?”
She shrugged. “She don’t say nothing to me, I don’t say nothing to her.”
I let my eyes roam around the room, not sure where to take the conversation next.
“You’re all dressed up. You got a date or something?”
She watched me through the mirror while she lined her lips with color, then smiled. “Yeah, you could say that.”
I laughed. “Uh oh. Anaya you got a man?”
She grinned. “Yeah, I guess you could say that, too.”
“Really? Is he a student from here?”
She nodded.
“Well… Who is he?”
“You probably don’t know him. He’s a junior.”
“So, tell me anyway. What’s his name?”
“Reese.”
I pondered over it for a moment. “No, I don’t know any Reese.”
“I told you,” she said. “What about you? You got a man?”
As much as I wanted Terrance to be my man again, we weren’t at a stage in our relationship that I could call him so just yet. “Nawh. I’m just doing me right now for the time being.”
We were quiet while she finished putting on the rest of her makeup.
“So, where are you going tonight?” I asked when she was finished.
“To some new restaurant my man is taking me to,” she bragged.
“Y’all are going to dinner?”
“Yeah,” she said, full of pride. “He just bought this new place, and afterward he’s going to take me over so I can check it out.”
That didn’t sound like a good idea to me.
“You aren’t going to have sex with him, are you?” I blurted out.
She snapped her head in my direction, ready to go off. “What?”
I already knew where I’d gone wrong.
“Wait a minute. Let me explain. I wasn’t trying to call you a slut or anything.”
“Well, what were you trying to say?”
“I was just saying that… Well, you know…”
She put her hands on her hips. “Enlighten me.”
This visit wasn’t going the way that I’d hoped. Silly me for thinking she’d changed.
“All I was trying to say was that maybe you going over to his house might send the wrong idea,” I said cautiously. “You don’t want to be looked at as that type of girl. It’s gonna be late and he’s probably gonna have it on his mind already. I’d just hate to see you mess up.”
She laughed, clearly offended. “What? Like you?”
That hurt.
“Look, Anaya, all I’m trying to say is—”
“Who asked you?! You know what? I am so sick of you, with your self-righteous self! This is why I don’t like you. You come over here, pretending to be all nice and stuff, acting like you want to be friends with me again after all this time. I should have known you weren’t that cool. The only reason you came over here was to prove how righteous and holy you are. Well guess what Karen, you’re not! I know who you really are and I know about all of the lies you told. And I don’t give a damn about you or what you think about me! Just get out of my room!”
Her words stabbed me. Repeatedly. When I didn’t move she walked over to the door and held it open.
“Get out!!!” she screamed. Before I could attempt to defend myself again she continued on her verbal rampage.
“Don’t come back over here, either,” she said. “Just stay away. As far as I’m concerned, you’re dead. I don’t ever want to see you again. You can keep your ugly little attitude to yourself. See, it was one thing to put up a front in front of people back home. But we’re grown women now. You’d think you’d stop pretending by now. I know you’re not as holy as you claim you are.”
My body tensed. She was talking about Jeremiah.
“Yeah,” she taunted me. “Uh huh, I said it.”
Oh, she is begging for a fight! I’ll pull all of that pretty hair out of her head!
“You want to walk around acting all holy, like you never done anything,” she continued. “But you must have forgot. I was with you when you were smoking weed, sneaking out of your parents’ house, going to parties. That was me with you, Karen, so I know the truth. I was there with you, Karen. It was me. When you were getting drunk, that was me fighting to keep the boys off you because you were passed out and couldn’t fight for yourself. I was the one that kept you from getting raped! Me! Anaya! And you got the nerve to come over here and try to judge me! Get out of my room! I hate you!”
I couldn’t say anything. After all that, there was nothing left to say.
“And just so you know, I was the one that told everybody you had an abortion,” she said coldly.
I gasped. “You what?”
She started to cry. They were angry tears, from years of resentment toward me.
“Yep,” she answered, wiping madly at her eyes. “It was me. I did it. And I know it’s true! You always been like that, Karen. You always had to make it seem like you never did anything wrong. I know you killed your baby so people wouldn’t look down on you and your perfect family. Your mama probably told you to do it so she could keep wearing her big hats and her shiny shoes, and God forbid anybody look at Deacon Stephens like his children ain’t perfect. Well, I wanted everybody to know that you really weren’t perfect. You’re just a screw up just like everybody else, no matter what you say.”
My religion was begging to leave me, but I held on with a tight grasp. I held my clenched fist down at my thighs and walked into the hallway, determined not look at her. If I did it was sure to be over for her. Both of us would get kicked out of school, but it would feel good to hurt her for all of the things she’d put me through.
The door to her room slammed loudly behind me as soon as I crossed over the threshold. She did it just in time, too, because if it had been any slower I would have jumped back and knocked her out.
eleven
Anaya
I flopped down on my bed and held my fists up to my eyes, crying. I let it all out. I hadn’t realized how mad I still was at her. All that stuff happened so long ago, but when she came over here acting like that, it brought it all back up. I guess I was mad because I wanted my old friend back. But Karen was too phony to ever be real and simply be herself. She was always too worried about saying and doing the right thing. I shouldn’t have brought her baby into it, though. That was mean. But I wanted that skank to pay for the way she treated me. I couldn’t just let her walk out of
here the way that she was going to. No, I wanted that heifer to regret ever attempting to walk back into my life. I knew she had an abortion, and one day she was going to admit the truth about it all. And when she did I was going to be right there to say “I told you so! You hypocrite! You liar!”
I made myself stop thinking before I started to cry again. I couldn’t think about all of that stuff right now. Right now I had to hurry up and fix my face because Reese was about to pick me up. I had to look good for him so he would stay with me. He had a very promising career ahead of him and I would be damned if he ended up with someone else. No one else was going to take my place.
I just didn’t understand how Karen knew about tonight. How did she know about the condoms I had in my purse? The black clutch bag sitting on my bed was snapped shut, so she couldn’t have seen them. That was kind of crazy.
My cell phone rang. I walked over to the bed where it was and checked the ID. It was Reese. I knew he was waiting downstairs for me so we could go on our date.
I hesitated for an unknown reason. Why was I so scared!?! I was getting frustrated with all of this crap. I was a grown woman and still scared to have sex. Why? Everybody had to do it sooner or later, and I was about the only one who hadn’t done it yet. Reese and I had gone through so much. He deserved to get some from me. I couldn’t even count the number of times we’d tried to and then I ended up telling him to stop at the last minute. A man couldn’t be played with like that, and I wasn’t about to lose another man because I was too scary. I had to give him some. Tonight.
I flipped open the phone. “Hello?”
“You ready baby?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I answered with a cracked voice.
“You okay? You sound like you been crying.”
I cleared my throat. “Nawh. Yeah, I’m ready. Just let me grab my things and I’ll be down in a second.”
Casting Down Imaginations Page 8
